From The New York Shitty Inbox

February 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

monologuemachineAs some of you can probably imagine I, the proprietress of New York Shitty, get some pretty interesting emails on occasion. Some would say this is due to the “Law of Attraction”. I disagree: the Internet in and of itself is a haven for cranks of all stripes. Thankfully the following missive (which I received Saturday night) is not of the cranky variety; it is a business proposition and a damned compelling one at that. Lee writes (in an email entitled Monologue Machines and Shitfone):

I love your photos and writing. I have this software project I’m working on

It was inspired by your photos, one of which I would like to be the background for the application’s user interface. Would you be down with that? I promise it’ll do your work justice.

After some consideration (and consultation with the Mister) I acquiesced:

Dear Mr. or Ms. (excised):

Before I get to down to business I have to say this is one of the oddest emails I have received to date (and believe you me, I have gotten some real DOOZIES). This is not to suggest I am off-put by your request. I am not. I am strangely touched by it— if for no other reason than to know someone else out there enjoys the manifold ways people in this fine city see fit to desecrate public pay phones.

The previous having been said I am tentatively amenable to you using my image(s). I say “tentative” because here’s what I suggest to/ask of you in return:

1. If you need higher resolution images (which I suspect you might) let me know so I can hunt them down and forward them to you.
2. The Greenpoint monologue machine: if my memory serves me correctly it has accumulated even more detritus (beer bottles, cigarette packs, etc.). I can send you a newer image if you wish.
3. I am given credit for my images.
4. (most importantly) If you make a shit load of money off this software I want stock. This Greenpoint gal is always looking for a golden parachute. Taking photographs of fucked up pay phones— while enjoyable— doesn’t pay for shit. Perhaps some day I can cash ’em out and buy one of those fancy condos they’re building on McGuinness Boulevard.

Let me know— and thanks for your inquiry! It made my day.

Inspired by the prospect of becoming software mogul (and having a rooftop terrace overlooking our very own Shit Tits) I paid the Monologue Machine a visit yesterday. Not only is the owner of the bodega (where this item is located) a big fan of this retro-fitted anti-communication device, but he told me a great many people have stopped by and taken pictures of it. Who knew? Maybe the time for Shitfone has, indeed, come?

Miss Heather

Williamspoint Photos Du Jour: Special Valentine’s Day Edition

February 9, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner I am going to kick off today’s offerings with a few photographs to help get my fellow north Brooklynites in that lovin’ state of mind. Enjoy!


From Kingsland Avenue.


From Metropolitan Avenue.


From Graham Avenue.



From Newel Street.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo Du Jour: Bunny

February 8, 2009 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 


From Flushing Avenue.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: Of Peace & Progress

February 8, 2009 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 


From Wythe Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: No Dogs Allowed

February 8, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


Yes, I know you shouldn’t leave your pup unattended nowadays for fear of having him (or her) dognapped for reward money. But sometimes a woman needs a canine to stand watch over her Stayfrees while picking up a bottle of milk (and a candy bar or two). This one goes out to you, Wishbone. You’re a damned good (and most cute) protector of feminine hygiene products!

Miss Heather

Citypoint Photos Du Jour: From Newtown Creek With Love

February 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Newtown Creek 



From north Brooklyn’s (or southwestern Queens’s) Seine.

When I look westward to Manhattan I do not see a pretty skyline. Rather, I envision an infinite number of bowel movements, vomit and detritus that will soon find their way two blocks from my home.

Stand up and be counted, Greenpoint, for the shit you are about to receive!

Nobel prize winners, diplomats— PRESIDENTS— and Joey Arak* have graced my neighborhood with the by-products of their respective genius. Maybe I’ll pick up a fraction of their gifts via schnozmosis? I can only hope so. It’s been especially stanktastic of late.

The bigger the stench = the bigger the brain?

Miss Heather

*This is not necessarily sarcasm.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Tighty Whities

February 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

TODAY: Dalaga’s Valentines Day Sale Begins!

February 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 


As it would happen I swung by Dalaga yesterday. They have a lot of lovely and affordable items in stock for him and her.


Except of course for the above black frock in a size small: I purchased the last one! Be advised they still have plenty of sizes still available in white. It’s a very cute dress and at $66.00 the price can’t be beat! Be sure to check out their BYBOE heart necklaces while you’re there as well.

Valentine’s Day Sale
February 7 – 14
150 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

(718) 389-4049
HOURS: 12:00  – 9:00 p.m. Monday – Saturday, 12:00 – 8:00 p.m. Sundays

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool

February 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Today I have decided to kick off the weekend with a few selections from my photo pool. Enjoy!


Almost at the end of the G line by Gubatron.


McCarren Park by algul.siento.


A lost glove on Lorimer Street by Caryn Rose.


The Greenpoint Savings Bank in beautiful black and white by mugsniffer.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Video Du Jour: Sherlock Holmes

February 7, 2009 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It is an excruciatingly rare occasion that my boss Larry and I will exchange meaningful “WTF” glances with each other when a customer enters the store. And when we do it usually means one of two things:

  1. The person in question has shit his (or her) pants.
  2. The person in question is certifiably insane.

As of yesterday afternoon now I can include a third reason: the person in question is old enough to be my father and is wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat with neon green glasses.


When this dude came through the door I knew it was going to be interesting. It most certainly was. What started it all was when I asked Larry who the sweet little old lady* was who left the store because “she was so cute I just wanted to pick her up and keep her in my pocket.”

Upon hearing this “Sherlock” chimed in:


Don’t you want to keep me in your pocket?

After giving this some thought I said “Sure, why not?” and took the above photograph. The manifold ways in which this man was fascinating are simply too many to recount here. Follows is snippet of conversation following “Sherlock’s” refusal to pay $5.00 for a beaten up conch shell. Enjoy!

New to the neighborhood or just visiting? I can only hope it is the former. This man should have his own t.v. show.

Miss Heather

*And by “little” I mean at staturesque height of  5’2″ I towered above her.