‘Tis The Season: McGuinness Boulevard

December 21, 2007 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic 

Spidey Claus

What is this? Didn’t his spidey sense warn him that Mickey G’s is lined with dog poo? For shame, Spidey Claus, for shame.

Miss Heather

The Athens of the East River

December 21, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

After taking Thursday to unwind after my rather unpleasant experience at the hands of local constabulary, I am back at the keyboard to pass along this week’s piece of Greenpoint gold from the days of old. Before I proceed, however, I would like to thanks to the people at Curbed and Gothamist; my buddy Kevin over at Forgotten-NY, Icky in Brooklyn, Found in Brooklyn, Picture New York, Subchat, NYCPhotoRights, New York Magazine, The Angry New Yorker and last, but hardly least, The Gowanus Lounge for getting the word out about what was by far one of the most asinine, infuriating and degrading experiences I have ever had in my life. If what I beheld Wednesday is “New York’s Finest” god help us all.

But let’s get back to today’s story: after being ousted as Alderman, our very own Peter J. McGuinness set his sights on becoming the Sheriff of Kings County. Just as the catch phrase “Courtesy Professionalism and Respect” is a mere formality to our police force, Pete felt waiting to be elected before calling himself Sheriff was a mere technicality. He was also quite the gourmand, as you will learn from this article from the August 8, 1935 edition of the New York Times. Enjoy!

8/9/1935 New York Times

As it would turn out, Mr. McGuinness’s presumptuousness was well merited: not only did he win the election by a landslide, but he received over 10,000 letters of congratulation to boot. This was more than any other elected official in New York City, Fiorello La Guardia included. I can only hope Pete kept his campaign promise about improving the fare at the hoosegow; it’ll give me something to look forward to the next time I go out to take pictures.

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: Huron Street

December 20, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Caroling Kitty Cat

These caroling critters sure look happy. They have not made the acquaintance of our local constabulary.

Yet: I have little doubt one of them will ticket that ginger bread man for loitering.

Miss Heather

Upcoming Events At The Greenpoint Church

December 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

X-mas Eve Festivites

My buddy over at the Greenpoint (Reformed) Church, Ann Kansfield, writes:

They say the devil is in the details…

Earlier in the month, I eagerly sent off a banner for the front fence of the church announcing our new counseling center. My parents always told me that my poor spelling performance in 3rd grade would come back to hunt me. It may have taken more than 20 years, but they were right. Like a huge zit that you just can’t take your eyes off of, I became fixated on the giant misspelling of “Counselling.” A year or two ago, I would have put up the banner and hoped no one would notice. But now that the Miss Heather spelling and grammar police have descended upon fair Greenpoint I had to think otherwise. Thanks for put fear into the hearts of bad spellers of the ‘hood!

To add insult to injury, we sent out thousands of postcards inviting neighbors to the church on Christmas Eve. This time around, I knew I needed help. I asked the best spellers I knew to proof the card. There were people who made it to the 27th round of the school spelling bee who looked at the card. And I’m proud to say that it’s 100% perfect in the spelling department. This time we missed the fact that Christmas Eve falls on a Monday (NOT a Tuesday like it said on the card).

I’m glad you’ve reported that Greenpoint offers such excellent schools. Perhaps they can offer continuing ed spelling and basic calender reading for those in need, like the local pastor.

If you might be able to help me spread the word that the service is on Monday night, I’d really appreciate it. I know a lot of folks read your blog, especially those who care about important things like…details!

Jesus saves, but he can’t help your spelling.

Anyone who is interested in attending the Greenpoint Church’s Christmas Eve services this upcoming MONDAY can learn more by clicking here.

Otherwise, the food pantry will be open December 26 and they will be serving their regular Wednesday night supper:

4:00 – 7:00 p.m.: Food Pantry (no cost groceries available to all who are in need of food)
6:00 – 7:00 p.m.: Community Dinner (no cost hot meal open to everyone)

I doubt anyone who is reading this post will go hungry this Christmas season, but I suspect some of you know someone who might. Have a heart and refer them to the Greenpoint Church and/or contribute canned goods today.

Greenpoint Church
136 Milton Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-5941

Counseling Services via GC

And, as mentioned in Ann’s incredibly humorous missive above, counseling sessions are also available by appointment.

Miss Heather

Feel Good Comment of the Week

December 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Dirty Polka

Some of you might recall that I found the above album at the local Salvation Army a couple months ago. My buddy Noel was gracious enough to burn it onto compact disc and I uploaded it for all to enjoy. Well, yesterday I received a comment from Ray Budzilek’s very own daughter:


It does and I hope it continues to do so. Celebrate the holiday season by blaring some blue chip polka my fellow Greenpointers!

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: N.Y.P.D. Style

December 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

94 Precinct

It must have been slow at the good ol’ 94th Precinct today. That’s the only reason I can conjure up as to why they saw fit to throw some holiday cheer my direction by detaining me and demanding identification.

Was I trespassing? No.

Was I loitering? No.

Was I dressed in a manner that would be construed as menacing?

Chococat Hat

If wearing hats bearing Sanrio characters is an indication of being criminally inclined, I guess the answer is “yes”.

After demanding to know why I merited their attention— AT LEAST THREE TIMES— I was told “someone reported a suspicious person was in the area taking pictures”. Is taking pictures against the law? Not as far as I know. But the line of questioning the (male) police officer posited to me would certainly suggest it is:

P.O.: If you live in north Greenpoint, what are you doing here?
Taking pictures, is that against the law?
P.O.: No.
Me: Hausman Street always goes all-out with their Christmas decorations, I just got done taking pictures of them. Pretty days like today are going to become few and far between soon and I wanted to enjoy them while I can.

Barney Fife looked at me like I had eight heads.

Virgin Mary

I wasn’t lying.

Snowman and American Flag

Hausman Street has some of the best decorations to be found in Greenpoint. Note the presence of an American flag. These line the block on both sides. The homeowners on Hausman are proud to be Americans. After the experience I had today I do not share their enthusiasm: I felt more like I was in the D.P.R.K. than the good ol’ U.S. of A.

Home Sweet Home

The peeps over on Apollo Street are no slouches in the patriotism/decoration department either.

Apollo Street A/C Unit

Even their air conditioners exude holiday cheer.

Kingsland Avenue Fedders Box

The same goes for Kingsland Avenue.

Nassau Avenue Santa

I thought this Santa on Nassau Avenue was cute, so I took a photograph of it.

Santa on Hausman

The same goes for this fat fella back on Hausman Street.

The Grinch on Hausman Street

He’s a mean one, that Mr. Grinch! I wonder if he was the one who called the cops on my “suspicious person”?

But what kind of (suspicious looking) person would I be to get bitter during this season of cheer and goodwill towards men? This post is dedicated to Officer Gonzales, her delightful partner (who gave me the third degree) and the 94th Precinct. They must be doing a smash-up job of fighting crime if they have the time to intimidate a 30-something year old woman about taking pictures.

Miss Heather

Condos For Canaries?

December 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Condos For Canaries

I found this five unit domicile at the intersection of Dupont Street and Manhattan Avenue. Who knew the Garden Spot’s trees were zoned R6!?! I knew Bloomberg had an ulterior motive for planting all those trees here: condos for cash-rich canaries!

I wonder if it is a Karl Fischer? Nah. It’s way too small.

Miss Heather

P.S.: What about some public housing for pigeons?

Hard Hat Hannah Speaks (Sort Of)

December 19, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Hannah Reading Comments

As I indicated in this post, anyone wishing to contact Hard Hat Hannah, New York City’s littlest building inspector, can do so here at New York Shitty —and the missives are slowly trickling in. This morning I relayed incoming emails and comments to Hannah and she would like to thank everyone for their gracious outpouring of support:

…Will we be seeing more of Hannah on NYS? I sure hope so.

She should be the new Commissioner!

…May she show up at as many of these shitholes as her little feet (?) will allow, and I hope she becomes as well-known, and as ubiquitous as, the giant rat that haunts anti-union sites. I hereby announce the formation of the first 3H Club. Hard Hat Hannah for Mayor in 2009!

Being the dedicated civil servant she is, Hannah is not the kind of lady to sit on her laurels. If for no other reason, because she has no laurels to sit upon. Today she is going “in the field” to see what’s shaking (hopefully they will not be buildings). Since I am her attache, this means today’s offerings on New York Shitty will be delayed.

Those wishing to contact Hannah in the meantime can do so via comments or by shooting me an email. All tips will remain anonymous unless indicated otherwise.


Hannah & Miss Heather

Public Service Announcement

December 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Williamsburg 

Anyone who has checked out Queens Crap recently has probably learned that sending Ms. Lancaster (the Commissioner of the Department of Buildings) an angry email may very well net you a visit from New York’s Finest. While I personally would have used different rhetoric than what this chap employed (I think asking if she is incompetent or merely corrupt would suffice), the fact of the matter is his missive scarcely merited the “response” it received.

Unlike our friends at New York City’s most-maligned municipal agency, I am a big fan of the Bill of Rights. What’s more, I understand the therapeutic value of blowing off steam when dealing with intransigent public officials. To this end I wish to introduce “Hard Hat Hannah”.

Hard Hat Hannah

Since the Department of Buildings has such a heavy workload and their enforcement “activity” in my neck of the woods is virtually non-existent, I decided to make my own building inspector. Recently we went for walk.

Fence on Roebling

Here is Hannah tut-tutting over a downed construction fence on Roebling Street.

Grand Street Crackhouse

The crack house over on Grand Street did not sit well with her either.


In fact, by the time we hit Frost Street she was begging me to put her back in my backpack.

If you, dear readers, need to vent a little frustration at a “building inspector” but do not want to risk intimidation from the cops you can shoot Hannah an email at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

or you can post your thoughts in the comments. I will make sure she gets them.

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: Newel Street

December 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Newel Street

I like to call this composition “Candy Canes with Tail Pipe”.

Patriotic X-Mas Tree

And next to it resides Greenpoint’s most patriotic Christmas tree.

Miss Heather