Another Question “For Ask A Greenpointer”

October 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Thankfully this one is of a more, a-hem, civil caliber. It comes from my buddy Icky. He writes:

When I lived in Long Island City (back in the warehouse days), for the price of a glance directly across Newtown Creek, you would be treated to lights, music, and and eyeful of carnival rides. Seemed to be on-or-close-to the creek. Must have been about ten years ago, and it happened more than once. What was it, and where was it?

I too was once treated to lights, music and an eyeful of carnival rides. Once a year, three nights in a row and until 11:00 p.m. at night when I lived on Clay Street. The name of the carnival in question is The Greenpoint International Festival. It was located on Manhattan Avenue between Clay Street and the waterfront.

On a lark, my buddy Rachael and I went to this festival in 2002. We were supposed to meet a friend there. Since we arrived early, we decided to check out one of the vendor’s tables. He was selling earrings. I remember this distinctly because as I was bent over looking at a pair of baubles I was slammed onto the table by two young bucks engaged in a fist fight. That was the last year they served alcoholic beverages.

The lack of fire water the following year seemed to reduce the number of violent incidents. The decision to conduct a dry carnival also had another unforeseen consequence: it significantly (and adversely) impacted neighborhood interest. The last The Greenpoint International Festival was held in 2003.

Miss Heather

Putting Some “Green” Back in Greenpoint

October 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Contrary to the moniker given it by none other than Pete McGuinness, Greenpoint does not have much in the way of foliage. When compared to her sisters to the south, “the Garden Spot of the Universe” comes off looking pretty threadbare. But let us not confuse quantity for quality. We Greenpointers are quite ingenious at making the most of what we have. Case in point:

A Tree Grows In Greenpoint

Got a rather tall stump gracing your property? No problem. Just head to the 99 Cent Store and buy a garland and a roll of packing tape. $1.98 (plus tax) and a little elbow grease later, viola, you have a Green Street Maple!

Miss Heather

Behold, 295 Russell Street!

October 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

As I mentioned in this post, I found the (above) purported mailing address for Square Box Realty (the fine folks who brought us the 53 Java Street house/truck smack-down) both curious and amusing. Enough so that I went down and checked it out their digs with my own eyes. Here it is, their Brooklyn pied a terre.

295 Russell Street Exterior

That half-open garage door looks inviting. I think I’ll head over and take a peek!

295 Russell Interior

Hmm, this looks a little rough. Maybe they’re redecorating? I bet they are bickering over the right shade of Martha Stewart paint to use at this very moment!

Anybody Home?

Um, hello? Anybody home?

It’s sort of ironic when you think about it. The lights are on at Square Box Realty, but clearly no one is home. Just like the agency that recently saw fit to let them continue working at 51 Java Street.

Miss Heather

Ye Olde Wiping Boarde

October 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 

A constant source of friction here at Chateau de Ghetto is the purchasing of toilet paper. You see, my husband’s delicate little flower of an ass can’t take the rough stuff. I endeavor to buy the softest paper money can buy, but occasionally I screw up. Which brings to the following.

315 Eckford Street

I found this, the Steven Seagal of ass wipes, at 315 Eckford Tuesday. Even I have to admit this would be a little rough for my taste.


Miss Heather

#8 (of the Greenpoint 10) is…

October 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

9/28/07 53 Java

The chap who managed to jackknife this truck onto 51 Java Street September 28, 2007. I do not know your name, but I can safely assert that it takes a kind special person to achieve such a feat. One that was (in somewhat chronological order) reported by:

  1. The Gowanus Lounge
  2. Curbed
  3. The New York Post
  4. New York Magazine
  5. The Real Deal, who saw fit to use (and abuse) the above photo, MY PHOTO, without asking permission or giving credit.

no less. You have become quite the media star!

That said, the real stroke of genius (in my opinion) was Scarano taking the rap and getting those Stop Work Orders(s) lifted! Way to go you anonymous homewrecker, you are a Greenpoint Super Star! Subterfuge, selective record-keeping, log-tossing and incompetent people like you are what keeps the Garden Spot real estate market so lively!

Speaking of log-tossing and subterfuge, let’s see who owns 53 Java Street per the New York Department of State’s Division of Corporations:

Square Box Realty

Hmm. “Square Box Realty” is located in Queens County but their mailing address is at 295 Russell Street.




Have you, fellow Greenpointers, ever walked along this stretch of Russell Street? I have. It’s a shit hole. Hardly the place one would expect a realty company to call home. But then again, they probably don’t conduct any real business here. It’s a sham. Surprised? I’m not.

On that note, I leave you with this motivational poster.


Miss Heather

Miscellaneous Foodstuffs

October 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

In keeping with the food-based theme I seem to be rocking this week, I present to you a new addition to southeastern Greenpoint: K’s Kafe.

K’s Kafe

This storefront had been vacant for some time. When I made my (latest) pilgrimage yesterday to the epitome of all things Greenpoint, 128 Beadel Street, I noticed it was open for business. Damned glad it was too: I was thirsty as hell.

I wanted iced tea. What they had to offer was of the sweetened variety (and lest the tone of this blog hasn’t made it clear already, I am not a “sweet” kind of girl). Being thirsty (and curious about their product) I bought one anyway. After doling out a paltry $1.50 for a hefty cup of the stuff how can one honestly complain if it sucks, right? It didn’t. It provided perfect amount of refreshment for yours truly.

As I bantered with the incredibly stylish chap manning the counter, I noticed this establishment offered the usual assortment of coffeehouse wares: bagels, pastries, coffee and free Wifi. The item that caught my attention was their reasonably-priced grilled cheese sandwich. A mere $2.00 will buy you an artery-clogging (and very filling) helping of this comfort food here. I loves me some grilled cheese sammiches. Maybe next time?

K’s Kafe
Kingsland Avenue (at Beadel Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Yummy Soup Courtesy of 66 Square Feet

Next up, I’d like to give a shout-out to 66 Square Feet, a rather neat blog whose author is a New York Shitty fan. The above photograph is from their latest post which features a recipe for bouillabaisse. If someone can make a meaty foodstuff (yes, fish is meat) that looks so delicious that even I, a die hard vegetarian, wish I could eat it… well you get the idea. Check it out.

Lastly, I’d like to give a shout-out to The Brooklyn Nester. When I first met the proprietress of this blog at the Greenpoint blogger meet-up last July she was a relative newbie to the (much over-hyped and talked about) Brooklyn blogosphere. Since then she has really taken off and deserves a heaping helping of hype. Why, you ask?

Very simple: any woman who posts a recipe for making Skittles flavored vodka and a photo of herself chugging beer deserves props. I feel honored to have this woman as a neighbor in the vodka-infused neighborhood that is Greenpoint.

Miss Heather

Bubbles the Pit Bull Mix is MIA!

October 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

As I was doing a bit of grocery shopping this afternoon I spied a new addition to the growing number of “Lost Pet” posters which grace my corner of the Garden Spot.


This very attractive lass managed to stray from her home yesterday, October 16, and is now on the loose. If you have seen Bubbles, a brindle pit bull mix sporting a red collar, please contact her owner at any of the above phone numbers. They will be very grateful for any and all information you can provide to help bring Bubbles back home.

Miss Heather

Socrates Gets “Chopped”

October 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Socrates Diner, 11222

A few months ago my fellow Greenpointer 11222 noted that Socrates Diner was closing. I learned this week that this is not entirely true. Socrates is still with us, they simply leased out the northern section of their store front.


What kind of business now occupies this space, you ask?

1 Bedroom, $1,400

Another fucking real estate broker, that’s who. I cannot decide which is more ridiculous: the recent (and massive) proliferation of real estate offices here or paying $1,400 a month for a one bedroom apartment on Siegel Street. Both are equally absurd (and loathsome) in my book.

Miss Heather

Credits: The “Socrates For Rent” photograph is courtesy of 11222.

Greenpoint is a Very Special Place

October 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

I recently thanked my buddy over at Greenpointers for writing a post about Greenpoint’s very own naked guy. I wrote:

Loved your naked man post, btw. Why does he being a Greenpoint resident NOT surprise me?

I do not read the New York Post on a regular basis so this choice morsel of Greenpoint glory probably would have gone unnoticed by yours truly. It should be noted, however, that I have not gone unnoticed by the Greenpoint naked guy. Greenpointers pointed this out to me via an email entitled “Naked Guy Reads”. It read:

This too does not surprise me. Very few things have the power shock or amaze me anymore. Living in Greenpoint has raised the bar. Every neighborhood has a reputation. Park Slope has its stroller moms. Boerum Hill appears to be turning into Watts. And Greenpoint has, well, Greenpointers. Which brings me to the following question:

Does living in Greenpoint gradually make one “off” or does this neighborhood simply attract odd people?

After trolling the newspaper archives of the New York Times I have concluded the answer is both. Let’s take this article from the January 2, 1980 edition of the New York Times, for example:

Tree Climber

The above is a stunning example of “Greenpoint magic” at its very finest. How climbing the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center makes light of the Iran hostage crisis is beyond me. I am certain if I live here long enough it will eventually make sense. I can only hope so, anyway. Perhaps then I will cease to be a “poser“?

But let us make no mistake about it: Greenpoint has also attracted its fair share of special people over the years. Some will even hazard swimming across the East River to get here. Like the chap in this article from the April 6, 1935 edition of the New York Times:

No Ferry Service

Clearly this man is protesting Greenpoint’s lack of ferry service. I for one have no issue with Greenpoint’s dearth of public transportation options; if one is not willing to swim in the East River or shimmy up a water tower, he (or she) is not worthy of living in the Garden Spot. Plain and simple.

Miss Heather

The Campbell’s Comfy Chair

October 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Now that my fellow Greenpointers who were craving free bones (and you know who you are) have headed to the Polski Meat Market and picked some up, I am certain a number of them are wondering:

I have my bone, what do I do next?

May I recommend savoring your newly acquired comfort food while luxuriating in 111 Green Street’s very own comfy chair!

Pork and Bean Chair

Not only is this chair stylish and roomy, but it is also located only steps away from 110 Green Street and is appointed with luxurious pork and bean upholstery for your al fresco dining pleasure.

Wow, just like mom used to make!

Miss Heather