Bed Stuy Video Jour: Park Avenue Thingamajig

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn 

I have no idea whatsoever why I find this so fascinating. I just do.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour:

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Culture War, Greenpoint Magic 

richwives

Clearly the recession has had some impact on reality television viewing. In Greenpoint, anyway.

Miss Heather

WANTED IN GREENPOINT: Zoot Suits

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Mikki (of NAG— Neighbors Allied For Good Growth) writes:

North Brooklyn’s Automotive High has come a long way these past few years. The graduation rate is up, attendance is up, and last year it earned a performance bonus from the city. Much of this has come through the hard work of the faculty and staff there, who are determined to give these kids both job skills and an education. There is still much to be done, but here’s what I’ve been really impressed with–the drama department! In just two years they have put on amazing productions of “Grease” and “West Side Story” that brought down the house–and after each performance, the cast’s heartfelt thanks to their teacher, Candace Parr, are simple but wrenching.

This year, the department is struggling to put on its musical–“Guys and Dolls.” I’m planning to help them with a fundraiser in a month or two but here’s what I’d like to hit the community up for now: zoot suits! If anyone has one, or has access to a costume department or vintage store with some, please contact me at actlocal15 (at) gmail (dot) com. Or if there are any costumers out there who would like to help, that’s cool too. (We also need a sound engineer!)

Zoot suits, anyone?

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Welcome

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Fedders Friday, Vinyl Siding, Williamsburg 

welcomenys

From Ainslie Street.

Miss Heather

Divine Dog Shit Intervention: Bushwick Style

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Brooklyn, Bum Shit, Bushwick, Dog Shit, Dog Shit Signage, Dung of the Day, Other Shit 

Churches give me the creeps. The tradition in many faiths is religion runs along matriarchal lines. My father is an avowed atheist, my mother was raised Methodist. My grandmother (my mother’s mother) tried to inculcate the Calvinist vision into my person.

It failed miserably. Probably because I do want to slave for a salvation I will probably not achieve. If god has already elected his own why should I bother? Besides, the Sunday School classes were downright stupid.*

In the spirit of good faith (and acknowledging the arguments set forth on both sides)— I reached a moral compromise: agnostic. But when I witnessed what I saw on George Street yesterday it made my agnosticism shudder with self-loathing Calvinistic doubt.

churchofjoy

This is the Cathedral of Joy. It may not look very joyous but it is indeed a church and its mission is to save souls…

thisisachurch

houseofthelord

and fight dog shit.

This is a church. Have some respect for the house of the Lord. Please (unintelligible) or curb your dog. Thank you.

I found two turds and a pair of pink panties in front of this establishment. Across the street was another matter.

tenturds

thirteen

Thirteen turds. One for each apostle plus one. A veritable Last Supper of dog shit (Judas Iscariot included)!

My conclusion: the fear of/hand of god is motivating dog owners to take their shit elsewhere. Unfortunately in this case it is across the street.

But it is a start!

Perhaps the City of New York will take heed of this novel tactic?

Miss Heather

*Although it could arguably be good job training for corporate shills: rote memorization and repetition. Methodism makes for good stenographers. Regurgitating what has been said accurately without the onus of knowing what it means. No disrepect to stenographers. You work harder than Methodists do.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Sheltered

February 26, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

swaddled

From McGolrick Park.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photos Du Jour: The Word On The Street

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

hope1

Jefferson Street.

harrisonplace

freewelsey

mmm

Harrison Place.

loveandresistance

Boerum Street.

lookinatus2

hammertime

Bogart Street.

Miss Heather

Bed Stuy Photo Du Jour: HOLLA!

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

holla

From Park Avenue.

Miss Heather

WANTED IN GREENPOINT: Educated Physicist

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

Chris, the discoverer of this wonderful item, writes:

Hello Miss Heather,

…thought you might find this interesting.  Not sure if you’ve seen this yet, but this flier was posted on the street lamp on Franklin and Greenpoint Ave., right outside of the Pencil Factory this morning.  Obviously, my cell phone picture is less than great quality, but apparently someone who is close to building a time machine in Greenpoint is looking for physicist to work on some of the numbers for said time machine.

Not sure if it’s a hoax or not, but it’s entertaining nonetheless.

wanted

I am an inventor who are very close to the fabrication of working TIME MACHINE here in Greenpoint workshop. I’m looking for a consultant who is Math educated to help with difficult equations.

Looking for local Mathematician/Theoretical Physicist: preferably with (unintelligible) engineering experience and a willing-desire to explore the future and past.

Payment deferred. If Consultation and math correct then payment will be immediate upon answering this posting.

If this posting is still up I have not figured the time machine out yet and need your help! Must have knowledge of…

Any “educated physicists” interested in following up this most unique employment opportunity should make his (or her) way to the southwestern corner of Greenpoint Avenue and Franklin Street without delay as this appears to be a limited time offer. Good luck…

and have a safe trip!

Miss Heather

UPDATE, February 27, 2009: You can see this advert in some semblance of entirety by clicking here.

From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Message From Lentol’s Office

February 25, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

bulletthumbThose of you who have contacted Joseph Lentol’s office regarding the recent shooting at the Production Lounge should find the following of interest. It is an email a I received from his office apprising me of what actions he is taking to ensure this does not happen again. Happy reading.

Dear Miss Heather,

My name is Amy Cleary and I work for Assemblyman Joe Lentol.  I just wanted to give you and your readers an update that is being done with regard to the recent shooting at Production Lounge.  We have spoken with many of our constituents who live near this location and listened to their accounts of that eventing.  Any time you hear about people waking up to bullet holes six feet from where they sleep it is absolutely horrifying.  We have written to the state liquor authority to ensure that there is a full investigation of this matter. We have also met with the police.  The 94th precinct assures us that they are meeting with the owner and taking every step possible to prevent this from happening again, guns have no place near people’s homes.  We intend to follow this matter closely and support the police in any way that we can. Thank you for your attention to this issue.

Sincerely,

Amy Cleary

So there have you. I have said it before and I’ll say it again: when it comes to constituent services Joe Lentol is tops!

Miss Heather

P.S.: On a related note some of you might have noticed that Yelp has scrubbed a number of the reviews for the Production Lounge. Hmm. In any case if anyone out there has screencaps of the now-excised entries let me know via comments. I would very much like to have them. Thanks!