Greenpoint
Cafe Cito Bogota
Great Moments in Greenpoint Vinyl Siding, Volume III
Filed under: Vinyl Siding
Miss Heather is a big fan of self-expression. If you want to (for example) adorn the front door of your two story house with leopard print, I say knock yourself out. In my opinion such unusual and modest customizations to one’s home only add to the overall quirkiness and character of my neighborhood.
Unfortunately, since New York City has no architectural review board whatsoever, it also gives carte blanche for some miscreant (whose money far exceeds his taste) to make a much bigger and bolder imprint on Greenpoint’s landscape. The end result is usually pretty jarring, if not downright hideous. Take this building on Leonard Street (please!!!).
Pretty fucking fug, isn’t it? Well, wait ’til you see what’s next door.
Shit like this makes me happy there isn’t some nosy government entity (or homeowner’s organization) to mess with my man on Leonard Street’s right to bear siding. All the way down to the last fucking inch of his property.
The window box on the third floor is a nice touch, don’t you think?
Miss Heather
Great Moments in Greenpoint Vinyl Siding, Volume II
Filed under: Vinyl Siding
Last week “Dupreciate” left a compelling comment regarding my first installment of Greenpoint vinyl siding goodness. He wrote:
This past Sunday I noticed a building on Nassau getting a nice vinyl siding upgrade, as the original siding was dry-rotted and falling off the building. Rather than replace the offending layer, these dudes were just throwing up new siding over the old. I like to think that this building (and others like it), are only going to get bigger and bigger as the years pass as more layers are tacked on.
For the last week I have been unable to get the previous image out of my mind. What’s more, this weekend I found evidence that what “Dupreciate” saw is not an uncommon practice. Here’s a couple of pictures of a house getting a makeover on Nassau Avenue.
Yummy.
I envision vinyl siding gradually swallowing all its non-sheathed companions like a python. Fedders buildings, Belvederes, 110 Green Street and tasteful residences alike will be easy prey. Resistance is futile. Eventually Greenpoint will become one giant conglomerated mass of mismatched siding. Sheltered from the elements we will dwell within this dark labyrinth like a tribe of Morlocks.
Or would that be Polocks?
Miss Heather
Great Moments in Greenpoint Vinyl Siding, Volume I
After seeing what is perhaps the most hideous display of vinyl siding ever, I have decided to add “vinyl siding” as a category. What inspired this momentous decision? The thing below.
I like to call this masterpiece (formerly a tatty, but sort of neat old store front) the Suburban Assault Domicle. This vinyl siding looks like it can retract— or in the case of an emergency— seal the entire building shut with a push of a button.
I’d love to know what led up to the ‘eureka moment’ that moved the building’s owner to do this. I think a phat bag of crack (or an affection for the movie Stripes) was the deciding factor.
Miss Heather
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