Clinton Hill Photos du Jour: Salute

November 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill 

Good Morning Afghanistan!

Good morning from Myrtle Avenue!

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday Part II: The New Style Cont’d

November 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bed-Stuy, Clinton Hill, Fedders Friday 

I would like to open this post with what is easily my favorite comment of the week. On November 18, 2008 superclam wrote:

Heather, I’m impressed. It’s both my job and my hobby to look at ugly buildings, and that is an exceptionally ugly building. Two distinct styles, and they both suck.

Speaking as someone who is not employed to look at ugly buildings but whose hobby is searching them out nonetheless I am really flattered by this endorsement from a professional. What’s more, it makes me think of this beauty from Greene Avenue in Clinton Hill.

By all appearances it looks like the architect of this building started with a Modernist vision on the right but changed his (or her) mind one third of the way through. I suppose it really doesn’t matter what “style” this building is. It’s still uglier as homemade sin.

On a clear day in Bedford Stuyvesant you can see Fedders forever, and ever, and ever more!

I am one of nine.

You will be assimilated.

They must have some pretty bad drivers down in Bed Stuy is the developer feels compelled to erect pylons like this.

bodmin brought up a very salient point when he/she noted the solitary advantage of living in a Fedderplex such as previous…

or this…

or this…

or this:

No matter what it looks like on the inside, the great advantage of living in it would be that when you were home you wouldn’t have to look at the exterior!

How very true.

What’s more those exposed electrical meters are a darned convenient place to rest your coffee cup while you get out your keys.

There’s always ample parking.

And not just for automobiles either.

Knish carts are also welcome with open arms.

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday Part I: The New Style

November 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Bed-Stuy, Fedders Friday 

I am so inspired by the piquant feedback I received regarding this post I have decided to hit you up with not just one —BUT TWO —installments of Fedders Friday today. Enjoy!

Just yesterday the Mister regaled me with the good news that our investments (courtesy of our stock market) took yet another hit. On top of that no one is lending money nowadays. It’s a shame, actually as there are so many great deals out there to be had now.

I cannot for the life me understand why this beauty (which hails from Dekalb Avenue) has not been snapped up yet.

It’s not like the purchaser won’t be in good company or anything: this building holds court just down the street. Note how the developer took the trouble to add chrome doors and make the balconies match. That’s what I call luxury!

Of course if living on Dekalb Avenue isn’t your cup of tea there is this stellar two family home on Tompkins Avenue. For the record I have been watching this building for some time and believe it or not this is an older building that has been retrofitted to sport all the amenities a bona fide Fedderista demands…

including but not limited to:

  • Large quantities of cement
  • Ample amounts of fencing
  • Exposed electrical meters

What are you waiting for? Call May today!

You know times are tough when even Corcoran is shilling crap like the following (which hails from Lafayette Avenue).

As it happened I got to witness something rather amusing after taking the above photograph it went something like this. I notice a gentleman in his late twenties standing on the stoop of a brownstone across the street. After waiting for sometime he pulled out his cell phone and made a call. His end of the dialogue was as follows:

I thought it was 703. It’s 706? Okay.

Suffice it to say the expression on chap’s face when he made visual contact with “706” was more than a little entertaining. As New York Shitty reader noel recently opined (regarding my hatred of the gratuitous use of keystones):

…the keystones indicat(e), “douchebag lives here, and here, and here, etc…

If this is indeed true —and taking into account the look of disappointment on the above-mentioned client’s face— it would be safe to presume that while possibly being a hipster this gentleman was not a douchebag. Isn’t deductive logic fun?

I am going to close this post with this comely specimen from Willoughby Avenue. Having had a rather extensive liberal arts education I find the fact a beauty salon called “Venus” graces this building. Those of you who know your mythology will know precisely what I am talking about.

This concludes today’s first installment of Fedders Friday. Why not grab a cup of coffee (or a barf bag) and prepare yourself for “Part II”. I assure you it only gets better.

And by “better” I mean worse.

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday Photo du Jour: Taaffe Place

November 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Fedders Friday 

I could not think of a better image to kick off this Fedders Friday than this lovely assortment of Fedders panels hailing from Classon Avenue in Clinton Hill. Stay tuned folks, today I have a lot of Fedderific magic up my sleeve!

Miss Heather

These Are Not Crosstown Local Photos du Jour

November 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Greenpoint Avenue.

Miss Heather

Rides: Greenpoint Vs. Bedford Stuyvesant Part II

November 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Clinton Hill, Greenpoint Magic 

Beadel Street, Greenpoint.

Anthony Street, Greenpoint.

From Lexington Avenue, Bedford Stuyvesant.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: 3:10

November 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Humboldt Street.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Advertising To Procreating Gentrifiers

November 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill 

When you push it… we feel your pain.

After I quit giggling my ass off at this ad (from Greene Avenue) many thoughts came to mind. The least off-color of them was as follows:

Childbirth (the end all and be all of “pushing it”) has to be much more painful than pushing a stroller. Does Motrin feel this pain?

Because I sure as fuck don’t want to. Perhaps I’m getting old but how the hell can a stroller weigh thirty pounds?!? Does it sport Corinthian leather, GPS, a full wet bar (for mommy) and a surround-sound entertainment system? I really want to know.

If for no other reason because if the bennies are right, e.g.; bench-pressing my 30 pound stroller (with crotchling on board) and Motrin feeling my pain I might reconsider my child-free lifestyle.*

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can text “stroller” to 34264 to hear the rest of the story! Welcome to the wonderland that is high technology: more advertising.

*HAHAHAHA!

How To Beat The High Cost Of Living…

November 20, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Williamsburg style!

If there’s something I have to hand to my buddy down south (and by that I mean Brooklyn11211) it is this: he knows what I like!

11211 wrote:

This seems like something you’d be able to make something of. I assume they’ve named their product after the colonial Williamsburg, not the post-modern one. Not that either makes sense when you’re branding a pop-up camper.

This is not your run-of-the-mill Green-point or Bushwick four wheeling digs, dear readers. This is none other than the 2008 Fleetwood Williamsburg model! It sleeps six and is priced to own at measly $16,463.80 $13,499!

Amenities include:

  1. A factory installed 16,000 BTU Furnace with electric ignition and power roof system
  2. Light weight easy to pull, aluminum framed, new smooth sides (It’s like Scarano at a fraction of the price!)
  3. Integrated high pressure slide out outside stove
  4. Aluminum wheels
  5. Power Roof Lift
  6. Slide out Dinette eat in kitchen and last, but hardly least…

A 12 volt flushing cassette toilet! It doesn’t get much more “retro” (and therefore hip) than this folks: cassettes are the new LPs— especially whilst flushing on Flushing Avenue! As my father always said (and by this I mean never):

The family that shits together stays together.

I am certain this great “starter home” won’t be on the market for long. Parties interested in maintaining that valuable 11211 zip code without paying 11211 prices should point and click their way over to RV USA without delay. The only thing you have to lose is your dignity!*

Miss Heather

Photo Credits: RVUSA.com

*If you actually consider living in a trailer in Williamsburg as being a viable option the previous caveat is a moot point. You lost it a long, LONG time ago.

Brooklyn Photos du Jour: The Writing On The Wall

November 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Clinton Hill, Dog Shit Signage, Greenpoint Magic, Navy Yard, Queens, Williamsburg 

This angry missive to one “Mayor Moo Moo” hails from Steuben Street and comes courtesy of “B.O.M.B.”: Brooklyn’s Other Museum of Brooklyn (whose web site appears to currently be parked). You can see more of their missives (and believe you me they have a lot to say) by checking out my photo set on flickr.

And while I’m at it, clean up after your damned dogs already! Sheesh.

Miss Heather

P.S.: On a related note some of you might find this web site interesting. Someone should erect a site like this counting the days until IDT Energy* figures out that everyone and their damned dog knows about the scam they’re running. Any takers?

*Those of you who have had the pleasure of interfacing with these people (as I have) please contact your duly elected officials and make them aware of this scam. For those of you who live in/around Greenpoint, Williamsburg and the Navy Yard (and beyond— for example, the 12th district includes much of the Lower East Side and a substantial chunk of Queens) the following information should be helpful:

U.S. Representative Nydia Velazquez, here’s a map of her district:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:New_York_District_12_109th_US_Congress.png

New York Representative Joseph Lentol, here’s a map of his district:

http://assembly.state.ny.us/mem/?ad=050&sh=map