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Meet Greenpoint’s Finest

July 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This delightful image comes from Bitchy Bluestocking. She writes:

Last summer it was a surprise to discover how popular Greenpoint was on the blogosphere… I’ve become jealous of their “exclusives” — and humor. A few weeks ago I warned Current of the work being done on a house on his block (a blizzard of Styrofoam), and Miss Heather covered it. We walked by the finished product last weekend, joking about its Belvedere XL status, and sure enough Miss Heather soon followed up. Therefore, no longer am I keeping my mouth shut, and I came upon this instance of Greenpoint Magic Sunday…

I for one am very happy you have decided to speak up, Ms. Bluestocking! As your great find attests, there is more than enough Greenpoint Magic to go around! I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I am looking forward to seeing what other goodness this blog whips up for our online enjoyment!

Miss Heather

Looking For Companionship?

July 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

I know the situation all too well. It’s summer and while all your friends are cavorting on the beach with their best gals you are all alone. Well cheer up guys, love always manifests itself in the strangest of places. And, well, if you can’t find Mrs. Right there’s always Miss Right For A Price.

Unfortunately I cannot help you, dear readers, with assistance regarding the previous. But rest assured I can most certainly help you locate the latter. Got your pencils ready? Let’s go!

Step 1. Hop into your minivan and drive down to Broadway between Hewes and Hooper Street.

Step 2. Park your car in the spot indicated by the red arrow at right. Note the presence of health clinic to your immediate right.

Step 3. Roll down your passenger side window and wait.

Step 4. If all goes according to a plan a five foot tall, 160 pound 40-something woman wearing nothing but yellow top (nightshirt?) pressed into service as a mini-dress will be sitting nearby with two grocery bags filled with stuff.

Step 5. Make eye contact with this woman.

Step 6. The woman will walk over to your minivan (whose passenger side window you have thoughtfully left open) and lift up her “dress” to show you her breasts. These are encased in a pink eyelet bra.

Step 7. You say no dice.

Step 8. Wishing to sweeten the deal, your new companion will pull up her “dress” once again to reveal a pair of brown mesh panties. She proceeds to pull these out so you can inspect the goods.

Step 9. You are on your own from here, kiddos! But be advised that a police station is located just around the corner.

Step 10. Be sure steps 1-9 are executed at 1:30 on a Monday afternoon.

Happy hunting!

Miss Heather

P.S.: I am not kidding. I actually saw this come to pass (in the plain view of several other pedestrians) last Monday afternoon. It was like a friggin’ flashback from Full Metal Jacket. If you’re wondering, the man in the van did not take her up on her offer.

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Naughty Potty

July 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Green Street.

Miss Heather

Studio B Is Taking Their Cabaret License Hearing Very Seriously

July 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

Never mind the fact they have been operating without a cabaret license for some time.

Or the irregularities pertaining to their second floor.*

While the hired guns/blissfully ignorant speak on their behalf at the Public Safety Committee hearing at 6:30 p.m. July 31st, Studio B will be getting ready to… PARTY HARD!

Biz Markie with a special live dj set hosted by Masta Ace with Large Pro and Marco Polo. Exclusive perfomances by other special guest artists plus

Open Mic

The first 25 MCs to register at the door will get to spit live over Large Pro and Marco Polo’s Beats

Open Mic hosted by: Jeru the Damaja, Juju of the Beatnuts, End of the Weak, and the world’s #1 battle mc, Iron Solomon

Doors: 8 pm

Price: $12 in advance or RSVP/$18 at the door

How’s that for chutzpah?

Miss Heather

*Which I have heard was shut down by the city 7/23.

Comment Of The Week: 156 India Street

July 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: 11222, Asshole, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

I guess I’m late in responding to this, but my then gf & now wife lived at 156, in the back house. I should state that I am a structural engineer. The first time I went there, happy to be invited back to a new girl’s house for the first time, I was absolutely floored by the condition of both buildings on the property.

There were holes in the front house that birds had happily nested in. The hole thing had an odd slant to it. Her friends who lived there asked me if I could do anything, but I knew that reporting it would get the place condemned, leaving them with no place to go and moderate fines for the Owner. Which is pretty much what happened.

My wife moved in with me to a nice place a few blocks away last year, but one of her friends stayed, only to come home to fire trucks & police in front of her house one night. She was given a small window to get her stuff & find a new place to live. As a younger single woman with family & friends in the area, she ended up ok, but there were families in the building who had been there for over 10 years, and I know one Polish family had a profoundly disabled wheelchair ridden child. I can’t imagine what they did.

That there is often no significant penalty to owners/landlords like this is just wrong. There should be criminal penalties associated with this type of abuse.
Rant over!

Yes there should be, but our city doesn’t seem to be too keen on defending the rights of lowly renters. If they were real go-getters they’d own a condo by now.


I am not a go-getter. I rent. As do great number of people in this neighborhood. We cannot afford a down payment on a $500,000 condominium and as a result we place our trust in landlords. They are the guardians of our personal safety. Unfortunately all too many of them are like Mr. Nealis.* When landlords fail, we call 311. To little avail. This city should be ASHAMED of itself.

Miss Heather

*Who I am certain would love to have this lot demolished. It’s probably worth more without rent-stabilized housing on it.

50 Cent Goes Fowl!

July 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I glanced at the New York Observer’s breaking story about 50 Cent gracing the Garden Spot last Friday but quickly forgot about it. Thankfully my buddy at Brooklyn11211 set the record (and my prodigal Greenpoint ass) straight:

Actually, the show will be based at 118 Greenpoint Avenue, a couple blocks up from the Greenpoint waterfront. And about a dozen blocks from the nearest public access to the waterfront.

(Three years after the Greenpoint-Williamsburg Rezoning, and there still is no construction on the Greenpoint waterfront, and no public access to the Greenpoint waterfront. Transmitter Park is the closest to being reality, and that is still on the drawing boards.)

I wonder how Fifty and his crew will like living next to a poultry slaughterhouse?

I’m not a reality (or any kind of) television person, but I am looking forward to this. 50 Cent meets Scarano meets chickens. I have no doubt the feathers will fly!

Miss Heather

UPDATE: This has been debunked! See comments.

Props/Map Creds: Big hugs to Brooklyn11211 for bringing this gem to my attention! You are the 40 oz. to my Mickey’s big mouth.

Williamsburg Photos du Jour: Tighty Whities

July 29, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Havemeyer Street.

Miss Heather

Happenings At 842 Manhattan Avenue

July 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Derelict since Ricky’s saw fit to depart last year it would appear that this storefront is poised for its newest incarnation. Per a source close to the landlord, 842 Manhattan Avenue is slated to become a juice bar/cafe and tanning salon. While I cannot muster much enthusiasm for such establishments (tanning is not my cup of tea), my tipster brought up a very salient point:

I don’t really care what it is as long as it isn’t another 99 Cent Store or a bank. We already have too damned many of those already.

Very true. Anyone care to take bets as to when the Feds will take over/bail out Washington Mutual? Will it be before or after they open their new location here in Greenpoint?

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Pay Phone du Jour: Bipolar

July 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

I found this pay phone on Broadway after witnessing one of the most bizarre incidences I have ever seen. You will have to wait until tomorrow to learn about that, dear readers. But in the meantime I leave you with this interesting piece of product placement.

Miss Heather

Calling All Chicken Wing Lovers!

July 28, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Mark your calendars because on August 26th at 9:30 p.m. The Habitat is hosting its first ever Habitual Chicken Ritual! The rules are simple enough: the contestant who eats the most wings in ten minutes wins a free night of drinks (albeit not necessarily on the same evening as said contest). Those who are interested in participating should take note: the contest will set you back $5.00 (which includes your first 20 wings) and will be limited to 12 contestants.

The Habitat
988 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn New York, 11222

Methinks I will pass on their generous offer of letting vegetarians eat chicken wings for free —but not mistake my dislike for eating flesh for absence: I will attend. Not only have I been meaning to try out their rum punch, but this event is crying out to be filmed.* Greenpoint gluttons carnivores represent!

Miss Heather

*My memory cards explode with delight!