Miss Heather’s New Crib
Much is said about affordable housing. That’s just it: said. Very little actually seems to be done about it. At least in my little corner of North Brooklyn, anyway.
As the boat approached Long Island City last Sunday I felt like Dorothy did when she reached the Emerald City. “Wow” I thought to myself, “I wonder if there is some affordable housing there?” Alas, it wasn’t to be: the gentleman conducting this segment of the tour noted that although there was talk of including lower-income units in a number of these monoliths, it didn’t happen.
Of course I think this is total balderdash. A developer reneging on a promise? Inconceivable. These chaps are upstanding citizens who have our best interests at heart. They make Abe Lincoln look like the Saddam Hussein by comparison.
Too bad. I was rather keen on having quick and easy access to the waterfront and the numerous quick and easy ladies who ply their trade in Long Island City. One time my husband overheard a very satisfied customer bragging to his buddy (via cell phone) on the Brooklyn-bound B61 bus as it was crossing the Pulaski Bridge. He hit her shit twice for a mere $300. If there is one thing Miss Heather likes it is a bargain. Oh well.
Shortly after we entered the creek I noticed the above townhouse. It certainly looks affordable. It probably affords easy access to hookers too. But it lacks the scenic city views I require. Further up
shit Newtown Creek we go!
This is more like it! This garden apartment (located in the Garden Spot of the Universe) sports the kind of amenities a Dog Shit Queen DEMANDS.
It is lavishly furnished.
It is only steps away from transportation.
And it comes with a yacht!
Who do I make the check out to?
P.S.: I’d like to give a shout-out to a very nice chap I met on this tour. He operates a blog about tugboats. Check it out, it’s neat.