Art Therapy Part II: Welcome To Booblyn

September 10, 2008 by
Filed under: Dog Shit, Greenpoint Magic 

The powers that be provided me a pair of “AA” mammary attachments. I have never had a problem with them. They don’t interfere with my use of power tools and I can wear tube tops and go bra-less with total abandon.

As long as the elastic is tight, the kids are alright!

I always said. Until the boobadiers got to me. “Bigger is better” they said. They were right.

I felt inadequate until I was provided a pair of DD cups. My life has become much more enjoyable upon acquiring my new rack. No back pain, special bras or silicone: just pure Greenpoint girlie joy. What’s more, when I am done with my mamazons I can throw them into my backpack and move on.

I mention this because my first installment of Brooklyn Boobification garnered some curious praise:

Bitchcakes writes:

That was great, Miss Heather! What a great use of plastic boobies! I only hope there will be more adventures for this rubbery pair.

SuzyO writes:

holy hannah, heather, this takes the cake… you consistently amuse and inform, but this is mad genius. i especially love the starboobs … it is just so pink vanity table, you know?

Bodmin raves:

In the thirteen years I lived in Greenpoint I will confess that I sometimes felt the neighbourhood had more than its share of boobs. You have just proven that it could be improved by the addition of lots more – at least in the right places. Brilliant!

And lastly…

Rowan writes:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i choked on my coffee looking at these. hopefully it will become a series. Can you try to pose these somewhere with the Shit Tits in the background?

(the only thing funnier would have been if there were such a thing as fake heinies. Greenpoint would become Moonpoint.)

They have fake heinies for sale (at “Just For Fun” I think) but I have yet to invest in one. I bought one too many rubber dicks and fake tits on margin. Hopefully the Feds will bail me out. In the meantime this paltry offering will have to do.

I call this composition Ten Tits At Sunset: Eight Blue, Two Pink. It was pretty brisk last night on the Pulaski Bridge so my gals (all four of them*) were pretty perky.

Miss Heather

*The same logic goes with buying my url: $1,000 (or $500 a boob) doesn’t cut it. So don’t expect to see “Mary Kate & Ashley” (as I like to call them) anytime soon.

P.S.: Look very carefully at the image gracing the beginning of this post. Better yet, click here and see a larger image. You might find it amusing.

P.S. #2: In the wee hours of the morning (2:57 a.m.) I received the following email regarding this post. FranklinSt134 writes:

Hi, I don’t wish to spoil your fun, but I think Booblyn is a insult to Breast Cancer patients, survivors, and families who have lost loved ones to Breast Cancer. I hope you never experience Breast Cancer or lose a loved one from it. Maybe a donation to Susan G. Komen for the Cure would be in order.
http://cms.komen.org/komen/Donations/index.htm

Your wish is to spoil my fun. That said, perhaps I should do a photo series using said boobs, sell prints and give the proceeds towards to said foundation? Why not raise awareness of sexism, street harassment and breast cancer in one clean sweep? Does this sound like a good idea to you “FranklinSt134″?

Comments

6 Comments on Art Therapy Part II: Welcome To Booblyn

  1. bitchcakes on Wed, 10th Sep 2008 11:43 am
  2. I referred to them as both plastic and rubber- I’m confused! Confused with boobie euphoria!! And might I say, they look simply glorious from that angle under the sunset sky on the Pulaski Bridge. It’s true, Brooklyn *is* like no other place in the world!!

    For the record, I don’t see how your photo series in any way insults breast cancer patients, families, etc. But if this can in somehow raise awareness, or get donations, there’s nothing wrong with that.

  3. judes on Wed, 10th Sep 2008 1:02 pm
  4. Jesus christ. I lost a LOT of family members to cancer and not one of them ever lost what FranklinSt134 has so tragically lost—a sense of humor.

  5. lulu11222 on Wed, 10th Sep 2008 1:28 pm
  6. I must agree with the others when I say that you have outdone yourself this time. Hands down, these are my favorite newyorkshitty posts of all time. (I can think of a couple of statues in McGolrick park that might benefit from an “augmentation.”)

    Oh, and my mother is a proud breast cancer survivior I *highly* doubt she would be offended by this. She’d get a chuckle out of it.

  7. anonymouse on Wed, 10th Sep 2008 3:07 pm
  8. Fah-boob-lous! I’d love to see you strap them on and take pictures of people’s reaction.

  9. mangycur on Sat, 13th Sep 2008 3:54 pm
  10. heather, these photos are fan-frackin-tastic. They’re beautiful as they are, but if you do want to do something more involved with them, I think they’d make great post cards. Or get them in a gallery if you feel like it. I just thought post cards because it’s more accessible, and more “street art,” which is more fun sometimes than “high art.”

    As for offending cancer sufferers and their families, my heart goes out to FranklinSt134, who I can only assume has suffered due to breast cancer in some way. At the same time, our senses are boobarded incessantly by advertisements featuring lovely ladies and their bodacious tatas. And that’s just mainstream media, we’re not even talking about the adult entertainment venue. Should we ban all that as well? I’m sure that if I lost a breast or two to cancer I might not like to be confronted by a pair of oil-beaded budweiser tits every time I went to the store. But that’s not realistic is it? People like boobs, and they want to see them–and if they can see boobs and beer together, so much the better. Stack your stimulants!

    Finally, I want to share a personal perspective. I hit puberty EARLY. I had a large rack way before my mind was ready to deal with the constant onslought of dirty jokes and innuendos that were dished out by family, their friends, and my male school teachers, and strangers. For years I was primarily ashamed of them and felt that the only way I could avoid being pegged as a “slut” was to strap them down and hide them. And my breasts have a personality, god damn it, and they suffered from this. Finally I’ve grown enough to say, “you know what? FUCK IT. I have arms, I have eyes, I have a nose, and I have tits. And from now on my tits and I are going to have some fun. We’re going to wear sexy stuff and loose bras sometimes so they can enjoy their own jiggle, and if someone else enjoys that too, so be it. From here on out I am a tit celebrator and I think having a nice pair of plastic tits on a cityscape in booblyn is a positive celebration of life. WHOO HOO! YAY FOR TITS!

  11. mangycur on Sat, 13th Sep 2008 4:08 pm
  12. as an afterthought, I just got through taking my family from the midwest around town to see all the bridges and buildings, and times square, etc. I bet these plastic boobs would love to be shown the town, and have their picture taken all the touristy places. Maybe even to the statue of liberty and ellis island. But if not there, then at least to the empire state building. Then you can make a powerpoint photo montage that flips from picture to picture, with frank sinatra singing NEW YORK, NEW YORK as the musical background. this is just a vision that came upon me just now

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