Greenpoint Survival Tip: A Raccoon Is NOT a Cat

September 17, 2009 by
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic 

Last night at around 11:30 p.m. the cats started to collect around my bedroom window. Sure enough, our new friend was back in search for grub. He (or she) didn’t have to look very hard as one of my neighbors (who was watching with bemused interest) tossed a large hunk of naan for his culinary pleasure.


With a dull thud this landed about nine feet from our kitchen window. I decided to take action.

Hey, don’t throw food for him to eat!

I shouted.


was his reply.

Me: DO NOT GIVE THIS ANIMAL FOOD. It is a raccoon.
Neighbor: ?
Neighbor: What’s a raccoon?
Me: IT IS A WILD ANIMAL. It might have rabies for all we know. DON’T FEED IT!!!
Neighbor: I thought it was a cat.


Me: It’s not a cat. Don’t feed it, ok?

And with this I thought the evening’s excitement had concluded. It didn’t: my neighbor (wishing to be helpful) decided to get rid of our nocturnal visitor. His plan (throwing eggs at it) had a number of fundamental flaws. Among them:

  1. As I have noted previously, a raccoon is not a cat. Throwing eggs at a cat (though I have never tried it) will probably make it go away. Throwing eggs at a hungry raccoon will not. The fertilized unfertilized ovum of a domesticated fowl is not a deterrent to such a creature: it is a second course. As we both learned.
  2. This Good Samaritan’s aim was— how should I put it— a bit “off”. Instead of reaching its intended target his salvo skidded along the rooftop and splattered my window screen with aborted chicken goodness.

What followed has to be seen to be believed.

It took me a good five minutes of beating my maglite against the windowsill to make this scavenger go away. This din woke the Mister up and a whole new round of late night hilarity commenced. And on that note, dear readers, I am off to take up this matter with this gentleman’s landlord.

Miss Heather


9 Comments on Greenpoint Survival Tip: A Raccoon Is NOT a Cat

  1. rutila on Thu, 17th Sep 2009 10:40 am
  2. While there are such, ahem, “delicacies” as aborted fowl fetuses, called baluts, which I didn’t even know existed and find disgusting, grocery-store eggs are unfertilized.

  3. rowan on Thu, 17th Sep 2009 11:02 am
  4. Good luck. Raccoons are tenacious and clever creatures. You may want to consider checking in with Animal Control or similar about having a Hav-a-Heart trap placed on your roof.

  5. missheather on Thu, 17th Sep 2009 11:10 am
  6. Thanks for this most tasty morsel of fact-checking, Rutila. I was just about to order lunch.

  7. GypsyKat on Thu, 17th Sep 2009 11:36 am
  8. Hi – As an avid reader of your blog, I just wanted to say BE CAREFUL!! Raccoons can claw through your screen like it’s made of paper, I learned that the hard way… I had a persistent raccoon that liked to visit my yard (I have a peach tree and grape vines, that summer I had NO fruit). I called Animal Control and they told me there was nothing they could do, that it was “nature.” I told them that bears and tigers were nature as well, but I didn’t want them in my yard… Be well! Michele

  9. SpillConspirator on Thu, 17th Sep 2009 4:50 pm
  10. Did Mr. Heather, dip your neighbor in some egg batter?

  11. missheather on Thu, 17th Sep 2009 4:54 pm
  12. NAH— I handled it.

  13. Matzo on Fri, 18th Sep 2009 7:24 am
  14. Please just leave that little raccoon alone. They have no choice but to adapt to living amongst the hoomans as they have no natural habitat left in your area. They can adapt to most anything and have been forced to live in the sewers of your city.

    That is a young one that you are seeing. Perhaps about 5 months old. Trapping with a havahart won’t do anything but create a void where another will move in. Mother Nature doesn’t like a void.

    Why are you throwing things at him anyway? Can’t you just leave the poor critter alone? He was only curious to check out the light you were shining at him. If you don’t want coonies in your alley, spray it with cider vinegar. But …. I suspect you have neighbors feeding feral cats which has attracted the raccoons [besides garbage not in locked garbage cans]. Banging on a large pot or pan will make them run. But you invite him near you with a cool toy like a flashlight and then bang it to try to scare him away? Silly hooman.

    Anyway, throw a bucket of water on the cats. Leave our coonies alone. They belong there cleaning up the mess hoomans are making just as they clean up the forests for Mother Nature. Rabies is rare in raccoons and they need to be bitten by a rabid animal to get it, they are NOT all rabies carriers.

    Throwing eggs is only going to invite them to come back.

    Raccoon Orphanage
    HELP Your Native Wildlife!! [don’t throw eggs at em]

  15. missheather on Fri, 18th Sep 2009 2:48 pm
  16. I was NOT the person throwing eggs at this raccoon. It was a neighbor. I spoke to someone related to the owner of the building where this person resides. They are going to put up a notice to the tenants admonishing them NOT to feed it— or throw eggs at it.

  17. bitchcakes on Sun, 20th Sep 2009 8:23 am
  18. I can’t believe he didn’t know what a raccoon was! I love raccoons, we had tons of them in Yonkers. I haven’t seen one since I moved to Brooklyn.

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