Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Calyer Street

Today yours truly opted to enjoy a little sunshine and take a stroll along Manhattan Avenue. In so doing I held a great number of interesting things. Among them:

  1. a few individuals who could best be described as extras attending a casting call for the Zoolander sequel. Mind you, it was not their presence which drew my attention. I am not so naive as to think I do not have such folks as my neighbors in this, the “new” Greenpoint. I know. They do not bother me. The more and different the merrier! Rather, it was the fact they were out and about (READ: out of bed) at 1:00 p.m.
  2. a tableau which defied easy taxonomical categorization. On Calyer Street I beheld a tetrad of things which I hold near and dear. These being:
  • An urban artifact along with…
  • a melange of merde
  • in a public pay phone which, in addition to the previous, proffered
  • pro-bono services of a highly specialized nature.

For the above-listed reasons I decided to classify this post as Greenpoint Photos Du Jour. Now that we have gotten that out of the way…

Pick a winner nys

 

let’s take the above morsels of Greenpoint glory in numeric order, shall we?

1. 

Organic girl spring mix

 

One container of Organic Girl Spring Mix…

Baby Greens with vodka vinagrette nys

with vodka vinaigrette.

2.

al fresco crapper

The aftermath of severe gastric distress. (Perhaps due to the consumption of item #1?).

3.

Reach out and touch someone

 

Not one, not two, but three solicitations for not simply free sex but free Garden State sex! As you can see, gentle readers, I have blurred out the telephone number. I did so because I suspect its owner has been— how shall we say— “volunteered” for this endeavor. In closing, it should be noted I did research the telephone number in question. I regret to inform everyone it does not hail from Secaucus. But hey, when it’s free sex in the offing one cannot/should not be too choosy. Thank you, the public pay phone kiosks of Calyer for keeping things real— or at least really interesting— hereabouts.

Happy Sunday, Garden Spotters!

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Naked City

November 9, 2014 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, New York City, Urban Artifact 

Taken by Robert S.

Urban Artifact: Meadow Street

Meadow Street nys

Smashed nys

Have A Nice Day nys

What makes this assemblage a cut-above is the presence of a “Thank You, Have A Nice Day” bag…

(Taken November 7, 2014.)

Urban Artifact, Part II: Special Feels Like Fall Edition

November 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact, Wow, WTF 

Autumn ColorsNYS

Today I had a craving for Mexican food. Well, not “Mexican” food per se. I craved crap. To this end I patronized the Taco Bell located on the Champs-Élysées of the Garden Spot: McGuinness Boulevard. Upon exiting with my bag of unhealthy goodness I noticed two perfectly placed pairs of coordinating footwear atop the garbage can. How they got there is anyone’s guess. I simply found how they coordinated with the building compelling and strangely beautiful.

shitittsTHUMBAfter snapping this shot I opted to enjoy my burrito al fresco. I took a stroll along Provost Street. There outside the premises of the Newtown Creek Waste Water Treatment Facility— in the shadow of the Shit Tits— I happened upon another urban artifact. It too was compelling but most decidedly not beautiful.

It is rare, gentle readers, that I happen upon something that makes me lose my appetite. After closer examination of the item in question (and shooting burrito bits out of my nose) this is exactly what happened. The burrito was placed back in the bag and out came the camera.

I suppose I should take the glass half-full approach:

1. The parties responsible for the piece of love’s detritus which awaited my delectation engaged in safe sex.
2. Greenpoint— especially its more remote/secluded nooks and crannies— is and has long been for lovers.

WARNING/CAVEAT: once this is seen, it cannot be unseen. Click at your own risk.

Urban Artifact, Part I: Pulaski Bridge

November 3, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Urban Artifact 

Crushed nys

If anyone out there is in need of a not-so-gently-used kiddie pool (and you know who you are) head over to McGuinness Boulevard, east side, between Ash and Box Street…

(Taken November 3, 2014.)

Urban Artifact: Jail Bear International Superstar?

(OR: 726 Days & Counting!)

Yes, gentle readers, this would appear to be the case— and right here and now I am going to share the good news!

This morning started off as any other: I get up, put on a pot of coffee and head to the computer. First I check my email, then I check my site. The latter experienced a spike in traffic. I found this rather strange given I have not been blogging much of late. Thus I perused incoming links. It was quickly discerned that one site was responsible for this. Naturally my curiosity got the better of me: I pointed and clicked. I braced myself in anticipation of material of a highly adult nature. It turned out not to be porn. It is infinitely more awesome than that. See for yourselves!

feminaHU

 

It would appear that our very own Jail Bear has merited the attention of a web site in Hungary. Granted, big in Hungary does not an international superstar make— but it is still pretty darned cool. Given I did not have a Hungarian phrasebook handy, I made my way over to Google Translate to see what they had to say about this ad hoc testement to civic pride. The translation is a mite bit obtuse but the essence comes across:

This is a sad teddy bear sitting behind bars in Greenpoint Avenue, Brooklyn, has appeared in the middle of June. The last two months has kultmacivá, followers, Instagramon hundred over the number of images. Nobody knows how he got here. The Bacardi- glass sometimes replacing vizesflaskára Many people are fed maternal feelings for him, while others say straight creepy. “- read the Facebook page to report overseas.

The NewYorkShitty also collected quite a few photos of the sad maciról, who has been held accountable as part of street art and the Bear Jail – that bear jail – dubbed plüssr?l made ??continuously published photos also make it: here you can watch!

Not only did my humble web site merit a link, but a Facebook page pertaining to Hungarian tourism is featured as well. Fascinating.

In any case, I suspect I speak for a number of Jail Bear’s fans when I write that he is not creepy— at least not in comparison to other things to be found hereabouts. On a number of occasions I have seen parents headed to nearby WNYC Transmitter Park stop so their children can say “Hi” to him and/or tell him about his/her day. He dutifully listens too.

For the above-stated reason I have a very hard time believing Jail Bear is sad. He’s quite beloved. Nonetheless, I decided to take up this matter directly with Jail Bear. The scene which awaited me this morning was quite surprising.

partytime

Jail Bear not only seems to be taking his fifteen minutes of fame in stride, but he is actually quite happy!

jailbear

What’s more, he has something to say to his new friends— and hopefully fans— in Hungary!

greetings

Okay, I’ll admit it: I dressed up Jail Bear and made the sign. But as I told a passerby (after explaining Jail Bear’s newfound celebrity status), I did so— and I quote:

in the interest of fostering positive international relations.

He found this to be a kind gesture. Taylor Swift may the the official face of tourism in New York City, but in Greenpoint (or at least the corner of Franklin Street and Greenpoint Avenue) this sinecure belongs to Jail Bear. In closing, I feel compelled to note that I have never met a Hungarian, much less a Hungarian tourist. Not only does this need to change but I am quite looking forward to the experience…

You didn’t think I was going to pass up an opportunity like this, gentle readers. Really? In all seriousness:

Happy Halloween, Hungary from New York Shitty (and of course, Jail Bear)!

UPDATE, 2:37 p.m.: it has been brought to my attention that the fellow responsible for this bear’s incarceration prefers the moniker “Prison Bear”. So there have you!

P.S.: An interesting fact learned today: if one ever finds him or herself in the highly unlikely predicament of needing an empty liquor bottle on the fly, check out the planters outside of WNYC Transmitter Park. You can rest assured they will deliver!

thumbsup

Urban Artifact: And The Kitchen Sink

October 25, 2014 ·
Filed under: 10003, East Village, East Village Manhattan, Urban Artifact 

And The Kitchen Sink nys

Broadway Kitchen 2 nys

Broadway Kitchen nys

Taken October 25, 2014.

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Smile!

October 17, 2014 ·
Filed under: New York City, The Word On The Street, Urban Artifact 

Taken by Michael.

Urban Artifact: 33 1/3

October 15, 2014 ·
Filed under: 11206, East Williamsburg, East Williamsburg Brooklyn, Urban Artifact 

LP nys

From Bogart Street.

Urban Artifact: Wish Fulfillment!

CBS screencapSo over the last week we have had:

1. Time Warner employee sex at the Newtown Creek Nature Walk.*

2. Some blue chip public urination at Graham Avenue’s B43 bus stop thrown in for good measure

3. Indecent exposure (as seen at left) on our very Crosstown Local.

Yes, gentle readers, I’d say things are hoppin’.  So much so I lament not seeing my share of the action. Obviously I have been not at the wrong place at the right time. I shared my disappointment with my public urination tipster. To wit, he/she replied:

Awwww Heather. I just know there’s an exposed penis out there for you too. And I bet when you see it, it’ll be the longest one of all. :)

Today it finally happened— in a manner of speaking. Thankfully it did not involve lewd public acts and I actually had the choice of looking— or not. Read on!

371 Stagg Street nys

Ever had the feeling you’re being watched? Today while strolling along Stagg Street I did.

Stagg Street Art Object nys

Sure enough I was right. So help me, but I can swear this fellow was beckoning me to come closer.

Big Head nys

So I did.

Pitching a tent nys

As you can see my new friend is, to use vulgar parlance, “pitching a tent”. Let’s go in!

Little Head nys

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an Angel! in apprehension HOW LIKE A GOD!

— William Shakespeare, emphasis mine— Ed. Note.

I can only imagine what the provenance of this item is. A remnant of some hitherto unknown bacchanalian Industrial Business Zone ritual, perhaps?

Heres looking at you kid nys

Here’s looking at you, kid…

Closing on a somewhat related note, your’s truly discovered and acquired a most fascinating product recently. I present without further ado, Peni Fresh!

The FRESHMAKER nys

soapActually I acquired a few bars— much to the amusement of the staff at said deli/grocery. One was a birthday present (said birthday boy was present), the others will be stocking stuffers. The holiday season will be upon us soon enough and let’s face facts: nothing says “Good will toward your fellow man” quite like telling them, however subtly, that they need to wash their tackle. I have yet to discern exactly what is meant by “TUTTI-FRUITTI” flavor. Methinks I’ll leave that task to Ralphie. Those of you who want to upgrade your mere dingus to a dicksicle, methinks I have found the product to make it happen. Cheers!

Peni Fresh: the Freshmaker!

*surveillance footage of which was requested by and is apparently making the rounds through the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee!