Crappy— In More Ways Than One!

October 31, 2007 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 

It’s been awhile since I have seen me some super shitty construction fences, so this morning I moseyed on down to West Street to get my fix. I was not disappointed.

Fence, Kent and West Street

The above fence can be seen at the southwestern corner of West and Kent Street.

C’mon In!

Here’s a nice shot of the hole in the fence.

Garbage

Next to it resides this festering pile of garbage.

Sidewalk Crack

The sidewalk in front of this fence has a nice crack…

Have a nice day

as did the gent taking a shit behind it. I don’t know what the hell this guy ate, but I could smell the Ghost of Dinner Past* over fifteen feet away.

In closing I would like to state that I prefer to envision the glass as being half full. This site is not a public safety hazard: it is an al fresco public lavatory. Don’t laugh, it’s probably cleaner than the women’s crapper at McGolrick Park.

Maybe I should call the CRACK PROS?

Miss Heather

*Or would that be the Ghost of SHITmas Past?

Upcoming Event for Cat Lovers: Trap-Neuter-Return Workshop

October 31, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Cat Colony

Given the recent (and rightful) controversy surrounding the ouster of a feral cat colony at J.F.K., I feel compelled to let everyone know a Trap-Neuter-Return workshop will be conducted right here in the Borough of Kings this weekend. Here are the deets per Slope Street Cats:

The three-hour training class is regularly offered twice a month and attendance provides NYC residents with access to free services, including spay/neuter, trap rental, volunteer assistance and more. The workshops are part of the NYC Feral Cat Initiative, a program of the Mayor’s Alliance for NYC’s Animals that is administered by Neighborhood Cats…

If you have been meaning to take the Trap-Neuter-Return certification class but haven’t gotten around to making it to 92nd Street in Manhattan, please note that there will be one on November 3rd in Brooklyn! I will be co-teaching the Neighborhood Cats class with another SSC board member. It’s free but please RSVP to Neighborhood Cats at the email address below.

Attendance certifies you to use the free spay/neuter services provided by the ASPCA and the Humane Society for feral cats and enables you to borrow traps from both the Neighborhood Cats and Slope Street Cats’ trap banks.

WHAT: Trap Neuter and Release Workshop

WHEN: November 3, 11:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

WHERE: Park Slope Food Coop
782 Union Street
Brooklyn, New York 11215
(718) 622-0560

WHY: Because it is a much more humane and effective means of controlling a feral cat population than kill shelters.

HOW (to RSVP): headcat (at) neighborhoodcats (dot) org

Curious cat lovers can click here to read a brochure which explains how “TNR” works. Check it out.

Miss Heather

A Halloween Kitty Who Needs A Home

October 31, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Miss Antonia

Meet Miss Antonia. This petite Halloween kitty needs a home. Per the Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition web site she is nice tempered little lady who is between 1 and 1 1/2 years old.

Sweet Antonia

I have been assured by Antonia personally she will not bring her new companion bad luck. In fact, she says basic black never goes out of style and that hers is a timeless beauty like Coco Chanel. I’m inclined to agree.

Those of you who wish to make the acquaintance of Miss Antonia can do so at BARC. She entertains homo sapien callers Tuesday through Saturday, noon until five p.m.

Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition
253 Wythe Avenue (at North 1st)
Brooklyn, New York 11211
(718) 486-7489
Hours: 12:00 – 5:00 p.m.

Why not make Halloween feel like Christmas for this fashionably fettled feline and give her a home?

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Lisacat

Halloween Decorations du Jour: Holy Shit on Humboldt Street

October 31, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Earlier this week I received an email tip from a newbie New York Shitty reader named Ben. He wrote:

Hi Miss Heather –

I stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago, and I really enjoy it (I’m a Greenpoint resident myself, formerly Diamond Street, currently Jewel).

Apologies if you’ve covered this already and I’ve somehow missed it, but there are absolutely phenomenal Halloween decorations at 652 Humboldt — a massive top-to-bottom display of all kinds of crazy stuff. I’m sure some pictures of it would look great on the blog…

Ben

Well, I walked down there yesterday to check it out. I forgot the exact address, but then again I didn’t really need it. Even at a distance it was pretty obvious which house he was talking about.

The Welcoming Committee

I have said time and time again that Greenpoint is the coolest fucking place in the universe. And I every time I have said this I have meant it. The disbelievers among you who wonder why anyone would feel this way about the Garden Spot need only behold the following photograph. It pretty much says it all.

Hurling on Humboldt

These folks managed to outfit this most unhappy chap with a pump so he vomits a continuous stream of blood into a barrel. Could you imagine what would happen if someone installed such a thing in Park Slope? There’d be a fucking riot, that’s what!

Navy Seals would have to be brought in to extract all wadded up panties out of the sanctimonious ass cracks of stroller moms block by block. It would be chaos. Total and utter chaos. Sort of like Compton —except with a lot of rich white people brandishing attorneys instead of Uzis.

Haunted House on Humboldt

Yes, there really is a house underneath all this stuff. I can honestly say this is the most mind-blowing Halloween display I have ever seen. It literally left me speechless.

The previous photographs do not do this masterpiece justice. Those of you who have the means really should check this out in person. It is unbeFUCKINGlievable. Or, you can click here and check out my Flickr photo set. Take my word for it: it’ll be the coolest waste of your employer’s time you’re going to find on the Internets today.

Happy Halloween!

Miss Heather

Nappytime at 158 India Street

October 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been awhile since I paid my pals over at 158 India Street a visit, so I swung by today at 1:30 p.m. to see what’s shaking. Little did I know it would be nappytime for the chaps of Biltmore Contracting.

Nappytime!

So if any of you, dear readers, happen to walk down India Street today, please keep the noise down. Even rough and tumble construction workers need their beauty sleep.

Miss Heather

It Happened, Folks!

October 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The Landmarks Preservation Commission has given the initial go ahead for the Eberhard Faber Historic District! Here’s the scoop from Brownstoner.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photos du Jour: Russell Street Extravaganza

October 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

77 Russell

Mere photographs hardly do justice to today’s selection of Greenpoint Halloween decoration goodness.

77 Russell Street 2

The location is 77 Russell Street.

Greenpoint Terrier

And the Greenpoint Retriever on the premises commands you to come. Obey him.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Apartment For Rent: Chicken Lovers’ Special

October 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Bushwick, Crazy People 

Bushwick chicken lovers rejoice, Miss Heather has found the apartment for you! Where, you ask? Where else: that magical place called Craigslist!

Cornelia Street Chicken Coop

I don’t know, $1,400 sounds like an awful lot of money for this neighborhood. Chickens or not. I cry fowl.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Thanks for passing this along James. This made my day.

A Very Greenpoint Ghost Story

October 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Russell Street Mad Man

In keeping with this week’s Halloween theme, I have selected a very special tale from Greenpoint’s past to share today. It involves a seance gone very, very wrong. From the November 10, 1923 edition of the New York Times, I present to you a ghost story that could only happen in the Garden Spot.

11/10/23 NYTimes

Some people might be afraid of ghosts, but we Greenpointers aren’t. We’ll even walk right up and bite them.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photo du Jour: Franklin Street Ghosts

October 29, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

No photo diary of Greenpoint seasonal decor would be complete without giving a nod to the fine folks responsible for this:

Ghosts on Franklin Street

The above flock of ghosts reside on Franklin between Oak and Calyer Street (next door to the lot where the shirtless man lives— any Greenpoint resident worth his or her salt will know exactly who I am talking about). The owners of this house always come up with incredibly inventive (and yes, cute) holiday decorations. So far their Easter display is my favorite— but the ghost festooned trees come in a close second. Check it out.

Like a number of people who saw fit create the cool Halloween tableaux I have featured thus far (Stay tuned, the craziest, coolest stuff is still to come!), these folks have a very limited amount of space at their disposal. Undaunted by such a limitation, they get creative and work with what they have. The results always brighten my day.

In case you haven’t deduced it already, dear readers, featuring these goodies on New York Shitty is my way of expressing gratitude. Living in a borough that some seem hellbent on converting into a homogenous mausoleum for affluent zombies*, the occasional sign of life is greatly appreciated. Thank you, fellow Greenpointers, for giving me (and many others) something to smile about.

Keep it up!

Miss Heather

*I may not agree with the Brooklyn Paper on a number of things (like their ‘journalistic standards’, for example), but even I have to concur that arresting a child for doing what children do (drawing with chalk on the sidewalk) is asinine. Is this what the world is coming to? If so, god help us all.