Open Call For Provocative Work At Third Ward

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

3rd Ward Fall Solo Show: An Open Call to Find One Extraordinary Artist.

This nation-wide open call for ambitious, distinct and provocative work is open to artists working in all mediums – sculpture, photography, painting, printmaking, motion graphics, illustration, installation, industrial design, graphic design, film, video and more. For this call we are joined by sponsoring organization, Gawker Artists and this year’s Judging Panel includes Clay Rockefeller, co-founder of The Steel Yard and Anita Durst, founder of Chashama.

The Selected Artist will receive:

* $1,000 cash grant
* 1-month residency at 3rd Ward with FULL facility access
* An exhibition and huge opening reception at 3rd Ward
* City-wide exposure

Submissions are being accepted through September 26, 2008.

Artists can submit their best work at: http://www.3rdward.com/fallsoloshow

I’m going to submit my provocative work— or would it be an indecent proposal? I wish to (further) boobify Brooklyn, take photographs of the results and have a one person show whose proceeds are given to the Susan G. Komen Foundation To Cure Breast Cancer.

Miss Heather

Williamspoint Photos du Jour: Gentrification Graffiti

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

From the Automotive High School at 50 Bedford Avenue.

From Berry Street.

Miss Heather

Art Therapy Part II: Welcome To Booblyn

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Greenpoint Magic 

The powers that be provided me a pair of “AA” mammary attachments. I have never had a problem with them. They don’t interfere with my use of power tools and I can wear tube tops and go bra-less with total abandon.

As long as the elastic is tight, the kids are alright!

I always said. Until the boobadiers got to me. “Bigger is better” they said. They were right.

I felt inadequate until I was provided a pair of DD cups. My life has become much more enjoyable upon acquiring my new rack. No back pain, special bras or silicone: just pure Greenpoint girlie joy. What’s more, when I am done with my mamazons I can throw them into my backpack and move on.

I mention this because my first installment of Brooklyn Boobification garnered some curious praise:

Bitchcakes writes:

That was great, Miss Heather! What a great use of plastic boobies! I only hope there will be more adventures for this rubbery pair.

SuzyO writes:

holy hannah, heather, this takes the cake… you consistently amuse and inform, but this is mad genius. i especially love the starboobs … it is just so pink vanity table, you know?

Bodmin raves:

In the thirteen years I lived in Greenpoint I will confess that I sometimes felt the neighbourhood had more than its share of boobs. You have just proven that it could be improved by the addition of lots more – at least in the right places. Brilliant!

And lastly…

Rowan writes:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i choked on my coffee looking at these. hopefully it will become a series. Can you try to pose these somewhere with the Shit Tits in the background?

(the only thing funnier would have been if there were such a thing as fake heinies. Greenpoint would become Moonpoint.)

They have fake heinies for sale (at “Just For Fun” I think) but I have yet to invest in one. I bought one too many rubber dicks and fake tits on margin. Hopefully the Feds will bail me out. In the meantime this paltry offering will have to do.

I call this composition Ten Tits At Sunset: Eight Blue, Two Pink. It was pretty brisk last night on the Pulaski Bridge so my gals (all four of them*) were pretty perky.

Miss Heather

*The same logic goes with buying my url: $1,000 (or $500 a boob) doesn’t cut it. So don’t expect to see “Mary Kate & Ashley” (as I like to call them) anytime soon.

P.S.: Look very carefully at the image gracing the beginning of this post. Better yet, click here and see a larger image. You might find it amusing.

P.S. #2: In the wee hours of the morning (2:57 a.m.) I received the following email regarding this post. FranklinSt134 writes:

Hi, I don’t wish to spoil your fun, but I think Booblyn is a insult to Breast Cancer patients, survivors, and families who have lost loved ones to Breast Cancer. I hope you never experience Breast Cancer or lose a loved one from it. Maybe a donation to Susan G. Komen for the Cure would be in order.

Your wish is to spoil my fun. That said, perhaps I should do a photo series using said boobs, sell prints and give the proceeds towards to said foundation? Why not raise awareness of sexism, street harassment and breast cancer in one clean sweep? Does this sound like a good idea to you “FranklinSt134″?

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Then It Hit Me

September 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

A Little Something “From Big Poland”

September 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

xdoobiex (who is currently enjoying a month long vacation in Poland) writes:

maybe new york city should buy a couple of these for greenpoint?

I’m inclined to agree. If Williamsburg gets bike racks in the shape of guitars why can’t Greenpoint get some dog doo depositories like this? Not only is this tres cute but there is almost a zen-like quality to the act of placing dog shit (back) into a dog. It’s a never ending cycle of crap. A shitty samsara.

Miss Heather

This Just In!

September 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Ben writes:

Woke up to the sounds of sirens this morning.  Went down and the Rat King’s new residence was smoking.  I got there right as the smoke was really kicking up and the firemen were pouring in.  The ‘King’ himself was yelling at the firemen.  They were trying to get him out of the way “Buddy, Get the Fuck Back!”  That’s him there in the blue shirt.

WOW. This makes two houses gone is an many months. Anyone care to guess where the Rat King (or as some of you prefer: the Pigeon King) will hang his hat next?

Miss Heather

From The Greenpoint Grapevine

September 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I have heard a very disturbing piece of news from a reliable source; the Greenpoint Coffee House’s landlord has made it known that he will not be renewing their lease. Why is this so, you ask? Because he plans to operate his own coffee house there.

Now before everyone panics let it be known they have approximately two more years on their lease so they will not be packing it in anytime soon. Nonetheless I have been told the owner of the Greenpoint Coffeehouse is shopping around for space. Let’s hope she finds it. I suspect I echo the sentiments of many when I say the Greenpoint Coffeehouse is a local institution.

Miss Heather

Art Therapy

September 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

That is what I needed Monday. Sleep deprivation, infected anal glands and unsolicited offers to buy my url be damned! I wanted satisfaction so I went out and got it… with a little help from my friends.

Last weekend my buddy Larry da Junkman gave me this pair of comedy breasts (as modeled by our cat Artemis). He knew I needed them. I knew I did as well —but for what?

Then I remembered being called “nipples” last month and it all fell into place. Clearly the men of Brooklyn crave boobies. They are obviously not getting enough mammary goodness at home, so (being the civic minded person I am) I have decided to provide the nipples they sorely desire. My mission: to bring the mountains to Mohammed— in a manner of speaking.

Yesterday was the first step in my long journey to boobify Brooklyn. Excited, I threw my mamazons into the backpack and hit the road. Destination: Greenpoint and Williamsburg. Follows are some highlights.

I started simply on Quay Street.

On Roebling Street I realized they fit fire hydrants quite nicely.

I call this one “Red, White & Boobs”. It comes from Union Avenue.

I always thought this knight (gracing the front of a Polish Restaurant on Manhattan Avenue) was cheesy. I like him a lot better now that he sports a rack!

Does your neighborhood have a Starboobs? Greenpoint does!

And last —but hardly least —my favorite:

It’s amazing how much fun you can have with a pair of fake boobs on a Monday afternoon. Methinks I will carry them with me from now on and photograph them where ever my feet happen to take me. Watch out Brooklyn, you are about to get boobified!

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can see more of my boobification pix by clicking here.

THIS WEEK: Fine Art, Conversation & More!

September 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Tomorrow, Tuesday, September 9, from 6:00 – 8:00 p.m. the Thai Cafe will be hosting an opening reception for the incredibly cute drawings of Yvette Helin.

I have been told there will be a free buffet for the sampling and wine!

Thai Cafe
925 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

For all you animal lovers who find yourselves in Manhattan tomorrow night nogoodforme will be sponsoring a night of fashion (including Williamsburg’s very own Sodafine!), music and art benefiting Brooklyn’s very own B.A.R.C.! Festivities start at 8:00 p.m. Be advised that viewing the fashions is free but the bands will cost you a mere $8.00!

Piano’s
158 Ludlow Street
New York, New York 10002

Last up, Cafecito Bogota will be throwing its first Spanish Language conversation meet-up group Wednesday, September 10, at 7:00 p.m.

Cafecito Bogota
1015 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York, 11222

So much to do, so little time! Get your art/fashion/Espanol on!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photos du Jour: Comic Relief

September 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

After the kind of weekend I had I really needed to blow off some steam. Not only did the Mister work INSANE hours from home (we’re talking day and night) but I had the dubious honor of learning something new Saturday night:

  1. Cats have anal glands.
  2. Sometimes these anal glands get abscesses.

I will you spare you the visuals, just suffice it to say it is as disgusting as it sounds. I get to schlep our cat to the vet tomorrow to get it “looked at”. Lucky me. But I digress.

After listening to nothing but I.T. conference calls and compressing my cat’s festering asshole all weekend I really needed to get out for some fresh air. So I took a walk this lovely Monday afternoon*.

When I reached the intersection of Bedford Avenue and North 9th Street this sign caught my eye. Intrigued, I went in for a closer look.

Ah Sarah Palin… you and your brood never fail to provide grist for our north Brooklynite mill! WHoever is responsible for this sign (and the annotation) THANK YOU. This gave me a (VERY) much-needed laugh.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Those of you who are wondering what “Z.P.G.” is should please click here.

*I also indulged in a little art project. Stay tuned.