After discovering a disproportionate amount of phallic imagery waiting for the G train Monday night, I simply cannot get “dick”out of my mind. Wishing to know whether or not penile fixations were a Garden Spot phenomenon, I ran a Google search using the terms “Greenpoint” and “dick”. Follows is the first thing that came up.
I am not kidding. There is a web site called GreenpointUSA and they do, indeed, have “Pet Dicks” for sale. Here is an excerpt of the accompanying advertising copy:
…The skillful hands of the artist painstakingly massage their Dick from the limp, flaccid state of the raw Polymer material. Gently rubbing and texturing the shaft, head, and balls, while preparing to get the Dick hot and hard. During the bake-off, the artist keeps a watchful eye as to not get the Dick too hot, too fast. Finally, the moment of satisfaction as the artist takes their Dick out. Sometimes gently blowing the Dick with their mouth to get it to its final state of hardness.
There has been many-a-time when the artist got so close to their little Dicks that they just wouldn’t let go. However, in the interest and true spirit of contributing Dick to the world, they soon agree to part company with their Dicks. Their satisfaction is evident in their own testimonials:
“It’s a wonderful feeling to see the expression on their faces when you take your Dick out in front of a stranger.”
“I love my job because I get to do Dick all day.”
“After a long day of rubbing, and twisting, there’s nothing like the feel of a hard Dick in your hand.”
Maybe there is something (else) in the water here? In any case, we Greenpointers love us some dick. So much so that they sometimes get the better of us. That’s what happened to Martin Schlotter when he hired Betty Kohn as a housekeeper per an article from the May 28, 1888 edition of The Brooklyn Daily Eagle I discovered via GreenpointUSA after doing a little, a-hem, Christmas shopping. Enjoy!
Lest any of you are wondering, three days later Ms. Kohn was awarded her twelve dollars.
Pet Dick Photo Credit: GreenpointUSA