Dear Department Of Homeland Security

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

False alarm. Please refrain from casing or otherwise harassing the patrons of the Russian Orthodox Church at 228 North 12th Street, Williamsburg (if you are engaged in such activities, like I’d know). It’s not their fault they were labeled as being a Mosque on this handbag.

Anyone who has walked around McCarren Park knows this edifice (which sports a number of crosses gracing its “onion domes”) as the Russian Orthodox Cathedral of the Transfiguration of Our Lord. Crosses = Christianity. Minarets = Muslims. This church was retrofitted with minarets.

This church, our church, wasn’t. Muslims (many of whom I call neighbors and friends) refrain from this kind of showmanship. That’s the way they are. The above-depicted crosses are a uniquely Orthodox kind of thing. Saw it in Astoria, see it here. To each their own.

I honestly don’t care what (if any) god my neighbors worship: good people are good people— and I have the pleasure of knowing a lot of good people here in Greenpoint. That said, I prefer the company of those savvy enough to decipher an Orthodox Church from a Mosque. If you’re going to profit off my neighborhood get it right. This is not rocket science.

Miss Heather

BIG PROPS for this post: al oof

…have you seen the williamsburg tote bag? there is so much not to like about it, but the main things that stick out to me are the misuse of the term ‘greater’ (to mean a little bit more than) in reference to Greenpoint (it’s all of Greenpoint, but only some of Williamsburg) and the mislabeling of the Russian orthodox church on McCarren park as “The Mosque”.

P.S.: This church is technically in Williamsburg. But their P.O. Box is in Greenpoint — or would that be “Greater Williamsburg”? ;)

Pulaski Day Post Script

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Earlier today Joey Arak (of Curbed) insinuated that Greenpoint wasn’t cool enough for t-shirt status. I agree. Greenpoint is most decidedly UNCOOL: mine is a community of non-joiners and misfits. Nonetheless The Garden Spot of the Universe should have its own damned t-shirt anyway. Here’s why:

  1. We have the most beautiful sewage treatment plant in the history of man.*
  2. The digester tanks (at the aforementioned plant) look like boobies and glow in a blue hue at night.
  3. Where else in Brooklyn (or New York Shitty in general) are you gonna see (and hear) shit like this?

This cavalcade of Polish pride tore by my apartment last night at 9:00 p.m. It took the Mister by surprise. I was prepared. George W. Bush II would have been proud.

Mr. Heather: (WTF)
Miss Heather:
You forgot Poland.
Mr. Heather: What the New York Times wrote was true. There were at least twice as many SUV’s last year.

Miss Heather

Video Credit: The Gowanus Lounge.

*One which also happens to handle Stuyvesant Town’s crap. ;)

Atlantic Antic Wrap-up Part II: Greenpoint Represents!

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

So today we have learned that my fair burgh (in the eyes of one t-shirt company staffed by INCREDIBLY NICE PEOPLE) doesn’t merit inclusion on a piece of apparel outlining the neighborhoods of Brooklyn. No worries, we Greenpointers made our presence known. I was not only accompanied on my foray to Atlantic Avenue goodness by the ever-lovely (and hilarious) Bitchcakes and a very talented friend of mine named Rowan (you can see their pix from the Antic by clicking here and here) but a couple members of Greenpoint’s business community were present as well.

True to form Bret was busy slinging Wine Cellar sorbet to hungry (or would that be thirsty?) street fair goers. For those of you who are not in the know, Wine Cellar Sorbets is located on Kent Street just west of Franklin Street. Their delicious products can be purchased at The Garden. Try the Rose, it is delicious!

Wine Cellar Sorbets
(via The Garden)
921 Manhattan Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Contrary to what the content of this blog might suggest I take great delight in beautiful things. More specifically: I LOVE orchids. If I thought such a delicate plant would stand a snowball’s chance in hell of surviving my horticultural skills (and cats) my apartment would be teeming with them. I stick with the artificial kind instead. The previous having been said you can imagine my glee when I saw this.



And these.

Those are real flowers. Smitten (and financially “light” after making a very carefully considered sock monkey acquisition*), I made a mad dash for the stack of business cards gracing this booth. When I did I made a very interesting discovery.

This lovely jewelry is made in none other than the Garden Spot of the Universe: Greenpoint!

I spoke briefly with the founder of this company: Andrzej Bialuski. He’s a really nice guy. Those of you interested in purchasing one of his lovely creations can do so via Hanami’s web site, Etsy or at the Christmas Fair at Union Square later this year.

214 Franklin Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222

Prices start at ~$45.00, which when you consider labor and the cost of materials (resin is expensive and a pain to work with kids— I speak from experience when I write this) that’s pretty darned cheap!

Miss Heather

*I had to settle for a bottle “Greenpoint Grape” soda instead.

The Sights & Sounds Of Atlantic Antic

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Dog Shit 

I am spending this lovely (if a bit brisk) Monday afternoon recovering from my jaunt to Atlantic Antic yesterday. My feet may be killing me today but it was totally worth it: not only did I have a lot of fun but I also bumped into Norman Oder of Atlantic Yards Report! Anyhoo, here’s a short film highlighting some of my favorite (and in one case, LEAST FAVORITE) experiences at this year’s Antic. Enjoy!

Be sure to check out my photo set on Flickr for more highlights from this year’s event!

(Yet) more to come!

Miss Heather

Atlantic Antic Wrap-up Part I: What Is Wrong With This Picture?

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

When I saw this t-shirt from a distance I thought to myself:

Great, finally a Brooklyn shirt I can send to my dad!

Pa Heather has been hassling me for a new shirt for months. Then of course I realized it was missing something: namely the Garden Spot of The Universe! Does Williamsburg really deserve this much space? Really?

Otherwise Greenpoint did indeed represent at this year’s Atlantic Antic. Stay tuned to find out who and how!

Miss Heather

P.S.: As a matter of fact this piece of apparel is missing quite a few noteworthy nabes. I wonder what Best View In Brooklyn or Sheepshead Bites would make of this?

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Failure To Communicate

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Bitchcakes writes:

Heather, the same car I mentioned this morning was still there when I got home tonight.
I’ll keep an eye on the spot and send you any others.

Yes, it would appear that there are some people that simply cannot be reached.

Not even with two foot tall text.

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Bitchcakes

Subway Poster du Jour: M-I-C-K-E-Y

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From the Queens-bound platform of the Crosstown Local at Greenpoint Avenue.

Miss Heather

THIS FRIDAY: Quality Of Life

October 6, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

I am so psyched to see this show I simply had to kick off the week by passing it along. Per Factory Fresh’s web site:

Quality of Life, a survey of urban landscape photography. The show examines marginalized, forgotten, and neglected spaces in the city, as well as the graffiti, garbage, decay and people found within these spaces.

Featured artists include Luna Park, Sam Horine, Street Stars and none other than Gothamist’s very own Jake Dobkin! Concurrent with this opening is Bushwick Yourself : a one woman show showcasing the collage skills of Gaëtane Michaux. Check it out!

Quality of Life/Bushwick Yourself
October 10, 2008 6:00 – 10:00 p.m.
Factory Fresh
1053 Flushing Avenue
Brooklyn New York 11237

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Man’s Best Friend*

October 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

*Graffiti cat’s worst enemy.

From Kent Street.

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Mister Heather

From The NYS Inbox

October 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Many interesting things find their way to my inbox. Mostly spam and mail order brides wanting to make my acquaintance. As I slog through the valley of the shadow intellectual death (that is the Internet) I find the occasional oasis to succor my thirst for weird shit. The following are two such examples.

Yotidadnmom writes:

Check out this interesting specimen.

There was no “interesting specimen” to be found so I replied:

Hey! There appears to be something wrong with this attachment. Can you resend it? The suspense is killing me! ;)

You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat? It doesn’t. Mere death is nothing compared to the night terrors the following image will give you. I speak from experience when I write this.

My reply:

Good god man. Where the hell did this come from?

To wit Yo wrote:

Well… it came from someone’s anus. I found this waiting for me at the South Ferry St. Station…

Most of the submissions I receive are less horrific in nature (but equally amusing). Here’s a “choice specimen” which graced my inbox last night.

Kristen writes:

I am a huge HUGE fan of your blog, so imagine my delight when today I saw a peculiar sight which I thought might be of interest to you.  My boyfriend & I had just landed at JFK from Austin, TX and were waiting for our luggage when we spotted something on the floor right by the carousel.  At first we thought, is that strange phallic item a toothbrush holder?  But as we looked closer we realized that it was definitely a purple vibrator. I can only speculate how it got there – but it’s pretty hilarious to imagine it slipping out of someone’s bag and them being too embarrassed to pick it up again. Poor vibrator.


If someone (Sarah Plain?) lost what appears to be a six inch hot pink “personal massager” October 4, 2008 it can be found at the John F. Kennedy International Airport. Unless of course someone saw fit to:

  1. take it home or
  2. drop off this lost marital aid to my shelter for sick, unwanted and crippled dildonics.

Alas poor pocket rocket, I knew him well.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Submissions are always welcome at New York Shitty via email at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com (please keep the files smallish— 150 DPI, 800 pixels at widest) or via the NYS photopool.