Greenpoint Survival Tip: A Raccoon Is NOT a Cat
Filed under: 11222, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic
Last night at around 11:30 p.m. the cats started to collect around my bedroom window. Sure enough, our new friend was back in search for grub. He (or she) didn’t have to look very hard as one of my neighbors (who was watching with bemused interest) tossed a large hunk of naan for his culinary pleasure.
With a dull thud this landed about nine feet from our kitchen window. I decided to take action.
Hey, don’t throw food for him to eat!
was his reply.
Me: DO NOT GIVE THIS ANIMAL FOOD. It is a raccoon.
Me: IT IS A RACCOON.
Neighbor: What’s a raccoon?
Me: IT IS A WILD ANIMAL. It might have rabies for all we know. DON’T FEED IT!!!
Neighbor: I thought it was a cat.
Me: It’s not a cat. Don’t feed it, ok?
And with this I thought the evening’s excitement had concluded. It didn’t: my neighbor (wishing to be helpful) decided to get rid of our nocturnal visitor. His plan (throwing eggs at it) had a number of fundamental flaws. Among them:
- As I have noted previously, a raccoon is not a cat. Throwing eggs at a cat (though I have never tried it) will probably make it go away. Throwing eggs at a hungry raccoon will not. The fertilized unfertilized ovum of a domesticated fowl is not a deterrent to such a creature: it is a second course. As we both learned.
- This Good Samaritan’s aim was— how should I put it— a bit “off”. Instead of reaching its intended target his salvo skidded along the rooftop and splattered my window screen with aborted chicken goodness.
What followed has to be seen to be believed.
It took me a good five minutes of beating my maglite against the windowsill to make this scavenger go away. This din woke the Mister up and a whole new round of late night hilarity commenced. And on that note, dear readers, I am off to take up this matter with this gentleman’s landlord.