Fedders Friday: Slings, Arrows & Bushwick

August 8, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Fedders Friday 

Over the last week I have gotten a lot of guff regarding my stance on Greenpoint’s recently closed “nightclub“. A. LOT. OF. FLAK.

Some of the aforementioned “flak” was thoughtful and articulate criticism which I welcome (and read). However, most of the missives I had the pleasure of moderating over the last ten days did not fall in the previous category. These were of the garden variety sexist and racist persuasion: the weapon of choice for unimaginative Internet trolls.

*point*

*click*

*delete*

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret: I have long harbored views that many consider to be unpopular or “uncool”. I have never considered myself to be “cool”. What’s more I have been called every imaginable nasty epithet one can imagine (and then a few) during my 30-odd years in this mortal coil. Flick lit cigarettes at me. I’m used to it. If you want to REALLY give me the creeps, be nice to me.

Which brings me to this:

This home improvement job hails from Jefferson Street. I found the open windows on this balcony amusing so I took a photograph of it. As I rounded the corner a man shouted:

HEY LADY! HEYYYYY LADY!

I have not now nor have I ever responded to the term “lady”. I am a foul-mouthed broad who lives in Greenpoint; such courtesies are reserved for better-heeled and better mannered women than myself. Or are they?

HEY LADY!!!

On and on it went until I finally turned around:

WHAT?!?

Man: This guy wants to talk to you.
Miss Heather: ?

My would-be suitor/new friend ambles up to me. This chap has a cane. He is breathing heavily.

Miss Heather: Did I drop something?
Man With Cane: I want to ask you a question.
Miss Heather: (Oh shit, here we go…) Go ahead.
M.W.C.: If there are two couples…
Miss Heather: Two married couples?
M.W.C.: Yes. And one chooses to separate from the other, is it illegal?
Miss Heather: Not as far as I know.
M.W.C.: Are you sure?
Miss Heather: I think this is a no-fault divorce state*. If one party files, the other cannot block it.
M.W.C.: Really?
Miss Heather: Hey, I’m not an attorney. But that is what I understand to be the law**. ALWAYS CONSULT AN ATTORNEY! Do NOT take my word for it.***

Then I double-timed it down the block…

only to discover this beauty. Any divorce lawyers (or marriage counselors) out there who are looking for Bushwick digs, take note. This domicile at Stanwix Street and Bushwick Avenue is almost ready to move in!

It even sports a jaunty eagle on top!

And if my experience yesterday is any indication, you’ll have a plentiful clientele base. Starting with this guy.

Miss Heather

*This is not true.
**This is not true.
***New York is a fault divorce state. Hey, I never professed to be an attorney! Get your fucking legal advice from a lawyer, not some chick walking down the street.

Subway Poster du Jour: BAD IDEA

August 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

From the Rockaway bound platform of the L train at Montrose Avenue.

Miss Heather

East Williamsburg’s Summer Of Love

August 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

Awakening to a beautiful day (by August standards, anyway) I decided to knock off work and take a relaxing walk. My instincts told me to go to East Williamsburg. It has been my experience that there are always interesting things to be found in this neighborhood. Today was no exception. As you will see.

East Williamsburg is tops when it comes to community gardens. This tableau makes my hard little Garden Spot heart green with envy.

While The Garden Spot of the Universe might aspire to be the next Garden of Eden, someone on Garden Street has already achieved a state of primordial innocence. Good for him. East Williamsburg: 2. Greenpoint: 0.

But when you get right down to it, East Williamsburg and Greenpoint have a great deal in common. Take tony wine stores and pet boutiques, for example.

Or a glut of luxury condominiums (like these on Stagg Street). Been there, done that.

And lest we forget: bedbugs. This has got to be the best warning for a piece of bedbug infested furniture I have ever seen. The street cone is an inspired touch. That’s the one thing I have to hand to our neighbors to the south; they’re very considerate and terrifyingly creative.

This makes me feel right at home.

And when all words fail, East Williamsburg (being the artistic haven it is) more than makes up for it by fabricating objects to show their affection.

Fuck casseroles or cakes. This is the best damned condo-warming present ever!

Miss Heather

Coptic Christians, Stolen Pies & Doctoral Students

August 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

What do all the above things have in common, you ask? Very simple: Ann Kansfield, the co-Pastor of the Greenpoint Reformed Church. I had the pleasure of hanging out with her earlier this week (albeit under less than auspicious circumstances) and I have to tell you: she always has a story to make you smile.

First off she told me that the food pantry recently received a donation to purchase a second (and sorely needed) refrigerator. In a nutshell she was given a blank check, so she went to MTA Appliance (not Zaya’s as I earlier indicated, whoops!)to make the purchase. There she quickly learned that the owner was Coptic. Despite her insistence, he refused any payment/tips for the delivery of the church’s new fridge.

This is the gyro cart at the corner of Milton Street and Manhattan Avenue. It is a very popular place. I have heard that the foodstuffs to be had here are pretty good. Lest any of you are wondering why this woman decided to set up shop selling falafel I’ll tell you: her son has recently been accepted to medical school. She is working to help pay for his education and support her family. Her husband lost his job.

On a food-related note, last week someone stole a pie from the weekly free dinner at the church. I advised Ann to put up “lost” fliers for it —and although I think she found my idea amusing— I do not think she will follow through with it. It’s just as well; someone took a dump in the church’s front yard. Perhaps this was his (or her) way of returning it?

Then we talked about the soup kitchen. More specifically, organizing a fall fundraiser for it. This is something we have been meaning to work on but the idea got lost/derailed along the way. We’re thinking of something along the lines of an art fair. Any and all suggestions (or local businesses who would be willing to participate) are welcome.

Lastly, someone has been generous enough to produce t-shirts for the food pantry (click on the image to the left for a larger image). While I usually have a serious disdain for being a walking advertisement— FOR ANYTHING— I cannot think of a better cause for us Greenpointers to spread the word about than our local food pantry.

Times are tough —and as a result the Greenpoint Reformed Church is feeding more people now than ever. If you have some money or time to spare, why not spend it there? Who knows, maybe you’ll get a stylish t-shirt! New parents will be delighted to know that the church also has creepers with the snazzy soup kitchen logo. Perfect for the fashion (and socially) conscious baby! More details (and pix) to come.

Miss Heather

*I am going to follow up with this woman. She was VERY nice and I want to learn more about her.

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Golly Jeepers!

August 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

Street Art

August 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I am certain by now you all are familiar with this guy. He is a regular in front of Christina’s Restaurant on Manhattan Avenue.

Well, recently I happened upon him around the corner on Noble. Feeling cheeky, I asked him what gives. He told me that he likes to start works of art and have other people finish them.

Artist: Would you like to work on one?
Miss Heather: Sorry, we’re headed out to dinner.
Artist: What’s your name?
Miss Heather: Heather.
Artist (waving arms): BEAUTIFUL name!
Miss Heather: What’s your name?
Artist: Auf Wiedersehen!
Miss Heather: What the fuck is up with that? Was your mother German or something?
Artist: (laughter)
Artist’s Friend: His name is Joseph.
Miss Heather: Nice to meet you Joseph!
Artist/Joseph: Nice to meet you!

It was at this point that Joseph (AKA Auf Wiedersehen) asked me if I would like a painting. I tried to politely decline. I told him we had so much art I had no idea where we could possibly hang it (which is true). He wouldn’t hear it.

Simply put, now Chez Shitty has a brand new painting to add to its ever-expanding collection of curiosities.

I cannot honestly profess that this painting is my cup of tea, but our resident calico cat Uni finds it compelling. You know what they say: beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’ll find a place for it. Probably in our kitchen. That’s where things I honestly do not know what to do with tend to go. In the humble confines of this 100 square foot room (with mercifully high ceilings) this memento of a classic Greenpoint moment will have great company.

Consider this post to be both an amusing anecdote and a warning, dear readers: if you strike up a conversation with Joseph you might walk away with more than just memories!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: North 9th Street

August 7, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Not to be confused with friendly bedbugs.

Miss Heather

CB 1 Says No Again

August 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Although this should hardly be surprising news, here it is anyway…

In a very brief (or as Mr. Heather put it “cut and dry”) meeting this evening, the Executive Committee of Community Board 1 voted unanimously (7-0) against recommending that Studio B be granted a Cabaret license by the Department of Consumer Affairs.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Fisheye View

August 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

This nifty photo was taken in front of the Ashbox Cafe and comes courtesy of Eva101, a regular (and very talented) contributor to the New York Shitty photo pool!

Miss Heather

Garden Spot = The Next Garden Of Eden?

August 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

If this flier (posted in front of our local grocery store, The Garden) is any indication, that might just be the case. Anyone interested in recreating the bucolic splendor of Genesis right here in Greenpoint should contact the poster at:

post (dot) domesticated (at) gmail (dot com

Miss Heather