Williamsburg Photo du Jour: <3

September 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Wythe Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Pay Phone du Jour: MIA In Front Of The OTB

September 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

While more subtle than the payphones I usually feature here on New York Shitty, I really like this specimen. It’s like the receiver crawled into the change slot to hide. Given the phone in question is located directly in front Off Track Betting on Manhattan Avenue I can’t exactly say I blame it. After being handled one too many times by the sexy beasts which constitute OTB’s clientele base it finally had enough.

Miss Heather

At Last Somebody Who Understands!

September 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I have no doubt this will get the bicyclistas panties in a collective wad but I’m gonna post it anyway…

Earlier this week the Mister and I went to Long Island City to get some dinner. To this end we walked across the Pulaski Bridge. Actually we we didn’t just walk, we multi-tasked: about every twenty feet or so we had to dodge some jerk on a bicycle. There are signs posted asking these brave foot soldiers in the battle for a greener New York City to dismount. I have seen them, apparently they haven’t. Of course I imagine it is kind of hard to read when you are tearing down the sidewalk like a bat out of hell.

I want to like bicyclists, really I do. But until some of the less considerate among their ranks decide the law applies to them, I’m keeping my distance…

and I suspect we’ll be seeing more signs like this.

Miss Heather

ACHIEVEMENT

September 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

It’s a long story but I came across this banner ad while searching for a photograph of Luca Brasi and simply HAD to pass it along. It comes from a web site for a radio station in Wisconsin. At long last I understand why I have not fulfilled my potential: I do not have a career in the fast food industry. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when the “think tank” (which undoubtedly was paid a very nice sum of money) came up with this doozy.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Patriot Day

September 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Nassau Avenue.

Miss Heather

This Takes The Cake

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

On September 9, 2008 at 10:23 p.m. Clay wrote:

Hi, Heather. Get down to 68 Maspeth (at Kingsland, near Cooper Park) as soon as you can. There is some fantastic guerrilla condo-commentary there.

It won’t last long. I hope you get to see it.

I have been to 68 Maspeth Avenue, dear readers. Words cannot describe what awaited my viewing pleasure. Thankfully I took pictures.

What else can I possibly say? I am fucking speechless… in a good way!

Miss Heather

Open Call For Provocative Work At Third Ward

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

3rd Ward Fall Solo Show: An Open Call to Find One Extraordinary Artist.

This nation-wide open call for ambitious, distinct and provocative work is open to artists working in all mediums – sculpture, photography, painting, printmaking, motion graphics, illustration, installation, industrial design, graphic design, film, video and more. For this call we are joined by sponsoring organization, Gawker Artists and this year’s Judging Panel includes Clay Rockefeller, co-founder of The Steel Yard and Anita Durst, founder of Chashama.

The Selected Artist will receive:

* $1,000 cash grant
* 1-month residency at 3rd Ward with FULL facility access
* An exhibition and huge opening reception at 3rd Ward
* City-wide exposure

Submissions are being accepted through September 26, 2008.

Artists can submit their best work at: http://www.3rdward.com/fallsoloshow

I’m going to submit my provocative work— or would it be an indecent proposal? I wish to (further) boobify Brooklyn, take photographs of the results and have a one person show whose proceeds are given to the Susan G. Komen Foundation To Cure Breast Cancer.

Miss Heather

Williamspoint Photos du Jour: Gentrification Graffiti

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

From the Automotive High School at 50 Bedford Avenue.

From Berry Street.

Miss Heather

Art Therapy Part II: Welcome To Booblyn

September 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit, Greenpoint Magic 

The powers that be provided me a pair of “AA” mammary attachments. I have never had a problem with them. They don’t interfere with my use of power tools and I can wear tube tops and go bra-less with total abandon.

As long as the elastic is tight, the kids are alright!

I always said. Until the boobadiers got to me. “Bigger is better” they said. They were right.

I felt inadequate until I was provided a pair of DD cups. My life has become much more enjoyable upon acquiring my new rack. No back pain, special bras or silicone: just pure Greenpoint girlie joy. What’s more, when I am done with my mamazons I can throw them into my backpack and move on.

I mention this because my first installment of Brooklyn Boobification garnered some curious praise:

Bitchcakes writes:

That was great, Miss Heather! What a great use of plastic boobies! I only hope there will be more adventures for this rubbery pair.

SuzyO writes:

holy hannah, heather, this takes the cake… you consistently amuse and inform, but this is mad genius. i especially love the starboobs … it is just so pink vanity table, you know?

Bodmin raves:

In the thirteen years I lived in Greenpoint I will confess that I sometimes felt the neighbourhood had more than its share of boobs. You have just proven that it could be improved by the addition of lots more – at least in the right places. Brilliant!

And lastly…

Rowan writes:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i choked on my coffee looking at these. hopefully it will become a series. Can you try to pose these somewhere with the Shit Tits in the background?

(the only thing funnier would have been if there were such a thing as fake heinies. Greenpoint would become Moonpoint.)

They have fake heinies for sale (at “Just For Fun” I think) but I have yet to invest in one. I bought one too many rubber dicks and fake tits on margin. Hopefully the Feds will bail me out. In the meantime this paltry offering will have to do.

I call this composition Ten Tits At Sunset: Eight Blue, Two Pink. It was pretty brisk last night on the Pulaski Bridge so my gals (all four of them*) were pretty perky.

Miss Heather

*The same logic goes with buying my url: $1,000 (or $500 a boob) doesn’t cut it. So don’t expect to see “Mary Kate & Ashley” (as I like to call them) anytime soon.

P.S.: Look very carefully at the image gracing the beginning of this post. Better yet, click here and see a larger image. You might find it amusing.

P.S. #2: In the wee hours of the morning (2:57 a.m.) I received the following email regarding this post. FranklinSt134 writes:

Hi, I don’t wish to spoil your fun, but I think Booblyn is a insult to Breast Cancer patients, survivors, and families who have lost loved ones to Breast Cancer. I hope you never experience Breast Cancer or lose a loved one from it. Maybe a donation to Susan G. Komen for the Cure would be in order.

Your wish is to spoil my fun. That said, perhaps I should do a photo series using said boobs, sell prints and give the proceeds towards to said foundation? Why not raise awareness of sexism, street harassment and breast cancer in one clean sweep? Does this sound like a good idea to you “FranklinSt134″?

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Then It Hit Me

September 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather