New York Shitty Day Starter: Great Moments of Real Estate Hyperbole

March 5, 2012 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Wow, WTF 

(Or: The “Hart” of Greenpoint)

There is real estate insanity and then there is real estate insanity. This apartment, located at the immensely bucolic intersection of Green Street and Manhattan Avenue, has a manifold number of advertisements on Craigslist. But by far this one was the most imaginative (hence why I decided it merited mention). Nothing says “luxury” like a toilet ready, willing and able to do its duty¬† juxtaposed against a tropical paradise (which Greenpoint, my beloved home, is decidedly not). Citing the G train as an enticement is rather dubious as well. The previous having been written, here are the rest.

All these listings are purportedly¬† “by owner”. Damn.

P.S.: Lest any of you, dear readers, are wondering why I was looking at apartment advertisements on Craigslist in this draconian price bracket I’ll tell you. I had the pleasure of bumping into yet another group of people waiting to view “apartments” at 239 Banker Street this weekend! Here’s what one had to say afterward:

Hi Heather. Thanks, again, for the heads up on the shady business at Banker St. today. The apartment had very bad craftsmanship and the only elevator in the building was a scary freight elevator that had a sign stating it was unlawful for any person other than the operator to ride in the elevator…the guy renting out the spaces is named Saul (917-549-XXXX) and he’s got them listed multiple times on craigslist. We’re obviously going to pass on that building but we really loved the area. Do you have any tips/leads on finding an apartment around there? I’d appreciate any help you could offer!

I have tendered my advice to this (incredibly nice) person. If any of you, dear readers, have tips/advice as well please share them via comments or via email at missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. This having been written, it would appear Saul’s advertisements regarding 239 Banker Street have since disappeared into the ether. No worries, I found this…

and this.

 

Now At The Manhattan Avenue Kayak Launch: Peanut Butter!

This item comes courtesy of a chap we’ll call “T”. He writes (in an email aptly titled “WTF?”):

Rows of peanut butter at park at end of Manhattan Ave??

Follows are a few observations/thoughts:

  1. While nice, the partially consumed jar of chocolate body paint I found on West Street several years ago still reigns supreme.
  2. Where the hell is the jelly?!?

Great Moments in Greenpoint Real Estate: Special Enlightenment Edition

October 21, 2011 ·
Filed under: 11222, Abjectecture, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, WTF 

It has been a long time— perhaps too long— since I have expounded upon the real estate goings-on in Greenpoint. This is because quite frankly it has not been very interesting. There has been the odd development here and there to be certain, but the folks at Belvedere Bridge realty have yet to deliver Belvedere 30, or, XXX. I assure you, gentle readers, I have been very eager to see this happen. So it goes.

This is not to suggest, however, that they have not been busy balconizing my fair burgh: they have. I can personally attest that their latest creation is quite something. In fact, I’d go so far as to write it exceeds my wildest expectations. This is really saying something. Do read on and behold the Greenpoint glory for yourselves!

At a casual glance this block (Green Street between Manhattan Avenue and McGuinness Boulevard) appears to be like any other to be had here.

This ruptured bag of shit? While repulsive it is nothing special. In fact I call it downright pedestrian.

The dulcet hum of DOT trucks heading back to the depot under the Pulaski Bridge? Broadway has its lullaby, this is north Greenpoint’s!

No sir, if you want to see something truly amazing head to 186 Green Street. There, my fellow Garden Spotters, you will find your castle!

The Mister: OHSO?
Me: No. O-S-H-O. It says it’s a castle. If so, where the hell is Rapunzel? Or Lord and Lady Douchebag for that matter?

And what the hell is OSHO?

I could not stop asking myself this question. So this morning, gentle readers, I dipped into the fount of all knowledge: Wikipedia. Follows is what I found:

And follows are my favorite passages from the above tome:

In 1981, Osho relocated to the United States and his followers established an international community, later known as Rajneeshpuram, in the state of Oregon. Within a year, the leadership of the commune became embroiled in a conflict with local residents, primarily over land use, which was marked by hostility on both sides. The large collection of Rolls-Royce automobiles purchased for his use by his followers also attracted notoriety. The Oregon commune collapsed in 1985 when Osho revealed that the commune leadership had committed a number of serious crimes, including a bioterror attack (food contamination) on the citizens of The Dalles.[4] He was arrested shortly afterwards and charged with immigration violations. Osho was deported from the United States in accordance with a plea bargain.[5][6][7] Twenty-one countries denied him entry, causing Osho to travel the world before returning to Poona, where he died in 1990. His ashram is today known as the Osho International Meditation Resort…

The salmonella attack was noted as the first confirmed instance of chemical or biological terrorism to have occurred in the United States.[118] Osho stated that because he was in silence and isolation, meeting only with Sheela, he was unaware of the crimes committed by the Rajneeshpuram leadership until Sheela and her “gang” left and sannyasins came forward to inform him.[119] A number of commentators have stated that in their view Sheela was being used as a convenient scapegoat.[119][120][121] Others have pointed to the fact that although Sheela had bugged Osho’s living quarters and made her tapes available to the U.S. authorities as part of her own plea bargain, no evidence has ever come to light that Osho had any part in her crimes.[122][123][124] Nevertheless Gordon (1987) reports that Charles Turner, David Frohnmayer and other law enforcement officials, who had surveyed affidavits never released publicly and who listened to hundreds of hours of tape recordings, insinuated to him that Osho was guilty of more crimes than those for which he was eventually prosecuted.[125] Frohnmayer asserted that Osho’s philosophy was not “disapproving of poisoning” and that he felt he and Sheela had been “genuinely evil”.[125]

According to court testimony by Ma Ava (Ava Avalos), a prominent disciple, Sheela played associates a tape recording of a meeting she had had with Osho about the “need to kill people” in order to strengthen wavering sannyasins resolve in participating in her murderous plots: “She came back to the meeting and […] began to play the tape. It was a little hard to hear what he was saying. […] And the gist of Bhagwan’s response, yes, it was going to be necessary to kill people to stay in Oregon. And that actually killing people wasn’t such a bad thing. And actually Hitler was a great man, although he could not say that publicly because nobody would understand that. Hitler had great vision.”[96] Sheela initiated attempts to murder Osho’s caretaker and girlfriend, Ma Yoga Vivek, and his personal physician, Swami Devaraj (Dr. George Meredith), because she felt they were a threat to Osho; she had secretly recorded a conversation between Devaraj and Osho “in which the doctor agreed to obtain drugs the guru wanted to ensure a peaceful death if he decided to take his own life.”[96]

During his residence in Rajneeshpuram, Osho dictated three books under the influence of nitrous oxide (Emphasis mine — Ed. Note) administered to him by his private dentist: Glimpses of a Golden Childhood, Notes of a Madman and Books I Have Loved.[126] Sheela later stated that Osho took sixty milligrams of Valium each day and was addicted to nitrous oxide.[127][128][129] Osho denied these charges when questioned about them by journalists.[127][130]

Wow. Just wow. I wonder if Osho is a Widespread Panic fan? It just goes to show that all roads— at least those located in north Brooklyn— lead to laughing gas. Where do I park my Rolls?

 

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