Halloween Photos du Jour: Joe The Plumber, R.I.P.

October 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Williamsburg 

xdoobiex writes:

…in your halloween quest, you should check out 323 humboldt in e. williamsburg… its a different take on the whole scary thing. Wait until the afternoon, when they drag the coffin out.

Yesterday I walked down the valley of the shadow of dearth: 323 Humboldt Street. In the late afternoon, just as ordered…

and as promised they had the coffin out. Let’s see who is inside, shall we?

It’s Joe The Plumber! Guess he got bumped into a higher tax bracket after all. For shame.

Behold, the Wall Street Crematory!

All eyes are on Wall Street— or would that be Humboldt Street? Sarah Plain Palin where are you when you need us?

Don’t fear the Reaper!

Unless you happen to be “WaMu”.

I cannot explain why but I find this utterly hilarious. Perhaps it is because they’re the 7th or 8th (I can’t keep track anymore) bank to occupy Manhattan Avenue between Greenpoint and Nassau Avenue. Replacing a much needed housewares store in the process. I still miss X-Tra Discount goddammit!

R.I.P.: A.I.G (?)

My eternal gratitude goes out to you, xdoobiex: you have, indeed, tipped me off to an whole new level of horror. The funny thing is no matter how rich this country has become I’ve always been poor. The nation’s top two percent do not seem to be very fond of sharing the wealth— socializing their bad debts, however, is another matter entirely.

Miss “Do You Want Fries With That” Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Father Giorgio Triangle

October 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Williamsburg 

As some of you might remember this plaque was stolen and sold for scrap last month.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photos du Jour: Wonderful At 149 Withers

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

My hairdresser Anna tipped me off to this one earlier this week. After I got off of work today I headed down there without delay. I was not disappointed.

While not on par with the Haunted House on Humboldt it does have its charm.

Demons, rats and a black cat grace its front door.

Instead of having bats in one’s belfry they have them on siding! Very north Brooklyn if I say so myself!

According to the Bible death rides a white horse. In “East Williamsburg” he drives a wagon.

Replete with disembodied limbs, skulls, hay and… Monica Lewinsky?!?

Miss Heather

Man Versus Farmer’s Market

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It’s been a long time since I have seen (or more accurately, HEARD) a good honest-to-god rant here in Greenpoint. When Five Leaves (you know, the bar Heath Ledger built) opened I thought our days of random soap box oratory were over. The previous having been said you can imagine my delight when I stood at the corner of Norman Avenue and Lorimer Street today and overheard this.

Once I heard this chap started shouting about constipation (in front of Five Leaves, no less!) I knew I must film this. What’s more as soon as I got home I had to share the god news with Mr. Heather. He was in the bathtub reading (as is his habit). He is the Garden Spot Marat to my Greenpoint Charlotte Corday.

Miss Heather: Some guy was ranting across the street from the Farmer’s Market at McCarren Park today.
Mr. Heather: Really?
Miss Heather: Yeah, right in front of Heath Ledger’s new bar. He said something about how you have to molest a cow in order to get your milk and cheese.
Mr. Heather (who has actually worked on a farm): Actually that is true. At the very least you have to cop a feel.

I knew better than to question the rationale behind Mister Heather’s statement. Over last year’s Christmas dinner this man (for reasons only known to him) decided to describe what it is like to artificially inseminate cows. Did you know the cow will shit on you immediately afterwards? I do. Over chile rellenos and a steaming pile of REFRIED BEANS. Thanks Mr. Heather!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Sandwiches Fit For A President!

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Looks like the P.J. Sunny Deli (at 308 Manhattan Avenue*) is getting into the election spirit by offering sandwiches for people of both parties. Which one tickles your fancy?

  1. The McCain: Turkey, salami, lettuce, tomato and mayo on a roll.
  2. The Whit(e) House: Chicken breast, mozzarella cheese, tomato and honey mustard on a roll.
  3. The Obama: Pastrami, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato on a roll.

Where’s the Nader FLT? (Facon with lettuce, tomato and vegan mayo).

Miss Heather

*Don’t jump on this all at once print reporters. You know who you are.

Boobification Photos du Jour: Magic Bus On Meeker Avenue

October 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

This one goes out to the woman who hung out of the window of a passing Honda (I think) and shouted:

NICE!

Positive feedback regarding my Boobifcation Project is always appreciated. Thank you, whoever you are.

In closing it would appear that north Brooklyn boobification is catching on.

CASES IN POINT: The pay phone in front of the Big D store on Manhattan Avenue…

and this flier at Kent Street.

Just across the street from the “Happy End” Restaurant, no less!

NICE.

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: No Parking

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

From 9th Avenue, Sunset Park.

Miss Heather

The Halloween Parade Cometh!

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I missed this last year but you can rest assured I will be there with bells on this time around! Get cracking folks— you only have ten days left to get your canine’s couture ready! The parade starts at 2:00 p.m. and “tons of giveaways, costume judging, information and grand prizes” are promised!

Halloween Parade & Party
October 26, 2008, 2:00 p.m.
McGolrick Park (corner of Driggs and Russell Street)
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Miss Heather

Halloween Photo du Jour: Alice In Chains

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Humboldt Street.

Miss Heather

Fedders Friday: Back With A Vengeance

October 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Fedders Friday 

I’ll admit it. I have been sorely remiss recording the impact Fedderization has taken on our fair borough. Thankfully I went to Sunset Park last weekend and got my religion revulsion back. Big time.

EXAMPLE 1

The air conditioning boxes are technically Friedrichs but I am conferring honorary Fedders status to this building for the following reasons:

  1. It is ugly as hell.
  2. Sports no plant life whatsoever (save what the city dictates).
  3. Exposed gutters and mismatched brickwork: clearly this developer thought he (or she) could go higher. It didn’t happen so now we have this partial birth abortion.
  4. with obnoxious balconies…
  5. and security cameras.

EXAMPLE 2

Another Sunset Park beauty…

Replete with concrete, electric and gas meters.

EXAMPLES 3 & 4

Those of you who are more D.C. comic savvy know of Bizarro Superman. Now I present to you the Bizarro Fedders Special twins! They’re not prettier, only different. And very special!

Rapunzel…

Rapunzel let down your hair…

So I can climb up and get into your underwear!

— Beastie Boys.

Could someone explain the following to me?

An (ostensible) architect is responsible for this abomination. Who? I must know!

In closing which one of these buildings doesn’t look like the others?

If you guessed the towering pile of beige crap in the middle you are correct!

God bless you, Sunset Park. You need it.

(To be continued)

Miss Heather