Word Of The Day: Nondo

December 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Greenpoint Magic 

(Or Ray Of Blight: A Dear John Letter to Magic Johnson)

Curbed wrote:

…You know the Viridian? (the ugly Modernist monolith depicted above— Ed. Note.) The high profile luxe condo at 110 Green Street in Greenpoint? We got a tip that it was going rental. We resisted running it as a rumor, even though we fully suspected it was true. An immediate denial was not forthcoming. The Viridian is still on the Developers Group website, although it is at the very end, behind two other buildings that recently went rental. Today comes word from a spokesperson: “According to The Developers Group, it’s being considering to convert the building to rental, but it has not been confirmed.” That, friends, is a polite way of saying “nondo in the works,” but we have to work out the legalities and paperwork. The building will be 130 units. The first segment of the building is slated to open by the end of the year or early 2009. Phase II is slated for late spring and Phase III is due in Q3 2009. Listings had shown asking prices for 1BRs starting at $458,000, 2BRs at $639,000 and 3BRs at $825,000. A little more than a dozen units had sold.

Non-do, n. pl. nondominiums: a substandard housing complex of dwelling units erected with a heavy measure of speculative greed, a promise of urban renewal (and a celebrity’s smile) with the cheapest labor and materials available in the hopes that each unit will be purchased at above market value. When the economy (and abject stupidity with a down payment) fails they dump their cheap crap into the rental market. See: Greenpoint, Suckers; Dewey, Cheatem and Howe or The Cocoanuts.

Um, this doesn’t look like a standard brick and mortar job to me, Magic.

Perhaps it’s because it is transparent (as opposed to opaque). I suppose that’s what renters and your 13 suckers buyers (or to see the glass half full: %10 OCCUPANCY) should expect for their money. For what’s it worth, your lackeys removed the siding peeling off the first floor of your dump testament to progress. I for one am grateful for this, as a humble peon who has the pleasure of living on the block where your testament to progress DUMP is being erected; it made walking down the sidewalk challenging.

Your eager beavers are working day and night now (without impediment from the Department of Buildings who I am certain someone in your chain of command paid off nicely) but none have seen fit to get rid of the vandalism. Including the bit of graffiti on the pillar next your building’s front door. You might want to look into that; it’s a turn-off to virtual golf-goers and roof-top cabana enthusiasts. And for the record I can state unequivocally that there has never been as much graffiti (or GARBAGE) on this block since you and yours saw fit to raze a fair chunk of it. Thank you for making Green Street less beautiful (or more ugly) place, Magic.

That’s not to suggest we didn’t have our good times: I got many a chuckle when workers from your site patronized my place of employment. A junk shop. Who doesn’t want to buy some porn (DVD only— urination, scat vids, much less Blackeyed Pees were unacceptable– only “fucky fucky”), stereo equipment or the odd saw (power strip, ruler, etc.) on his lunch hour? Especially when the scabs free market capitalists you hired are expected to provide their own tools? I was more than happy to assist them.

In my free time I have been verbally abused by your workers. Hissing and kissing noises mostly. Occasionally a chap would grab his nuts (to remind me I have none): a thankful reminder that I have no little head to overrule my “big head”. You’re a class operation, Viridian. I can hardly wait for phase 3, Magic.

Just like syphilis, your project is the gift that keeps on giving!

Miss Heather

Reader Contribution Du Jour: A Garden Spot X-Mas

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Rheingold (who shot the above photographs) writes:

Some holiday happiness (and strangeness) from my recent visit back to the neighborhood.Best of everything for the holidays and ’09.

Right back at ya Rheingold and thanks for sharing! Anyone out there know what a “grave blanket” is? If so, please share.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: A Moment Of Zen

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Frost Street.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo Du Jour: Wish Fulfillment

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crosstown Local, Greenpoint Magic 

From the Queens-bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue.

Miss Heather

Exxon Claus?

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Many of you who have lamented over Manhattan Avenue’s lack of Yuletime wattage might have noticed the fancy energy efficient lights that were fired up last Friday, December 12. Well, as it would happen they have a very interesting benefactor (from the December 10th edition of the Greenpoint Gazette):

…Town Square still faces the daunting task of raising the funds for the lights. Companies like ExxonMobil, MetroFuel, and the New York Power Authority have pledged their support and Assemblymember Joe Lentol, Councilmember David Yassky, and Esposito have lent their voices to the call for community support. The Greenpoint Gazette, Greenpoint Lions, and North Brooklyn Development Corporation are helping with collections from local merchants.

Yup, you just read that Exxon is one of the folks ponying up the dough for these bad boys. I don’t know about you, but the given sheer environmental havoc this company has wreaked on our community and the fact that petrol is going for a pretty penny these days I would have expected our “neighbor” (Who some of you might remember co-sponsored Earth Day at McCarren Park this year!) to single-handedly fund a Dyker-fucking-Heightsesque spectacle bathing our main drag in retina-searing glory. Hell, it damned better be visible from outer space for that matter!

In other words, not something that looks like a raver’s glow wand or a swizzle stick gracing a Mai Tai at the local Tiki Club.

Call me a scrooge but this is insulting. Seriously.

Miss Heather

P.S.: The reason the usual lights were not up this year is because ponying up money for them is completely voluntary. And in a sour economy people clasp their wallets a little more tightly than usual. Had Manhattan Avenue created a Business Improvement District (thus spreading the financial burden equally among business owners) it is probable we would have had are usual garish show of holiday cheer this year. Several attempts have been made to start a B.I.D. here. All have failed. Mostly in part to one person who saw fit to engage in a campaign of misinformation about what creating a such an entity entails.

Grand Street has a B.I.D. They have Christmas lights.

Graham Avenue also has a B.I.D. They too have Christmas lights. (See where I’m going with this?)

They also have a holiday trolley to take you to see Santa Claus this weekend.

But the Garden Spot doesn’t have a B.I.D. So we get “Exxon Claus” instead. Lucky us. You can see last year’s lights (courtesy of our very own Bitchcakes) by pointing and clicking your way over to the New York Shitty photo pool.

South 4th Street Gets Bombed… Again!

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Dog Shit Signage, Dung of the Day, Williamsburg 

It has been a while since I have checked out South 4th Street: home of what is arguably the slickest and most visually explicit anti-dog shit signage to be found in our fair city. Wishing to see how these admonishments were faring I swung by South 4th Street to see how things were shaking. I will start with the good news —I’m grading on a bell curve here— because (let’s face facts) this location isn’t going pass as dead ringer for Brooklyn Heights anytime soon: the block looked relatively clean.

And now for the bad news…

It would appear the sign itself has been bombed. I don’t know about you but what I find fascinating is the time and effort this person took to smear dog (?) feces on this missive. It would have easily have taken half the time simply to toss it in a plastic bag. Damn.

Miss Heather

A Few Events Of Interest For Our Jewish Friends

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Manhattan 

As many of you are aware Hanukkah kicks off this Sunday, December 21. Follow are a couple of events our fellow friends of the book might find of interest from Greenpoint and beyond.

First up, Greenpoint’s very own Congregation Ahavas Israel will be kicking things off a celebration this upcoming Sunday starting at 5:00 p.m. For the price of your $20.00 admission ($10.00 for the young ‘uns) you’ll get live music, dancing, dreydel games and latkes for your delectation. Yum!

Hanukkah Celebration
December 21, 2008, 5:00 p.m.
Ahavas Israel
109 Noble Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Those of you seeking festivities of the more unconventional kind (or simply like anything featuring Mexican bandits) will undoubtedly find this item (which yours truly found posted in the door of Christina’s Restaurant.

The details about this revue are pretty scant on Heeb Magazine’s web site. However, I’d gladly fork over $20.00 for an hour of free margaritas and to see anyone calling themselves Strip Dreidel and the Kinky Jews out of sheer principle. What’s more, this sounds like a helluva lot of fun!

HEEBONISM
December 24, 2008 9:00 p.m. – 3:00 a.m. (That’s Christmas Eve to you and me.)
Fontana’s
105 Eldridge Street
New York, New York 10002

Miss “I don’t need no stinking badge” Heather

UPDATE, 4:50 p.m.: I received an email from one of the wizards over at Heeb Magazine with a most interesting clarification regarding this event. Brian writes:

Hey, you guys.

I really appreciate the plug for our party. Thanks a mill. Let me know if you guys want to come, and I’ll get you on our list.

Though I should clarify: “Strip Dreidel with Kinky Jews” isn’t a band. Rather we are actually having some hornball kosher kids play a game that involves, yes, taking their clothes off.

And there will be gift bags galore. Free Silver Bullet vibrators from Babeland. Get there early to nab ‘em.

Thanks again, Shitty people!

It doesn’t get much better than this folks.

‘Tis The Season: Southside Sampler

December 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From South 2nd & 3rd Street.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: Fun With Construction Fences On West Street

December 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Just think, if you lived here you’d be home(less) by now! I wonder if these digs come with a concierge?

Miss Heather

A Little Greenpoint Trivia: 1922-2007

December 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

While the above graffiti (which hails from Green Street) is hardly anything new (it’s been around for just over 1 1/2 years now), in light of some asshole’s recent defacement of most them I have been behooved to finally write a post it here on New York Shitty. Any of you out there care to guess what this star shape and set of dates is referencing? I know what it is and its pretty darned neat!

Miss Heather

P.S.: For the reveal click here.