Crosstown Local Cavalade Volume IV: Safety Tips

February 4, 2008 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Subway safety posters are both a source of amusement and ire to yours truly. On the one hand I find their practice of explaining what should be self-evident to anyone with a shred of self-preservation and intelligence darkly amusing. On the other, I think posters advising sick people to refrain from riding the subway is a ludicrous waste of our tax dollars. Maybe the peeps at the MTA could provide a “call in sick service” on our behalf as well?

Dear Sir or Madam:

(Insert name here) will not be in today, (insert date). He/she (circle one) is too ill to ride the subway. Please note this in your payroll records and dock his/her pay accordingly. We thank you in advance for your understanding and thanks for riding the MTA!

The fact of the matter is some people do not have the option of calling in sick. What’s more, we have the right to ride the subway regardless of the state of health we find ourselves in on any given day. If I want to guzzle Orange Juliuses, hop on the train, get motion sickness and spew copious amounts of neon orange goo at my fellow passengers* during rush hour that’s my god given right. This is America goddammit and if projectile vomiting is how I see fit to exact my $2.00 worth of fare that’s my prerogative. And none of their fucking business.

My proposal to the MTA is as follows: why not outsource the copy writing of your public service posters to the ridership of the G train? Not only do we have the time to spare, but we also have a number of interesting ideas.

Think outside the boxcar

These range from the motivational and uplifting at Nassau Avenue…


to slightly nihilistic…

Walk on the third rail

and illucid at Greenpoint Avenue.

Granted, the advice we dispense might be questionable in nature, but it is a lot more attention grabbing. How’s about it, Metropolitan Transit Authority? Will you let us help you to help us become more savvy subway patrons and better citizens?

Miss Heather

*I saw this once while riding the N train during rush hour. It was a sight I’ll never forget.


3 Comments on Crosstown Local Cavalade Volume IV: Safety Tips

  1. bitchcakes on Mon, 4th Feb 2008 10:11 am
  2. I have the exact same reaction to those signs. In fact, I wrote the MTA regarding the “Bad News” campaign and asking why they are telling us to throw out our newspapers instead of recycling them!

    Every time I see that ridiculous poster about riding on the outside of the train, I think it’s laughably ridiculous. If they are going to waste MTA dollars to give us these “helpful reminders”, make it something useful!

    And if anyone is stupid enough to ride on the outside of the train, I have no pity for them. (Although I pity all the people that will be inconvenienced as a result)

  3. rexlic on Tue, 5th Feb 2008 1:51 am
  4. from “Gothamist”:

    February 4, 2008
    Don’t Try to Enter a Subway Car This Way

    A man was fatally run over by a northbound N train yesterday morning. According to the NY Times, no criminal activity is suspected:

    A man who said he was a witness, Karriem Torres, said the victim had been running to catch the train and climbed between two cars. He slipped under the train as it began to move and he screamed, Mr. Torres said, adding that by the time the train stopped, the man had been crushed.


    A year and a half ago, a man tried to board a train by climbing over the gates between the first and second cars of a C train, only to become stuck between the platform and train and getting dragged. Back then, we noticed that the MTA’s safety suggestions say, “Boarding between subway cars may seem like a time-saver, but it is highly dangerous.”

  5. rowan on Tue, 5th Feb 2008 11:03 am
  6. Anyone thinking about surfing or clinging to subway cars will quickly change their minds after perusing’s photos of train accident victims. Yikes.

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