Three Piece Chicken Dinner on North 5th Street

November 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Anyone out there want some chicken heads? If so, head on down to North 5 Street and get you some.

Chicken Head

This one can be found on the north side of the street.

Chicken Heads and Candy

Her two decapitated companions can be found on the south side. What’s more, whoever left these delightful pieces of poultry was even kind enough to provide dessert. Julia Child (god rest her soul) would be proud!

As I was taking these photographs I watched a woman pushing a stroller drive right over of them. Either she simply didn’t notice or she didn’t care. This dude, however, took a break from talking on his cell phone to contemplate one.

Man comtemplating chicken heads

Yummy.

Miss Heather

Mr. Butler Has A Fan In Greenpoint

November 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

When the opportunity presents itself I like to perform conduct anthropological experiments. These usually come to pass when I have something more pressing to do, like the cleaning the apartment. I performed one such bit of research last week when I was tidying the apartment in anticipation of my parents’ visit. The results were telling.

It started with this.

Dance of Anger

11:30 a.m.: After delivering my first salvo of stuff to the Salvation Army I spied this book sitting on the sidewalk outside my building. It is entitled The Dance of Anger, A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Possibilities of Intimate Relationships. I never knew any of my neighbors had trouble with the opposite sex. Maybe the book worked?

12:30 p.m.: When I returned from my second Salvation Army run I noticed the book was gone. An idea was hatched. There are, after all

more things in Miss Heather’s mind and apartment, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

I have always engendered a distrust of self help books, so I put together my own “care package” and left it in front of my building:

  1. A champagne bucket
  2. A biography of Jerry Butler
  3. A bottle of massage oil

1:30 p.m.: I made my third donation to the Salvation Army. When I arrived home one of my neighbors was holding the champagne bucket.

Raw Talent and Massage Oil

Me: I see you like my old champagne bucket?
Neighbor: Is that what it is?
Me: Yes.
Dude next door: See, she knew what it was! I bet you drink Dom Perignon every day, don’t you?
Me: Do I look like a Dom Perignon kind of person to you?
Neighbor: I was planning on storing cat food in it.

2:00 p.m.: As I was throwing away some recycling I noticed the bottle of massage oil had been moved. No one had taken the Butler book yet, but it was looking encouraging.

2:30 p.m.: When I left a VCR stand out front I noticed the book and the massage oil were gone.

GONE!

My next door neighbor was also absent. I suspect someone in my neighborhood had a very interesting Thanksgiving this year.

The End.

Miss Heather

A Couple Upcoming Events

November 30, 2007 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic 

There are a couple of exciting things going down in north Brooklyn this weekend. Without further ado, here they are.

Arts in Bushwick

Arts in Bushwick will be hosting Open Spaces Sunday, December 2 from noon until 8:00 p.m. Per their MySpace page:

Presented by Arts in Bushwick “Open Spaces” is a day of curated group shows in galleries and alternative art spaces. Over 30 galleries, local businesses and private residences will be hosting interdisciplinary shows centered around the Morgan and Jefferson stops of the L train. The creative energy and diversity of the Bushwick art community with be on display through an impressive variety of media: performance , visual installation, dance , poetry and music. Shows are open from 12 to 8pm and festivities continue into the night with live music, comedy and dance party.

Those of you who are interested in attending can get programs and maps the day of the event at:

  • The Morgan and Jefferson stops of the L
  • ADHOC art (49 Bogart Street)
  • The Wyckoff Starr (30 Wyckoff Avenue) and all the host spaces.
  • Or by clicking on the above image.

Tomorrow, December 1, The Diamond Bar will start accepting coats and canned goods for donation to NY Cares and the Greenpoint Reformed Church’s food pantry. Here are the details per their web site:

We want to gather coats for the 19th annual NY Cares coat drive and cans for the new food pantry at the Greenpoint Reformed Church. Whether or not you are a Christian, Muslim, or atheist, it doesn’t matter… these guys are getting food to people who need it in the community. Starting December 1, every can of food buys you a raffle ticket. Every gently used coat buys you ten raffle tickets. You’ve got until 12/17 to bring us stuff and gather your tickets.

The raffle will be conducted the evening of the 17th. Please note that ticket holders must be present in order to win. Prizes include a one night hotel and one day ski lift ticket for two at Belleayre in the Catskills and a $50.00 bar tab.

The Diamond Bar
43 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-5030

I know I will be taking some foodstuffs and a coat (or two) to the Diamond Bar this weekend. How about you?

Miss Heather

The Beginning

November 29, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I spied this cryptic bump sticker while making a bodega run earlier this week.

The Beginning

The beginning of what, I wonder? No worries, I am certain we’ll all find out soon enough.

Miss Heather

When Advertecture Attacks: Hideousness on Huron Street

November 29, 2007 ·
Filed under: Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit 

I was walking with my parents and generally having a good time…

Huron Street Eyesore

until I saw this. I wonder what the local Fire Department would think of this piece of “advertising”? I think I’ll call the Fire Marshall’s Office and find out.

Miss Heather

Parental Visit Wrap-Up: Part II

November 29, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

My mother wanted to stay (at that new hotel) in Williamsburg.

Le Jolie via Curbed

And I said, NO, NO, NO!

Le Joile ala BQE

My parents stayed at the Best Western City Shitty View in Sunnyside instead.

City View, morning

Sunrise.

Sunset

Sunset.

Same shit.

A scenic view of Greenpoint’s favorite waste treatment plant is still better than staying at Le Jolie. Off the BQE. In Willy-B*.

Miss Heather

*Whoever came up moniker should be shot.

Photo Credits: Curbed, Miss Heather and Ma Heather

Belvedere XX Goes Green: Kind Of

November 29, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Hmm. If I was a developer who built a buttload of crappy ass cookie cutter condos what would I do to generate interest? Oh wait, I know: I’d hire some spin doctor to turn my homogenized shit into individualized Shinola!

185 India

I must confess: this logo is pretty nice. It is me, or do those little green leafy things make me think of trees— or marijuana?

Tree

It’s sort of funny to have a logo invoking greenery when the fine folks at Belvedere/Bridge Realty seem to have killed the only tree on the premises. I won’t even go into the whole “No Dumping” thing because it is simply too easy.

Sidewalk

Just like Babs “twat flop cakes” Corcoran advised, they covered the frontage with cement. I am certain this will add much value to my neighborhood.

Belvedere XX

Behold, another piece of condo crap!

Belvedere XX from Mickey G’s

And for the very reasonable starting price of $379,000 this view can be yours!

I too have a question for Babs:

Do your collars and cuffs match?

Having grown up in the land of fake blonds (Texas), I suspect her pixie-esque locks were begotten by peroxide. Why not drop trou and take one for the team, Barbara? Who knows, you might make a few (more) bucks. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Hugs,

Miss Heather

The Sprinkle Brigade Cometh!

November 28, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Williamsburg 

Sprinkle Brigade Blog

I recently received a couple of emails notifying me that the Sprinkle Brigade is having an opening this Friday Thursday*, November 29th, right next door in Williamsburg! As you can imagine I am very excited about this event and want to pass along the deets to you, dear readers.

WHAT: The Sprinkle Brigade

WHERE: Riviera Gallery
103 Metropolitan Avenue Brooklyn, New York 11211

WHEN: November 29 – December 23, 2007 (no opening times are mentioned, but I suspect it’ll be roughly 7:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. November 29)

HOW (to get there): the Bedford Avenue stop of the L or the B61 bus

These folks are real maestros with merde. By all means check it out! To get in the proper state of mind beforehand be sure to check out the online “Gallery” on their web site or their blog.

Gallery Hanahou

Another show I have been meaning to mention is Luv-able & Hug-able at Gallery Hanahou. Here’s the scoop from their web site:

This holiday season, 28 of the world’s most innovative plush artists will stuff gallery hanahou full of the cutest, fuzziest, and strangest gifts around! The show will include toys from 9 popular Japanese plush artists, rarely seen outside of Japan and specially curated by renowned plush collector PAPANDA (Kazuyoshi Kitami). Prices will range from $12 to $1200 in this holiday show of original, handmade gifts, and all of the pieces in the show will also be available for viewing and purchase beginning November 8th (online sales start November 9th). Let a hug-able plush send a luv-able message to your special someone!

I have not made it to this exhibition yet— but I definitely plan to do so before it closes. Check out their flickr photo set and you will understand why: this stuff is insanely cool!

Gallery Hanahou
611 Broadway, Suite 730
New York, New York 10012
(646) 486-6586

To close on an artistic note, by buddy over at Icky in Brooklyn has a little project in the works that might be of interest to some of the more craftier people out there. He writes:

Attention all Brooklyn weavers, painters, potters, photographers, artists, and craftsfolk of all disciplines!

The holidays and shopping season is upon us, and fact is, being someone who hand-crafts, I like to support those who hand-craft. (Besides, I have stuff to sell.) Over the next few weeks, I will be creating a list of Brooklyn artists and craftsfolk, links and all.

Ideally we can make folks aware of how many artists (and of how many disciplines) we have here in Brooklyn, and perhaps we can bring each other a bit of business. It will be available here at Icky. A sort of “Brooklyn Holiday Handmade Gifts” list. Copying of the list and cross posting on your blog or website is encouraged! Let’s work together for the love of Pete.

Here’s the rules: Handmade or personally-produced art and craftswork only, and Brooklyn residents only. For instance, if you crochet baby blankets and you live in Bay Ridge, that’s fab. If you sell machine-knit sweaters from China and you live in West Orange, that’s a double strike-out (in more ways than one, I suppose).

Artists unite! If you’re someone who ought to be on the list, please leave a comment including your info, and I’ll create a post that will accrue items as they come in. Please include -

Your name (or business)
What you do (short description, a few words)
Website, Etsy address, whatever

Those of you who are interested in participating can contact Icky via his web site.

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: The Sprinkle Brigade & Gallery Hanahou

*Humor me, I am still recovering from Thanksgiving.

G Train Glory, Part III: Photo du Jour

November 28, 2007 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Porn Again!?

From the Queens-bound platform at Metropolitan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Parental Visit Wrap-Up: Part I

November 28, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

My father was a Greenpoint greenhorn. Until I moved to Greenpoint he equated New York Shitty with the worst it had to offer: midtown Manhattan. Pa Heather made numerous trips to our fine city “on business” before he retired. These usually entailed being shacked up in some shitty corporate hotel on Times Square. Well, dear readers, he has returned home a Greenpoint believer.

Yessiree. The Pontiff of Poop (I acquired my predilection for all things scatological from dear old dad— he can back-up a toilet like no one’s business) loves him some Garden Spot.

Greenpoint Cutie

This is the first thing that caught my father’s eye upon riding the G train for the second time: a woman wearing an incredibly short miniskirt with high heeled boots. Her entire ensemble was trimmed in gold. LOTS of gold. It was topped off by a huge mop of permed hair. BIG HAIR. After all, the bigger the hair, the closer to god.

Pa Heather: I saw a woman who looked like that while waiting at DFW (Dallas/Fort Worth Airport).
Me: It took me years to figure out the fashion here, but I did.
Pa Heather: ?
Me: You hit the nail on the head. There is very little difference between the likes of her and Texans. You could put her in a shopping mall in Dallas and no one would notice.

Therein lies the rub, dear readers: NO ONE WOULD NOTICE.

Inasmuch as we New Yorkers would fancy ourselves as being different, the fact of the matter is we Americans are all pretty much the same: Gauche. Hence why I didn’t mind when my mother chided me for dressing like “a bag lady” the last time she visited. There is no better means airing one’s dissent in an affluenzic society than looking like a homeless person. What’s more, it’s damned comfortable.

Methinks I will have to take this sociological experiment to a higher level. I will dye my hair gray. Nothing will render a person more invisible to our society than being elderly, poor, foul-mouthed and bat shit crazy. Maybe I’ll start a new trend and twenty-somethings will being eschewing Brooklyn Industries for the local pharmacy. Surgical stockings, colostomy cans, walkers and Metamucil might just become the new trucker hat. Who knows, crazier things have happened.

Miss Heather