Urban Artifact: Manhattan Avenue

September 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Mister Heather and I (being the effete and over-educated snobs we are) cannot grasp the rampant anti-intellectualism in this country. On the one hand, you have the first black president of the Harvard Law Review. Who taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School. Despite hardships— and Obama had aplenty. He is an outsider. On the other, you have Rumsfeld in lipstick:

In 1982, Palin enrolled at Hawaii Pacific College but left after her first semester. From there she transferred to North Idaho College, where she spent two semesters as a general studies major. From that community college she then transferred to the much larger University of Idaho for two semesters. During this time Palin won the Miss Wasilla Pageant beauty contest then finished third (second runner-up) in the Miss Alaska pageant, at which she won a college scholarship and the “Miss Congeniality” award. She then left the University of Idaho and attended Matanuska-Susitna College in Alaska for one term. The next year she returned to the University of Idaho where she spent three semesters completing her Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism, graduating in 1987.

In 1988, she worked as a sports reporter for KTUU-TV in Anchorage, Alaska, and for the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman as a sports reporter. She also helped in her husband’s commercial fishing family business. — Wikipedia.

For this lack-luster curricula clita Palin is lauded as being “All-American”. What does this say about us as a country?

I graduated from college in four years. Magna cum laude. I got a scholarship alright: $500 per semester for two semesters. That’s what a being smart (as opposed to beautiful) nets a woman with a 3.7 GPA. In Texas. Had I known being a bimbo would net me better career prospects perhaps I would have spent my “scholarship” money on a nose job (and getting my M.R.S. degree). But I didn’t. So I will continue…

That Communications degree (and pageant experience) is serving Sarah well. Or is the electorate much more idiotic than I imagined? Someone clearly likes her “down-home” talk. I (being the intellectual “community organizer” that I am) took her rhetoric as being backwoods demagoguery* meets June Cleaver (with a nuclear arsenal and “GOD” on her side). But am I simply being arrogant?

I found this discarded piece of homework on Manhattan Avenue. It got me to a thinkin’

How long did it take you to read the book? Why? I didn’t take me long because I saw the movie.

I would haved killed all the bad guys… It wes about 4 kids go into a majical world and fight a for the good side.

The good news: I suspect this kid’s mother helped him with his homework.
The bad news: This kid’s mother helped him with his homework.

With a public education system (and parental apathy) like this who needs Al Qaeda? We’re doing a damned good job of destroying ourselves. By taking pride in our ignorance, entitlement and sloth.

We’re not creating citizens, we’re creating cannon fodder.

But that’s jest me smart talkin’.

Miss Heather

*Demagogy (also demagoguery) (Ancient Greek δημαγωγία, from δῆμος dÄ“mos “people” and ἄγειν agein “to lead”) refers to a political strategy for obtaining and gaining political power by appealing to the popular prejudices, emotions, fears and expectations of the public — typically via impassioned rhetoric and propaganda, and often using nationalist or populist themes. — Wikipedia

Terrorist states are seeking nuclear weapons without delay … he (Barack Obama) wants to meet them without preconditions.

We are so proud of the many Alaskans who are serving in the military to keep us safe and our country free their service has been an incredible personal sacrifice. Our National Guard men and women who return to rural Alaska are seen as role models for our youth.

— Sarah Palin

TOMORROW: Kent Street Festival

September 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I am certain most of you, my fellow Greenpointers, are well aware of this event. Rather I’d like to make you aware of a particular vendor. Ann Kansfield writes:

Greenpoint has come together to help feed hungry folks on Wednesday nights. Currently, we serve yummy hot meals to upwards of 80 people. As the weather gets colder, we’re anticipating this number might increase.

To help raise funds for the soup kitchen, there’s going to be a fabulous bake sale at this Saturday’s Kent Street Festival (Sept. 27). But we need your help. It would look really ridiculous to have a bake sale with nothing to sell. Please! All you bakers out there – if you could make some items for the sale, it would be tremendously helpful. You can drop them off at the church (136 Milton St) Friday night from 6-9pm or at the bake sale table on Kent Street on Saturday, September 27th from 9am to 12pm.

For those of you who want to buy some of these yummy treats, please visit our table at the Kent St. Festival – it’s happening on Kent St. between Manhattan and Franklin. And if you’re reading this and could help us by passing this message on to your friends and neighbors, we would really appreciate it.  We need all the help we can get – both at the bake sale and going forward this winter.  The more people who are aware of the soup kitchen the better.

I agree. The economy isn’t getting any better, folks. Until our government decides to succor the truly needy instead of multimillion dollar corporations, let us buy cake!

And pies.

And cupcakes.

Kent Street Festival
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Kent Street (Between Manhattan Avenue & Franklin Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Give The Finger To Finger Buildings, Greenpointers!

September 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

See the above map? Do you live in the demarcated area? Do you despise the crass over-development of your neighborhood at the expense of its charm (and yes, this includes vinyl siding)? If so mark your calendars comrades! Community Board One is holding two “informational sessions” about contextual rezoning next month: October 28 & 29 respectively.

Be there and have your say…

or prepare for yet more “fingers”.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Note that Karl Fischer’s Frankenfinger* (whose workers spritzed me with cement earlier this week while working ILLEGALLY) falls within the rezone area.

Do you want this thing (and its 17 “high end residential units”**) to blight our neighborhood? I am certain it will look perfectly “in context” with its neighbor: The Astral Apartments. Because we all know Karl cares a lot about context.

*A bigass hideous building given the green-light by the auspices of a modification permit, thus violating the spirit but not the letter of the law. Not much of the original structure is still extant, by the way. I imagine Karl will leave a brick or two for old times sake!

**Looks like more than 17 units to me but what do I know?

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Progress

September 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

McCarren Park Pool, September 22, 2008.

Miss Heather

Enough With The Anal Glands Already!

September 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I have been rather grumpy of late. This is due in large part to a seemingly never-ending series of pet-related maladies. First it was an abscessed anal gland. In treating that the veterinarian noticed the front of our cat wasn’t looking so good: this entailed having three teeth pulled. An appointment was made. Next it was two (other) cats getting ringworm. We are treating this with some level of success on our own.

After getting a deep cleaning of my own teeth (which entailed being given Novocaine) I hurried home (and in so doing got spritzed with cement) took a bath and ventured back out to retrieve our cat Artemis from having his teeth extracted. I was not in a good mood. So I arrive at the vet. As is usually the case I had to wait a good 20 minutes.

Then it was my turn. I am told the surgery went well and then the vet said:

That anal gland is healing nicely. Have you looked at it?

I took a deep breath and replied:

You are the second such person to ask me this question this week. The fact of the matter is I have looked at that cat’s asshole more in the last two weeks than I ever cared to. For a lifetime. If you and my husband say it is healing well I’ll take your word for it.

Believe it or not I think the vet understood. He thought it was funny in any case. He’s paid (handsomely, I will add) to look at this shit anyway. I am not. I seemingly cannot avoid this subject matter. It is follows me where ever I go. Those of you who are old enough might remember the old Tootsie Roll commercial: their cheerful protagonist saw Tootsie Rolls everywhere he (or she— cannot remember which) went. I see anal glands where ever I go— or are forced to talk about them. This is no way to go through life.

CASES IN POINT:

I have been wanting to get back to doing collages. I am not only good at creating them and I also enjoy the process. It relaxes me. To this end I needed material so I picked up this book at the junk shop. I get home and crack it open. Here is what I saw.

A few days later I went to dinner with a friend. She asked me how Artie’s anal glands were doing. I said “just fine”. Then she regaled with a tale about the time her old dog’s anal gland got backed up and the vet had to “drain it”. It seems like everyone has their own anal gland story and now I have mine. Lucky me.

This week I went out with a friend for a walk. As we were walking down North 12th Street I spied this.

Me: Hey look, another tree twat.
Friend: Tree twat?
Me: Someone has been going around Greenpoint and Williamsburg painting knot-holes pink, which lends them a certain “sexual” feel. I call them tree twats, although this one looks more like an anal gland.
Friend: It does?
Me: Yup, only less disgusting.

It was at this point I realized I had a problem. I needed to quit anal glands and move on. I needed closure (in more ways than one). So I decided to try a little art therapy on India Street.

Every dog has a pair of anal glands located on the sides of and just below the opening of the anus. These small glands secrete a lubricant which helps the dog move his bowels easily. Sometimes these anal glands become clogged and accumulate a putrid mass in side. When this happens, the dog becomes listless, his eyes appear dull, and he often tries to lick the anus or pull himself across the floor on his haunches for relief.

The Complete Poodle Clipping & Grooming Book by Shirlee Kalstone.

If you’re wondering if rabbits have anal glands: they do. Someone has even written a dissertation about them.

Miss Heather

STOOP SALE ALERT

September 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

thesweetchuck writes:

I know sometimes you post about stoop sales and the like, and so I thought I’d pass this onto you.  Myself and 2 roomates are leaving our Greenpoint home and have a number of things to get rid of.  Post it on the blog if you like, but I thought you may be interested in any case.

Here’s a sneak peek of some of the items they will have for sale!

Stoop Sale
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Noon – 4:00 p.m.
111 Huron Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Looks Like We’re Getting Another Taco Joint…

September 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

They have been working on this space (formerly belonging to Kasjan Bakery) for some time but at long last this week they finally gave us an indication as to what will be moving in: Tacos & More*. Needless to say I am very, very eager to check out their wares! Now if we could get some decent Indian and Middle Eastern food in this neighborhood we’ll be all aces.

Tacos & More
668 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Opening Date & Hours: T.B.A.

Miss Heather

*and Queens Haircutters. Odd name for a barber shop given it is located in KINGS Country. 🙂

Boobification Photo du Jour: Breast Meat

September 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Lorimer Street.

Miss Heather

Subway Poster du Jour: Nassau Avenue

September 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Rowan5 (who contributed the above photo) writes:

…hahaha! i love it. it reminds me of art history classes where they painted haloes like gold plates in pre-Renaissance days.

Call me odd but I’d choose the dork (Jason Biggs) over the tool (Dane Cook).

Dorks are HOT! Smirking jerk-offs, not so much. Dated the latter, married the previous. Dorks don’t just give you flowers, they’ll clean a cat’s festering asshole and fix your computer. I speak from experience when I say this. That’s what I call sexy!

Jason Biggs, I am *so* yours!

Miss Heather

Thank You Magic Johnson!

September 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

I see your face on bus shelters exhorting people to get out and walk more because it is good for their well-being (on the behalf of Aetna— if my memory serves me correctly). I started doing just this two years ago (without you or Aetna’s help). It works. Sometimes I walk from Greenpoint to Bed-Stuy, Clinton Hill or Bushwick and back. Just for the fun of it. When was the last time you went to Bed-Stuy, Magic? Just curious. But I digress.

When I get back home (to Greenpoint) I want to rest. This is rather difficult to do given that your development —one which seeks to uplift my humble hood from the utter squalor we lived in before (which wasn’t that bad) —to condos starting at $400,000 a pop —works consistently later than the law allows. Sawing, hammering, dumping garbage into containers. I have heard this at 8:00 p.m., 8:30 p.m. And as of last night even later:

Do you want to promote good health, Magic? If so, make your workers at 110 Green Street stop work at 6:00 p.m.* Sleep deprivation is a killer.

Miss Heather

*And ask them to refrain from verbally abusing women and teenage girls. I have actually made it a point to walk around my— or would that be your block— so I will not be cat-called by your workers. Kisses, hisses, etc.

I’m not the only one.

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