Soviet Santa?

October 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51, Greenpoint Magic 

Life is rife with little ironies. In my case it is the fact that my father’s family (whose delightful mishmash of Lithuanian and Polish in the way of a surname I sport) immigrated to the United States via New York. It is possible— if not probable— my forebears once called Greenpoint home. Regardless one of their progeny lives in “Little Poland” now. A gal whose last name is laden with all the consonants, but alas something got lost along the way:

  • I’m a vegetarian. The smell of kielbasa be it hot* or otherwise makes me queasy.
  • I know very little in the way of Polish. What little I do know was learned here and would probably get me punched in the face.

Anyhoo, when I see stuff like the following (which hails from Manhattan Avenue) I really wish I was fluent in Polish.

I have no idea who SPOTKANIE z BALLADA is or what they do— but I like them! Enough so to steal commandeer the following poster to decorate my bathroom.

I cannot overstate how much joy the sight of this bit of knitted fanny floss gives me everyday. Which brings me back to their latest show. Upon closer examination I observed the “Santa” in their flier was a wee different than the one I grew up with.

It’s not the glassy-eyed expression on this gent’s face or his dirty undershirt. I’m used to that. It’s the solitary red star on his cap. This here Santa is a RED. Naturally I immediately brought this to the Mister’s attention.

Miss Heather: This Santa has a red star on his cap. He’s a Commie!
Mr. Heather: (laughing)
Miss Heather: What would Soviet Santa stuff in kids’ Christmas stockings?
Mr. Heather: (thinking)
Miss Heather: I know! A copy Das Kapital —and nothing else!
Mr. Heather: Or a free ride on his sleigh to the gulag.

Yet another childhood myth busted.

The jolly fat man (WEARING A RED SUIT NO LESS) who crawls down capitalist chimneys to give children of Bourgeoisie scum gifts every Christmas is in reality a Soviet agent. Don’t believe me? Think about what you asked dear Santa for as children, dear readers, and compare it to what you actually got. Uh-HUH. That Erector set you didn’t get wasn’t an accident, it was a message!

Rudolph’s red nose was in actuality a coded reference to a Sukhoi S-26 experimental ski-equipped jet fighter. Sleigh guided by a red-nosed reindeer my fat capitalist American ASS! And to think I grew up thinking he was a reindeer who had a cold— or possibly a cocaine problem.

I am now a sadder but wiser woman. Come Christmas Eve I imagine I’ll be kicking it in Alaska with my pal Palin. Our eyes (and scopes) will be locked on the Arctic Circle. When we take these infiltrators down I’ll leave the debriefing/interrogations/taxidermy to her.

Miss Heather

P.S.: This one goes out to you Mr. Heather. I never thought the (numerous) evenings I tried to write while listening to you watch Soviet aircraft porn on the television— LOUDLY— would amount to anything more than aggravation and wasted time. I was wrong. Thank you.

*Someone should make a porno called “Hot Kielbasa” and it should feature Ron Jeremy.

Halloween Photos du Jour: A Revue Of Garden Spot Pumpkinry

October 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Calyer Street.

From Leonard Street.

From India Street.

From Sutton Street.

From Huron Street.

From Greenpoint Avenue.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photos du Jour: NOV 4

October 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From North 11th Street.

Miss Heather

A Very Special Dedication

October 27, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Today’s offerings on New York Shitty are dedicated to the delightful and rather loquacious Little Joe of Bed-Stuy Banana.* You see, yesterday evening the Mister and I had the pleasure of showing him the haunted houses of Greenpoint and I gotta tell ya; he’s one tough customer! 85 Calyer was not sufficiently “scary”. 77 Russell had “friendly ghosts” as opposed to “scary ghosts” (although to be fair he rather liked the ghoul hanging in the tree).** The Anti Imbedded Mossad Partymobile barely registered a blip. They sure raise ’em tough in the ‘Stuy.

But even he had to concede the haunted house on Humboldt (now replendent with streaming green vomit action!) was “a little scary”.

This post is for you Little Joe! You know your haunted houses kiddo!

Miss Heather

*Whose great blog turned one year old this month!

**As did a photographer from AM NY who happened to be present at the time.

Photo Credits: Mr. Heather

Williamsburg Photos du Jour: W.W.O.W.?

October 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

(Or, What Would Obama Wear?)

Last week the Democrats had a field day when they learned Sarah Palin has been lavished with $150,000 worth of clothing courtesy of the R.N.C. This in turn to speculation about Michele Obama’s clothing expenditures. Accounts very from $150 off-the-rack fare to frocks costing $900 and up. While disquieting, I am for the most part disinterested. If the Republican Party wants to outlay a such a sum on the She Wolf of Wasilla it is their prerogative. And if Ms. Palin agreed to run for Veep under the pretense of getting six figures of blue chip swag I can’t honestly say I blame her. In fact, it would betray a hitherto unknown element of (dare I say it?) cleverness on her part. But I digress.

What I want to know is what Barack wears when he’s out of the media spotlight.

Thankfully the Brooklyn Industries store on Bedford Avenue has seen fit to shed some light on this matter.

Let’s take the middle ensemble item by item shall we?

  1. One pair of “Shuckers” denim pants: $88.00
  2. One “So Hip” belt: $38.00
  3. One “Great Jones” turtleneck: $52.00
  4. I couldn’t find the hat he’s sporting here on Brooklyn Industries web site, so we’ll go with this “Soft Ribbon Hat” instead: $36.00
  5. Same goes for the black top worn atop the “Great Jones” turtleneck. We’re going to splurge a little and roll with this Norfolk Jacket: $148.00
  6. But what to do about the breasts? A pair of “Rugby Striped Crews” should do the trick: $9.00 (Marked down from $12.00!)

Grand Total: $371.00

But the above outfit isn’t really my kind of thing. Let’s go with this get-up instead!

Grand Total: $212.00

In closing I would like to thank Brooklyn Industries for providing me with a most enjoyable time waster during last night’s miserable weather. Do you think you guys could throw a McCain mask on one of these mannequins? It’s not that I like the man or anything (I don’t). Rather, I’d just like to see him grinning inanely while wearing a dress.

Miss Heather

Halloween Photos du Jour: McGolrick Park

October 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From District Dog’s Halloween Parade and Party.

Miss Heather

P.S.: For more great Greenpoint canine goodness be sure to check out my photo set on flickr!

P.S. #2: Lest you are wondering who the winner was, Bitchcakes (who has a great set of photographs from this event— there are also some nifty photos contributed by Victoria in the NYS photo pool as well) has the scoop:

The G Train Dog won! And in keeping with tradition, when called upon, the G Train (dog) would not move. He had to be coaxed from his spot by his owner. Hilarious!

TODAY: Meet Miss Wit

October 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Some of you might remember this terrific t-shirt. I discovered at Atlantic Antic earlier this month and blogged it. Well, as it would happen it came to the creator’s attention. I wasn’t rendered into a pillar of salt. I received a rather nice email from a woman named Deb instead. The subject line was “I Get It”:

Hey Miss Heather

Love the photo you put up of the Palin shirt, you are sneaky, to get that photo with out even a pose! Love it! Thanks much

Long story made short the lovely lady in the above-depicted photograph (with a lollipop no less) is the brains behind one of the wittiest bits of Palin-bashing I have ever seen. Her brand is Miss Wit, she hails from Sunset Park, Brooklyn and today she’ll be at Brooklyn Flea!

Brooklyn Flea
357 Clermont Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11238

When I cast my vote next month I’ll be wearing this shirt— what about you?

Miss Heather

From The New York Shitty Photo Pool: Solace

October 26, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Woodendesigner (the chap took the above photograph) writes:

So I have been meaning to take a picture of this dollar since last week when I went to get a bagel from Korean Bagel (It’s a little typical “Bodega” run by a very nice Korean couple and they have some of the best bagels…. but that is a different story). Anyway I got this dollar as change but did not notice until a few days later. I laughed because it really just sums up everything that has been going on with the stock market and in a way everything that I have been ging through lately. I have been very hesitant to spend it and now after shooting it for you people to enjoy I have decided that I am going to save it….. Even though thay also dated it on the back ( 9-20-07) so it was actually written a year ago.

Also I don’t know what the deal is with the “dollar dollar” or the lack of proper punctuation after “My” but it still makes me laugh because I did not notice it until I tried to spend it several days later.

Thanks for sharing this gem, Nathan. It really made my day!

Miss Heather


October 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic, Long Island City 

Earlier this week we learned that a Williamsburger named Sal has a very special secret admirer who is into Lucha lovin’ a la upstate New York. Today October 25, 2008 I regret to inform you, dear readers that the unfathomable has indeed come to pass: someone has been deflowered on the Crosstown Local. I suppose $2.00 subway fare is still cheaper than a no-tell motel— although the more economical subway sybarite might consider purchasing an unlimited ride Metrocard instead.

You can get all the sordid deets (with visuals) over at Bitchcakes Commutes as she had the pleasure of discovering the artifacts and braggadocio from this dirty deed done dirt cheap.


Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Bitchcakes

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: We Are The Champions!

October 25, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Banker Street.

Miss Heather