Presenting the Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball!

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Bergen Street 2 nysThe last two weeks have been spent by yours truly enjoying a staycation with the Mister in this— our— fine city. As the term “staycation” would suggest, this entails patronizing mass transit— and when mass transit is on the table invariably arguments spirited discourse ensue over how to get from point “a” to point “b”.

Some people argue politics.

Others belabor religion.

The Mister and I? We have enough trouble simply agreeing upon how to get to and from Queens. And the Bronx. Come to think of it pretty much anywhere. This is how we roll. The world— or at least this country— might be a better place if others would take our bickering lead. But I digress.

The absence of Crosstown Local service initially mitigated these disputes: we took the shuttle bus. Why, you ask? Very simple: because it was free. Then service was “reinstituted” and “issues” arose. During one of the aforementioned “issues” the Mister (being a rather structured individual) noted that I do not exhibit any semblance of “Cartesian Logic”. Not being of a(n academic) philosophical bent, I had resort to a “for dummies” primer online. Yes. I speak of none other than Wikipedia:

Descartes argues – for example, in the third of his Meditations on First Philosophy – that whatever one clearly and distinctly perceives is true: “I now seem to be able to lay it down as a general rule that whatever I perceive very clearly and distinctly is true.” (AT VII 35) He goes on in the same Meditation to argue for the existence of a benevolent God, in order to defeat his skeptical argument in the first Meditation from the possibility that God be a deceiver. He then says that without his knowledge of God’s existence, none of his knowledge could be certain. The argument takes this form: 1) Descartes’ proof of the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions takes as a premise God’s existence as a non-deceiver. 2) Descartes’ proofs of God’s existence presuppose the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions.

Alrighty then. I’d like to see Rene “Smarty Pants” Descartes take on the G train. Really.

Exhibit A: Fix & Fortify

service restored

So (full) service has been restored?

Exhibit B: the service advisory which found its way to my inbox last Friday.

MTA service alert

Or has it?

notthefastrack

Naturally I had to share the “good news” on Facebook. A discussion/”brainstorming session” of sorts followed— but we’ll explore that in a bit.

Exhibit C: a poster gracing the Greenpoint Avenue Church Avenue-bound platform Sunday afternoon

for some trains

Confused yet? We sure as fuck were. However the Mister and I— clearly of being two very different bents— took the news quite differently:

  • The Mister, being a lover of “order” who, for example:
    • thought that bus time tables (B43 and B62 in particular) are more than very general guidelines. (I suggesting he download the live “app” for bus service, which he did, has divested him of that illusion.)
    • despite living in Greenpoint for ten years has yet to figure out one fundamental principle. This being:

The Crosstown Local, G train, makes no sense. One need not— should not— attempt to decipher what “logic” is at play regarding the G train— or the MTA in general.

Let’s just say he was distressed.

I, the chaotic “other half” to the Mister*, on the other hand said:

Bring it!

I have come to appreciate the Crosstown Local for what it is: a random and arbitrary creature. It is not unlike what appears to be the “operating model” of the NYPD (and 94th Precinct) lately— sans the body count and spurious “hate crime” charges.* This is a very significant difference. There’s no point in making sense of the G train or its “service advisories”. Just get on and you’ll end up where you need to be. Eventually. Who knows? You may get that lucky “train” that actually does not stop at Bedford Nostrand! Which brings me back to the recent “forum” regarding Crosstown Local service suspensions. It started as follows:

FBSC

Yes, I got this wrong— but something very, VERY right came out of it!

Heather: I am quietly convinced they have some kind of lottery or roulette wheel which determines what part of the G is going to be shut down at any given time.
Bitch Cakes: Heather, I actually KNOW the guy that plans all the subway reroutes/advisories. I’m surprised he would admit that in public.
Heather: I want to see this roulette wheel Bitch Cakes. Make it happen! Or do they use a Magic 8 ball? (shaking) “Will the G be running this weekend?” Bitch Cakes: seriously – I don’t understand (or envy) their job
Heather: I hear you. I had HELLA respect for those guys working on the G at all hours here. They’re not really the problem. It’s their “leadership”. OH MY GOD I HAVE IT BITCH CAKES! I will buy a magic 8 ball, paint it good ol’ G train green, place a nice big G on it and give it to the MTA so they can use it to determine service suspensions!!!
Bitch Cakes:  haha! it can’t be any worse than their current system!! In fact, perhaps you can PREDICT their schedule with the Magic G Ball!
Heather: I am doing it. Will pick up an 8 ball and some paint tomorrow…

Guess what? I DID.

materials

It’s ON!

I “locally sourced” all the required materials right here on Manhattan Avenue. Buy local! The Magic 8 Ball comes from the Greenpoint Toy Center, whose owner recognizes me now. God help him. I had a variety of “Magic 8 Balls” from which to choose. I picked the one which told me (when I inquired of it being worthy of my project):

Try again later.

That’s when I knew I had found “the one”.

primered

Primered.

Bitch Cakes: it would be great if you could get the die inside to say things like “every 30 minutes” “change tracks at bedford nostrand” “no service between BK and LIC” – you know, your usual G Train shenanigans.

stencil in place

Stencil in place.

Heather: And for shits and giggles: the dreaded “sick passenger”.

going green

The transformation has begun— albeit with some difficulty. See that green thumb? I can assure you it is only superficial. Want a plant to die? Just let me handle it.

Bitch Cakes: Yes! This is the question: “How is the G Train going to fuck up my commute today?” shake and voila! haha

getting there

Getting there…

closer still

Closer still. G is for GLITTER! I made good use of all the campaign mailers we have been receiving recently.

dysfunction

Thanks Mario ANDREW Cuomo—- but no thanks. We have our own dysfunction here.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED nys

The Crosstown Local puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional”— and this is something no elected official has not, will not, ever take away from us! When I inquired the “Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball” if it was ready to take on the onerous task of providing answers to Crosstown Local patrons, this is what it had to say.

mostlikely

That’s the right attitude! Any and all can posit a question to this “made in China”— but retrofitted in Greenpoint— sage on Twitter. I am giving Bitch Cakes the honor of an inaugural question. After that anything goes.

Let’s shake it up!

*This is a “hate criminal” according to 94th Precinct.

artslant

Who’s gonna be next?

 

Urban Artifact: Bergen Street

September 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: Cobble Hill, Cobble Hill Brooklyn, Crosstown Local, Urban Artifact 

Bergen Street 1 nys

Bergen Street 2 nys

Even finger puppets cannot suppress their glee for full, restored G train service!

(Taken September 3, 2014.)

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour

August 11, 2014 ·
Filed under: 10026, Crosstown Local, Manhattan, New York City 

Gtraininmanhattan

If this photo taken today by Christina Wilkinson is to be believed, it would appear this G train shuttle is expanding its horizons— at Morningside Avenue and West 121 Street to be precise. Nice catch!

New York Shitty Street Seating Du Jour: Adapt & Overcome!

McGuinness street seating 1 nys

If there is one thing I have observed in my years living in the Garden Spot, it is this; its citizens are thoughtful and often quite resourceful. As the neighborhood has “changed” this has diminished somewhat— but as the above photo attests some of that “community spirit” persists. We you have just looked at, gentle readers, is an ad hoc piece of shuttle bus seating installed on the western side McGuinness Boulevard just a hop skip from Kent Street.

Bus Stop Seating nys

The selection of chair is welcoming, even downright cheerful. Just want a tired commuter would want to see while negotiating our mass transit system, In terms of style (if not capacity), it far surpassses its kindred in Long Island City. But would I expect anything less of our fair burgh? Of course not! Last but hardly least —the piece de resistance, if you will— is additional measure taken so as to discourage theft.

AntiTheft Device nys

This is, naturally, a coordinating/”re-purposed” red brassiere. I give this arrangement two enthusiastic New York Shitty thumbs up. Bravo!

 

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: G is for…

GENIUS!

G train entrance India Street 7262014 NYS

Tamales and horchata NYS

One of our local entrepreneurs has seized upon the shutdown of the Crosstown Local (and the confusion which has undoubtedly ensued) to stake out a spot that is undoubtedly going to get plenty of foot traffic today: the entrance at India Street! I give this lady’s business acumen two enthusiastic New York Shitty thumbs up. Well done!

NOTE: this lady has been selling her foodstuffs here for some time. I would take this as evidence that they are probably quite good. I write “probably” because her tamales are made in the traditional manner. This means using lard (I asked). Being vegetarian myself this means “no go”. However, you meat eaters out there may want to give ‘em a whirl.

Urban Artifact: Special Crosstown Local Edition

Ever had the feeling you’re being watched? Yours truly had just such a premonition while riding our very own G train last weekend. So I looked out the window onto the tracks below and guess what?

guesswho

howdy ho

I was right! If anyone has lost a Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo, he can still be found on the Church Avenue tracks at Nassau Avenue.

still there

 

He is, how shall we say, a little worse for wear?*

facedowninsubwayslurry

*READ: face down in subway slurry.

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour: The Brown Word

Church Avenue Platform NYS

Shit NYS

Taken July 18, 2014.

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour: And On It Goes…

More Airbnb Commentary NYS

New Yorkers Do Not Agree Apparently NYS

The above morsels of Greenpoint goodness were shot on the Church Avenue bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue. I for one am really enjoying the evolving commentary on this poster. On a related note, there is some blue-chip material to be found on Airbnb’s Twitter feed as well. Follows is my favorite thus far:

airbnbsexfest

On a final a decidedly not funny note is this recent broadcast of the Leonard Lopate show wherein Senator Liz Krueger talks about Airbnb. She mentions among many other things that this company is lobbying Albany— hard— to essentially scrap housing regulations altogether. Disturbed yet? You should be, gentle readers…

 

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Au Contraire

Fuck it NYS

The dissent here was done via Sharpie Marker— as opposed to yours truly’s middle finger)— but the sentiment is more or less the same. On a related note, Airbnb’s advertising campaign (so as to win over the hearts and minds of New Yorkers) has merited attention from the New York Times. This article regarding the “sharing economy” is also quite interesting. Pardon me for asking, but if money is exchanged isn’t that commerce?

P.S.: Am I the only person who is wondering exactly how many of these depicted Airbnb “hosts” are paying the applicable taxes for and have permission from their landords for engaging in this “sharing”? Anyone?

From The New York Shitty Inbox: And Now A Word From The MTA

In an alert sent at 12:39 p.m.:

b/d, there is no G train service b/t Bedford-Nostrand Avs & Court Sq, due to FDNY activity at Greenpoint Av. Allow additional travel time.

FDNY1

FDNY2

FDNY3

I went to the scene to see what was going on (one NEVER has to twist my arm for a chance to talk to New York’s Bravest*). Apparently there is a fire in the tunnel. They have all the entrances to the G at Greenpoint buttoned down pretty good. Those of you who presently require the services of the Crosstown Local G between Bedford Nostrand and Court Square would be best advised to find another means of transit for the time being.

1:53 pm: Folks are being allowed to enter the subway at India Street so I am guessing everything is A-ok.

*I noted that I appreciated their hard work and noted it has gotta suck to wear all that gear on a day like this one. One fellow agreed it was  “a little hot”. To wit I replied:

This is swampass weather.

They were amused.