Greenpoint Fashion Watch

October 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This week (at least the portion of it I have had with Internet access anyway) I have been dialogging with chap named Tim. He wrote:

…your neighborhood is really the gift that keeps on giving–it’s so endlessly bizarre. love that. makes my east village look downright banal.

It’s true. I have lived in many places and have seen a lot of strange stuff but there has never been a place I have called home like Greenpoint. That’s why I love it so. It’s a refuge for eccentricity in an otherwise (and increasingly) uptight world. I feel genuinely blessed to be able to work in the neighborhood I live in as its purest essence can only be experienced when so-called “respectable” people are slaving away in nearby Manhattan. Which brings me to this.

Larry da Junkman spied this guy hanging outside our front door and admonished us:

I knew this guy back in Ridgewood 30 years ago. He’s nuts!

Well, this chap proved to be just that. But I really liked the personal entertainment system (or “Greenpoint iPod” as I like to call it) he was sporting: one cassette player with radio hung around his neck with twine and secured with duct tape.

I realize Mr. Blackwell (R.I.P.) would probably pan this fashion statement, but I give it two enthusiastic Greenpoint thumbs up! Practical, yet understated. Duct tape is the new black!

Of course not all genius comes so naturally. For others it takes years of careful cultivation —and the Garden Spot of the Universe is the perfect environment for freaks* of all varieties to bloom!

I imagine a number of you who have attended the Mermaid Parade over the years have seen this guy. He’s been a regular at the Mermaid Parade for some time now. What you might not know is this chap happens to be my neighbor. His name is Martin.

Here he can be seen (at right) listening with rapt interest to a tale Larry is telling him. He looks normal enough yes? Not exactly.

A stoned Mickey Mouse brandishing a 40. When I asked Martin about this he had an amusing story to relay. One day as he was walking down the street (wearing the above-depicted jacket) a child yanked on his father’s arm and exclaimed:

Hey look dad, it’s the old Mickey Mouse!

Out of the mouths of babes so they once said. This one goes out to you Greenpoint! When it comes to high fashion, you’re blue chip in my book!

Miss Heather

*And I mean this in the nicest possible way, as I too am one.

Halloween Photo du Jour: Graveyard

October 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Noble Street.

Miss Heather

Meet Castro

October 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

This comes courtesy of Rob Maher of District Dog.* Maggie and James write:

He is about 2 years old, rescued off the streets of Havana, Cuba.  He is now full grown at 25 lbs with a unique puppy-like look.

He has been a wonderful and loyal pet and it breaks our hearts to let him go, but we have recently given birth to twins and can not give him the attention and stable environment he needs.

Early on he had a lot of anxiety and nervousness that with time we help him work out. He has a lot of energy that needs to be burned off daily or, as we have found, the anxiety returns.

He had been a perfect house dog until we became pregnant when the problems started reoccurring. He has begun to show occasional guarding aggression and unpredictable skittishness around other dogs and some strangers. We are hoping that in a stable home and with some love he can again become the great dog that we know he is.

He is crate trained, but is not dependent on the crate if you dont have room for it, but he is trained to quietly “go home” if you tell him to.

He does not bark excessively, nor does he chew or tear up anything. He is house trained and is not allowed on furniture he is not given permission to use. He also knows his basic commands including a recall to come.

He needs someone who has the time and energy to work with him both with daily exercise and with the aggression/ anxiety issues. We imagine that almost all of the issues could quickly be worked out with the right patience and guidance to get there.

Though he requires a little work, he has amazing potential that we have seen in the past. Because of his nervousness, however, he is probably not for novice or first time dog owners.

Anyone interested in meeting Castro (and ascertaining whether he is Raul or Fidel) should contact Maggie and James at:

jamescasestudio (at) gmail (dot) com

or Rob at: rob (at) doghabitat (dot) com

Miss Heather

*Who will be hosting a Halloween Dog Parade this Sunday at McGolrick Park!

Puppies of all ages on parade —I can’t wait!

Great Moments In Abjectecture: Sunset Park

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Fedders Friday 

After featuring so much Sunset Park goodness last week I thought today I would spice things up a bit by sharing some absolutely breath-taking examples of their abjectecture. The following structures may not sport Fedders boxes, but that doesn’t really matter. They embody the spirit of Fedderization and as such deserve a big ol’ New York Shitty nod. Here we go!

This beauty hails from 8th Avenue. If you look carefully you will notice this edifice once looked very much like its neighbor to the right. Not anymore!

It’s been FEDDERIZED! I really have to admire workmanship like this. It makes me feel right at home…

IN COLD WAR ALBANIA!

When I lived in Astoria I used to ride the N train. This was back before the W was brought in so my commute was always crowded as hell. One Friday afternoon I am riding home— one of many sardines packed into a glorified tin can— when I noticed this kid in front of me acting strangely. Then as we turned that sharp curve between Queensboro Plaza and Bebe Avenue he spewed forth a gusher of neon orange vomit. Everyone in or near the event horizon non-chalantly moved away from his salvo. I didn’t. I just stood there and stared. I had to: I had never seen anything like that before in my life.

I mention the previous anecdote because it sort of reminds me of this. These folks were not content with mere Fedders or Friedrichs boxes. They outdid the Joneses with a big fat Haier model and made good and damned sure everyone knew it!

Lastly I would like to close with this, a most fascinating specimen from 54th Street.

I know what you’re thinking:

Man oh man, where is Miss Heather going to start with this one!

I think a better question would be when will I ever finish! For the sake of brevity here are a few choice highlights.

Just a reminder folks: Enver Hoxha isn’t responsible for this stellar example of craftsmanship. This masterpiece hails from the good ol’ U.S. of fucking A.!

I initially wondered what comes out of these pipes.

Could it be for rainwater?

I thought to myself. NAH! These two conduits overflow with capitalism. Hallelujah!

And finally in the excessive signage department.

As if the slab of cement in of this building was uninviting enough, the powers that be still saw fit to admonish us in English and Chinese no less, that no playing is allowed in this “yard”.

But they didn’t rule out seppuku!* What’s more, they provided a nice big chrome fence to impale your self on!

Miss Heather

*Yes I realize this is Japanese, not Chinese. It’s the thought that counts!

Miscellaneous Foodstuffs

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

There’s a lot cooking in the Garden Spot nowadays. Today I finally have the time to tell you about a couple of tasty events featuring a couple of fellow Greenpointers! Bon appetit!

This Sunday, October 26 from noon to 6:00 p.m. the East River State Park will be hosting its very first Pumpkin Palooza and Green Info Expo. Although the invite states refreshments are going to be provided by “local businesses”, I have the inside scoop that there will be pies served up by our very own Suzy O, the brains behind PY-O-MY. Here’s a little sneak peek at the bite-sized bits of goodness she is whipping up for our delectation.

I have it on good intelligence that pecan (as seen above) and blueberry will be in the offering. Check it out!

Pumpkin Pie Palooza
East River State Park
Brooklyn, New York 11211

Next up, I have been long remiss giving a shout out to another fellow Greenpointer who recently had a book published! Yes, I am talking about none other Emily Farris of Casserole Crazy.

Next month she will be hosting a Casserole Cookoff at our very own Brooklyn Label. Here are the deets per her press release.

There’s a chill in the air, a slump in the economy and a hungry growl in your belly. That means it’s time to register for The Casserole Party, an annual casserole competition organized and hosted by Emily Farris, author of Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven.

The Fourth Annual Casserole Party will be held Monday, November 10, 2008 at Brooklyn Label in Greenpoint.

Attended and loved by many, and featured in The New York Sun, The New York Post, Time Out New York, Gawker and Nerve, the Casserole Party is a way to show off a hearty and comforting dish from childhood…and let’s be honest, it’s an excuse to over-indulge in baked deliciousness. This year we have a tough panel of judges, prizes from The Brooklyn Kitchen and Le Creuset and a cash bar provided by Brooklyn Label.

Judges:

Camille Becerra
Chef and Owner of Paloma and Contestant on Season 3 of Bravo’s “Top Chef”

Harry Rosenblum
Co-owner of The Brooklyn Kitchen and Cooking Competition Judge Extraordinaire

Zack Schulman
1/2 of the 2007 Winning Casserole Team for “Cheese Love”

Interested registrants should check out the rules and regulations over at Casserole Crazy’s web site. As I understand it this event is booked —HOWEVER, there is a waiting list and Emily assures me that they “always have drop outs” so why not sign up today or purchase a copy of her book at our local bookstore?

Casserole Cook-off
Brooklyn Label
180 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Word Books
126 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Now if you don’t I’m off to get some lunch. Looking at— much less writing about— all these foodstuffs has made me more than a little peckish!

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: J. Vandervoort Werkhaus

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

A chap named Richard was nice enough to tip me off to this one. A new art space is set to grace the Garden Spot (Or “Greenwick”, take your pick!) starting this Saturday, October 25! Here’s the 411 per their press release:

The J. Vandervoort Werkhaus Presents:
Inside the Out

October 25th – November 23rd 2008
Opening Reception Saturday, October 25th, 6 – 9pm
By appointment until November 23rd

Sascha Braunig
Eisaku Dovoc
Ivy Haldeman
Andreas Laszlo Konrath
Kant Smith
Alexander V.

The J. Vandervoort Werkhaus opens its doors to the public this October with Inside the Out, an exhibition highlighting six emerging artists. The work presented expresses a respect and nostalgia for the traditional forms of painting, photography and sculpture; yet, with calculated and irreverent gestures, these artists throw hierarchy to the wind. Sculpture is conflated with implements of personal vanity.  Photography is assimilated into architecture. Painting, being so ubiquitous, contends with the art market as its progenitor, and searches for a valid posture.

Ivy Haldeman’s text paintings combine nostalgia for abstract expressionism with the self-reflexive doubt of the text painting. Her painting methods are laid bare as painter’s tape lays half peeled and curling enticingly from the canvas. Lyricizing the ambitions and failings of the individual artist, these paintings are laughingly pessimistic.

Alexander V. toys with painting’s ever-expanding toolbox. Neon chickens (!!! —Ed. Note), absurd quotes, spray painted stencils, and beams of light are all players in his graphic landscape of explosive, vividly colored paintings.  With a swagger Alexander V. notes his own philosophy on life with the painted text, “If you’re gonna do it right, don’t do it at all.”

Kant Smith’s lightbox constructions resurrect key American paintings of the 20th century.  His pain-staking self-illuminating reproductions create an atmosphere of wonder, bringing traditional painting to face with today’s onslaught of mass visual information.  Is painting desperately trying to catch up here?

Eisaku Dovoc, affecting trompe l’oeil, presents isometric plans of art shipping crates.  These assemblages utilize a method of 3-d marquetry such that wood represents wood, and yet shipping labels are illusionistically painted, creating a synergetic clash of representation and literal construction.

Andreas Laszlo Konrath creates an icon of a somber teenage boy in a photographic meditation on adolescence. Utilizing the unique architecture of the gallery, Konrath collapses the viewer’s space into the diegetic space of the photograph.  His work draws from the compression and visual overload of the urban landscape.

Pivoting on the intersection between the dusty curiosity, the homemade relic, and the beauty salon, Sascha Braunig’s work conjures the bizarre and disquieting that lurks within the banal. In this show, she presents the Portrait Head of a Real Woman, in vivacious three dimensions.

Gallery hours are noon to 6pm, Saturdays and Sundays, October 26th  – November 23rd…

The J. Vandervoort Werkhaus is dedicated to promoting progressive and challenging work in the visual arts.  The Werkhaus is located in the Williamsburg Industrial Park accessible by the L train, Graham Ave. stop.

The J. Vandervoort Werkhaus
413 Vandervoort Ave.
Brooklyn, NY 11222

Neon chickens = check it out!

Miss Heather

Halloween Photo du Jour: Mixed Signals

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Prostitutes… In More Ways Than One

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Queens 

It’s get cold out. You want some companionship. Or maybe some breasts and thighs. No worries. As I learned on Manhattan Avenue earlier this week “Antonio” has you covered.

It doesn’t get much more obvious than this. I wonder how old this woman is? 18? 19?

It gets even better on the flip side.

For shits and giggles I Googled the above telephone number. Here’s what I found:

Charming, yes? It gets even better! The topic of this forum is “Any of the $40.00 Latina Delivery Good? What if I decline?”

Chocha lover” is a curious case. He’s too lazy to meet women so he brushes up on his Spanish via Babelfish, orders a girl and pops a “blue pill”. Hilarity ensues:

Last night around 1am I was feeling kinda horny (but too lazy to drive anywhere). So I went down the list of numbers from club goer (thanks BTW). Most of them didn’t pick up but I had a few that did. The first guy I got spoke only spanish. I tried talking to him in English but he got nervous (or frustrated) and hung up. So I decided to brush up on my Espanol which I haven’t practiced since High School so I used http://babelfish.yahoo.com/. (Despite my screenname I’m not Latino). I tried again with another number armed with a few phrases of broken spanish I learned moments before and english. “Quiero una chica. Cuanto cuesta? <I’d like a girl. How much?” 45 por 15 minutos “Ok Yo vivo en calle <street> y <street> <I live at such and such street>”. He told me 20 minutes. I said okay thinking he’d be here 20-40minutes. I popped a blue pill.. I was horny yet I wasnt really ready to rock out with my cock out. I waited.. and waited.. and waited. An hour goes by. I’m pissed off. I called the guy again telling him my address and asked what happened it was over an hour ago (in broken spanglish). Unfortunately I didn’t babelfish that and he quotes me the price for an hour. I say “No.. no I called 1 hour ago”. He sounded confused and hung up…

I suppose I should feel sorry for Chocha Lover —but I don’t. I feel more sorry for the women who are turning $40.00 tricks from 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 a.m. with sacks of pus like I found on this message board. It’s disgusting, as is the following (in reply to Kingaddictx reply above)… Irvington29 (who will be undoubtedly nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature and Human Rights any day now) writes:

WOW

Your lying their use be 5 dollar spanish hos in Roosevelt Queens??? 40 dollars is real cheap. Cats say I fuck cheap hos man 40 dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I fucked a Roosevelt Chick but that happened by accident. I was helping this girl I was seeing that came out of prison to get a identification card and pablo got in the car.

Long story short I dropped my ex convict ex girlfriend off at her apartment. I drove back to see Pablo and asked about “chicas”. He did not speak english but he sure knew where PUSSY WAS. I gave him some money, I guess he gets free pussy because he directs customer to them. Anyway their was 2 girls , I took the thick Colombian one because she gave me that look like she into “black men”.

I had to “make it do what it do” like Ray Charles like to say. Man I beat up that pussy. She gave me her number but she ain’t speak english. She was straining to tell me something and I was like “What bitch no speak no espanol”.

I left got in my car with Pablo and he said in broken english smiling to me chica want you as boyfriend. I was like “QUE”, god damn I need to take more spanish classes.

Here’s a gem bemoaning the effect inflation has had on the call girl industry. I thought hand jobs were recession proof! For shame.

I like to call this one “It’s the economy, stupid!”:

…you guys are stupid…50 bucks is not a months salary back home, even in DR, one of the poorest Latin Countries, they can make 30-50 dollars per session, maybe have 3 a day, so thats 150 bucks a day times 30….4500 a month….so yea, 4500 a month, not 50-100

people just like to assume the US is great and all other countries are poor as hell, but theyre not as bad as youd think…go learn something ppl before assuming everyones in a factory making 30 cents per session

So let me get this straight: I can perform “3 sessions” as you call them in the Dominican Republic and walk away with $150.00 or I can give 3 blow jobs in Queens at $40.00 a pop and make $120. WOW, you just made doing temp work look good!

And what would I be without giving props to bangbroads. He is a real connoisseur :

True but facilities and presentation is a deal breaker for me. Im not really tring to pony up 40 pesos for some basemnt room with no windows and a filthy mattress on the floor w/out sheets. Not for me! Id rather pay more to get something sanitary and comfortable. As far as the performance YMMV. With the higher priced girls there are usually reviews to weed the bad ones out. Anything under 50 your wasting your time in my opinion. If you can get off by some mechanical sex with a robot like zombie then its for you. Id rather get a BJ from a SW, save my pennies and go to a decent service for double the price. Higher priced to me is anything above 200. I try to stay in that 80-160 range. Good service more than half the time and doesnt break the bank.

What I noticed is most of the activity on this board seems to come from Queens. Jackson Heights, in particular. Maybe Peter Vallone Junior* (being as he is the chairman of the Public Safety Committee on our City Council and hails from said borough) should investigate this matter? Hey Pete**, why not lay off Alphabeta and pitbulls and address what appears to be genuine problem in your backyard: prostitution and/or human trafficking?

Or at the very least keep your smut on your side of Newtown Creek: we have standards, you know.

Miss Heather

P.S.: No one, regardless of race or immigration status deserves to be treated like these women do. NO ONE.

*Not to be confused with Peter Vallone Senior.

**Thanks for telling voters they should have no say so whatsoever regarding a third term for Mayor Bloomberg. Oh yeah, and a double dose of shame goes out to you, DAVID YASSKY. Follows is a breakdown of the vote courtesy of Phil DePaolo:

Councilmember

NY1 TALLY

COUNCIL VOTE

*Joseph Addabbo

No

No

Maria del Carmen Arroyo

Undecided

Yes

*Tony Avella

No

No

*Maria Baez

Yes

Yes

*Charles Barron

No

No

*Gail Brewer

Undecided

No

Anthony Como

No

No

*Leroy Comrie

Yes

Yes

*Bill de Blasio

No

No

Inez Dickens

Yes

Yes

*Erik Martin Dilan

Yes

Yes

Mathieu Eugene

No

No

*Simcha Felder

Yes

Yes

*Lewis Fidler

Yes

Yes

*Helen Foster

Undecided

Yes

Daniel Garodnick

No

No

*James Gennaro

No

No

Vincent Gentile

No

No

*Alan Gerson

Undecided

Yes

*Eric Gioia

No

No

Sara Gonzalez

Yes

Yes

Vincent Ignizio

No

No

*Robert Jackson

Yes

Yes

Letitia James

No

No

*Melinda Katz

Yes

Yes

*G. Oliver Koppell

Yes

Yes

Jessica Lappin

No

No

*John Liu

No

No

Melissa Mark-Viverito

No

No

*Miguel Martinez

Yes

Yes

*Michael McMahon

No

No

Darlene Mealy

No

Yes

Rosie Mendez

No

No

*Hiram Monserrate

No

No

*Michael Nelson

Yes

Yes

*James Oddo

No

No

Annabel Palma

No

No

*Christine Quinn

Yes

Yes

*Domenic Recchia

Yes

Yes

*Diana Reyna

Yes

Yes

*Joel Rivera

Yes

Yes

*James Sanders

Undecided

Yes

*Larry Seabrook

Yes

Yes

*Helen Sears

Yes

Yes

*Kendall Stewart

Yes

Yes

James Vacca

Undecided

Yes

*Al Vann

Yes

Yes

*Peter Vallone, Jr

Yes

Yes

*David Weprin

No

No

Tom White

Undecided

Yes

*David Yassky

Undecided

Yes

Greenpoint Pay Phone du Jour: Manhattan Avenue

October 24, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Do you want to know what I really hate? People talking on cell phones in restaurants. All I want to do is dine in peace —not listen to some self-important person making social arrangements or bitching about personal matters only of interest to him (or her). Unless of course it involves v.d. test results, pregnancy test results, getting thrown in or bailed out of jail.* In which case chat on narcissists, my dining experience is augmented by listening to you bitch about your yeast infection.

Needless to say I was delighted that this person sought to take his (or her) conversation outside: to this pay phone in front of New Kim Loon Restaurant on Manhattan Avenue.

Wouldn’t you like to take a nice big whiff of this receiver? Yummy.

Miss Heather

*I have heard all the previous at one time or another. I’m not kidding.

SATURDAY: Old Hollywood

October 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Looks likes champagne and cup cakes are not the only things we have to look forward to this weekend. Old Hollywood will be throwing a Grand Opening soiree just down the street on Saturday! Here are the deets:

Old Hollywood Grand Opening
Saturday, October 25, 2008 7:00 – 10:00 p.m.
110 Meserole Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Free Brooklyn Royalty gift bags (YAY!) and Sparks (um, thanks, but no thanks) are in the offering. As are (non-free) custom-made corsets! Be advised that you have to R.S.V.P. for this event. You can do so by pointing and clicking here!

Miss Heather