Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Rest In Pieces

October 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Metropolitan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Boobification Photo du Jour: Teamwork

October 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

One of the joys of being a boobifier is one never knows when a very special opportunity will present itself. Case in point: last Friday night while walking with a friend on Dean Street.

Me (rustling through my backpack): I am so totally hitting this.
Friend & Mr. Heather: No, you need to shoot from this angle.
Miss Heather (tries said angle): No go.
Friend: You’re probably going to have to do this in the day time, the back lighting is messing with your light meter.
Mr. Heather: Here (futzes with camera) now point it at the tits.
Miss Heather: Ok. (takes picture)
Miss Heather: It’s out of focus. Wait a minute, I have an idea (futzes with camera and then takes ten steps back). IT WORKED!
Mr. Heather: Yeah, but you cut it off on the left hand corner.
Miss Heather: Okay I’ll try again. (tries again) That’s pretty good.
Friend: Yeah, but you need to do it again.
Miss Heather: Why?
Friend: You need to get the top of the dickhead’s head!

It took a couple more tries, but I finally achieved perfection.

What kind of a Brooklyn boobifier would I be without including our very own Borough President in my project? Sorry Marty, I take no prisoners! ;)

Miss Heather

Infuriating

October 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

That is the word, dear readers, that best describes how my Monday went. Has my Internet service been restored (its been down since late Friday)? NO. Will it be restored today? Possibly.

Have you ever been told that your Internet service cannot be restored until a fucking bar opens— and then was assured that this kind of thing is “pretty common in Greenpoint”? I have. On October 21, 2008 at 11:30 a.m. to be exact. When this iron-curtain-customer-service-meets-Preston-Sturges-comedy-of-errors morality tale is over you can be good and damned sure I am going to write about it. And oh, what I story I have to tell!

(This post comes courtesy of my husband’s fucking Blackberry.)

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Frightening Prospect

October 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Wythe Avenue.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photo du Jour: Not So Scary

October 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Monitor Street.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Today’s offerings will be delayed as Verizon was kind enough to accidently disconnect our Internet service over the weekend. As a result I will be spending the day waiting for them to come over and fix what they fucked up. Lucky me.

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Acceptance

October 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Nassau Avenue.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photos du Jour: Joe The Plumber, R.I.P.

October 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Williamsburg 

xdoobiex writes:

…in your halloween quest, you should check out 323 humboldt in e. williamsburg… its a different take on the whole scary thing. Wait until the afternoon, when they drag the coffin out.

Yesterday I walked down the valley of the shadow of dearth: 323 Humboldt Street. In the late afternoon, just as ordered…

and as promised they had the coffin out. Let’s see who is inside, shall we?

It’s Joe The Plumber! Guess he got bumped into a higher tax bracket after all. For shame.

Behold, the Wall Street Crematory!

All eyes are on Wall Street— or would that be Humboldt Street? Sarah Plain Palin where are you when you need us?

Don’t fear the Reaper!

Unless you happen to be “WaMu”.

I cannot explain why but I find this utterly hilarious. Perhaps it is because they’re the 7th or 8th (I can’t keep track anymore) bank to occupy Manhattan Avenue between Greenpoint and Nassau Avenue. Replacing a much needed housewares store in the process. I still miss X-Tra Discount goddammit!

R.I.P.: A.I.G (?)

My eternal gratitude goes out to you, xdoobiex: you have, indeed, tipped me off to an whole new level of horror. The funny thing is no matter how rich this country has become I’ve always been poor. The nation’s top two percent do not seem to be very fond of sharing the wealth— socializing their bad debts, however, is another matter entirely.

Miss “Do You Want Fries With That” Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Father Giorgio Triangle

October 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Williamsburg 

As some of you might remember this plaque was stolen and sold for scrap last month.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photos du Jour: Wonderful At 149 Withers

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

My hairdresser Anna tipped me off to this one earlier this week. After I got off of work today I headed down there without delay. I was not disappointed.

While not on par with the Haunted House on Humboldt it does have its charm.

Demons, rats and a black cat grace its front door.

Instead of having bats in one’s belfry they have them on siding! Very north Brooklyn if I say so myself!

According to the Bible death rides a white horse. In “East Williamsburg” he drives a wagon.

Replete with disembodied limbs, skulls, hay and… Monica Lewinsky?!?

Miss Heather

Man Versus Farmer’s Market

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been a long time since I have seen (or more accurately, HEARD) a good honest-to-god rant here in Greenpoint. When Five Leaves (you know, the bar Heath Ledger built) opened I thought our days of random soap box oratory were over. The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I stood at the corner of Norman Avenue and Lorimer Street today and overheard this.

Once I heard this chap started shouting about constipation (in front of Five Leaves, no less!) I knew I must film this. What’s more as soon as I got home I had to share the god news with Mr. Heather. He was in the bathtub reading (as is his habit). He is the Garden Spot Marat to my Greenpoint Charlotte Corday.

Miss Heather: Some guy was ranting across the street from the Farmer’s Market at McCarren Park today.
Mr. Heather: Really?
Miss Heather: Yeah, right in front of Heath Ledger’s new bar. He said something about how you have to molest a cow in order to get your milk and cheese.
Mr. Heather (who has actually worked on a farm): Actually that is true. At the very least you have to cop a feel.

I knew better than to question the rationale behind Mister Heather’s statement. Over last year’s Christmas dinner this man (for reasons only known to him) decided to describe what it is like to artificially inseminate cows. Did you know the cow will shit on you immediately afterwards? I do. Over chile rellenos and a steaming pile of REFRIED BEANS. Thanks Mr. Heather!

Miss Heather