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Lady Liberty to world: Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door! New York Shitty to Lady Liberty: Shut up and SHOW US YOUR HOOTERS! Although [...] Having a(n albeit temporary) respite from being stuck at home waiting for HPD to show up, I ran a few errands around the ‘hood yesterday. It was on my way home I found the Holy Grail of derelict dung. As I was walking down Franklin Street I spied some discarded furniture. After investigating for [...] While I (still) intend to write a testimonial about my recent housing woes, the following nastygram pretty much speaks for itself… November ??, 2006 Negligent Landlord Brooklyn, NY 11222 Re: Conditions at XYZ Green St. (AKA 123 Manhattan Avenue) Brooklyn, NY 11222 Dear Landlord: We, the below-signed residents of XYZ Green Street, are writing [...] I hate the holiday season. This time of year inexplicably turns otherwise reasonable adults into churlish assholes. Their kids are even worse. I suspect that I speak for a lot people when I say that I’d like to see Santa stuff today’s Dung of the Day (from 97 Green Street) into some (well-deserving) child’s [...] I found this monster shit (of probable humanoid origin) at 953 Manhattan Avenue yesterday afternoon. I placed my cell phone (which measures approximately four inches in length) next to it to provide a sense of scale. Enjoy! Miss [...] It brings a tear to my eye to know that I live in a country where I am free to market and sell services like this. I am living the American Dream. It almost makes me want to fly out to California and empty Charlton Heston’s bed pan personally. Or something. On second thought, [...] Words cannot adequately convey* the housing-related hell I have been through the last two weeks. Simply put, one call to 311 regarding unlicensed electrical work precipitated my entire building having neither heat nor hot water for AN ENTIRE WEEK. This whole sordid affair (in which even the NYC Marathon is a player) reached its [...] |
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