Prostitutes… In More Ways Than One

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens 

It’s get cold out. You want some companionship. Or maybe some breasts and thighs. No worries. As I learned on Manhattan Avenue earlier this week “Antonio” has you covered.

It doesn’t get much more obvious than this. I wonder how old this woman is? 18? 19?

It gets even better on the flip side.

For shits and giggles I Googled the above telephone number. Here’s what I found:

Charming, yes? It gets even better! The topic of this forum is “Any of the $40.00 Latina Delivery Good? What if I decline?”

Chocha lover” is a curious case. He’s too lazy to meet women so he brushes up on his Spanish via Babelfish, orders a girl and pops a “blue pill”. Hilarity ensues:

Last night around 1am I was feeling kinda horny (but too lazy to drive anywhere). So I went down the list of numbers from club goer (thanks BTW). Most of them didn’t pick up but I had a few that did. The first guy I got spoke only spanish. I tried talking to him in English but he got nervous (or frustrated) and hung up. So I decided to brush up on my Espanol which I haven’t practiced since High School so I used http://babelfish.yahoo.com/. (Despite my screenname I’m not Latino). I tried again with another number armed with a few phrases of broken spanish I learned moments before and english. “Quiero una chica. Cuanto cuesta? <I’d like a girl. How much?” 45 por 15 minutos “Ok Yo vivo en calle <street> y <street> <I live at such and such street>”. He told me 20 minutes. I said okay thinking he’d be here 20-40minutes. I popped a blue pill.. I was horny yet I wasnt really ready to rock out with my cock out. I waited.. and waited.. and waited. An hour goes by. I’m pissed off. I called the guy again telling him my address and asked what happened it was over an hour ago (in broken spanglish). Unfortunately I didn’t babelfish that and he quotes me the price for an hour. I say “No.. no I called 1 hour ago”. He sounded confused and hung up…

I suppose I should feel sorry for Chocha Lover —but I don’t. I feel more sorry for the women who are turning $40.00 tricks from 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 a.m. with sacks of pus like I found on this message board. It’s disgusting, as is the following (in reply to Kingaddictx reply above)… Irvington29 (who will be undoubtedly nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature and Human Rights any day now) writes:

WOW

Your lying their use be 5 dollar spanish hos in Roosevelt Queens??? 40 dollars is real cheap. Cats say I fuck cheap hos man 40 dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I fucked a Roosevelt Chick but that happened by accident. I was helping this girl I was seeing that came out of prison to get a identification card and pablo got in the car.

Long story short I dropped my ex convict ex girlfriend off at her apartment. I drove back to see Pablo and asked about “chicas”. He did not speak english but he sure knew where PUSSY WAS. I gave him some money, I guess he gets free pussy because he directs customer to them. Anyway their was 2 girls , I took the thick Colombian one because she gave me that look like she into “black men”.

I had to “make it do what it do” like Ray Charles like to say. Man I beat up that pussy. She gave me her number but she ain’t speak english. She was straining to tell me something and I was like “What bitch no speak no espanol”.

I left got in my car with Pablo and he said in broken english smiling to me chica want you as boyfriend. I was like “QUE”, god damn I need to take more spanish classes.

Here’s a gem bemoaning the effect inflation has had on the call girl industry. I thought hand jobs were recession proof! For shame.

I like to call this one “It’s the economy, stupid!”:

…you guys are stupid…50 bucks is not a months salary back home, even in DR, one of the poorest Latin Countries, they can make 30-50 dollars per session, maybe have 3 a day, so thats 150 bucks a day times 30….4500 a month….so yea, 4500 a month, not 50-100

people just like to assume the US is great and all other countries are poor as hell, but theyre not as bad as youd think…go learn something ppl before assuming everyones in a factory making 30 cents per session

So let me get this straight: I can perform “3 sessions” as you call them in the Dominican Republic and walk away with $150.00 or I can give 3 blow jobs in Queens at $40.00 a pop and make $120. WOW, you just made doing temp work look good!

And what would I be without giving props to bangbroads. He is a real connoisseur :

True but facilities and presentation is a deal breaker for me. Im not really tring to pony up 40 pesos for some basemnt room with no windows and a filthy mattress on the floor w/out sheets. Not for me! Id rather pay more to get something sanitary and comfortable. As far as the performance YMMV. With the higher priced girls there are usually reviews to weed the bad ones out. Anything under 50 your wasting your time in my opinion. If you can get off by some mechanical sex with a robot like zombie then its for you. Id rather get a BJ from a SW, save my pennies and go to a decent service for double the price. Higher priced to me is anything above 200. I try to stay in that 80-160 range. Good service more than half the time and doesnt break the bank.

What I noticed is most of the activity on this board seems to come from Queens. Jackson Heights, in particular. Maybe Peter Vallone Junior* (being as he is the chairman of the Public Safety Committee on our City Council and hails from said borough) should investigate this matter? Hey Pete**, why not lay off Alphabeta and pitbulls and address what appears to be genuine problem in your backyard: prostitution and/or human trafficking?

Or at the very least keep your smut on your side of Newtown Creek: we have standards, you know.

Miss Heather

P.S.: No one, regardless of race or immigration status deserves to be treated like these women do. NO ONE.

*Not to be confused with Peter Vallone Senior.

**Thanks for telling voters they should have no say so whatsoever regarding a third term for Mayor Bloomberg. Oh yeah, and a double dose of shame goes out to you, DAVID YASSKY. Follows is a breakdown of the vote courtesy of Phil DePaolo:

Councilmember

NY1 TALLY

COUNCIL VOTE

*Joseph Addabbo

No

No

Maria del Carmen Arroyo

Undecided

Yes

*Tony Avella

No

No

*Maria Baez

Yes

Yes

*Charles Barron

No

No

*Gail Brewer

Undecided

No

Anthony Como

No

No

*Leroy Comrie

Yes

Yes

*Bill de Blasio

No

No

Inez Dickens

Yes

Yes

*Erik Martin Dilan

Yes

Yes

Mathieu Eugene

No

No

*Simcha Felder

Yes

Yes

*Lewis Fidler

Yes

Yes

*Helen Foster

Undecided

Yes

Daniel Garodnick

No

No

*James Gennaro

No

No

Vincent Gentile

No

No

*Alan Gerson

Undecided

Yes

*Eric Gioia

No

No

Sara Gonzalez

Yes

Yes

Vincent Ignizio

No

No

*Robert Jackson

Yes

Yes

Letitia James

No

No

*Melinda Katz

Yes

Yes

*G. Oliver Koppell

Yes

Yes

Jessica Lappin

No

No

*John Liu

No

No

Melissa Mark-Viverito

No

No

*Miguel Martinez

Yes

Yes

*Michael McMahon

No

No

Darlene Mealy

No

Yes

Rosie Mendez

No

No

*Hiram Monserrate

No

No

*Michael Nelson

Yes

Yes

*James Oddo

No

No

Annabel Palma

No

No

*Christine Quinn

Yes

Yes

*Domenic Recchia

Yes

Yes

*Diana Reyna

Yes

Yes

*Joel Rivera

Yes

Yes

*James Sanders

Undecided

Yes

*Larry Seabrook

Yes

Yes

*Helen Sears

Yes

Yes

*Kendall Stewart

Yes

Yes

James Vacca

Undecided

Yes

*Al Vann

Yes

Yes

*Peter Vallone, Jr

Yes

Yes

*David Weprin

No

No

Tom White

Undecided

Yes

*David Yassky

Undecided

Yes

Greenpoint Pay Phone du Jour: Manhattan Avenue

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Do you want to know what I really hate? People talking on cell phones in restaurants. All I want to do is dine in peace —not listen to some self-important person making social arrangements or bitching about personal matters only of interest to him (or her). Unless of course it involves v.d. test results, pregnancy test results, getting thrown in or bailed out of jail.* In which case chat on narcissists, my dining experience is augmented by listening to you bitch about your yeast infection.

Needless to say I was delighted that this person sought to take his (or her) conversation outside: to this pay phone in front of New Kim Loon Restaurant on Manhattan Avenue.

Wouldn’t you like to take a nice big whiff of this receiver? Yummy.

Miss Heather

*I have heard all the previous at one time or another. I’m not kidding.

SATURDAY: Old Hollywood

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Looks likes champagne and cup cakes are not the only things we have to look forward to this weekend. Old Hollywood will be throwing a Grand Opening soiree just down the street on Saturday! Here are the deets:

Old Hollywood Grand Opening
Saturday, October 25, 2008 7:00 – 10:00 p.m.
110 Meserole Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Free Brooklyn Royalty gift bags (YAY!) and Sparks (um, thanks, but no thanks) are in the offering. As are (non-free) custom-made corsets! Be advised that you have to R.S.V.P. for this event. You can do so by pointing and clicking here!

Miss Heather

Reader Contribution Of The Week: Hipster Halloween On Monitor Street

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Suzy O writes: …without further ado, allow me to present Mr. Greenpoint Polska-Dolska Halloween 2008. I have but one thing to say to him: ROCK ON, POLSKA-BRO-SKI.

Or should that be Brewski? I don’t know, Suzy. That can of Pabst Blue Ribbon makes me think this here pumpkin head is a hipster! No, scratch that: his pants aren’t tight enough.

Miss Heather

Sign Of The Times: Hipsters, Hagglers & Shoplifters

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic 

Last night the Mister decided to see how badly our investments were doing. Apparently one of our CDs (or whatever they call them) has lost 50% of its value. Whoopie! I really wished he had not shared this information with me— but he did and we both proceeded to raid the liquor cabinet immediately afterward.

I have another, slightly less depressing, index by which to judge the health of the economy. I call it the Junk Shop Effect, e.g.; the healthier the economy, the less the haggling. And I have some very, very bad news: not only is haggling up sharply across the board, but I am seeing it increasingly amongst the least likely suspects: 20-somethings.

Before I proceed I’d like to state that I am not against the practice of haggling. Believe it or not, a number of my colleagues understand times are tough. A dollar here or there is no big deal. We understand. But shit like the following is kind of ridiculous.

Customer (walks up to counter with three photographs): How many can I get for 25 cents?
Co-worker: One photograph.

(Customer proceeds to purchase one photograph and the aforementioned co-worker goes back to work.) Now jump forward 2-3 minutes. Larry da Junkman enters the store.

Larry: Did you sell any photographs while I was out?
Co-worker: Yup, ONE.
Larry: Well, I just saw that woman walking down Manhattan Avenue sort through a stack of photographs from here. You wanna track her down?
Co-worker: Sure

Larry and aforementioned co-worker double-timed it down Manhattan Avenue to her chase down. But alas to no avail.

Where do I start with this? Is it the fact this woman (described as being a “hipster) had the temerity to ask what should could get for a quarter? Not even the dudes from the Greenpoint Hotel do that— and god only knows they’re probably in more dire financial straights than the likes of her.

Or was it the fact that after shoplifting she was stupid enough to check out her haul of pilfered photographic goodness just down the street. I’m no expert on criminal behavior but this strikes me as being astonishly stupid —because it’s possible that someone will notice. And in this case someone did: the manager of the store. Things ought to get mighty interesting if she returns —but I digress.

After this whole incident came to pass I spied something our sticky fingered friend missed.

Woman stealing $5.00 worth of photographs = pathetic.
A photograph of the Lexus dude in a state of mild intoxication wearing Statue of Liberty headgear and brandishing a bottle of Dom Perignon = PRYCELESS!

This one goes out to you Jonathan! For better or worse you will always be known as that “Lexus guy*” to pretty much anyone under 30 years of age. I liked you much better in Brazil —which just happens to be the movie we watched at the junk shop today.

Toodles!

Miss Heather

*Do read this. It is a forum discussion about Lexus’s spokes people. Bizarre.

Halloween Photo du Jour: Leonard Street

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Presenting the Greenpoint Great Pumpkin!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Good Advice

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Driggs Avenue.

Miss Heather

The Littlest Greenpointers Of All!

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Last weekend I swung by Empty Cages Collective to see what’s shaking. I’m glad I did as I had the pleasure of meeting a few of our newest fellow Garden Spotters.

This little fella, his mother and two brothers hail from Broome Street and McGuiness Boulevard. Sort of. The following video of his brother, Jethro, should clarify things a bit. Enjoy! (WARNING: the following footage is heart-wrenchingly cute!)

You can’t say I didn’t warn you— these little guy is off-the-hook adorable! Speaking of critters cute and furry, some of Jethro’s older, adoptable buddies will be back at Muddy Paws for another event this Saturday, October 25, 2008.

Why not swing by and say “Hi”?

Muddy Paws
447 Graham Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

If you are not in a position to adopt a cat but want to help, Empty Cages can always use volunteers and donations. You can also lend a hand by checking our their Amazon wishlist!

Miss Heather

THIS WEEKEND: Secrets Of Prospect Park

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

This Sunday, October 26 my buddy Kevin over at Forgotten New York will be conducting a tour of Prospect Park. Here are the deets:

WHEN & WHERE: Everyone interested in attending this tour should meet at the southwest corner of Grand Army Plaza at noon.

HOW (much): A measly $5.00!

HOW (long): Approximately 2-3 hours.

RAIN DATE: November 2, same time, same place.

WHY: Because this tour sounds damned neat!

To get everyone in the F-NY Tour 36 spirit I have pulled a few oldies but goodies from my cache of old New York City goodness. Some old snaps from Prospect Park!

From the Prospect Park Zoo.

The Japanese Garden at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: The 401-Keg Plan

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

In a crowning touch of irony, the business (on North 5th Street) where this flier is located was closed.

Miss Heather