Some days more than others serve to remind me that I live in a very special place. Yesterday was one such day. Upon arriving at The Thing Larry advised me to hightail it to the corner of Kent Street and Manhattan Avenue immediately. A rather “phallic” looking pile of dog doo was to be found there, he said. Since time was of the essence I rushed to the scene. Unfortunately, someone had since stepped on it, and in so doing, gave it an rather uncanny resemblance to hand shooting the finger.
On my way back I encountered what I call an “advanced life form” (or “ALF”, for short).
Greenpoint has a lot of “ALF’s”. This is the first time I have ever seen this one, though. The pink knit hat really pulls the whole ensemble together smashingly.
I am not kidding.
Back at The Thing I dealt with some of the best of the worst that Greenpoint has to offer:
- A customer who balked at paying the outrageous sum of $1.00 for some cheap piece of ceramic crap.
- Two customers whose body odor was so bad it literally made me gag.
- A Pole wishing to buy a pole. A flag pole, that is. Unable to communicate his desire for a price in English, he simply waved this 10+ foot item around to get our attention. It worked alright—and he damned near took out a few light fixtures and some merchandise in the process. After the transaction was completed this chap asked if we had a bag he could carry his newly acquired flag pole in. My co-workers and I looked at each other with “This dude has GOT to be fucking kidding” expressions on our faces. He wasn’t*.
When I headed to lunch I discovered a barrel full of offal on Manhattan Avenue. This was easily one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Or smelled. Did it surprise me? No, not in the least. Few things surprise me anymore.
This strap-on wielding fire hydrant on West Street does not surprise me.
Neither do these— even though I have no fucking idea what they are.
Even the local custom of roughing up Muppets fails to shock.
I live in Greenpoint, after all.
And the Garden Spot of the Universe is a very special place.
Miss Heather
*If you want to know why we won the cold war work at The Thing on any given weekday. After 2-3 hours of interfacing with the general population you will realize that American ingenuity was NOT the reason why the west prevailed. Rather, it’s because a great number of our counterparts on the other side of the iron curtain are dumb enough to break an anvil. And if The Thing carried anvils, I assure you they would fight each other to buy them. One trend I have observed about our Polish customers is they buy the weirdest stuff. I have long since stopped asking myself why they buy what they do, I simply take the money and try to forget about it.
Those half-orb things in the gutter by the Greenpoint Coffeehouse will one day grow up to be giant silver ci-fi Keyspan domes like the ones in the photo from the City View Best Western (11/29 post.) From a little acorn and all that…
Kill them now before they mutate.
Wait till it rains…