Crapped And Tapped

August 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Long Island City, Other Shit, Queens 

I have a predilection for documenting shit: be it human, canine or sub-standard construction. I also have a fascination for public pay phones rendered useless by human abuse. But alas of late I have become jaded.

This paltry specimen from Bed Stuy didn’t impress me. The receiver is gone, someone lost his shirt, yada, yada, yada

I wanted MORE.

I got it...

courtesy of Queensboro Plaza. I can’t honestly say I will miss this eyesore. But the construction fences demarcating what is arguably one of the UGLIEST BUILDINGS in New York City leaves much to the imagination…

and the incontinent. It reeks.

Note the happy people gracing this pay phone kiosk. They’re all “thumbs up”— not unlike our fearless leader. Neither they nor King George the Second (fighting the war on terror overseas) would want to pick up— much less use— the phone contained therein.

Which is worse: a crapped phone* or a tapped phone? Go to Queens Plaza and figure it out for yourself.

Miss Heather

*That is shit. Trust me. How the hell they got it ON the phone is beyond me.

Long Island City Photo du Jour: Welcome!

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City, Queens 

From Jackson Avenue.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: Dangerous

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Given all the times I have stood on the Smith – 9th bound platform and watched people check each and every pay phone for change, I am very surprised to see that no one has seen fit to filch this cigarette. Seriously.

Miss Heather

Interesting Consumer Item Of The Week

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I discovered these t-shirts for sale at the “Big D Store” on Manhattan Avenue and felt compelled to pass them along.

I’m not too sure how well “Bluto” (much less a Bluto sporting a “Black Power” salute) dovetails with the concept of “justice”. I was under the distinct impression Bluto was a bully and a masher. But given the paltry asking price of $4.99 (marked down from $58.00!) I suppose getting stuck on semantics is a moot point.

Miss Heather

The City That Never Sleeps

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I have never understood why New York City is called this. If what I have seen over the years is any indication there are people sleeping all over our fair city. In North Brooklyn McCarren Park seems to be a napping spot of choice.

Unless one is homeless I cannot profess to understand this practice. Sleeping in public opens up one’s person to a variety of unsavory number acts. I learned about a number of such deeds from a Sargent at the Briarwood headquarters of the Transit Police several years ago. First you have the lush workers. These are the people who case drunks on the subway and steal their wallets. One evening “the Sargent” was on “lushworker” duty. He spied a rather intoxicated gentleman in a subway car and watched him.

Sure enough, someone ducked in and started to move in. When the constabulary came to the rescue what they found was completely unexpected; their “perp” was administering oral sex to this man. Both were taken into custody and the “recipient” was told what happened to him once he sobered up. One can only imagine the look on his face when he got the news.

Simply put, there are many reasons not to sleep in public. If being robbed or becoming the participant in some anonymous subway sex act is not enough to motivate people to be more mindful of their surroundings, maybe being watched with rapt interest by some drunk dude is. And that’s what I saw in McCarren Park last weekend.

The footage video does not do this scenario justice. I shit you not this chap spent a good ten seconds just staring at this woman. Had this man been in better control of his faculties who knows what he would have done? The lesson here is a simple one: a lot of criminal acts are crimes of opportunity. If you do not give someone the opportunity to commit a crime, it is very unlikely one will occur. McCarren Park is not your backyard.

Be careful.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Au Naturel

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

I recently discovered an incoming link which (in my opinion) is one of the biggest compliments I have ever received. I was rather touched by it and feel compelled to share it here. Luke White writes:

If you can overlook the language (if you can’t, maybe New York isn’t the place for you?) this blog is a pretty much perfect encapsulation of the absolute insanity of Greenpoint. Greenpoint is the drunk six-foot-four eighty year old in a perfectly tied bowtie and with a faint intriguing stench about him who stands on the street corner stacking matchboxes and singing folk hymns…

Don’t forget the Polish elves frolicking in the vestments nature gave them, Luke. That’s why I pay the “big bucks” to live here.

God I love Greenpoint.

Miss Heather

Recycle Properly On Harrison Avenue

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

…or else.

Last week I groused about how my husband is somehow incapable of placing recyclable items in the proper receptacle. Even if said container is a mere four feet away. I am not a big fan of rummaging through our bathroom garbage can. In fact, it really pisses me off.

So needless to say I was pleased as punch when I recently happened upon this rather extensive directive to recycle properly on Harrison Avenue.

Not only was the Mister in tow…

but this seemed to get through to him. Maybe I should try this at home?

Miss Heather

The Greenpoint 100 Is Back!

August 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Today I received an email from the Friends of The Greenpoint Library. The Greenpoint 100 is back and hopefully it will be the best one ever! Jen and Shara write:


The Friends of the Greenpoint Library call for works to be donated by artists living or working in Greenpoint. The works will be sold to benefit the Greenpoint Branch of Brooklyn Public Library. We are accepting works in all mediums (maximum size 11X14 inches). All work will be sold for $25 each. The show will be juried by local gallery owners and prizes will be awarded.

Email contact information and .jpg to: thefriendsofgreenpointlibrary (at) gmail (dot) com

If you are one of the first 100 qualified artists to respond to the call, you will receive a reply with an ID number from 1-100 and the address of where your work must be mailed or delivered.

Accepted artists’ work must be received by Friday September 26 to be included in the exhibit.

Last year this event raised $1,300. I participated and I not only had a lot of fun, but I also got a really beautiful photograph for a mere $25.00 and supported a great cause. Are you going to be one of the Greenpoint 100?

The juried show is scheduled for Saturday, October 4 starting at 11:00 a.m.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Sunflower

August 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

9/11 Mystery Solved!

August 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Williamsburg 

There has been much speculation as to where Mr. Bush was after those airplanes hit the Twin Towers September 11. Was he hiding out in some bunker waiting for World War III? Was he kicking back in the paradise that is Waco, Texas? Where was Bush when we needed him?

Yesterday, August 24, 2008, on Lee Avenue I think I might have found the answer.

Carla was kicking back at 1070 Park Avenue until the dust settled. Changing his birth year to 1968 is an inspired move; that pretty much throws draft-dodging allegations out the window. But the last name “Frankel”? Really.

Georgie Boy has successfully passed himself as being a Texan. He is a pretty bad looking woman, but given how much he favors his mother it is a plausible ruse. But an Upper East Side Jewess? That’s pushing the envelope a little.

Miss Heather