Bushwick Photos du Jour: Advice

August 11, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

visit your great grandparents…

have some supper and ask them,
really ask them how they are…

From Bushwick Avenue.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Big Brother

August 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Dog Shit Signage, Williamsburg 

Nothing fosters consideration and good neighborliness like surveillance. If you happen to be walking your dog on Frost Street be advised that Big Brother is watching you…

and your dog!

Miss Heather

Little Murders: Meeting Elliott Gould

August 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day 

(sort of)

On Friday night I finally saw Little Murders for the first time. At B.A.M. with a very entertaining Q & A session afterward with Elliott Gould. It was a most enjoyable evening and I found Mr. Gould’s frank and irreverent (if esoteric) repartee very refreshing.

I had been admonished by my buddy, Larry da Junkman, that Mr. Gould can be quite cantankerous in person. This, his, assessment was based on interviews he saw from the 1970′s. What I saw on August 8, 2008— 38 years later— was a person who had no time for fools but openly admitted his own tomfoolery. Gould struck me as being a great big teddy bear. Mind you, you my idea of a “big teddy bear” is a little different than most people; I learned warm and fuzziness from my father. A man who has been kicked out of a furniture store for listing William Jefferson Clinton as a reference to rent a bed. But I digress.

Mr. Gould has rather piquant wit —and more importantly, he was not reluctant to use it. When one person in the audience asked him if Little Murders glorified the shooting of a police officer he replied the movie was satire and that the leader of our country would fill Alan Arkin’s role quite beautifully. That bon mot with quickly topped with this one:

You’re the expert taking notes. I’m just the artist.

The above quip is one I will undoubtedly use quite often moving forward. For this reason (and a few others*) I wanted to express my gratitude. What’s more, I had an opportunity. A window, if you will. It was announced at Friday’s event that Mr. Gould agreed to another Q & A session at the 3:00 p.m. viewing of The Long Goodbye the following day. Mr. Heather loves this film so he bought a ticket. And in so doing he became my emissary.

I had to work Saturday. Before I left all the preparations were made. All Mr. Heather had to do was take the envelope I prepared, pick up the 8×10 print I ordered (of this), insert it into said envelope and give it to Mr. Gould. 5:00 p.m. rolled by. Nothing. As did 6:00 p.m. Then finally the call came.

Mr. Heather: The package has been delivered.
Miss Heather: AND?!?

When we met later in downtown Brooklyn I finally got a straight answer.

Miss Heather: So what happened?
Mr. Heather: I told him that my wife was in an art show last year and wanted to give him something.
Miss Heather: Okay.
Mr. Heather: I handed him the picture and he said:

Oh, that’s shit. Does she want me to autograph this?

Mr. Heather: I said no, she just wanted you to have it.
Miss Heather: Good.
Mr. Heather: Then he asked Is this horse shit? I said no, we think it was human or canine.

It was at this point in our conversation that the Mister and I encountered this on Bond Street.

Miss Heather: They put out cat litter but I don’t think this came from a feline. Is that red stuff catsup or blood?
Mr. Heather: I wouldn’t taste it to find out.

The End

Miss Heather

*Among them:

  1. M.A.S.H. is one of my favorite movies. EVER.
  2. Anti-heroes have always been my heroes. Hey, I’m a 70′s child!

Manhattan Avenue Bike Lanes Finally Pay Off!

August 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I do not ride a bicycle. I have made this clear. It’s not that I am against them, mind you. Knowing how easily distracted I am I have the presence of mind to know that I should entrust with my well being or simply go on foot. That said, the police appeared to be en force yesterday to ensure our new bike lanes were used by bikes. The result was quite delightful. Even to someone like me.

Anyone who lives in north Greenpoint knows this guy. He can usually be found hanging out by Pio Pio Riko at the corner of Huron Street. When not hanging out, he rides his bike and plays music for everyone’s edification. Some people find him intimidating. I don’t. This chap simply is who he is. What’s more, he has been on a 1950′s kick of late.

The “Bicycle Man” (as I call him) rarely plays music I dislike. He has excellent— if a little eclectic— taste in music. Therefore I cannot for the life of me understand why he cut off the best part of this song. I (and I suspect I speak for a number of people present) really wanted to shout out “TEQUILA” yesterday afternoon. But alas, it was not to be. Maybe another day. In any case this, his, musical interlude really made my day.*

Miss Heather

*ESPECIALLY after watching a rather drunk and belligerent gentleman being expelled from the junk shop and dealing with someone who tried to haggle a 25 cent photograph down to 15 cents “because he didn’t have the money”. After this gent made his counter offer he noted my expression (hands on face, laughing) and said:

You don’t like it.

To wit I replied:

No, I don’t.

His friend (whoever you are, THANKS!!!) finally ponied up the draconian asking price of 25 cents. If you don’t have money, don’t go shopping. Is this such a difficult concept? For some apparently it is.

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: Clinton – Washington, Part II

August 10, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Looks like the Ben Stiller fan club will not be convening in Clinton Hill anytime soon.*

Miss Heather

*Yes, Ben Stiller actually has fans.

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: Clit – On – Washington

August 9, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Because fighting global warming or finding a cure for cancer pale in comparison to the untold legions of G train patrons in dire need of pink pubic hair.*

God I love America.

Miss Heather

*I can only wonder if this “hot pink” dye is permanent. If it isn’t I suspect/hope we’ll be seeing men with pink “beards”.

UPDATE: This advertisement can now be found on the Smith – 9th bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue…

and the Rockaway bound platform of the L at Lorimer Street.

Presenting The Heckscher Community Garden

August 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

As I mentioned yesterday East Williamsburg sports a number of community gardens. The crown jewel of them all is easily the Heckscher Community Garden on Scholes Street. When I walked by yesterday they were busy at work mowing and culitivating, so I went in to take a peek.

The work these people have done is really impressive.

This little grotto makes you almost forget you are in the city.

Here are the volunteers hard at work. The woman manning the lawn mower is a Greenpointer!

And what would a garden be without a gnome to preside over it?

Those of you who are looking for something free to do tonight might be interested to know they will be showing Step It Up 2 this evening. Yeah, the movie sounds kind of crappy but at least you will enjoy it (or not) while luxuriating in one damned nice park. The show starts at 8:00 p.m., so pack your lawn chair, fill up the cooler and head on down to 136 Scholes Street! It’s absolutely free!

Miss Heather

THIS WEEKEND: More Food Pantry Goodness

August 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Nicole of the Church of the Ascension writes:

Miss Heather,

I know you write about the Reformed Church’s food pantry.  But just wondered if you wouldn’t mind posting about a canned food drive for another food pantry in the neighborhood. The Church of the Ascension will be collecting canned food goods for its food pantry this weekend in Williamsburg and in a couple weeks at Key Food.

We are in need of cans of tuna, vegetables and soup. We will be at TOPS in Williamsburg on Saturday and Sunday August 9th and 10th, from 1-5pm. We will be at Key Food on Saturday and Sunday August 23rd and 24th, from 12-6pm.

If any of your readers would like to make donations of food or funds we’d appreciate it.  The food pantry has been operating for 30 years and as I am sure you have experienced with the Reformed Church the number of people we serve is on the rise.

Thanks.

I’m always happy to pass along items such as this. So if any of you, dear readers, happen to be in Williamsburg this weekend why not drop off a donation (or two) at Tops? It will only take a little of your time and someone will be very grateful you did!
Miss Heather

Subway Poster du Jour: Robert Downey Day Care

August 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Queens 

After struggling into the wee hours last night trying to restore my Internet access, I finally gave up and went to bed. This was for the best because I not only got the first night of good sleep I have had in days (our apartment has been quite muggy), but I had this gem waiting for me in my inbox this morning.

John writes:

Miss Heather -

How’s it going? …I saw this yesterday en route to Shea Stadium while transferring from the G to the 7 (45th Road – Court House Square platform) and three words immediately popped into my head: New York Shitty.

Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t seen more Tropic Thunder-related Robert Downey Jr. subway art, especially at our fair Crosstown Local outpost.

Anyway, hope this doesn’t blow out your inbox (I tried to shrink it to your suggested specs but it started pixelating massively – sorry!) and you get a kick out of it regardless!

Believe it or not, I was tossing around the idea of posting a rant about this poster. The suggestion that men cannot raise children without being educated by “experts” offends my sensibilities. As of last month the world’s population hit (an estimated) 6.684 billion people— clearly we have been able to raise (and make) children somewhat effectively or we homo sapiens would not be extant in such large numbers. But I’ll leave my musings at that; this poster is much fun than a dour feminist rant on a Friday afternoon!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: No Trucks

August 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Calyer Street.

Miss Heather