New York Shitty Day Ender: Not Your Mother’s Scrapbook

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: Advanced Life Forms, Area 51 

If there’s one thing being a junkstress has given me it is some insight into the human condition. Every day is a new day and with it comes boxes upon boxes of stuff— formerly someone else’s stuff— for me and my cronies to sort through. This appeals to my inner anthropologist. Usually this process is boring— but sometimes it isn’t. Which brings me to these scrapbooks:

They look innocent enough, yes? Never judge a book by its cover.

Yup.

Needless to say the Mister found them of interest. Before I settled into bed with a hot cup of tea to parse someone else’s (meticulously documented) fantasy life (with a shot of P.J. O’Rourke on the side— I was feeling dirty) we glanced at a few pages.

Me:

Is that Candice Bergen?

Maybe I should do this?

Inquired the Mister. I glared at him and turned the page. As luck (?) would have it, when I did we were sobered by a rather explicit photograph of a mass grave at Bergen Belsen. That ended the discussion. He went into the living room to quaff Old Fashions and watch Turner Classic Movies. And I got down to business.

Observations/Discussion from the Chez Shitty Forum:

1. It is an admirable, if abject, testament to perseverance.
2.
It’s a “Who’s Who” of boobs from the mid 1940′s to 1980.
3.
It’s like watching Spike T.V. without actually having to watch Spike T.V. (I’m not complaining, it’s better than Lifetime.)
4. When I see this level of documentation (at right), it gets my respect. Albeit as the expense of the mainstream press.
5. The man who assembled this personal archive (and after much debate the Mister and I agreed only a man would do something like you see at left) was a (to use my crude parlance) a “Bucket of KFC” kind of guy: breasts, thighs and legs.
6.
He appears to a have a fondness for blondesbut red heads make an appearance every now and then.
7.
Points #5 and #6 would explain the total absence of Audrey Hepburn, arguably one of the most beautiful women— inside and out— to ever grace this mortal coil. Too lanky. Too brunette.
8. Me to the Mister: I’m surprised this man didn’t graduate to pornography. (Flips page to find a spread— in the most explicit and literal sense of the word— from Swank magazine entitled “I Have A Dream”. ) Scrub that.

One can only wonder what Martin Luther King would think of this.

CAVEATS:

  1. If pin-ups upset you, do not look at this slide show.
  2. If the the female body in general upsets you, do not look at this slide show.
  3. If knowing someone, somewhere thought Angela Lansbury was sexy upsets you, do NOT look at this slide show.

Without further ado, here are some highlights from my 100+ page excursion to Girlieland. Enjoy!

Before anyone maligns me for being “offensive” I would like to point out:

  1. Tits and ass are nothing compared to atrocities human beings are capable of inflicting on each other. Which do you find more offensive: this or this? The latter merits front page coverage nowadays (just look at the New York Post), the former is the stuff of sexual harassment suits (which, it should be noted, is also something Rupert Murdoch, et. al. is contending with).
  2. While feminist, I do have a sense of humor. Send out the reporters! Stab me with a needle! I will bleed! No need to erect a cucking stool to dip my agitating person into Newtown Creek. I will not go to Woodhull. I will go to St. Vincents. I have health insurance!
  3. I would not have been able to write such a tome if there were not brave women who cleared the path for me: Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Germaine Greer, Gloria Steinem and…

Uh, nevermind…

Miss Heather

EXTRA SPECIAL PROPS: Go out to EV Grieve for capturing the latter most turd. I re-posted it here, albeit without your permission, but with proper credit. As for P.J. O’Rourke, if you’re reading this: you’re the only Republican I’d have dinner with— albeit with a very long fork! Oh yeah, I’m a vegetarian and you’re paying.

Greenpoint Street Art Du Jour: The King

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Street Art 

From Franklin Street.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Cold Chillin’

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

From Wythe Avenue.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: What’s Up At 108 Franklin?

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Alex writes on January 30, 2010:

hey heather.

i think i always start this out with, ‘i’m sure you know about this’, but was walking by the construction on noble and franklin and i always look to see what this new bar would eventually be called (sigh), but there was a new sign up saying that it was going to be a restaurant with outdoor seating!?

point gree cafe inc.
le gamin

that’s what i know.

This is very interesting Alex. And lest you are wondering ,yes, I did notice 108 Franklin was getting a facelift. On January 20, to be precise.

The funny thing is I don’t recall seeing a notice for a liquor license hearing— scheduled for January 12, 2010— when I walked by. Your commentary suggests this document is a new addition.

Sure enough, there it is. After the fact. Hmm.

A liquor license + “outdoor backyard seating” located amid residential property + without proper notice  = this will be interesting.

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: The first and third were take by yours truly 01/31/2010 and 01/20/2010 respectively. The rest are from Alex. Taken 01/30/2010

P.S.: I have brought this to the attention of our Community Board. What is the point of having such an entity, the ostensible voice of the people, when the community (READ: the people Franklin Street) is not aware it’s about to be saddled with another “eating and drinking establishment”? Probably one more than it would care to have already.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Aftermath

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

From India Street.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Street Art Du Jour: Red Is The New Black

January 31, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Street Art, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

From Bedford Avenue.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Starter: Audrey

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

New York Shitty Day Ender: Urban Fur

January 30, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Unlike us lowly humans Larry the cat is very well equipped for this bitter winter weather. The heater doesn’t hurt either. This is the life!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Refrigeration

January 30, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11211, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

I never thought I would see the day I would actually be excited about 31 degree weather. Well, today’s high was 21. Tonight’s wind chill will be 2 below. Tomorrow’s high will be 31— and yes, I am excited about this.

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Inbox: Gyros On The Run?

January 30, 2010 ·
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Some of you might recall that last July I wrote that Bagels on the Run, which is located at 994 Manhattan Avenue, was going Middle Eastern. Well, it is finally happening! Charles (who also brought us today’s delightful image of the King of Kings being carted down Green Street) writes:

Went by Bagel on the Run today, saw they were demoing it. I asked one of the guys there what was going in, and he said Mediterranean, gyros, shwarma, salad, etc. I’ll miss the bagel egg and cheese, but am excited about that!

You and me both!

Miss Heather