Man Versus Farmer’s Market

October 18, 2008 by
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been a long time since I have seen (or more accurately, HEARD) a good honest-to-god rant here in Greenpoint. When Five Leaves (you know, the bar Heath Ledger built) opened I thought our days of random soap box oratory were over. The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I stood at the corner of Norman Avenue and Lorimer Street today and overheard this.

Once I heard this chap started shouting about constipation (in front of Five Leaves, no less!) I knew I must film this. What’s more as soon as I got home I had to share the god news with Mr. Heather. He was in the bathtub reading (as is his habit). He is the Garden Spot Marat to my Greenpoint Charlotte Corday.

Miss Heather: Some guy was ranting across the street from the Farmer’s Market at McCarren Park today.
Mr. Heather: Really?
Miss Heather: Yeah, right in front of Heath Ledger’s new bar. He said something about how you have to molest a cow in order to get your milk and cheese.
Mr. Heather (who has actually worked on a farm): Actually that is true. At the very least you have to cop a feel.

I knew better than to question the rationale behind Mister Heather’s statement. Over last year’s Christmas dinner this man (for reasons only known to him) decided to describe what it is like to artificially inseminate cows. Did you know the cow will shit on you immediately afterwards? I do. Over chile rellenos and a steaming pile of REFRIED BEANS. Thanks Mr. Heather!

Miss Heather


4 Comments on Man Versus Farmer’s Market

  1. rheingold on Sat, 18th Oct 2008 8:40 pm
  2. Well, if meat is murder, then milk is indeed cow molestation. Could be a catchy album title should The Smiths reunite. Or a new bumper sticker at the began co-op.

  3. rheingold on Sun, 19th Oct 2008 1:32 am
  4. P.S.–the “b” moves even closer to the “v” on the keyboard after you’ve had a few beers. That’s “vegan co-op” (above). Oh the hilariousity…

  5. bitchcakes on Sun, 19th Oct 2008 10:25 am
  6. I do want to question the rationale behind that statement – What is it about being inseminated prompts that response from the cow?!

    PS I love Mr Heather.

  7. MJK012579 on Tue, 28th Oct 2008 11:31 am
  8. This guy has nothing on Drakpak

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