A Couple Events Tonight

December 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 


Tonight at 7:30 p.m. Bob Eckstein, the author of The History of the Snowman (recently featured in The New York Times Holiday Books section) will be giving a slide presentation and Q & A session at Word Books. To facilitate extra holiday cheer, spiked hot cocoa is promised.

Word Books
126 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-0096

Property Profile 135 N. 9 Street

Those of you who are more civic-minded (or simply have a dark sense of humor) might be interested to know what is on tonight’s agenda over at Community Board 1:

  1. 53-65 HOPE STREET (BLOCK #2369, LOT # 38, 40 & 47) is applying for a partial waiver of the required accessory off-street parking spaces required by the conversion of the building location at 65 Hope Street to 92 residential units, generating a requirement for 46 parking spaces. The Special Permit seeks to reduce the number of required parking spaces provided from 46 to 11.
  2. Krzysztof Rostek of Belvedere III LLC wishes to file an application to extend the time to complete construction the four story, six (6) family dwelling facility at 135 NORTH 9th STREET (BLOCK #2324 LOT# 36)
  3. Ten Eleven Holdings LLC, better known as The Pencil Factory, seeks a renewal of their permit to operate a sidewalk cafe.

Tonight’s meeting will commence at 6:30 p.m. If you are interested in asking Mr. Rostek about the above “partial” stop work order, the Borough Commissioner’s ten day letter of intent to revoke his application to build (yet) another Belvedere, his failure to protect adjoining properties and (my personal favorite) working without a permit, you need to sign up no later than 6:15 p.m. at:

Lady of the Snow Society
410 Graham Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11211

And, oh yeah: be sure to tell him Miss Heather says “Hi”.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Manhattan Avenue

December 18, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Yesterday when I was walking down Manhattan Avenue after getting some groceries I spied a rather nifty old car.

Cool Old Car

Amused, I went in for a closer look.


Nice teeth.

Miss Heather

P.S.: As I was taking the above photographs a S.U.V. across the street was blaring “Iron Man”. I mention this because it seems strangely relevant.

‘Tis The Season: Green Street

December 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Green Street Reindeer

The more I walk by this holiday display, the more I like it. Especially the duct tape.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I am not kidding.

Rescued Bodega Cat Needs A Home

December 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Vito the Bodega Cat

I learned about this handsome little guy from my friend Eva101. She writes:

This poor thing worked in a grocery store. The owners kept him in a cage most of the time. They did not feed him because they thought that he won’t catch mice if they did… A friend rescued him but she has 2 cats and a puppy and can’t keep him. Despite his rough life so far, he is playful and sweet. He is probably 6 months old. Please spread the word. Even a foster home would help for now.

I know of a number of bodegas here in Greenpoint which have cats. None of them would treat an animal like this. To starve an animal in the hope he would become be a better mouser is disgusting.

Vito #2

Although he appears not to have a name, I have taken to calling him Vito. This is because I watched The Godfather last weekend and think it to be an excellent name for a cat.

Vito and his kitty cat

Besides, for all his faults Don Corleone was nice to his kitty cat. The above feline was a valued member of “the family”.

Vito #3

Anyone who wishes to give this consigliere with claws a “family” where he will be treated with the respect he deserves can contact Eva by clicking here. Vito will make you an offer you can’t refuse: love and loyalty for life.

Miss Heather

Photos of Vito (the four legged one, that is) courtesy of Eva101.

UPDATE 12/18/07: I have gotten word from Eva that someone has stepped forward to give Vito a home. Those of you who are still interested in adopting a kitty this holiday season should click here and make the acquaintance of some lovely little ladies who will be ready to adopt very soon— or if you prefer toms, here is a winsome pair of brothers who are ready to go to a loving home today!

#3 and #2 of the Greenpoint 10 are…

December 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Santa and Mrs. Claus! Good ol’ Saint Nick will be coming to town soon you know. Oh wait, scratch that: he’s ALREADY HERE!

Polish Santa

Parents who wish to take their kids to see Santa, take note: the last time I saw him he was hanging out on India Street wearing a butcher’s apron and smoking a cigarette.

Mrs. Claus

Mrs. Claus can be located a short distance away waiting for some kielbasa. I would advise parents against taking their children to meet Santa’s missus. She might frighten them.

Miss Heather

Love Is In The Air!

December 17, 2007 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Newtown Creek 

Many who are reading this are probably aware of the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee. They are a community group charged with overseeing the upgrade of Greenpoint’s favorite sewage treatment plant. Each month they meet with the Department of Environmental Protection and talk sewage shop. While this may sound like watching paint dry to some, it has come to my attention that a subject has arisen at the last two meetings which is anything but boring.

Nature Walk, facing north

Per Emily Lloyd, the Commissioner of the Department of Environmental Protection, “unsavory acts” are transpiring at the nature walk. Per my source (the ever-cool Matt Wolfe of The Greenpoint Courier) she did not give any details as to the nature of these acts, but I suspect they are of a carnal persuasion. I want you to think about this for a moment, dear readers: there are people who (purportedly) see fit to fornicate in the shadow of New York Shitty’s largest sewage treatment plant.

Sewage Treatment Plant

This is like something straight out of a John Waters movie— which of course bears testament to its probable verity: Greenpoint is a John Waters kind of place. I wonder if a shag rug and a bottle of cold duck were used as inducements for these “unsavory acts”? Both of the previous facilitated my entrance into this world. I know this because my mother has told me so.

On a number of occasions.

But I digress. I have created a very special Greenpoint postcard to commemorate the (un?)natural acts which have taken place at the Nature Walk of late. Here it is for your delectation.

Love is in the air!

These can be purchased via my online store at Cafepress. Why not reach out and touch that special someone with a gift only Greenpoint can give? The Shit Tits!

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who are interested in learning more about the Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee can contact them at:

Newtown Creek Monitoring Committee
329 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

(718) 349-0150

Disgruntled Williamsburg Parent Changes Tactics…

but his motivations/inducements are more or less the same.

Looking for an apartment…

This, his latest attempt, is subtle…

NORTH Greenpoint

and yet, more desperate. Maybe you, my fellow Greenpointers, can open your hearts and sublet your closet, tool shed or parking space so “John’s” precious children can receive a better education? One their father clearly did not receive: reading, writing, critical thinking, and ethics:

I need to move my two children from an otherwise great location in Williamsburg. but where They currently attend a dismally performing school and I wish have them to attend the school designated for this neighborhood (annotated: GreenPoint). To this end I am prepared to sacrifice as above or pay $$ to anyone who can help effect this (my latest attempt to bribe my children into a better performing school in a less “great” location).

Miss Heather’s mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially when forced to read and correct the aforementioned drech while waiting to check out at The Garden while not wasted (intoxication makes illiteracy coupled with entitlement go down better for yours truly).

The quality of “North GreenPoint’s” schools is well known. To Greenpointers and one Gowanus Lounge commenter anyway:

why is he doing this now – didn’t do his homework before moving house?

The information that Greenpoint’s two schools were high performing and Williamsburg’s were not was already freely available before the grading.

Clearly John did NOT do his homework. Given this gent’s persistence, it begs one to wonder how many more concerned Williamsburg parents will try to lie/cheat/bribe their way into Greenpoint’s public schools.

Miss Heather

To Whom It May Concern

December 15, 2007 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day 


To the irresponsible dog owner who left their pooch’s “product” at the intersection McGuinness Boulevard and Green Street yesterday:

  1. Do you enjoy wallowing in your own/someone else’s feces?
  2. Do you like stepping in dog shit?
  3. Would you like it if I dropped a load on your shoes? (Think about this one: I eat A LOT of roughage.)

If your answer to any of the above questions is “no”: FUCK YOU.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I added a category for people like you today. It is called “Asshole”. You were the inspiration. Mazel Tov!

Correspondence, Greenpoint Style

December 15, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Are you tired of honking and steering your vehicle through commuter hell? If so, I suppose you could call 311 or send an email to the Commissioner of the Department of Transportation.

Pulaski Bridge

But if you wish to conserve energy (and have a Sharpie marker handy) you can simply leave a message on their facility underneath the Pulaski Bridge.

Miss Heather

A Couple Weekend Events

December 14, 2007 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

THE GIFT on Grand

This Saturday, December 15, THE GIFT on grand holiday sale will be conducted at Secret Project Robot (which, ironically enough, is not located on Grand Street). Per Sodafine’s announcement:

We’ll be taking over the main gallery space of Secret Project Robot as well as the basement for the afternoon of Saturday, December 15 from 11 a.m. -7 p.m. Just in time for all of your last minute holiday shopping!! We’re rounding up a terrific group of artists this year, including a bunch of designers that participated last year as well as a lot of new faces. There will certainly be gifts of all types to suit everyone on your list!

Those wishing to get a sneak peek at the participating artists should point and click your way over to THE GIFT on grand’s blog. While you’re there, be sure to check out this insanely stylish doggie sweater.

THE GIFT on grand
at Secret Project Robot
210 Kent Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Open Studio, 649 Morgan Avenue

After doing a little shopping, why not check out some art? Per the Cheryl Molnar Projects web site, 649 Morgan Avenue will be hosting an open house right here in Greenpoint:

The 649 Morgan Avenue- Fine Arts Building in Greenpoint, Brooklyn announces that it will be holding an Open Studios event that will be held from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m. …December 15, 2007. The building has over 20 artists studios – many of which will be participating. A variety of work will be showing including painting, drawing, sculpture and installation.

For more information you can email Ms. Molnar at cheryl (at) cherylmolnar (dot) com or visit her web site.

Fine Arts Building
649 Morgan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Note: Both of these events are free to the general public.

Miss Heather