A Very Greenpoint Missed Connection

December 3, 2007 by
Filed under: Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

What ever happened to propriety!?!

I exclaimed to a friend of mine yesterday upon being forced to listen to yet another self-absorbed hipster yammering away on her cell phone. There is no device that has utterly eroded what little sense of privacy or decency humanity had left like the good ol’ cellular telephone. People feel entitled to talk about the most fucked-up shit imaginable anywhere nowadays. My buddy Beatrice at Casa Mon Amour once heard a woman screaming to a friend of hers about getting gonorrhea from her boyfriend. Right on Franklin Street on an otherwise lovely Saturday afternoon.

If I ever caught a venereal disease I certainly wouldn’t advertise it. Greenpoint is a very small world. Word can and will get around. Sort of like bedbugs.

Craigslist Small

Which brings me to this gem discovered by Bedbuggers on Craigslist. The powers that be have since seen fit to pull it. Shame on them.

I had bedbugs, you had herpes – m4w – 29
Reply to: pers-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-29, 7:27PM EST

Damn, I wish I had that converstation to do over again. We met at Boulevard Tavern where people were wishing Harold a happy birthday. We both had a little too much to drink, and began discussing “deal breakers”. It just so happened that this was a day or so after I awoke with what felt like mosquito bites on my arms and shoulders, and I told you that I thought those might be bedbug bits. You told me that you would never sleep in a bed that had bedbugs or with a man who slept with bedbugs and I, offended, told you that I would never sleep with a woman who ever had an outbreak of herpes. So then you stalked off, leaving me with my PBR to wonder how an evening that began with such promise could go so badly.

OK, first of all, I got rid of most of my bedding, washed the rest in very hot water, encased the mattresses in vinyl encasements, and brought in an exterminator. He is convinced from the pattern and number of bites that it was a SPIDER that got me, not bedbugs. It’s been six days since I last got bit, and if there were bedbugs there, I’d have been bitten every night since. Didn’t happen, so maybe it was a spider or a mosquito. No matter, the place has been cleaned and sprayed, so there is less chance of bedbugs here than wherever else you might choose to end up. As far as the herpes crack goes, I don’t know if you have it or not, but I use condoms, and you could use valtrex, so why should this stop us? I felt a connection with you, a real one, a surprising one. It isn’t often that a man like me, living in SoHo with all those pretentious artist types, managing a mutual fund, gets to meet a girl with your look and sensitivities. I think there is something there between us worth pursuing, and we should not let the false possibility of bedbugs or blisters get between us. Write back. I want a mulligan.

* Location: Williamsboard/Greenpoint

Astral, 12/2/07 12:15 p.m.

Thanks but no thanks, Williamsboard. We Greenpointers have enough bedbugs and at least one case of gonorrhea already.

Miss Heather

Comments

4 Comments on A Very Greenpoint Missed Connection

  1. greenpointers on Mon, 3rd Dec 2007 9:06 am
  2. The mattress was gone this morning when I left for work… they always are. I wonder if someone is stupid enough to take them or what.

  3. rowan on Mon, 3rd Dec 2007 10:41 am
  4. eeeeeeeeeeeew. skankalicious pair. they deserve each other. glad for him that it is only spider bites and not bedbugs. aren’t people charming?

  5. missheather on Mon, 3rd Dec 2007 11:40 am
  6. I have seen men drive around this neighborhood and load old mattresses onto their trucks. They take them to a factory where they are stripped and re-stuffed. Always buy your mattresses new folks.

  7. nobugs on Mon, 3rd Dec 2007 3:17 pm
  8. NYMag picked you up, miss heather!
    (Which is more than we can say for Mr. m4w, who was decidedly not picked up.)

    http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2007/12/love_and_herpes_in_greenpoint.html

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