Today In Illegal Hotels: 5 West 31st Street

Yesterday I had the pleasure of sojourning with some good friends of mine. One fellow— we’ll call him “Q”— took me on a tour of Inwood. Simply put, it was awesome.

5 West 31 Street nys

In return I showed “Q”, being a good host, a not terribly unfamiliar sight in our fair city…

5 West 31 Street door nys

I speak of none other than a Vacate Order!

5 West 31 Street Red Cross nys

It is accompanied by a Red Cross notice. This is getting interesting!

Restraining Order nys

A “restraining order”? This a whole new game. One which I felt compelled to investigate when I got home.

DOB BIS 5 West 31 street

Behold the copious number of actions (94) and violations (103). Impressive!

illegal conversion 5 31 nys

Converting a three bedroom apartment into a five bedroom apartment with two bedrooms twhich sport no windows. Nope, our Bravest ain’t gonna like that one bit!

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No sprinklers either? Oh boy.

illegal conversion nys

 

So they converted three floors of residential space— seven, nine and ten respectively– into hostel space and were in the process of converting floors six and four— without permits naturally. That nonsense is for rank amateurs and these urbanoasisnyc.com folks are superstars!

review

However their clients seemed to have liked them enough. You can see reviews, photos, etc. of this super-sized and quite illegal former hostel on Trip Advisor. Obviously they have not heard the news yet…

New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: West 125 Street

September 10, 2014 ·
Filed under: 10027, Harlem, Harlem Manhattan, Manhattan, New York City, Street Art 

West 125 Street Underground nys

Taken September 10, 2014.

Quicklink: DNA.info

dnainfoSC

I damned near shot beer out of my nose when I read this corker. I do not think I need to explain why: the first line of this tome pretty much says it all. Nonetheless, I do feel compelled to reiterate the “Schwick” is actually not located in Bushwick. It is in East Williamsburg. It would appear DNA.info is not the only one who has has made note of this.

twitterSc1

twittersc2

 

Uh oh.

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OUCH!

But of course we all know the “Bushwick” brand is much edgier— and by “edgier” I mean lucrative. So they’re gonna roll with it. Geography be damned! Hell, if even Vogue has jumped on the Bushwick bandwagon you know someone fearful of Boca Raton will make the journey to north Brooklyn’s “hinterlands”. What’s more, they’ll consider themselves “brave” for having had the experience.

The Shwick: It’s Bushwick, curated, so you do not have to deal with people outside your age group, race or class!

You know, the very folks who made this community worth visiting in the first place. Who wants that?

 

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Rainbow

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Taken by Axel Taferner.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Not In Kansas Anymore

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Not In Kansas Anymore nys

Taken September 9, 2014.

Urban Artifact: 675 Days & Counting!

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Lookin Good nys

Lookin’ good…

Presenting the Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball!

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Bergen Street 2 nysThe last two weeks have been spent by yours truly enjoying a staycation with the Mister in this— our— fine city. As the term “staycation” would suggest, this entails patronizing mass transit— and when mass transit is on the table invariably arguments spirited discourse ensue over how to get from point “a” to point “b”.

Some people argue politics.

Others belabor religion.

The Mister and I? We have enough trouble simply agreeing upon how to get to and from Queens. And the Bronx. Come to think of it pretty much anywhere. This is how we roll. The world— or at least this country— might be a better place if others would take our bickering lead. But I digress.

The absence of Crosstown Local service initially mitigated these disputes: we took the shuttle bus. Why, you ask? Very simple: because it was free. Then service was “reinstituted” and “issues” arose. During one of the aforementioned “issues” the Mister (being a rather structured individual) noted that I do not exhibit any semblance of “Cartesian Logic”. Not being of a(n academic) philosophical bent, I had resort to a “for dummies” primer online. Yes. I speak of none other than Wikipedia:

Descartes argues – for example, in the third of his Meditations on First Philosophy – that whatever one clearly and distinctly perceives is true: “I now seem to be able to lay it down as a general rule that whatever I perceive very clearly and distinctly is true.” (AT VII 35) He goes on in the same Meditation to argue for the existence of a benevolent God, in order to defeat his skeptical argument in the first Meditation from the possibility that God be a deceiver. He then says that without his knowledge of God’s existence, none of his knowledge could be certain. The argument takes this form: 1) Descartes’ proof of the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions takes as a premise God’s existence as a non-deceiver. 2) Descartes’ proofs of God’s existence presuppose the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions.

Alrighty then. I’d like to see Rene “Smarty Pants” Descartes take on the G train. Really.

Exhibit A: Fix & Fortify

service restored

So (full) service has been restored?

Exhibit B: the service advisory which found its way to my inbox last Friday.

MTA service alert

Or has it?

notthefastrack

Naturally I had to share the “good news” on Facebook. A discussion/”brainstorming session” of sorts followed— but we’ll explore that in a bit.

Exhibit C: a poster gracing the Greenpoint Avenue Church Avenue-bound platform Sunday afternoon

for some trains

Confused yet? We sure as fuck were. However the Mister and I— clearly of being two very different bents— took the news quite differently:

  • The Mister, being a lover of “order” who, for example:
    • thought that bus time tables (B43 and B62 in particular) are more than very general guidelines. (I suggesting he download the live “app” for bus service, which he did, has divested him of that illusion.)
    • despite living in Greenpoint for ten years has yet to figure out one fundamental principle. This being:

The Crosstown Local, G train, makes no sense. One need not— should not— attempt to decipher what “logic” is at play regarding the G train— or the MTA in general.

Let’s just say he was distressed.

I, the chaotic “other half” to the Mister*, on the other hand said:

Bring it!

I have come to appreciate the Crosstown Local for what it is: a random and arbitrary creature. It is not unlike what appears to be the “operating model” of the NYPD (and 94th Precinct) lately— sans the body count and spurious “hate crime” charges.* This is a very significant difference. There’s no point in making sense of the G train or its “service advisories”. Just get on and you’ll end up where you need to be. Eventually. Who knows? You may get that lucky “train” that actually does not stop at Bedford Nostrand! Which brings me back to the recent “forum” regarding Crosstown Local service suspensions. It started as follows:

FBSC

Yes, I got this wrong— but something very, VERY right came out of it!

Heather: I am quietly convinced they have some kind of lottery or roulette wheel which determines what part of the G is going to be shut down at any given time.
Bitch Cakes: Heather, I actually KNOW the guy that plans all the subway reroutes/advisories. I’m surprised he would admit that in public.
Heather: I want to see this roulette wheel Bitch Cakes. Make it happen! Or do they use a Magic 8 ball? (shaking) “Will the G be running this weekend?” Bitch Cakes: seriously – I don’t understand (or envy) their job
Heather: I hear you. I had HELLA respect for those guys working on the G at all hours here. They’re not really the problem. It’s their “leadership”. OH MY GOD I HAVE IT BITCH CAKES! I will buy a magic 8 ball, paint it good ol’ G train green, place a nice big G on it and give it to the MTA so they can use it to determine service suspensions!!!
Bitch Cakes:  haha! it can’t be any worse than their current system!! In fact, perhaps you can PREDICT their schedule with the Magic G Ball!
Heather: I am doing it. Will pick up an 8 ball and some paint tomorrow…

Guess what? I DID.

materials

It’s ON!

I “locally sourced” all the required materials right here on Manhattan Avenue. Buy local! The Magic 8 Ball comes from the Greenpoint Toy Center, whose owner recognizes me now. God help him. I had a variety of “Magic 8 Balls” from which to choose. I picked the one which told me (when I inquired of it being worthy of my project):

Try again later.

That’s when I knew I had found “the one”.

primered

Primered.

Bitch Cakes: it would be great if you could get the die inside to say things like “every 30 minutes” “change tracks at bedford nostrand” “no service between BK and LIC” – you know, your usual G Train shenanigans.

stencil in place

Stencil in place.

Heather: And for shits and giggles: the dreaded “sick passenger”.

going green

The transformation has begun— albeit with some difficulty. See that green thumb? I can assure you it is only superficial. Want a plant to die? Just let me handle it.

Bitch Cakes: Yes! This is the question: “How is the G Train going to fuck up my commute today?” shake and voila! haha

getting there

Getting there…

closer still

Closer still. G is for GLITTER! I made good use of all the campaign mailers we have been receiving recently.

dysfunction

Thanks Mario ANDREW Cuomo—- but no thanks. We have our own dysfunction here.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED nys

The Crosstown Local puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional”— and this is something no elected official has not, will not, ever take away from us! When I inquired the “Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball” if it was ready to take on the onerous task of providing answers to Crosstown Local patrons, this is what it had to say.

mostlikely

That’s the right attitude! Any and all can posit a question to this “made in China”— but retrofitted in Greenpoint— sage on Twitter. I am giving Bitch Cakes the honor of an inaugural question. After that anything goes.

Let’s shake it up!

*This is a “hate criminal” according to 94th Precinct.

artslant

Who’s gonna be next?

 

The Word On The Street: Fulton Street

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Clinton Hill, Clinton Hill Brooklyn, The Word On The Street 

mystery message

Anyone able to decipher this? If so, shoot me an email at missheather (at) that greenpoint blog (dot) com. Thanks!

New York Shitty Street Art Du Jour: Meserole Avenue

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

Merserole Avenue nys

Taken September 9, 2014.

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Happy Primary Day!

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: New York City 

Taken by Diane Greene Lent.