Man Versus Farmer’s Market

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been a long time since I have seen (or more accurately, HEARD) a good honest-to-god rant here in Greenpoint. When Five Leaves (you know, the bar Heath Ledger built) opened I thought our days of random soap box oratory were over. The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I stood at the corner of Norman Avenue and Lorimer Street today and overheard this.

Once I heard this chap started shouting about constipation (in front of Five Leaves, no less!) I knew I must film this. What’s more as soon as I got home I had to share the god news with Mr. Heather. He was in the bathtub reading (as is his habit). He is the Garden Spot Marat to my Greenpoint Charlotte Corday.

Miss Heather: Some guy was ranting across the street from the Farmer’s Market at McCarren Park today.
Mr. Heather: Really?
Miss Heather: Yeah, right in front of Heath Ledger’s new bar. He said something about how you have to molest a cow in order to get your milk and cheese.
Mr. Heather (who has actually worked on a farm): Actually that is true. At the very least you have to cop a feel.

I knew better than to question the rationale behind Mister Heather’s statement. Over last year’s Christmas dinner this man (for reasons only known to him) decided to describe what it is like to artificially inseminate cows. Did you know the cow will shit on you immediately afterwards? I do. Over chile rellenos and a steaming pile of REFRIED BEANS. Thanks Mr. Heather!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Sandwiches Fit For A President!

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Looks like the P.J. Sunny Deli (at 308 Manhattan Avenue*) is getting into the election spirit by offering sandwiches for people of both parties. Which one tickles your fancy?

  1. The McCain: Turkey, salami, lettuce, tomato and mayo on a roll.
  2. The Whit(e) House: Chicken breast, mozzarella cheese, tomato and honey mustard on a roll.
  3. The Obama: Pastrami, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato on a roll.

Where’s the Nader FLT? (Facon with lettuce, tomato and vegan mayo).

Miss Heather

*Don’t jump on this all at once print reporters. You know who you are.

Boobification Photos du Jour: Magic Bus On Meeker Avenue

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

This one goes out to the woman who hung out of the window of a passing Honda (I think) and shouted:

NICE!

Positive feedback regarding my Boobifcation Project is always appreciated. Thank you, whoever you are.

In closing it would appear that north Brooklyn boobification is catching on.

CASES IN POINT: The pay phone in front of the Big D store on Manhattan Avenue…

and this flier at Kent Street.

Just across the street from the “Happy End” Restaurant, no less!

NICE.

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: No Parking

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

From 9th Avenue, Sunset Park.

Miss Heather

The Halloween Parade Cometh!

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I missed this last year but you can rest assured I will be there with bells on this time around! Get cracking folks— you only have ten days left to get your canine’s couture ready! The parade starts at 2:00 p.m. and “tons of giveaways, costume judging, information and grand prizes” are promised!

Halloween Parade & Party
October 26, 2008, 2:00 p.m.
McGolrick Park (corner of Driggs and Russell Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Halloween Photo du Jour: Alice In Chains

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Humboldt Street.

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday: Back With A Vengeance

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Fedders Friday 

I’ll admit it. I have been sorely remiss recording the impact Fedderization has taken on our fair borough. Thankfully I went to Sunset Park last weekend and got my religion revulsion back. Big time.

EXAMPLE 1

The air conditioning boxes are technically Friedrichs but I am conferring honorary Fedders status to this building for the following reasons:

  1. It is ugly as hell.
  2. Sports no plant life whatsoever (save what the city dictates).
  3. Exposed gutters and mismatched brickwork: clearly this developer thought he (or she) could go higher. It didn’t happen so now we have this partial birth abortion.
  4. with obnoxious balconies…
  5. and security cameras.

EXAMPLE 2

Another Sunset Park beauty…

Replete with concrete, electric and gas meters.

EXAMPLES 3 & 4

Those of you who are more D.C. comic savvy know of Bizarro Superman. Now I present to you the Bizarro Fedders Special twins! They’re not prettier, only different. And very special!

Rapunzel…

Rapunzel let down your hair…

So I can climb up and get into your underwear!

— Beastie Boys.

Could someone explain the following to me?

An (ostensible) architect is responsible for this abomination. Who? I must know!

In closing which one of these buildings doesn’t look like the others?

If you guessed the towering pile of beige crap in the middle you are correct!

God bless you, Sunset Park. You need it.

(To be continued)

Miss Heather



Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: The Quantum of Shoeless

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

1-877-BUNION-1 has upgraded their marketing strategy (THANK GOD) but the latest “Bond Girl”* clearly disapproves.

Miss Heather

*Not that I care. I quit giving a damn after Maud Adams.

Well Actually, They Aren’t

October 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The Village Voice writes:

Bad news: The Mushroom Jazz guy is prominently involved. But even if Mark Farina’s snoozy house series leaves you cold, it’ll be swell to see somebody — anybody — onstage again at the beleaguered Greenpoint spot, shuttered since August due to various neighborly unpleasantries. Very very doubtful all Studio B’s legal/community issues have been magically solved, and things are still in flux there: As Annie Fischer just noted in the Voice, Justine D., the club’s events coordinator and talent buyer, resigned last week.

I am sad to see Justine leave (she was the owner of the Jaguar with Florida plates perpetually parked in front of this place, yes?). I am also disappointed to see Studio B operating (once again) without proper paperwork in place. It’s the same song, albeit different verse…

Anonymous wrote:

Looks like they’ve been doing what they need to get sign offs to get a TCO and the subsequent PA permit (the cabaret license is contingent on those two items). They’ll have zoning use group 12 on the CO (which is the cabaret designation, but it won’t be legal to use it as such until they get the cabaret.  Read: they’ll be legal but can’t dance).

They got final electrical and plumbing sign offs this month. That’s 50% of the TCO requirements. The remaining 50% breaks down like this: 25% elevator sign off (slam dunk cause there are no elevators–I assume); the last 25% is passing the construction inspection. The following link is under the “items required” tab under the Alt 1 (CO amendment application) BIS page.  http://a810-bisweb.nyc.gov/bisweb/COApplicationSummaryServlet?requestid=4&passjobnumber=310114122&passdocnumber=01&allisn=0001489552&allbin=3065254 They’re banking that they can finish that, get the TCO and PA permit before the 12th or whatever the date is. Can they do it? Meh, that’s a real push.

There is something amiss I noticed.  There is no CO aplication on file under the Alt 1. That’s weird cause it should be there and they shouldn’t have been able to get the electrical and plumbing sign offs without it on file

If one wanted to be a real pain in the arse, one would write a letter to Brooklyn Borough Commissioner Magdi Mossad requesting a special audit…

This is my letter to you Magdi Mossad.

I want a “special audit” of Studio B’s (AKA: 259 Banker Street) paperwork because they clearly have no regard for your agency or the laws you purportedly enforce. (They’ve been hosting events for several weeks now lest you have not noticed). I’ve heard the D.O.B. doesn’t sleep but they occasionally “close their eyes”. Is this true? Say it ain’t so, Joe Magdi.

Everyone else I know here “plays by the rules” why shouldn’t Studio B? Or are they special?*

Miss Heather

P.S.: While I’m at it, Magdi (I feel like I know you given the recent spate of Stop Work Orders you have issued in my ‘nabe) perhaps you could explain to me why Club Exit is still in business after three incidences of gun play this year? 94th Precinct? Community Board 1? Joe Lentol? Anyone?

*e.g.; soapy sam and greasing palms.

TOMORROW: Horror For The Masses

October 16, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

No, I am not talking about another Presidential debate. Rather I speak of this.

Blue Gate Movies will be screening a different horror movie each and every Friday night starting tomorrow!

Blue Gate Movies
112 Meserole Avenue
(between Manhattan Avenue & Leonard Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

What’s more, admission is absolutely free! Who can argue with that?

Miss Heather