A New York Shitty Exclusive: The Poo Corner Project
Filed under: 11222, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Love Thy Neighbor
Earlier this month I shared the good news of a smart phone-sized (and curiously Kings County-shaped) pile of poo gracing the intersection of India and West Street (as seen at left in its replete fly-infested Greenpoint glory). I did so at the prompting of a tipster we’ll call “C”. She wrote:
I’m now naming India St between Franklin/West “poop alley”….someone either is pooping, has a huge dog, or cow on that street…theres like 50 loads.
I implored you, gentle readers, as to whom— or what— was responsible for these behemoth pieces of ordnance:
Does anyone amongst you, gentle readers, know who— or perhaps more appropriately what— is responsible for this? I’m intrigued.
I have received some very interesting leads as a result. One seems especially promising. It was with the person from whom I received this tip that I had a most interesting discussion. It basically went as follows:
1. Why does this person see fit to inflict these salvos of shit on his/her neighbors?
2. (following point #1) Does he/she think his/her neighbors simply do not notice? Given the rather foul perfume which permeates one’s nose upon reaching 32 India Street (the eastern perimeter of what I have since dubbed “Poo Corner”) I find this rather implausible.
3. (following points #1 and #2) Or does he/she not care?
I wanted— no, make that NEEDED— to know the answers to these questions. Thus I summoned my inner urban anthropologist/behaviorist to help me find an answer and in so doing the “Poo Corner Project” was born. Its basic principles/premises are as follows:
1. I am going to assume the party (parties?) responsible are under assumption that no one is troubled by these turds.
2. To correct this erroneous notion, I will circle and assign a number to each and every pile of poop I find in this area.
3. Each and every new mountain of merde henceforth will be circled, assigned a number and dated as to when I discover it.
4. Points #2 and #3 not only serve as some means of tracking the scat, but also to make it clear to their poopitrators that these annotations are not some random series of scribblings. I can assure you, this being Greenpoint, such a clarification is necessary.
5. All the previous points are predicated on the hope/expectation of observing how these errant dog owners will respond. Will they feel a sense of shame or persevere in their rather UN-neighborly behavior?
Thus far the results are rather compelling, if puzzling. Let’s review my preliminary findings as documented on November 12, 2011.
1. Fourteen “loads” were found.
2. The woman pushing the stroller in the background of #7 inquired as to what I was doing. I explained my project to her. She voiced her approval and added she once accidentally mired said stroller in one of these gargantuan dog bombs.
3. Upon recognizing that what I had on my hands (underfoot) was an archipelago of poop, I decided to roll with this concept regarding the rather impressive #10.
I call this piece “Booty” (for obvious reasons). Now let’s jump forward to November 14, 2011.
I observed in addition to unbagged poop someone has seen fit to bag— and yet dump— their dog’s poo in this area. I gave this an “A” for effort but “F” for follow-through.
Why would someone go to the trouble of bagging and not throwing this away in a garbage can?
I asked myself. Over and over.
I missed this somewhat weather-worn specimen. I assigned it a number but refrained from dating it.
Number 18 was discovered. Note its placement next to #11. And most curiously…
forty-eight hours later turd #13 has gone MIA. Once again, I asked myself:
November 15, 2011
Upon encountering two more “gift bags” of discarded doggie goodness I decided to ask the obvious question of its author:
In a similar (if reverse-psychologically motivated) move, I inquired as to the whereabouts of #13.
And lastly we have #19, as noted today November 15, 2011.
1. In terms of unbagged turdage, the growth rate stays at 0%.
2. However, it should be noted the gross rate has gone up significantly with #19 replacing #13.
3. Bagged turdage is, however, growing steadily.
4. Chalk needs to be left so as to facilitate a dialogue with these ne’er doo wells moving forward. No worries: it has been purchased.
To be continued…