This Week In Shitwick

May 10, 2008 by
Filed under: Bushwick 

This was the subject of an email I received this morning. It comes from a good friend of mine named Chin who lives in Bushwick. The content pretty much speaks for itself. Enjoy!

Yet another message from the universe that I need to replace my broken camera and carry it AT ALL TIMES.

1) As you well know, I have oft complained of the copious dissemination of chicken bones throughout this neighborhood. My dog walker claims to have seen people eating chicken in their cars and tossing the bones out the windows. Bushwickians loves them some chicken! Or as I have hypothesized in the past: they hate chickens so vehemently they kill them daily and scatter their bones Trojan War-Style so their chicken souls will never rest. If I could “see dead people” I would no doubt have to stomach the horror of wading waist-deep through thousands upon thousands of chicken ghosts sentenced to walk the earth in limbo–ghosts thick as mud –just to procure my morning vitamin water at the corner store.

Well, this week while walking the dog I came upon a full-blown chicken corpse in the park, feathers, feet and all–apparently died of a broken neck. There was no ripping as one would expect from an animal attack. This was pre-meditated. Now, I don’t see chickens walking around here so undoubtedly the murder took place elsewhere and this is where they decided to dump the body.

2) 6 foot+ dude with a mullet toting life-sized jousting equipment that was built out of sticks, cardboard and tape. This dude has been spotted playing bad music in the subways and coughing on people’s heads at art film viewings.

3) Less exciting but noteworthy–again walking the dog–got distracted by a sound, looked back too late to stop my dog from walking directly through a puddle of drunk vomit.

4) 2 public urinations, one of whom went out of his way to come within earshot (thankfully after zipping up) to wish me a good evening

5) My favorite place to buy beer has now a “no pets allowed in store” sign. Now I have to cross the street to buy beer.

Dead chickens, mullets, vomiting and two public urinations. Methinks I was all wrong about Bushwick. It is well on its way to becoming another Williamsburg any day now!

Miss Heather


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