Long Island City Photos du Jour: Mobility

September 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Long Island City 

Court Square, Long Island City.

Waterfront, Long Island City.

Is this life imitating art or vice versa? Either way it gives me the creeps.

Miss Heather

Great Moments In Real Estate Advertising: BEAT Schermerhorn

September 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

You know times are tough when a development in downtown Brooklyn sees fit to (illegally?) advertise on a construction fence on McGuinness Boulevard. Repeatedly.

I prefer not to “be”; I am.”be@shermerhorn” appeals to shit talkers; I talk shit. Literally. Nonetheless I know a crap hole neighborhood when I see one and Schermerhorn REEKS! Corcoran should retool their marketing strategy accordingly:

  • Be ready for jury duty. (DESPITE A FUCKING BLIZZARD LAST YEAR I WAS EXPECTED TO SHOW. AND DID.)
  • Be ready to visit your friends in jail and bail them out!
  • Be ready to go to jail. Let Schermerhorn be your “home away from home”. We’ll leave the light on for you!

Be At Schermerhorn!

I think I’ll stay in Greenpoint, thank you very much. I mean, how can a gal resist a balcony with a view like this!

I have always loved the smell of gasoline and automotive exhaust!

Looking at an Exxon Station day after day makes me feel, well, DIRTY

in a uniquely Greenpoint kind of way. Screw you Schermerhorn! I’m staying in Stinkpoint!

Miss Heather


Greenpoint Photo du Jour: American Dies

September 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Provost Street.

Miss Heather

Labor Day At The Nature Walk

September 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bum Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City, Other Shit 

Most New Yorkers like to go out of town over Labor Day weekend. I don’t; I stay home and savor the silence. I sojourned to City Island on Saturday and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on Sunday.* When I got up yesterday morning, Labor Day, I asked myself:

What do I want to do today?

My “little voice” said:

Go to the park!

I have learned to trust my “little voice”. So I threw on some shorts and sunblock and proceeded to the closest park: the Newtown Creek Nature Walk. I was hoping to find a discarded rubber or get some nice photographs of the skyline. I was disappointed in regards to the previous but I got the latter…

(I am contributing a big phat juicy print of this to the Greenpoint 100!) and more.

Someone clearly experienced some serious gastronomical distress and saw fit to use the Nature Walk as a toilet. He (or she) is neither the first nor the last person to use Greenpoint in such a manner: Newtown Creek is the pissoir for the masses. When some jocular he-man ties off a used rubber in Murray Hill and flushes it down the toilet… guess who gets it? We do! Go Team Greenpoint!

Thank you, cum again!

But I digress…

I am guessing the above stick was employed as a primitive form of toilet paper. After taking the above photograph (using my cell phone to establish a sense of scale) I discovered a number of other revolting things at the Nature Walk. I carefully documented them and called the “authorities”. Hilarity ensued.

I initially planned to do a series of “a minute in (insert neighborhood/place here)”. But after experiencing this level of ASS** I decided a comparison of Gantry Park (in luxury waterfront condoville, Long Island City) and the Nature Walk (in decidedly NOT luxury waterfront condoville, Greenpoint) would be a more appropriate use of this footage. The lesson here (as best as I can comprehend it) is: if a neighborhood acquiesces to having an ENORMOUS luxury enclave on her waterfront (READ: Long Island City) said residents get a nice park. Otherwise, you can eat look at shit.

Miss Heather

*Save a rather rancorous post about Sarah “June Cleaver/Coupon Clipper” Palin getting the Vice Presidential nomination. I felt sort of bad about calling her a “bimbo” so I Googled “alaska” “bimbo” “v.p.” Here’s what I found:

Clearly I was not alone when I made the assessment that Ms. Palin is, in fact, a bimbo. Nonetheless my inner feminist was upset. She asked me:

Would you have called Sarah Palin a bimbo if she was not a woman?

My answer:

Yes. We, as a nation, got our first bhimbo for Veep in 1988. His name was Dan Quayle.

And with that reply my “inner feminist” vanished in a puff of logic.

I was delighted to learn that Ms. Palin is against sex education. What could school possibly teach her daughter Bristol? It is pretty clear that Bristie pulled herself up by her own boot straps and figured out the fundamental mechanics on her own (with a little help from a friend). Now she is going to be a teenage mother! Bristol “Jamie Lynn Spears” Palin should be teaching the rest of us!

**The man on the phone asked what county this was in. After some hesitation I said “Kings” (Newtown Creek does, after all, straddle two: Kings and Queens). Then he asked me what FUCKING CITY I lived in! I said Greenpoint. Then I pointed out that Greenpoint is part of Brooklyn. And Brooklyn is part of New York City. At one point my polite (if utterly useless) phone pal apologized and confessed he was in the Adirondacks had no knowledge of New York City geography. With civil servants like this who needs enemies?

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: More Che On Clay

September 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

For those of you who are keeping track there are now two likenesses of Mr. Guevara on Clay Street.

Miss Heather

Happy Labor Day From New York Shitty!

September 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

While there is a lower class, I am in it, while there is a criminal element, I am of it, and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.

Anyone care to guess who this comes from? Here’s a hint.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Free Spirit

August 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From the Pulaski Bridge.

Miss Heather

A City Island Minute

August 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Yesterday the Mister, my good friend Rowan, the inimitable Bitchcakes and I made the trek to City Island. Not only is City Island the home of “poo pee” the cat, but it is in fact home to a great many felines. We had an absolute ball.

I highly recommend making the trip and checking out this nifty place for yourself. They even have a bed and breakfast there (Le Refuge) so you can stay overnight!

Miss Heather

P.S.: I’ve started posting photographs from my little excursion on Flickr. Check them out!

Miss World: Our Future Vice President

August 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Asshole 

What was it that first enchanted me about Sarah Palin? Her status as a (failed) beauty queen? Her moving speech (upon accepting the Vice Presidential nomination) that her career in politics started when she joined the P.T.A.? Crowing about her FIVE CHILDREN?!?

I did not want to watch her speech. And for the most part I didn’t: I listened. Mister Heather played it on the television. I could not restrain myself from leaning over and looking at this “hockey mom” who could be within a “heartbeat” of the Presidency and thinking to myself:

This is scary.

I am a bad feminist. I do not toe the line. In other words when someone (in this case John McCain) throws a bone to “female voters” like Ms. Palin I am not impressed. In fact, I am offended.

Miss Palin is a token. Tokenism is the last and worst vestige of discrimination in this country. There are a number of female Senators, Representatives and Governors McCain could choose from. Olympia Snowe comes to mind. But McCain chose this bimbo. One whose qualifications lie between her legs, not her record.

I’m an independent. Come November I’m voting Democrat.

Simple as that.

Miss Heather

Post Script: Ann Richards why did you leave us in 2006? You could have cut this woman to shreds and I would have savored every bit moment of it.

UPDATE 9/1/08: Get a load of this. Apparently I am a political pundit now. Who knew? Otherwise I made a funny today over lunch worth sharing…

Miss Heather:

You know, I wouldn’t actually mind having a male beauty queen for Vice President. As a matter fact I might like it. Wait a minute, scratch that. We already had one: Dan Quayle.

Bronx Photo du Jour: Have You Seen Poo Pee?

August 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady 

No, I don’t mean this.

A little kitty with named poo-pee (presumably because he does not have a “very nice attitude”) is lost and rumored to be at large somewhere on City Island. If anyone in City Island is reading this (which I seriously doubt) please keep an eye out for poo-pee. He is clearly missed.

Miss Heather