Great Moments In Abjectecture: Sunset Park
After featuring so much Sunset Park goodness last week I thought today I would spice things up a bit by sharing some absolutely breath-taking examples of their abjectecture. The following structures may not sport Fedders boxes, but that doesn’t really matter. They embody the spirit of Fedderization and as such deserve a big ol’ New York Shitty nod. Here we go!
This beauty hails from 8th Avenue. If you look carefully you will notice this edifice once looked very much like its neighbor to the right. Not anymore!
It’s been FEDDERIZED! I really have to admire workmanship like this. It makes me feel right at home…
IN COLD WAR ALBANIA!
When I lived in Astoria I used to ride the N train. This was back before the W was brought in so my commute was always crowded as hell. One Friday afternoon I am riding home— one of many sardines packed into a glorified tin can— when I noticed this kid in front of me acting strangely. Then as we turned that sharp curve between Queensboro Plaza and Bebe Avenue he spewed forth a gusher of neon orange vomit. Everyone in or near the event horizon non-chalantly moved away from his salvo. I didn’t. I just stood there and stared. I had to: I had never seen anything like that before in my life.
I mention the previous anecdote because it sort of reminds me of this. These folks were not content with mere Fedders or Friedrichs boxes. They outdid the Joneses with a big fat Haier model and made good and damned sure everyone knew it!
Lastly I would like to close with this, a most fascinating specimen from 54th Street.
I know what you’re thinking:
Man oh man, where is Miss Heather going to start with this one!
I think a better question would be when will I ever finish! For the sake of brevity here are a few choice highlights.
Just a reminder folks: Enver Hoxha isn’t responsible for this stellar example of craftsmanship. This masterpiece hails from the good ol’ U.S. of fucking A.!
I initially wondered what comes out of these pipes.
Could it be for rainwater?
I thought to myself. NAH! These two conduits overflow with capitalism. Hallelujah!
And finally in the excessive signage department.
As if the slab of cement in of this building was uninviting enough, the powers that be still saw fit to admonish us in English and Chinese no less, that no playing is allowed in this “yard”.
But they didn’t rule out seppuku!* What’s more, they provided a nice big chrome fence to impale your self on!
*Yes I realize this is Japanese, not Chinese. It’s the thought that counts!