Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: Light, Volume, Space, Stink!

June 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Today as I was walking down McGuinness Boulevard I noticed that the condominium building I like to call “Fort Apache, The Point” now has a web site: www.305lofts.com. Intrigued, I went home and checked it out. Although it is little more than a page directing you to the The Developers Group’s web site, it sports something I found more than a little amusing.

As this image scrolled in front of me my gut instinct told me to take a screencap and look at it very carefully. So I did.

Yup, illuminated living in Greenpoint means having an unobstructed view of our local waste treatment plant*!

Miss Heather

*Which, if you are wondering, was a bit more fragrant than usual today.

Home Sweet Home!

June 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

So I lied. The previous post was not and will not be my final post of the day. Sometimes I encounter something so special I deem it necessary to pass it along to my readers stat. Today was one such day.

So you’re probably saying to yourself “What’s the big deal— so someone has a children’s playhouse in their yard?” Ordinarily this would not be a newsworthy development, but it is where this petit chateau is located that makes it so fascinating: on the premises of our local waste treatment plant. Yes folks, in the shadow of what I lovingly call the “Greenpoint Shit Tits” our friends at the D.E.P. are playing house!

NICE.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Summer At Last!

June 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

This beautiful shot from Berry Street will round out New York Shitty’s selections for the day. It’s summer folks and I have every intention of enjoying it! Why not go out, take a few summer pix of your own and add them to my newly created photo pool? I’d love to see them!

Miss Heather

I Am A Bad Feminist

June 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

I have found myself asking this question more and more of late. When I leave my apartment building I am harassed by construction workers on a regular basis. When I take photographs men try to intimidate me. I have been hissed at, kissed at and physically threatened in person. Online I have been called a bitch, a witch, a cunt and someone who needs a good “vagina pounding”. Does this sound like equality to you?

I aspire to be called an asshole, dick head, son of a bitch or motherfucker. In terms of physical violence, I want the threat of a good ass kicking, not a hate fuck. I am married woman. I want to be monogamous. Is this too much to ask? I think not.

Gloria Steinem said anyone against Hillary Clinton was anti-woman. I guess I am anti-woman too. Who knew? In any case, here’s a choice tidbit I found from the March 11, 1870 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle to remind us that womens’ rights are quite a novel thing.

When someone says to me:

Hey Heather, you motherfucking dick-headed son of a bitch asshole I want to kick your fucking ass.

I know I have achieved equality with my male peers and will dissipate into a cloud of feminist pixie dust. Until then I will rant. And be a cunt whose sole aspiration in life is to be an asshole. Feminism is dead— if you want it to be. I’ll keep on fighting, thank you very much.

Cocksucker.

This post is dedicated to George Carlin.

R.I.P.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Fun With Parking Meters

June 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

All’s Well That Ends Well

June 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

So today was the first time I have seen Steve since I posted the infamous Greentomano photograph on Sunday. Naively I thought I would be the one to break the news to him that *quite* few people have seen him bound and gagged via the wonder that is the Internets. I was wrong. Apparently several evenings ago a person he had been out of touch with for seven years walked up to him at the local video store and asked him if he had seen his picture on “some blog”. He said no. Naturally he was very interested to see what the fuss was all about.

Larry da Junkman and I showed him— but not before busting his chops a little. I told Steve that a completely unexpected group of people found his picture tremendously entertaining: the B.D.S.M. community. (WARNING: link contains VERY adult content). This alarmed him a little at first.

Steve: So am I going to have women trying to tie me up now?
Miss H: It is a distinct possibility.
Larry: Only if you them to, Steve.

Believe it or not this assuaged Steve’s concerns considerably. What’s more, he began to think about hitherto unknown money-making opportunities that come with being bound and gagged for pay. The following video picks it up from there.

Those of you who are concerned about Steve’s welfare, wish to ask him out on a date (he’s a really nice guy, he also COOKS!), want a straight answer as to why he was taped and gagged to chair* or are hankering to listen to some live music tonight will be pleased as punch to know that his band will be playing jazz in the newly constructed “small room” at Club Europa!

Club Europa
98 Meserole Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Bring your own tape.

Miss Heather

*All I was told today was they couldn’t find the straight jacket.

Greenpoint Photos du Jour: Another Question

June 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Question

June 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look at something and burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter?

I had one such moment on Skillman Avenue yesterday when I beheld “The Villas II”.

I wonder where Villa #1 is?

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: The King

June 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From North 8th Street.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photos du Jour

June 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Today I thought I would kick off the morning with a little motivational material for all you commuters out there. The following posters can be found next to each other on the Smith & 9th Street bound platform, why not take a moment over your morning coffee and check them out?

I can’t really argue with this one. The only refinement I would add is tribal tattoos. Ever noticed how many people are walking around with Celtic-looking imagery permanently inscribed on their bodies who are not by any stretch of the imagination of Celtic derivation? This drives me crazy. Why don’t they just paint their bodies blue and call female police officers “sugar tits” instead? At least that would be entertaining.

Now this is more like it! With perquisites like this it almost makes working in a right to work state tolerable. Almost.

Closing on a transit-related note, those of you who happened to enter or exit the L train at Lorimer Street yesterday between 4:30 and 6:30 p.m. might have noticed that the “L Line Team” was conducting a “Meet and Greet” event. I was unaware of this, so being greeted by a very friendly-looking group of public servants and seeing a man standing behind a podium (who I was told was Greg Lombardi, the General Manager for the L) took me by surprise. Naturally it didn’t take me long to get my bearings and have a little fun.

MTA Lady: Hi, we’re the members of the L Line team. Want a brochure?
Me: Sure.
MTA Lady: If you have anything concerns you wish to bring up Mr. Lombardi, the General Manager of the L line, he is right over there behind that podium.
Me: That’s not necessary, thanks. L train runs okay enough. Of course I live off the G. You guys should be happy you aren’t the line team over there. If they have a “meet and greet” session I assure you we will have a lot of things to say to them.

One L Line Team member thought this was hilarious.

Think about it for a minute. Would you want to be one of the people charged with getting an earful (and then some) from a bunch of angry Crosstown Local patrons? In the lexicon of crappy jobs I imagine this would rank alongside being a collections agent, Amway salesman or telemarketer.

So quit your complaining, we’re all gonna get laid!

Miss Heather