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A Few Thoughts About Cats & Dogs

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

There are two types of people in this world: dog people and cat people. While I consider myself an animal person in general (hence why I am a vegetarian) I have the presence of mind to know which one I am: a crazy cat lady. Not that it would take a rocket scientist to figure this out, mind you: I am reminded of the fact every day at around 5:00 a.m. This is when Chez Shitty’s pride starts agitating for breakfast. Believe you me if Greenpoint had lobbyists in the public interest as persistent as my furkids our neighborhood would be a much different place. But I digress.

This is not to suggest that I dislike dogs (such as the lovely Miss Olive depicted at left). I do. Canines simply don’t appeal to my peculiar sensibilities. “Man’s best friend” (as they are rightfully called) are pack animals. They very much desire to have a leader, an “alpha dog” that tells them what to do, when to do it, and so forth. In a nutshell they are eager to please. A little too eager, if you ask me.

While some might like to start their day with slobbery licks and wagging tails, this is not for yours truly. The way I see it, such auspicious beginnings only lead to disappointment later. No sir, when it comes to preparing ones self for the rigors of the day yours truly wants to wake up to a face like this.

Meet Joy. She is one of the many adorable and adoptable cuties calling Empty Cages Collective her home. Rest assured this 1,000 mile stare is only skin fur deep. She is in actuality a very sweet young lady who would very much like to exchange her life behind bars for a nice, warm, cozy home this holiday season. Maybe yours? Joy has had all her shots, is FIV and Feline Leukemia free and has been spayed. What’s more she has also been litter trained!

Which brings me to the primary reason I prefer cats over dogs.

When an ice storm hits you don’t have to dress them up, schlep outside and pick up their poop: a litter box will suffice.

You can learn more about Joy and her friends by checking out Empty Cages Collective’s Pet Finder page. And remember kids crack kills!

Miss Heather

Southside Photo Du Jour: Hanukkah-ish Edition

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

I like to call this bit of street art (which hails from South 4th Street) “Darth Dreidel”. This is because it resembles a dreidel and appears to have Darth Vader’s mug on it. Lest you are wondering if such an item exists in real life, dear readers, it does— albeit using R2-D2 instead. Happy holiday crafting Sci Fi geeks!

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: Special Transportation Edition

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Anyone who lives Greenpoint (particularly around McGolrick Park) is familiar with the house at left. It is located on Nassau Avenue and is without argument one of the more endearingly quirky landmarks our fair burgh has to offer. The previous having been said, it goes without saying this edifice is a reflection of its owner. Whether this gentleman (who I have nicknamed the “Karate Krishna”) knows it or not, he is a Greenpoint celebrity of sorts.

Many stories about about this gentleman (as seen at right) abound, such as his habit doing Tai Chi in his backyard every morning. God only knows his political views (which he has seen fit to expostulate upon in the front windows of his shop) are interesting enough. I cannot rightfully say I agree with most of them, but how can I not love a guy who takes his grandchildren around the neighborhood in a tricked-out carriage such as this? While beating a tambourine, no less!

Needless to say I was absolutely thrilled when I walked down Nassau Avenue today and discovered he had souped it up for the season!

Behold, a very special Greenpoint sleigh!

The four foot tall inflatable candy cane is my personal favorite. Although the addition of a umbrella handle for greater steering control is a nice touch as well.

Here’s a view of the back.

I don’t know who you are, “Karate Krishna”, but I want to thank you on behalf of all my fellow Greenpointers for giving us a something to smile about this holiday season!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos Du Jour: WHAT IS THIS?

December 23, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

Okay. This conglomeration of stuff (from Guernsey Street) is nothing new. It has been around as long as I can remember (eight years). Initially I thought it was a trellis for roses. In the absence of such greenery, however, I am beginning to have my doubts.

Whatever it is it has gotten larger over the years. Much larger.

I would also be remiss if I didn’t point out that (as a sculptor) I find the assortment of media pressed into service to create this structure diabolically resourceful. Among the items I can clearly identify as components are part(s) of a bunk bed, an ironing board, a shoe rack, several mops, a baker’s rack, a chandelier and a couple of curtain rods. But back to the purpose of this post: what is this? Anyone out there know the scoop? If so, please share.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, 4:30 p.m.: We have an answer! (See comments)

‘Tis The Season: Let There Be Lights!

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Huron Street.

Miss Heather

There Was A Little Street…

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Millard Fillmore was without argument one of the WORST presidents to inhabit the Oval Office. From who else (other than our current lame duck) can your enjoy such rhetoric/doublespeak like this?

God knows that I detest slavery, but it is an existing evil, for which we are not responsible, and we must endure it, till we can get rid of it without destroying the last hope of free government in the world.

—Millard Fillmore

But I’ll cease beating around the proverbial Bush. I have the pleasure of sharing the same birth date as this jerk: January 7. Initially I felt guilty about liking the place that bears his name in Williamsburg (a beautiful block located in a wasteland of over-development and crass commercialism).

Until I noticed this.

Henry Miller* wrote:

There was a little street, just a block long, which lay between Grand Street and North Second Street, called Fillmore Place. This little street was obliquely opposite the house my grandfather owned and in which we lived. It was the most enchanting street I have ever seen in all my life, It was the ideal street— for a boy, a lover, a maniac, a drunkard, a crook, a lecher, a thug, an astronomer, a musician, a poet, a tailor, a shoemaker, a politician. In fact this was just the sort of street it was, containing just such representatives of the human race, each one a world unto himself and all living together, a solid corporation, a close knit human spore which could not disintegrate unless the street itself disintegrated.

I say we landmark this block (before it is disintegrated) and rename it Miller Place! Or at the very least give him a toast this upcoming Friday (December 26): Mr. Miller’s 117th birthday.

Miss Heather

*Whose tomes entertained me for many hours while working as a temp receptionist at Morgan Stanley/Dean Witter’s Equity Research department one summer. Tropic of Cancer is by far the better novel, but Tropic of Capricorn (clearly) has its moments. If my memory serves me correctly I also (re)read Slaughter House Five, Cat’s Cradle, Animal Farm and 1984 as well. Miss Heather loves to be paid $14.00 an hour to man a front desk, not answer phones, “buzz in” the occasional jerk who “lost” his pass card and read. Although on occasion I had a former temp (permanent hire) berate me for positioning the magazines on the coffee table in a linear fashion. She preferred them to be “fanned out”. She thought that was more appealing to visitors. Whatever.

Greenpoint Welcomes Alaskan Sun Tanning!

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

When someone says the “the land of the midnight sun”* a number of things come to mind. And quite frankly none of them are very appealing:

  1. Sarah Palin
  2. Sherry Johnston
  3. Levi Johnston (I have no doubt in due time the apple won’t fall too far from the tree (See Point #2). And of course, there’s this.)
  4. Teenage/unplanned pregnancy**

In regards to point #2, at least she got out on bail in time to meet her grandchild. Some of you may not agree with my politics and that is your prerogative. However, in light of the recent presidential election (and all the hilarity that came with it) would you name your establishment this?

If you’re opening a business at 842 Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn you would!

A tanning parlor. That’s about as useful (and needed) here as a(nother) bank, Thai restaurant, bar or 99 cent store.

Alaskan Sun Tanning
Hours: 10:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m., 7 days a week
842 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 349-5914

I wonder if they’ll be slinging bags of meth with those UV rays? After all the Garden Spot is the birth place of Hot Sausage!

Miss Heather

*This was the subject of lively debate here at Chez Shitty. The Mister said Alaska was called “The Final Frontier” I said I thought it was “The Land of the Midnight Sun”. After some googling we learned that we both were in fact correct. For a chuckle check out the Alaska Governor’s Office’s “Facts and Misconceptions” page. Did you know a deluxe hamburger will only set you back $5.00-$9.95 in Alaska? I didn’t! Oh yeah, and I almost shot claret out of my nose when I saw this. Someone for the love of god PLEASE name a Van Halen cover band after this child!

**Yes, I know this happens. But if you had a teenage daughter who was pregnant would you have subjected her to national scrutiny by accepting a vice presidential nomination? Really? Of everyone in the Palin clan Bristol is the only one I have any sympathy for. I wish her the best of luck (because she’ll need it).

DISCLAIMER: This is satire. I wish our newest business the best of luck (although I find baking one’s body in a toaster oven utterly repulsive). I am not insinuating that Alaskan Sun Tanning is now nor will be a front operation for the sale of methamphetamines. Those of you who have children with Down’s Syndrome please do not get your panties in a wad. Unless of course you named your kid “Van Palin”. In which case you should have known better.

Greenpoint Photo Du Jour: Psychic Fur

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

‘Tis The Season: McCarren Park

December 22, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Upon noticing that there were a few items under this bit of Yuletide cheer I went in for a closer look.

That’s Williamsburg Greenpoint for you! Yes, technically McCarren Park is in Greenpoint.

This fella lost his antlers.

So I put them back!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo Du Jour: The Recession Has Arrived

December 21, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

This choice bit of bicycle basket goodness hails from Driggs Avenue in Williamsburg. There really isn’t much more I can say. This arrangement pretty much speaks for itself. Although the empty (?) can of Pabst Blue Ribbon is a nice touch.

Miss Heather

P.S.: I am slowly— very slowly— uploading more bicycle basket goodies to my pet project: Shit In Bicycle Baskets. Thank you for your contributions and patience. Trust me, it’ll be worth it! Can you say used diapers, astroturf and golf clubs? Uh-huh!