I have been rather grumpy of late. This is due in large part to a seemingly never-ending series of pet-related maladies. First it was an abscessed anal gland. In treating that the veterinarian noticed the front of our cat wasn’t looking so good: this entailed having three teeth pulled. An appointment was made. Next it was two (other) cats getting ringworm. We are treating this with some level of success on our own.
After getting a deep cleaning of my own teeth (which entailed being given Novocaine) I hurried home (and in so doing got spritzed with cement) took a bath and ventured back out to retrieve our cat Artemis from having his teeth extracted. I was not in a good mood. So I arrive at the vet. As is usually the case I had to wait a good 20 minutes.
Then it was my turn. I am told the surgery went well and then the vet said:
That anal gland is healing nicely. Have you looked at it?
I took a deep breath and replied:
You are the second such person to ask me this question this week. The fact of the matter is I have looked at that cat’s asshole more in the last two weeks than I ever cared to. For a lifetime. If you and my husband say it is healing well I’ll take your word for it.
Believe it or not I think the vet understood. He thought it was funny in any case. He’s paid (handsomely, I will add) to look at this shit anyway. I am not. I seemingly cannot avoid this subject matter. It is follows me where ever I go. Those of you who are old enough might remember the old Tootsie Roll commercial: their cheerful protagonist saw Tootsie Rolls everywhere he (or she— cannot remember which) went. I see anal glands where ever I go— or are forced to talk about them. This is no way to go through life.
CASES IN POINT:
I have been wanting to get back to doing collages. I am not only good at creating them and I also enjoy the process. It relaxes me. To this end I needed material so I picked up this book at the junk shop. I get home and crack it open. Here is what I saw.
A few days later I went to dinner with a friend. She asked me how Artie’s anal glands were doing. I said “just fine”. Then she regaled with a tale about the time her old dog’s anal gland got backed up and the vet had to “drain it”. It seems like everyone has their own anal gland story and now I have mine. Lucky me.
This week I went out with a friend for a walk. As we were walking down North 12th Street I spied this.
Me: Hey look, another tree twat.
Friend: Tree twat?
Me: Someone has been going around Greenpoint and Williamsburg painting knot-holes pink, which lends them a certain “sexual” feel. I call them tree twats, although this one looks more like an anal gland.
Friend: It does?
Me: Yup, only less disgusting.
It was at this point I realized I had a problem. I needed to quit anal glands and move on. I needed closure (in more ways than one). So I decided to try a little art therapy on India Street.
Every dog has a pair of anal glands located on the sides of and just below the opening of the anus. These small glands secrete a lubricant which helps the dog move his bowels easily. Sometimes these anal glands become clogged and accumulate a putrid mass in side. When this happens, the dog becomes listless, his eyes appear dull, and he often tries to lick the anus or pull himself across the floor on his haunches for relief.
The Complete Poodle Clipping & Grooming Book by Shirlee Kalstone.
If you’re wondering if rabbits have anal glands: they do. Someone has even written a dissertation about them.
I know sometimes you post about stoop sales and the like, and so I thought I’d pass this onto you.Â Myself and 2 roomates are leaving our Greenpoint home and have a number of things to get rid of.Â Post it on the blog if you like, but I thought you may be interested in any case.
Here’s a sneak peek of some of the items they will have for sale!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Noon – 4:00 p.m.
111 Huron Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
They have been working on this space (formerly belonging to Kasjan Bakery) for some time but at long last this week they finally gave us an indication as to what will be moving in: Tacos & More*. Needless to say I am very, very eager to check out their wares! Now if we could get some decent Indian and Middle Eastern food in this neighborhood we’ll be all aces.
Tacos & More
668 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Opening Date & Hours: T.B.A.
*and Queens Haircutters. Odd name for a barber shop given it is located in KINGS Country.
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady
…i was referred to you by the blogger Jimmy legs who thought you maybe able to help me get the word out about this little stray kitten i found in the Kensington neighborhood of Brooklyn. I have made a blog for her to try and get potential adopter’s attention and would be grateful if u can help spread the word.
She is around 6 to 8 weeks old and was weighing 1.1 pound last Sunday, she is however tested FIV +, although at this early age FIV result are not that accurate and it may turn out that she is not actually infected. But to be on the safe and realistic side she must be adopted into a single cat household so she won’t put any other cats at risk for FIV, and she may not be so suitable for a first time cat owner. Since she could be considered special needs she really need a responsible and caring person to look after her.
Anyone interested in meeting “GEK” should contact her keeper at: grey.eyed.kitten (at) gmail (dot) com. NOTE: she has been successfully litter trained! You can read all about it by clicking here.
UPDATE: The kitty formerly known as “GEK” has been adopted! She now goes by the (wonderful) name “YoYo”. YAY!
From Lorimer Street.
From Bedford Avenue.
P.S.: For more fun stuff about Ms. Palin click here.
Be advised much of the previous and follows is disgusting.
I for one like her charging rape victims (or their insurance companies) for rape kits (to save the taxpayers the expense). I have worked with victims of violent crime. It is not an experience I will forget anytime soon. Have you ever had a mother SCREAMING at you over the phone that a hospital turned over charges for her daughter’s rape kit to a collection agency?
I have. I referred her to the local “rape shelter”. They paid for it.
Have you ever had a mother yell at you because her son (10 years old, raped by “a man of the cloth”) is trying to kill himself and needs medication?
I have. I referred her to the “boss”. The boss took her call. He got his meds.
Have you, Sarah Palin, ever seen the face of sexual violence? I don’t think so. It was a parade of shameful parents and children passing my desk. Apologizing to me for being there. To get financial assistance for something that was outside their control.
Do you think rape victims were asking for it, Sarah? Or were are they simply a tax a burden?
The office I worked at was funded largely by V.A.W.A.: Violence Against Women Act. If my memory serves me correctly Joe Biden’s office was responsible for this, not you.
Your creds are as follows, Sarah:
- Beauty Queen/MILF (look it up)
- Marginally qualified, but panders to the religious right and has a twat
- Your future son-in-law is a train wreck. He chewed gum “like a tool” during the RNC. We, being the jaded and godless New Yorkers we are, find him fascinating.
I eagerly look forward to your Veep debate Sarah. Cry sexism as much as you want, Biden did more for women than you ever did. Or will.
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Rowan5 (who contributed the above photo) writes:
…hahaha! i love it. it reminds me of art history classes where they painted haloes like gold plates in pre-Renaissance days.
Call me odd but I’d choose the dork (Jason Biggs) over the tool (Dane Cook).
Dorks are HOT! Smirking jerk-offs, not so much. Dated the latter, married the previous. Dorks don’t just give you flowers, they’ll clean a cat’s festering asshole and fix your computer. I speak from experience when I say this. That’s what I call sexy!
Jason Biggs, I am *so* yours!
I see your face on bus shelters exhorting people to get out and walk more because it is good for their well-being (on the behalf of Aetna— if my memory serves me correctly). I started doing just this two years ago (without you or Aetna’s help). It works. Sometimes I walk from Greenpoint to Bed-Stuy, Clinton Hill or Bushwick and back. Just for the fun of it. When was the last time you went to Bed-Stuy, Magic? Just curious. But I digress.
When I get back home (to Greenpoint) I want to rest. This is rather difficult to do given that your development —one which seeks to uplift my humble hood from the utter squalor we lived in before (which wasn’t that bad) —to condos starting at $400,000 a pop —works consistently later than the law allows. Sawing, hammering, dumping garbage into containers. I have heard this at 8:00 p.m., 8:30 p.m. And as of last night even later:
Do you want to promote good health, Magic? If so, make your workers at 110 Green Street stop work at 6:00 p.m.* Sleep deprivation is a killer.
*And ask them to refrain from verbally abusing women and teenage girls. I have actually made it a point to walk around my— or would that be your block— so I will not be cat-called by your workers. Kisses, hisses, etc.
I’m not the only one.
I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang, is dead varmint poontang, I think.
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic
Today I finally bumped into a woman leaving this new storefront (whose address is 97 Oak Street) so I asked her what was going on. Apparently it is going to be a pastry shop. Think something along the lines of “Cheeks” down in Williamsburg, e.g.; no margarine, no corn syrup, etc.
No word as to when they’ll be open but I heard from someone down the street that they recently had a “tasting” and the reviews were very positive!