New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: No Exit

No exit 600

 

This bit of hilarity can be found at Court Square just above the platform for the Crosstown Local. Those of you who are wondering what the real reason is for the MTA want to implement another fare hike? Look no further. Here it is: a budgetary shortfall for “Caution” tape.

 

 

Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour: Great Moments In Advertising Placement

Great moments in advertising nys

Those of you who have not done so already really should to take a moment to enjoy this amusing (and therefore completely unintentional) choice of advertising placement courtesy of the M.T.A. On the left we have Amy Schumer. As you can see she is flanked by a number of buttocks. This is of course in reference to this sketch. On the right we have an advertisement for buttock enhancement because apparently folks do in fact have and will expend $3,900 to get a bigger ass. Who knew?

This being the G train it goes without saying that both advertisements have been “enhanced”. The advertisement on the right received a fart cloud. Nice. Ms. Schumer on the other hand (quite literally)…

Happy Snail nys

got this happy little snail. Given the vandalism modus operandi hereabouts (penis in mouth) I am going to take this as a sign of respect— possibly even fan-dom. Right on.

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Waiting

April 25, 2015 ·
Filed under: 11211, Crosstown Local, Subway, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

Waiting For The G nys

Today yours truly sojourned around parts Greenpoint, Bedford Stuyvesant, Crown Heights and Prospect Heights. My “ride” was, of course, the good ol’ Crosstown Local. The G train. My “commute” was surprisingly, disquietingly trouble free. As you can see in the above photo (taken around 5:30 this afternoon at the Metropolitan Avenue stop— and is much better appreciated/viewed in larger format) others— many others— were not so lucky. The entire platform looked like this. Good times.

New York Shitty Photo Du Jour: Metropolitan Avenue

April 12, 2015 ·
Filed under: 11211, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn 

Metropolitan Avenue nys

Taken April 12, 2015.

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Hell Is…

Hell Is nys

Taken March 26, 2015.

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Greenpoint Avenue

December 5, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

No Justice nys

Taken December 5, 2014.

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Brooklyn’s Own

Tentacle NYS

Tentacle 2 nys

Brooklyns Own NYS

After dark

Anyone have the 411 on this?

(Taken November 19, 2014)

Presenting the Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball!

September 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Crosstown Local, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Bergen Street 2 nysThe last two weeks have been spent by yours truly enjoying a staycation with the Mister in this— our— fine city. As the term “staycation” would suggest, this entails patronizing mass transit— and when mass transit is on the table invariably arguments spirited discourse ensue over how to get from point “a” to point “b”.

Some people argue politics.

Others belabor religion.

The Mister and I? We have enough trouble simply agreeing upon how to get to and from Queens. And the Bronx. Come to think of it pretty much anywhere. This is how we roll. The world— or at least this country— might be a better place if others would take our bickering lead. But I digress.

The absence of Crosstown Local service initially mitigated these disputes: we took the shuttle bus. Why, you ask? Very simple: because it was free. Then service was “reinstituted” and “issues” arose. During one of the aforementioned “issues” the Mister (being a rather structured individual) noted that I do not exhibit any semblance of “Cartesian Logic”. Not being of a(n academic) philosophical bent, I had resort to a “for dummies” primer online. Yes. I speak of none other than Wikipedia:

Descartes argues – for example, in the third of his Meditations on First Philosophy – that whatever one clearly and distinctly perceives is true: “I now seem to be able to lay it down as a general rule that whatever I perceive very clearly and distinctly is true.” (AT VII 35) He goes on in the same Meditation to argue for the existence of a benevolent God, in order to defeat his skeptical argument in the first Meditation from the possibility that God be a deceiver. He then says that without his knowledge of God’s existence, none of his knowledge could be certain. The argument takes this form: 1) Descartes’ proof of the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions takes as a premise God’s existence as a non-deceiver. 2) Descartes’ proofs of God’s existence presuppose the reliability of clear and distinct perceptions.

Alrighty then. I’d like to see Rene “Smarty Pants” Descartes take on the G train. Really.

Exhibit A: Fix & Fortify

service restored

So (full) service has been restored?

Exhibit B: the service advisory which found its way to my inbox last Friday.

MTA service alert

Or has it?

notthefastrack

Naturally I had to share the “good news” on Facebook. A discussion/”brainstorming session” of sorts followed— but we’ll explore that in a bit.

Exhibit C: a poster gracing the Greenpoint Avenue Church Avenue-bound platform Sunday afternoon

for some trains

Confused yet? We sure as fuck were. However the Mister and I— clearly of being two very different bents— took the news quite differently:

  • The Mister, being a lover of “order” who, for example:
    • thought that bus time tables (B43 and B62 in particular) are more than very general guidelines. (I suggesting he download the live “app” for bus service, which he did, has divested him of that illusion.)
    • despite living in Greenpoint for ten years has yet to figure out one fundamental principle. This being:

The Crosstown Local, G train, makes no sense. One need not— should not— attempt to decipher what “logic” is at play regarding the G train— or the MTA in general.

Let’s just say he was distressed.

I, the chaotic “other half” to the Mister*, on the other hand said:

Bring it!

I have come to appreciate the Crosstown Local for what it is: a random and arbitrary creature. It is not unlike what appears to be the “operating model” of the NYPD (and 94th Precinct) lately— sans the body count and spurious “hate crime” charges.* This is a very significant difference. There’s no point in making sense of the G train or its “service advisories”. Just get on and you’ll end up where you need to be. Eventually. Who knows? You may get that lucky “train” that actually does not stop at Bedford Nostrand! Which brings me back to the recent “forum” regarding Crosstown Local service suspensions. It started as follows:

FBSC

Yes, I got this wrong— but something very, VERY right came out of it!

Heather: I am quietly convinced they have some kind of lottery or roulette wheel which determines what part of the G is going to be shut down at any given time.
Bitch Cakes: Heather, I actually KNOW the guy that plans all the subway reroutes/advisories. I’m surprised he would admit that in public.
Heather: I want to see this roulette wheel Bitch Cakes. Make it happen! Or do they use a Magic 8 ball? (shaking) “Will the G be running this weekend?” Bitch Cakes: seriously – I don’t understand (or envy) their job
Heather: I hear you. I had HELLA respect for those guys working on the G at all hours here. They’re not really the problem. It’s their “leadership”. OH MY GOD I HAVE IT BITCH CAKES! I will buy a magic 8 ball, paint it good ol’ G train green, place a nice big G on it and give it to the MTA so they can use it to determine service suspensions!!!
Bitch Cakes:  haha! it can’t be any worse than their current system!! In fact, perhaps you can PREDICT their schedule with the Magic G Ball!
Heather: I am doing it. Will pick up an 8 ball and some paint tomorrow…

Guess what? I DID.

materials

It’s ON!

I “locally sourced” all the required materials right here on Manhattan Avenue. Buy local! The Magic 8 Ball comes from the Greenpoint Toy Center, whose owner recognizes me now. God help him. I had a variety of “Magic 8 Balls” from which to choose. I picked the one which told me (when I inquired of it being worthy of my project):

Try again later.

That’s when I knew I had found “the one”.

primered

Primered.

Bitch Cakes: it would be great if you could get the die inside to say things like “every 30 minutes” “change tracks at bedford nostrand” “no service between BK and LIC” – you know, your usual G Train shenanigans.

stencil in place

Stencil in place.

Heather: And for shits and giggles: the dreaded “sick passenger”.

going green

The transformation has begun— albeit with some difficulty. See that green thumb? I can assure you it is only superficial. Want a plant to die? Just let me handle it.

Bitch Cakes: Yes! This is the question: “How is the G Train going to fuck up my commute today?” shake and voila! haha

getting there

Getting there…

closer still

Closer still. G is for GLITTER! I made good use of all the campaign mailers we have been receiving recently.

dysfunction

Thanks Mario ANDREW Cuomo—- but no thanks. We have our own dysfunction here.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED nys

The Crosstown Local puts the “fun” in “dysfunctional”— and this is something no elected official has not, will not, ever take away from us! When I inquired the “Magickal G Train Service Advisory Ball” if it was ready to take on the onerous task of providing answers to Crosstown Local patrons, this is what it had to say.

mostlikely

That’s the right attitude! Any and all can posit a question to this “made in China”— but retrofitted in Greenpoint— sage on Twitter. I am giving Bitch Cakes the honor of an inaugural question. After that anything goes.

Let’s shake it up!

*This is a “hate criminal” according to 94th Precinct.

artslant

Who’s gonna be next?

 

Urban Artifact: Bergen Street

September 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: Cobble Hill, Cobble Hill Brooklyn, Crosstown Local, Urban Artifact 

Bergen Street 1 nys

Bergen Street 2 nys

Even finger puppets cannot suppress their glee for full, restored G train service!

(Taken September 3, 2014.)

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Crosstown Local Photos Du Jour

August 11, 2014 ·
Filed under: 10026, Crosstown Local, Manhattan, New York City 

Gtraininmanhattan

If this photo taken today by Christina Wilkinson is to be believed, it would appear this G train shuttle is expanding its horizons— at Morningside Avenue and West 121 Street to be precise. Nice catch!