Greenpoint
Lorven Pharmacy
Culture on the Cheap
The Balconies of Broadway
Filed under: Williamsburg
I have yet to get this fascination developers have with balconies. Perhaps I do not engender the proper sense of entitlement? Having a hefty balcony from which to look down upon my neighbors is not my cup of tea. What’s more, many of the balconies I see nowadays are for the skinny set. Very skinny.
Which brings me to 152 Broadway. This was a four story building. Four. Stories.
Now it will become a six story building. As. Per. Plan.
The poster to the far right reads:
Could an opera make us warriors for peace?
In all probability, no.
Can a piece of shit modification on an existing building make Miss Heather vomit?
Yes. When I look at the second floor balcony’s misalignment with the columns on the first floor I heave. And grieve. For the death of taste.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Keep Off Flowers
Filed under: Williamsburg
From Division Avenue.
Miss Heather
Orient Avenue: Knocking On Scarano’s Back Door
As I mentioned in this post, I played “tour guide” last weekend. Any tour guide worth his/her salt knows where to take a bathroom break: Cooper Park. Second only to the privy at Fermi Playground in Bushwick. The latter is the only bathroom I have patronized that had soap, paper towels and toilet paper in abundance. At the same time. But that is the stuff of another post.
After relieving our respective selves I took my friends to Orient Avenue. We checked out the Munster House at 59, but found its neighbor to the west much more intriguing.
This is 11 Orient Avenue.
This is 11 Orient Avenue on crack. Any questions?
Apparently the Department of Buildings would like to ask a question.
Or two. They have issued summons but have yet to get access to the property.
Per the Department of Buildings complaint #625608:
When we walked by this building on Sunday, March 23, 2008 it was eviscerated. It sported cinder blocks for a front door, rat traps laid with total abandon and garbage dumped atop the few purple tulips which grace its soon to be deceased front yard.
Perhaps the no shoes in our house policy deterred the D.O.B. gaining entrance? Or to be Zen; if a New York City Building Inspector knocks on a pile cinder blocks does it make it sound? Not to his supervisors. So he sticks a notice on the fence instead. Twice.
Miss Heather
P.S.: It should hardly be surprising that this site is going to be razed for yet another Scarano masterpiece. Five stories, no less.
Southside Soap Opera
Filed under: Williamsburg
The “southside” of Williamsburg is not a place I like to frequent. The ungodly amount of traffic, noise and invasive construction makes my person avoid it almost every time. Almost. On a lark I walked through this neighborhood today and learned what I have been missing.
South 6th Street
This is what I call a multi-purpose sign. The author of this tome has a number of issues he (or she) wishes to address. Among them are:
- Bikes chained to fences
- Improper disposal of dog shit
- Drunken chicanery.
Who knew Billyburg south of the bridge was so exciting? Well, it is. And then some.
Broadway
I found this degraded flier of degradation and excess attached to a Fed-Ex drop box a block away. While a number of crucial elements were missing the message was more or less intact, e.g.;
- Do not date this man because…
- he “plays on women’s sympathies” and
- is a “liar, mooch, cheat”
This describes a number of men I have met in New York Shitty. Thankfully the woman who created this public service announcement highlighted a couple distinguishing characteristics of this loathsome Lothario so as to help her sisters cull the dating pool.
Bulging eyeballs and an affection for having dildoes shoved up his ass.
That should narrow down things a bit.
The Southside is much more interesting than I ever imagined. I’ll have to go back there more often.
With a strap-on.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Bedford Avenue
Filed under: Williamsburg
This Keith chap appears to be quite the player —and a very disorganized one at that. I have no doubt the story behind this missive has more twists and turns than a David Lynch movie.
Or my stomach after eating at Taco Bell.
Miss Heather
A Study In Contrast
Last weekend on Jackson Street I had the pleasure of discovering one of the most verbose admonishments to remove one’s bicycle from another person’s premises I have ever seen.
The author of this note brings up a very salient point: there are certain legal ramifications to be had if someone injures him/herself on someone’s property. His (or her) argument for this bike’s removal is well thought-out and attempts to employ reason in the hopes the owner of this vehicle will do the right thing. Unfortunately this oft-used form of manipulation usually backfires because a great number of people on this planet are anything but reasonable. Perhaps they should give my new friends at Rude Towing a ring?
It has been my observation that the best inducements are the ones which make it known it is in the offender’s best interest to cease and desist with his/her anti-social behavior. Keep it concise and straight to the point. Like this classic piece of anti-bicycle signage from Calyer Street in Greenpoint.
I have walked by this house on a number of occasions. I have yet to see a bicycle affixed to it or any part of its property in any way, shape or form. It just goes to show Teddy Roosevelt was onto something when he said:
Speak softly and carry a
big sticka chain saw.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg’s First McMansion?
Filed under: Williamsburg
Just when I thought our friends off the L train could not possibly top the already strange (and in most cases hideous) melange of architecture that has recently become the standard there, a few buddies and I decided to take a walk down Jackson Street. I was, once again, proven very, very wrong.
Miss Heather: Holy shit.
Miss Rachael: That looks like something from southern California.
Miss Heather: I disagree. This house has Miami written all over it.
I can almost hear Tony Montana greeting one of his associates at the front gate exclaiming:
You wanna play rough? Okay. Say hello to my little friends!
This has got to be the only house in north Brooklyn with cherubs gracing the front door. Or are they putti? I guess it doesn’t really matter. I haven’t seen a house here with those either.
Mr. Heather and I spent a half hour trying to determine what architectural style this is. He asserted it was Georgian. Sort of. We finally agreed that it was High Drug Cartel with Balconies. All this baby needs is a little Greco-Roman statuary and an ornate fountain in front of the entrance and your family business is ready to move in!
Miss Heather
P.S.: All in all I suppose this house isn’t too bad. At least not when compared to its neighbor across the street.
State Funds Allocated For Brownfield Study
Last week I received a press release from the Newtown Creek Alliance announcing that they, the Greenpoint Manufacturing and Design Center and Riverkeeper have been awarded a New York State Brownfields Opportunity (! — Ed. Note) Area grant in the amount of $625,545. What is a “BOA Grant” you ask? Here is a brief synopsis from the aforementioned press release:
The BOA program, created in 2003 along with the State’s Brownfield Cleanup Program, is an innovative planning program that provides communities with financial assistance to facilitate the collection of basic information about an area blighted with brownfields. The program provides assistance to identify, prepare, create, develop, and assemble information to be included in an application to “nominate†an area as a BOA. The program also provides financial assistance for site assessments performed in designated BOAs.
Designation of an area as a BOA can provide other benefits. For example, projects located within the BOA can receive priority and preference when considered for financial assistance under some State, federal or local programs, and may receive preference in infrastructure improvements. A BOA designation is likely to help attract redevelopment interest because of the community support that underlies a BOA plan.
The funds for studying Newtown Creek will be used in manifold number of ways. Among them are:
…to assess redevelopment opportunities for contaminated sites along the Creek pursuant to intensive community input, emphasizing high-performance, environmentally sustainable industrial uses, parks and wetlands creation, and improved environmental infrastructure. The study will examine the watershed as a whole in an effort to improve the environmental condition of both the land and water. The Newtown Creek study area includes portions of Long Island City, Maspeth, Greenpoint, East Williamsburg, and Bushwick.
Those of you who are interested in getting the full scoop (or simply want to savor sound bites from numerous public officials) click here and you will be directed to the press release on Riverkeeper’s web site. Be advised this item is in PDF format.
Miss Heather
Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Say What On Havemeyer Street
Filed under: Williamsburg
I didn’t know you could purchase this at the local grocery store. God I love New York City! Only in the Big Apple can you get this service delivered right to your front door. Literally.
Miss Heather
Photo Credit: Rebecca11222
Presenting Gentrification Bingo!
First off I want to thank everyone out there for their generous submissions. I received some real doozies from a number of you. As promised earlier this week here is the first draft of Gentrification Bingo for your Friday afternoon entertainment. Enjoy!
I will be dedicating next week to generating three more cards so as create a set of four. In the meantime keep those submissions coming folks:
missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com
Happy playing!
Miss Heather
NYS Flickr Pool
