Yesterday I had the pleasure dispensing fistfuls of teeth-rotting goodness to children of all ages at the junk shop. The zeal with which I took to executing this task seemed to surprise Larry da Junkman:
That’s really cute.
Larry: You handing out candy. You really like doing this, don’t you?
Me: Of course I do. It’s HALLOWEEN!
Who couldn’t enjoy giving the gift of refined sugar to a Jedi master as sweet as this one?
I like to call this guy “Chicken Little”.
This little Lion King’s make-up got a little discombobulated in transit.
No worries, mom repainted his whiskers and he was good as new! A curious dialog came to pass when I asked this little guy’s parents if I could take his picture.
Father: Are you going to put this online?
Me: Maybe. Probably on flickr.
Father: Do you have a web site?
Mother: Is it New York Shitty?
Me: Well actually it is.
Mother: You’re the lady who takes all the pictures!
Me: Whew! I was expecting you to say something a lot worse!
The above two photographs do not do this little fella justice. He was heart-wrenchingly adorable! But Halloween is not just about cherubic faced young ‘uns.
As you can see the guys at Papacitos* got into the Halloween spirit! The above gentleman gyrated for a good 20-30 seconds while exclaiming:
Can you see my junk?
I told him “yes” and gave him a lollipop. Very few things have the power to truly shock me anymore; this is because I was once a civil servant. That said, bipeds were not the only creatures wearing costumes today.
This poodle sported her finest fettle for the occasion.
And I even made the acquaintance of a pirate pup!
As I was handing out candy a woman I know, a bona fide Greenpoint old-timer, pulled me aside and said:
You realize a lot of these people (I was giving candy to) do not live here.
I had honestly not given the matter any thought. This is probably because I do not care.
Halloween is about dressing up, flauting the drudgery and conventions of everyday life and having fun. It is very much a collective experience —not unlike Christmas or New Year’s Eve. It is— in its strange way— about sharing. I am not going to ask for proof of residency before doling out lollipops or Hershey’s Kisses to children. There was more than enough confectioneries and fun to go around. For everyone.**
I suppose this makes me a candy-giving Commie —or a lollipop pimping populist.
Make that a newly zombified lollipop pandering populist —or carnivorous Commie!
Miss “Living Undead” Heather
P.S.: You can see more pix of Halloween on Manhattan Avenue by clicking here.
*Who have made themselves near and dear to my heart by serving up vegan breakfast tacos. Thanks guys!
**Save a CONSTRUCTION WORKER from (where else?) the Viridian who snatched a lollipop from my tray without asking and then proceeded to laugh about it with his cronies (one of whom said “Hey lady, can I suck on a lollipop?”). This chap, dear readers, was a certifiable grade “A” ASSHOLE. The least this man could have done is ASKED FIRST —but I suppose he felt “entitled” to it. Clearly he was not taught good manners like the following child (I gave a heaping helping of candy to today):
Child #1 (after I gave him a fistful of candy): I want a Hershey’s Kiss.
Child #2: You shouldn’t tell people what you want. It’s not very nice.
Miss Heather (to child #2): You my friend have very good manners. For this reason you are getting a Hershey’s kiss.
Kindness and civility go a long way folks. Or at the very least you can show me your “junk” when pandering for junk food. Grabbing shit off my candy tray is just plain RUDE.