Polka Porn?

October 16, 2007 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Yesterday I found a real gem at the Salvation Army on Manhattan Avenue.

Dirty Polka

Even though I do not even own a record player, I shelled out the one dollar required to purchase this item and brought it home. Let’s just say it tickles my admittedly perverse fancy. First, you have a man and woman who look like they are going at it. Secondly, this image is flanked by canned ham, bread, a mug of beer and a number of rather phallic sausages, of which one has been sliced by a rather menacing looking knife. Kielbasa a la Bobbit!

But the best part, dear readers, cannot been seen in the above photo: it is the ad copy on the back. Here it is in all its glory. Warning: reading the following might induce night terrors and chronic bed wetting.

Pornographic Polka

Shouldn’t that be Jack Stulak on the strumpet and David Pietrzak on the sexaphone?

The concept of “adults only” Polka brings to mind a number of things I could quite frankly do without. Polka key parties, Polka wife-swapping and Polka orgies, just to name a few. I can’t believe I just thought of Polka key parties. I must go now. I need to take a nice scalding hot shower and scrub the stain off my soul.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, 10/17/07: This morning I received an email from a new reader of New York Shitty. He writes:

Polish Songs Mama Never Taught Me: Give it to me and I’ll make a high-quality CD of it. Sounds amazing.

I have taken him up on his offer.

Comments

3 Comments on Polka Porn?

  1. Brooklyn Bitch on Tue, 16th Oct 2007 10:20 am
  2. You MUST find a way to listen to this.
    Too funny.
    Good find lady, good find.

  3. nobugs on Tue, 16th Oct 2007 11:12 am
  4. Given the rest of the imagery: canned ham, huge sausages, lustful couple– I am a big concerned about the role of that enormous knife. Any thoughts?

    Perhaps there’s a song in there somewhere about papa coming home and catching his daughter with Berek?
    Note the transition from “I’ll Never Get Married O Berek” to the “Polish Wedding Polka” and then the “Family Polka.” It’s amazing what a view of papa’s knife will do.

  5. lisanne on Tue, 16th Oct 2007 9:29 pm
  6. More than enough motivation here for you to aquire a turntable..especially if this is done in English!

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