Greenpoint Gentrification Watch: We Have Arrived (AGAIN)!

December 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Driggs Avenue.

I have long tangled with the question as to what constitutes “gentrification”. The above flier (from Manhattan Avenue between Nassau and Driggs Avenue) has provided me with an answer: the presence of CERTIFIED LACTATION CONSULTANTS.

Congratulations Greenpoint! You’re looking (if not smelling) more like Park Slope with each and every passing day!

Miss Heather

P.S.: I am totally making a t-shirt for the Mister emblazoned with the phrase “Lactation Expert”. This is because to some degree he is: Mr. Heather is an expert at treating mastitis in cows. Just ask him. He was kind enough to forward me this link on the subject. Here are a few highlights:

Milking Tips From the NMC

Attitude Makes A Difference
Proper milking procedures and a positive attitude are required to minimize mastitis and maximize quality production from a milking herd. Milking should be done by responsible and conscientious persons. Good management dictates that the person milking must be constantly alert to conditions that may spread mastitis organisms from cow to cow. Correcting such conditions assists the production of high quality milk from healthier udders.

Provide a Stress Free Environment
A consistent operating routine for bringing cows and milking machines together is essential. Cows that are frightened or excited before milking may not let their milk down in spite of an effective preparation routine. Hormones are released into the bloodstream during periods of stress. These hormones interfere with normal milking procedure and the animal’s resistance to disease, including mastitis. A milking environment that routinely causes stress to cows may predispose cows to a greater rate of mastitis infection.

Clip Udders For Cleanliness
Well clipped udders reduce the amount of dirt and manure that can contaminate milk. Udders with long hair are difficult to clean and dry. Milking wet and/or dirty teats increases the risk of high bacteria counts in the milk and increases the rate of new cases of mastitis.

Check Foremilk and Udder For Mastitis
Presence of mastitis can be detected by using the hand to physically examine the udder for swelling, heat, and/or “knots”, and by using a strip cup or plate to examine foremilk of each quarter of each cow prior to every milking. Correct use of the strip cup can be a valuable aid in detecting symptoms of mastitis such as clotty, stringy, or watery milk. Milk should never be stripped into the hand. This routine spreads mastitis organisms from teat to teat and cow to cow. Forestripping may aid in preventing new infections by flushing mastitis organisms from inside the teat.

Good Massage Increases Production
When teats and the lower part of the udder are massaged, a signal is sent to the brain which secretes the milk letdown hormone, oxytocin, into the blood stream. The hormone is then carried to the udder where it acts on muscle cells to “squeeze” milk out of the milk-secreting tissue. Massage of all teats is better than massage of only one or two teats and physically squeezing each teat will reduce the amount of milk left in the udder at the end of milking. Large amounts of milk left in the udder increase frequency of clinical mastitis in infected quarters.

Life In Dangertown

December 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

On Thanksgiving Day of this year I wrote:

What constituted “Dangertown” here in 11222, you ask? I’m saving that for an extra juicy post!

Well, that time has come.

Although the above image did not accompany the following article from the July 18, 1886 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle I felt it illustrated perfectly the grinding poverty that was once commonplace in the fair burgh we call home. Believe it or not this see-saw was considered plush by contemporary accounts. Greenpoint at the turn of the century was rife with crime, filth and gangs with colorful noms de guerre such as the “Dangertown Slobs”, “Jolly Four”, “Sons of Rest” and the “Undertakers”. The latter most moniker is my personal favorite, as the members purportedly called themselves as such because they completed everything they undertook —but make no mistake about it: the young Republican’s Glee Club these gentlemen most decidedly were NOT.

Two things haven’t changed over the last 124 years in Greenpoint; the watering holes are still quite plentiful and there’s plenty of hideous architecture to go around.* You can read the rest of this article about “Dangertown” (and its numerous shenanigans) by clicking here.

Miss Heather

*Karl Fischer

Pay Phone du Jour: 37th Avenue

December 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

It’s been awhile since I have found some quality public pay phone desecration. Fortunately I found this specimen in Jackson Heights. It rather tickled my fancy.

Unlike the general trend of mindless destruction I usually find, the defiler of this device took only the parts he/she needed. I for one think this was very kind of them: it leaves something for everyone else! To close on a (somewhat) related note. This weekend (as I stayed up until the wee hours watching a Planet of The Apes marathon) it came to my attention that jacked up pay phones in Queens has a little cinematic provenance.

If you think finding an operative pay phone in 2008 is bad, I assure in 3955 it is most assuredly worse. Note: the above model is a rotary phone. Oh, the humanity! Where is this item located, you ask?

Where most of the finer things in the county of Queens are to be found: Queensboro Plaza.

Dude. I don’t think I’d be laying my hands on this if I were you.

Miss Heather

A Home For Ella

December 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Park Slope 

This was forwarded by a reader of mine. Once you learn about Ella’s situation you will understand the urgency of her situation. Vivian writes:

Ella lived most of her life in a parking lot in Brooklyn.  Although she was fed and had a “doghouse” she was always alone and rarely acknowledged.  A month ago we learned that construction was to begin in the lot, so she was being evicted.  She is currently at a short-term foster home, but Ella needs to find a foster or permanent home urgently.

Ella is about 6 years old, approximately 55 lbs, and a lab-shep mix. She is completely house broken and very sweet – doesn’t seem that she was abused.  She loves everyone and is OK with kids.  Ella is a great dog for someone that doesn’t want to deal with issues – She is low maintenance and very easy going – no separation anxiety and not destructive.  She is just happy hanging out.  Unfortunately Ella doesn’t like cats and is probably best with smaller dogs.

Anyone interested in giving Ella the gift a home this holiday season should contact Vivian at info (at) HouseBrokenny (dot) com. It should be noted that HouseBrokenny has offered to provide free dog walking to the adoptive/foster parents for Ella if they live in the “Park Slope area” (READ: Prospect Heights, Park Slope or Crown Heights vicinity) until she becomes acclimatized to her new home.

Miss Heather

Reader Contribution Du Jour: 86’d

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Bay Ridge Guido (the taker of the above photograph) writes:

I thought that you’d like to see this. I took it yesterday, a rainy Sunday afternoon on East 73rd and 3rd Ave. (SW corner) Manhattan. It sort of saddened me and made me feel a little shitty. Looks like someone said “Fuck It!” and just chucked their dream(s) into the garbage.

Great blog you got going. I love it. Don’t stop, and remember; Stay
true to your dreams.

Great find Guido (and thanks for the kind words)! You can see more great photographs (for the record the ones of Chinatown are among my faves) by this gentleman by checking out his flickr page.

Miss Heather

Retail Space For Rent On Franklin Street!

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Abjectecture, Greenpoint Magic, Vomit 

WOW. 500 -3,400 square feet sounds pretty phat. As does 1,400 – 5,200 square feet of “professional space”. But there’s one hitch…

it hasn’t been built yet.

Here’s a photograph of floor one of Karl Fischer’s 200 Franklin Street Frankenfinger . It was taken November 27, 2008. Do you honestly think these clowns are going to have this floor (much less a second floor of “professional space” and the heap of crap above it) completed by February 2009? Really?

But I suppose hope GREED springs eternal.

Miss Heather

Fun With Internet Image Filchers

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Asshole 

As time goes on I am getting more and more peevish at people who for lack of proper netiquette (be it out of ignorance, sense of entitlement or sheer laziness) use/upload my images without bothering to ask, much less giving proper citation(s) of said image(s). For those of you who are wondering, here is the proper protocol for using my images:

  1. ASK. In all likelihood I’ll say yes. What’s more I will be very grateful
  2. At the very least cite who captured said image. READ: me.

The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I received this missive from fellow Greenpointer, nice guy and incredibly talented photographer: Kitchen Prof. He wrote:

Hey Heather

I ended up having some fun, and I thought I’d tell you about it. Since Alan Colmes is quitting “Hannity and Colmes,” the pictures of Colmes from a blog post I did a while ago have been “borrowed” by bloggers writing about it. So, I thought it might be entertaining to switch out MY pictures on THEIR blogs.

These extreme right wing clowns got their Colmes pictures replaced by W in a nice uniform (screen capture attached in case it’s gone when you see this).

As of last night this image has been replaced. However I saw its modified incarnation. It was quite something.

You can see a larger image by clicking here. What amused me about this act of image theft was the perpetrators didn’t even bother to download it: they linked to it directly. Thus enabling the Professor to have quite a bit of fun. And it didn’t stop there.

And the other picture I replaced another blog remains. Alan Colmes has become a large tuna…

the Professor wrote.

And as of the writing of this post it still does. But in the event it gets pulled down here it is.

So there have you. Let’s see how long it takes before I get angry missives from the proprietors* of these respective blogs. Regardless of your political inclinations, dear readers, grabbing images on the web without citing them is not very nice. Granted, we’re all guilty of this to some degree or another but let’s try to make the web a nicer place. Okay?

Miss Heather

*Let’s face facts: anyone who would propagate this kind of claptrap HAS to be male— and probably fantasizes about wearing a dog collar and eating from a dog dish. It has been my observation that the people who make these kinds of accusations do so because they’re guilty of it themselves. Or very much want to be.

Image Credits: Freedom Brothers Screencap courtesy of Kitchen Prof

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Beware

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

There’s a sausage creature on the loose. The word on the street is he has been spotted on Greenpoint Avenue —along with Green Day.

Miss Heather

Tis The Season: Kicking It Off!

December 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens 

It’s already beginning to look a lot like Christmas in and around the Garden Spot of the Universe. To this end I have decided to kick off my (hopefully) daily revue of Yuletide goodness from Greenpoint and beyond in grand style. In addition to featuring Christmas decor which graces homes I have decided to throw in some choice decorations from retail establishments. My reasons for doing so will become all too apparent later in this post. Enjoy!

This, my favorite Greenpoint feline from Kent Street, senses holiday spirit in the air!

Ever since this pharmacy (on Manhattan Avenue) featured a replica of the Empire State Building made of Fleet enema boxes back in 2002 I am always eager to see what they whip up.

While a bit of a disappointment (I mean, how could one honestly expect to top an edifice made of implements used to irrigate certain orifice?) this juxtaposition does have a certain charm.

However, if you want to get your sensuous Santa on make your way to the 7 train without delay and head over to Jackson Heights.

Why not get things started with a few naughty MAD LIBS underneath the mistletoe? As you can see it is a best seller at this Duane Reade (located at 73-01 37th Avenue). Need stocking stuffers? No worries. Roosevelt Avenue has ‘em!

Who wouldn’t be delighted to receive this lovely work of art on Christmas Day (or at the office party)? I know I would! Of course such occasions demand proper apparel.

I don’t think I would want this chap coming down my chimney. What in god’s name has he stuffed in his pants? A bear claw?

HO! HO! HO!

What does this naughty little Santa’s helper hang on her bush, you ask?

Cock rings, anal beads and Spanish fly! DUH.

So you’ve got your Mad Libs, stripper sculpture (and/or other life style accessories), you and yours are dressed up and the Christmas tree is festooned with anal beads of many colors. You’re pimped up and ready to ho down. Now what?

The wine, of course. Yes, this bottle says exactly what you think it does.

Quite a bit(ch), as a matter of fact.

This libation can be found right here in Greenpoint at none other than Dandy Wine.

Home of Greenpoint’s foremost bitch: Miss Bonita.

Dandy Wine
153 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Video Du Jour: Leftovers

November 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This weekend George Diaz (of Latino Laughter renown) was kind enough to share a anecdote from his childhood with me. Those of you who have the pleasure of making George’s acquaintance probably know his tales are rarely of the Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm variety. The story I heard this Friday was no exception: it was about how a cockroach managed to crawl into his ear as a child and he had to go to a doctor to get it removed. The doctor not only extracted this critter with a pair of tweezers but also went to the trouble of stomping on it so George and his mother could see all the blood it had consumed.

As you can probably imagine the previous was not something I wanted to hear about while eating a taco. Noting my disgust George apologized. Nonetheless, for the past 48 hours I have been unable purge the previous imagery from my mind. It is now and (probably) forever seared into my memory. What’s more, it’s pretty damned gross. Probably more disgusting (although not by much) as this little bit of footage from Manhattan Avenue today. Enjoy! Bon apetit!

It would appear that we humans are not the only ones deluged with holiday leftovers.

Is it just me or is it sort of disturbing that this pigeon is (more or less) eating one of its own kind?

Miss Heather