RESPECT: It’s a Bed-Stuy Thing

February 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

As I was walking around Bedford Stuyvesant recently I happened upon a rather compelling dog shit sign. In fact, it was so interesting I took a photograph of it.

RESPECT

A photograph which, as you can see, is woefully out of focus (such is the joy of having a new camera: learning its “quirks”). I for one find the graphics (especially the pensive bespectacled chihuahua) to be a particularly nice touch. Believe it or not, the accompanying copy is just as good— if not better. Here it is:

RESPECT yourself with regard to our streets. Curb your dog if you care about him/her and our neighborhood.

Place trash in trash cans for a better quality of life because you deserve it (a clean block looks nicer, decreases rodents & odor).

You don’t have to move to Park Ave. & Beverly Hills, just live like you do by doing the above and RESPECT will come.

Respect: it’s not just for Beverly Hills anymore.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Residents Speak Out About Gentrification

February 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

550 Irving

Those of you who care to buy and/or rent these phat properties at 550 Irving Avenue should be advised that your soon-to-be neighbors may not bring you a housewarming casserole.

You go girl

The developer even accommodated for Fedders Boxes. Or, given how upscale Bushwick is nowadays, maybe they will be— dare I say it— Friedrichs!

Miss Heather

Ad Council Intervention

February 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Vomit, Williamsburg 

Global Swarming

I encountered this nugget of Ad Council hilarity on Lorimer Street yesterday. I’m guessing the point of this advert is to inform users of the BQE (automobile drivers all) that global warming is BAD. Indeed auto emissions are bad. But smothering a building in advertecture strikes me as being somewhat worse. for this reason I felt a few modifications were in order.

Heatherized!

You know, I am getting pretty darn good at Photoshop if I may so myself.

Miss Heather

The D Word

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

(or Miss Heather’s Musings About The Art of the Insult)

Douche (doosh) n. (Fr. shower) 1. a. A stream of water or air applied to a bodily part or cavity for cleansing or medicinal purposes. 1. b. The application of a douche. 2. An instrument for applying a douche.

Bag (bag) n. 1. a. A usu. flexible container… *

Douche Bag (doosh bag) n. 1. A flexible container used to irrigate a woman’s vagina. 2. The insult of choice for the unimaginative.**

I recently confided my newfound hatred for this (oft employed by New York Shitty’s blogorati) epithet to a friend of mine. We despised this phrase, upon this we agreed. But the reasons for our respective distastes differed significantly. In his case, it was a matter of taste and decency. Unfettered by such concerns (after all this blog, New York Shitty, was founded on shit. Literally.) the issue (as far as my curiously eccentric world view is concerned) was one of creativity.

Sure, there was a time I invoked “douche bag”. Frequently. But once it became overused (and therefore rendered meaningless) I employed the extensive education my father provided me to come up with a replacement. Or more accurately (given Pa Heather’s predilection/gift for profanity) replacements.

  • Cock sucker
  • Dick head
  • Fuggin’ asshole
  • Homeless Boogeyman/men (courtesy of the Parks Department)
  • Pig fucker (my current favorite)

All the previous are staples in my anger arsenal. When under duress the offal that finds its way out of my mouth is much more colorful. Which brings me to the point of this post: can we exercise a little more imagination when it comes to putting down our fellow men (or women) online? Please? It’s not that hard. Follows are a few insults to get your creative juices going folks.

Exhibit A: Woodbine Street, Bushwick

Elijah Doesn’t Take Showers

Calling someone “gay” is not a well constructed insult but the lack of personal hygiene angle is compelling. The essential underpinning of a good insult is to point out an aspect of your adversary that is socially undesirable. Homosexuality does not (and should not) have the stigmatizing sting it used to. New York City is the great melting pot. And in this crucible of cultures, creeds, religions, races and yes, sexual orientations, there is one thing we all have in common: noses. People who do not shower, well, STINK.

Exhibit B: Woodbine Street, Bushwick

Elijah is a (shut your mouth)

Elijah (and his dear mother) are clearly objects of wrath on Woodbine Street.

Exhibit C: Bedford Stuyvesant

Pig Balls

Why bother blathering about incest? Sucking pig balls is much more provocative.

Still not convinced, douche bag devotees, that your affront of choice is yesterday’s news? Maybe the following anecdote will change your ways.

Hana Food

This is Hana Food Deli and Grocery. It is located at 534 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg. 11211. I happened to be in the area (and very hungry) so I went inside in seek of kibble.

Douche Bag Sandwich

I always preferred my douche bag on the rocks. Shaken, not stirred. Just like James Bond. A douche bag with blue cheese dressing?!? That’s just plain gross.

PBR at Hana Food

But I suppose a douche bag tastes pretty damned good washed down with Pabst Blue Ribbon. $7.99 a twelve pack who can argue with that?

Miss Heather

P.S.: I ordered the “Sandy-wich” which was (simply put) a vegan BLT. It wasn’t bad. That said, these guys have NOTHING on the Franklin Corner Store in good ol’ Greenpoint. Andre, his son, partners and Oreo know how to make a sandwich.

*Websters II New Riverside University University Dictionary, 1984

**Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: Sunday Special

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Jesus on Jefferson Street

From Jefferson Street.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Maspeth Avenue

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Jolly Roger

I was under the impression that pirates preferred cable.

Miss Heather

Bed-Stuy Photo du Jour: Next To Godliness

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

Next to godliness

From Madison Street.

Miss Heather

TODAY: You Pick The Movie At East Coast Aliens

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Tonight the folks at East Coast Aliens have a great pair of movies to choose from for this special Oscar Award Winner “Pick Pick Night”. Per their press release:

Oh well,

It’s the Oscars again!

And boy! We almost missed out on the big show.

For those out there who don’t give a damn about artifice but care about art we give you the choice of… who should turn out to be the big winner of the night.

So you decide:

shall it be

Paul Thomas Anderson’s Boogie Nights

or shall it be

the Coen brothers’ O Brother, Where Art Thou?

East Coast Aliens
216 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Doors open at 8:30 p.m. and the suggested donation is $6.00 per person. The selected film will begin at 9:00. p.m.

Miss Heather

Woodside Photo du Jour

February 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

61 Street

The 61 Street platform of the 7 train.

Miss Heather

Meet The Snowmen Of Greenpoint

February 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Ashbox

Passed out at Ashbox.

Ashbox 2

Faceless next door to Ashbox.

Green Street

Faceless on Green Street.

Manhattan Avenue

This one (my favorite) comes from Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather