Great Moments In Aluminum Siding Volume XVIII

October 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Vinyl Siding 

Aluminum siding exposure is to a Greenpointer what arsenic poisoning was to a Victorian: after time (and repeated exposure) one builds up a resistance. Thereafter more siding (or arsenic) is necessary for the desired effect to take effect. I beg to differ. Sometimes “less” is more. I like my siding with a “twist”.

CASE IN POINT: This house in Sunset Park I call “Right Eye”.

This gem would be overlooked by a mere siding dilettante. Not me. I’m a professional.

What we have here is classic case of L.S.F.B.V.G.S.:

  • Low siding (not related to low riding)
  • Fedders boxes (in this case two)
  • Vandalism with gratuitous signage

I’ll tackle the second point first.

This is classic Fedders heraldry. You don’t see beauties like this much anymore. Please download this image so your children (and grandchildren) can enjoy the glory that is nascent Fedderization.

Low siding, vandalism and gratuitous signage

Note how the heraldry motif (From the Fedders boxes) is carried over to the garage door. (Of questionable taste to some but consistent!) A garage door, I will add, that is obstructed by a great deal of aluminum siding. Whoever owns this house loves him (or her) some siding. They deserve to be an honorary Greenpointer!

The gratuitous signage is pure gravy.

Thank you Sunset Park for the best “fix” of aluminum siding goodness I have seen in months!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: S.O.S.

October 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It would appear that Tommy is more than deaf, dumb and blind; he also can’t smell.

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: Benefit For A Good Cause

October 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Theresa writes:

Jennifer Hilton, a local activist for and long-time resident of the Greenpoint/Williamsburg community is asking for our help.

…in early June Jennifer had emergency surgery and was diagnosed with stage three color cancer. A single mother who is in between jobs and who recently sent her daughter off to college, she is faced with a tidal wave of costs associated with her treatment. To chill out this wave, Jen has decided to hold a fundraiser to help defray these costs and to contribute to an organization that has been instrumental in easing her burden, CancerCare.

This benefit will be no small affair. People and businesses from the area have generously offered their support:

  • Teddy’s Bar & Grill will be hosting the event
  • Brooklyn Brewery will be providing a keg of their fine local brew – profits to Jen.
  • One of most amazing guitar players on the planet, Hugh Pool, and his band will be jamming live

In addition there will be a raffle and silent auction for items donated by local businesses, artists and artisans.

Thursday October 16, 2008
7:30PM until til the cows…

Teddy’s Bar & Grill
96 Berry St (@ N. 8th St)
Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY 11211

(718) 384-9787

There is no “cover charge” for this event but you should RSVP via email at: rsvp (at) jensblast (dot) org.

Miss Heather

Brooklyn Photo du Jour: 8th Avenue Laundromat

October 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

This one goes out to my buddy over at Best View In Brooklyn.* Not only was she not disturbed by my flagrant act of boobification in her neighborhood (that being Sunset Park for those of you who are not in the know), but she was gracious enough to link to it. As did mcbrooklyn.

Thanks y’all!

Miss Heather

*Although I dispute her claim as having the “best view in Brooklyn”. Who wouldn’t want to look at these gals every night? I do! What’s more when conditions are right it comes with smell-o-vision!

Great Moments In Branding: Nassau Avenue

October 15, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I wonder if “SHAM” is a subsidiary of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe?

Miss Heather


October 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The fiendish friend I like to call the Humboldt hurler!

On a lark I decided to swing back by my favorite haunted house to see how things are progressing. They have— indeed, progressed— what’s more, what their neighbor said last week was true…

IT DOES GET BETTER EACH YEAR! Here are a few highlights of the finished product*. Enjoy!

Mad scientist: check.

Ghoul gnawing on an unarticulated hunk of human flesh: gotcha covered!

What would a Halloween display be without a guillotine? LAME AS HELL, that’s what!

Mummies and ghouls and vampires, oh my!

I can’t really find the words to adequately describe this one. That’s okay. I don’t think there are any.

Dead man walking hanging.

Here’s a neighbor appreciating the final product.

Not only is the haunted house of Humboldt complete, but they’re firing up at night. That means live vomiting, kids! I have it on decent intelligence the vomit might be green this year —but I suppose the only way to find out for certain is to head back at night. As the woman married to the mastermind behind this diabolical creation so sagely said this afternoon:

He’s the one who does this, I just try to keep out of it.

Understood. In more ways than you can possibly imagine, comrade!

Miss Heather

P.S.: This post goes out to Tony and the fab folks on Humboldt. People like you are the reason I live in Greenpoint. YOU ROCK!

*You can see the rest here.

Boobification Photo du Jour: Queen Kong

October 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I didn’t quite get the placement right (try taping a pair of tits to a wall while balancing on a standpipe) but I don’t think it diminishes the finished product very much. If anything it augments it— in more ways than one.

You know what they say: three tits are better than two!

Miss Heather

Borough Of Lost Clothes

October 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

There are troubled times we live in. You can see the pressure on people’s faces when you walk down the street. Whatever the source of this collective tension is it is pretty damned serious. Enough so that my fellow Brooklynites seem to be losing their clothes at an alarming rate. In the hopes that these errant articles of apparel might be reunited with their rightful owners I am posting them here.

Green Street: Scarf and Fozzy Bear panties

Manhattan Avenue: pair of white socks

Green Street (again): A solitary striped sock with a unicorn on it.

Ashland Place: corduroy shorts, brown cotton shirt, shoes.

If any of you have seen a chap at large (and very much au naturel) in Ft. Greene recently you might want to advise him his outfit (from October 5, 2008) can be located just across the street from BAM.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Barracuda

October 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

It would appear that 97 Green Street “G1″ is not Sarah Palin country.

Miss Heather

P.S.: You can see an enlarged image of the above-depicted flow chart by clicking here.

Halloween Photos du Jour: 85 Calyer Street

October 14, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

(or more than meets the eye)

Sunday evening the Mr. and I were walking down Calyer Street when we encountered this, a most frightening Halloween-feline-in training.

Intrigued, we went in for a closer look…

…and in so doing discovered a cache of seriously spooky goodness! I took a number of photographs but alas without the aid of a tripod they came out blurry. So at 5:00 p.m. yesterday I swung by this house for a second try.

Not only did I great some fun photographs (as you will see) but I met the man behind the woman behind this magnificent display of Halloween spirit. His name is Tony and he was whiling away the late afternoon by doing a little edge trimming and knocking back a brewski.

He was genuinely taken aback by my glee and gave me the scoop:

My wife does this every year. She just starts decorating, adding a little bit every night until she’s done. I never know what she is going to do.

The cobwebs are the latest addition. She added them this weekend. I really like the decapitated head gracing the top of the lamppost.

Abandon all hope ye who enter here!

This diminutive vampire graces their porch swing.

Protected by death.

I call this one “Specter with Siding”.

This work-in-progress really needs to be seen in person to truly be appreciated. I for one am making it a point to swing by on Halloween. That when Tony will dust off his special chainsaw (one with the chain removed from it) and fire it up “for the kids”. Hopefully he means “kids of all ages”. I really want to see Tony in action with his chainsaw!

Miss Heather