New York Shitty Photos Du Jour: Moms & Dads

September 15, 2013 ·
Filed under: Culture War, New York City, Planet Entitlement, Wow, WTF 

momanddads

As handed to a patron with children in tow. Meanwhile, however…

changingdiaper

I would like to humbly recommend asking parents to refrain from using picnic tables as changing stations. Fellow patrons (such as myself) may elect to use them for their intended purpose: dining. The outside world/beer garden is not your lavatory.

Crosstown Local Service Suspension Survival Tip: The Shuttle Bus Is Not— Repeat— NOT A Taxi

blood

Unlike a lot of folks, the disruption of G train service on weekends does not bother me the least bit. I am fully aware of and sympathize with business owners who will lose revenue as a result of what the MTA is doing: work on the “Greenpoint Tubes”. Lack of access equals less foot traffic which equates to less business. I get it. Really I do. I also understand the hardship this poses for those who have to commute to work, largely service workers all, on weekends. These hardworking (and largely underpaid) people get my utmost empathy.

However, as a citizen I do have to say there are some upshots to having a suspension of service. For starters: less foot traffic has made the neighborhood significantly quieter. Secondly, this has served as a crucial inducement for yours truly to direct her attention to some much-needed maintenance at Chez Shitty. Lastly, watching how my neighbors adapt to this change in their routine has proven to be interesting and downright hilarious. This post is about the latter-most two points.

Today’s “agenda” is simple enough: finish touching up the paint job in the bedroom and hang drapes (in anticipation of the upcoming heat wave). As is usually the case, this entailed a lot more preliminary preparation than meets the eye. Furniture had to be removed. Before furniture can be removed the overflowing contents of the laundry hamper has to be removed. For all intents and purposes the hamper has ceased to be little more than a general target, a marker if you will, of the day’s spent apparel. I learned upon further excavation this included shoes. Lots of them. I was not pleased by this and decided it was time to take action. I would procure not one— but TWO— laundry hampers: “his” and “hers”. As governmental policy “separate but equal” is a crock of shit— but anyone who has a partner will attest that on occasion this is not such a bad idea. It keeps the domestic peace.

My mission was simple:

  1. acquire two identical laundry hampers
  2. these would be found on Manhattan Avenue
  3. install them side by side in the place of the deceased one

For what it is worth, I was successful. However, when I crossed Greenpoint Avenue (headed south) I beheld something quite amusing. A young woman, upset that she had missed the shuttlebus, gave chase while her boyfriend/partner continued to talk on his cell phone. She managed to catch up to said bus at Noble Street and, her eyes lit up in anticipation, attempted to “hail” it as one does a taxi. No dice.

Not believing my eyes I decided to watch how this played out. In other words: I followed the couple who was following the bus (it was en route to where I was headed anyway, what’s another five minutes of my time?). Another attempt was made at Calyer.

hailingthebus

You cannot see her (her man friend photobombed my attempt to document this hilarity)— but here she is trying to get the attention of the shuttle bus driver once more. What followed provided yours truly with today’s heaping helping of Schadenfreude. Yet another wide-eyed look of hope and hand held high “hailing”. But this time it was clouded by the realization that the bus driver had not, in fact, simply not seen her the first time. Rather, she was being ignored. Yours truly commenced to laugh hysterically. I still am laughing.

When I arrived home I told the Mister about my little adventure. In the course of our conversation he made a very piquant point:

I wonder if she makes the conductor of the G train stop wherever she wants?

I’d like to see her try it. I mean, the amount of time and effort she spent chasing that bus down she could have simply waited for another one— or simply walked to Nassau Avenue. Hell, she was already halfway there!

I replied.

mapanno

 

The point of having public transportation is it serves the public. This is why it is called “public transportation”. A shuttle bus is not a taxi. If one requires a taxi many can be found here. Easily. Chasing down a shuttle bus is not only an exercise in futility but the sense of entitlement such an action entails provides ample entertainment to people such as myself. And one such person might take the time from more pressing/important matters (READ: procrastinate) to author a blog post about it. Hey, it is not like yours truly is going anywhere.

Cut these shuttle bus drivers some slack, folks. They have a job to do.

New York Shitty Video Du Jour: North 10 Street

June 18, 2013 ·
Filed under: 11211, Planet Entitlement, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn, Wow, WTF 

A fallen tree proves to be a getting back to nature cum video opportunity.

(Taken June 18, 2013.)

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Sign Of The Times

ctown

I discovered today the C-Town on Manhattan Avenue has seen fit to establish a few rules for its clientele.

NO:

  • Skateboarding
  • Bicycle Riding
  • Rollerblading
  • Scooter Riding

I know what you’re thinking:

There’s no way someone would see fit to ride a scooter in a supermarket. This is just common sense.

ctown2182013

As I discovered February 18th, common sense (or courtesy) ain’t as common as it is purported to be…

New York Shitty Day Ender: Meet Mr. Frankenstein

CWF

As I was attempting to capture the Halloween imagery in the window at this building (which can be seen at top right in the above photo), a man collecting cans shouted:

Why not take a picture of me instead?

Me: Sure.

 

CWF2

And then Charles asked me how I would like him to pose. I told him was not necessary. Rather, I would simply like to know his story.

CWF3

First off, he showed me the custom jacket he made. Then he showed me his “identification card” (which cited a Common Ground shelter off of Times Square) and added:

I lived here ten years ago. My best friend died here. He said he would haunt me for the rest of my life. I feel the need to come back here.

CWF4

Charles went on to explain to me his fascination for the movie “Frankenstein”. More specifically that a man created a “monster” and gave it his name. When I pointed out that I (a chick with blue hair wearing a hat sporting cat ears) prefer “Bride of Frankenstein” myself he noted:

The woman with the crazy hair.

Yeah, I thought it was pretty awesome.

Charles: You have a doctor who created them and, having no name of their own, gave them his name. They’re a family.

Me: They were.

Charles went on to recount how much he likes the Wizard of Oz (especially the scarecrow) and Mister Rogers (paraphrased):

He was an old man who played with toys and invited people to be his neighbors. I want to do that… I am artist (once again showing off his customized jacket) there are plenty on people (on Times Square) doing drawings why can’t I?

Excellent question.

This post is dedicated to Charles Winston Frankenstein (which is what the above fellow made quite clear was his name).

New York Shitty Day Starter: Urban Artifact

From Wythe Avenue.

From The New York Shitty Inbox, Part III: Delivery Bikes Only?

December 14, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11211, Culture War, Planet Entitlement, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

A fellow we’ll call “T” (who took the above photograph) writes:

Just saw this shiny new sign on the westernmost edge of McCarren. Is this even legally enforceable? I don’t think that if you install a structure like this on public property (ie: the sidewalk) you get to enforce who uses it. Anyhow, it’s a pretty gross gesture to others in the neighborhood: “Our wealthy tenants have so many meals delivered that we need an entire rack to accommodate the bikes. I’m sure the rest of you serfs don’t understand what that’s like, but we appreciate your compliance. Please go chain up against the nearest street sign.”

Is this legally enforceable? That’s an excellent question. One I have taken up with a few folks in the know.

To be continued…

UPDATE, 6:43 p.m.: Follows are a few responses I have received!

Needs a DOT revocable consent for street furniture.

There was another one of these “private bike racks” in the east village last year.

Gothamist got to the bottom of it. http://gothamist.com/2011/10/14/can_you_have_a_private_bike_rack_on.php

Quoth the DOT representative: “even if a permit is issued for installation, that does not mean the bike rack is for the exclusive use of the owner if it is installed on a public sidewalk.”

Public sidewalk = public bike rack.

So the next question becomes:

Will this ordinance be enforced?

Given the predilection for selective enforcement hereabouts, I for one am not terribly optimistic.

Highlights From Community Board 1: Let’s Talk Trash

One of the more provocative parts of last week’s convocation— and there were quite a few, I assure you— were two ladies speaking on the subject of illegal garbage can holders.

More specifically: these garbage can holders. Behold the Community Board 1 action regarding them for yourselves, gentle readers (start at 7:28).

New York Shitty analysis:

1. Exactly what constitutes a “beautiful” garbage can holder? If there is in fact such a thing, it in the eye of the beholder.
2. While certainly nice, they are placed on public property (READ: the sidewalk). This is a big no-no.

As these ladies noted, their neighbor is obeying the law:

3. This is not to suggest I am not sympathetic to these ladies’s plight. I am. They brought up a very salient point: the developer of their respective properties did not consider trash collection when designing their respective condominiums. This is clearly a problem. One which should have been prevented at the “planning stage”. Which brings me to…

Yesterday I decided to see how 239 Banker Street’s illegal garbage fixture cum bicycle rack was faring.

Not only is it still there, but among the assorted detritus I found something of interest.

Not one but two boxes which formerly contained stoves. (For those of you who are not in the know, “estufa” means stove in Spanish. Somewhere my high school Spanish teacher is smiling!)  As you can see the powers that be behind this illegal conversion are scarcely concerned about getting caught. What’s more, I learned at last week’s proceedings why.

So there have you: fines are simply part and parcel of “doing business”. Given the “lofts” at 239 Banker Street are going for anywhere between $2,700 – $3,400 for 700 square foot (if that) of “living space” nowadays, well, it has become all too clear how effective these “penalties” have been as a deterrent against this landlord continuing to illegal legally lease out this property as residential space.

Yup.

In closing I will leave you, gentle readers, with the latest bit of “immaculate construction” I spied at 239 Banker Street.

As the screencap of a video I shot on June 3rd of this year indicates, what is now an “apartment” used to be a doorway.* But don’t take my word for it: view the video for yourself.

*For those of you who are wondering, this is perfectly in keeping with the plans for this “hotel”…

Plans: This is what a "hotel" looks like at 239 Banker Street

in 2009.

Quicklink: No Shirt, No Shoes, Horrible Service

Choice quote:

I’m not sure I would ever recommend anyone go to the McCarren Park Pool unless you just got out of prison.

That might be a bit of an overstatement. However, the anecdote about the lock and link to the unofficial McCarren Park Pool’s web site (which features some pretty amusing stock photography, including a fellow holding a bottle of beer)— among many other things— make this tome worth a moment of one’s time. Enjoy, gentle readers— or not!

Now if you don’t mind, I am off to acquire a slew of locks and white t-shirts to sell to pool goers at 300% mark-up. One woman’s misfortune is another’s business opportunity!

Props go to Miss Mousey Brown for bringing this to my attention!

New York Shitty Photos du Jour: Garden Spot

its not about brunch. this is a pissing contest about rules. we are loosing our cool “illegal” street garden… thanks to all this bs! so so lame!!

— Member of Community Board 1 in regards to the enforcement of sidewalk cafe rules