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A Very Greenpoint Blind Item: Bad Finger, Part II

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

A couple of weeks ago I struck up a conversation with a local bartender here in the Garden Spot. He, unlike yours truly, was Brooklyn born and bred. What can I say? Some are lucky enough to be born in Brooklyn. Others (like yours truly) are Brooklynites who have to find their way back home. But I digress.

He told me about when his father would bring to him to Greenpoint as a child:

Please dad, don’t make me go! They have chickens running in the streets there!

I assured him that on occasion chickens do, in fact, still wander our streets. He laughed and regaled me with some late night shenanigans he has had the pleasure of witnessing while “closing shop”. This includes but is not limited to:

  1. Finding a drunk woman asleep in a puddle of her own vomit under his car.
  2. Watching blitzed gents from another nightclub roll down the street knocking over garbage cans and generally (for wont of a better way of putting it) fucking shit up. REPEATEDLY.

Ah, progress— or would that be gentrification? In any case his tales made wandering chickens look downright quaint if I say so myself.

All the previous florid (if abject) rhetoric does indeed lead to today’s blind item. A very curious bit of Greenpoint gossip I overheard yesterday. Something so bizarre —yet oddly appropriate— that I feel compelled to pass it along to my fellow Garden Spotters.

It is RUMORED that a certain bar in our fair burgh had a brawl which culminated in a person biting off another person’s finger. Whether or not this is indeed true I do not know (and like the 94th Precinct would confirm it it anyway). Nonetheless it reminds me of a great story I dug up from the New York Times archives and posted just over a year ago. A tale this bad is good enough to run twice. Enjoy!

For those of you who are wondering 214 Franklin Street now houses Hanami Designs. Among other businesses.

Oh how times have changed! Or have they? I’m going to be tightfisted in my prognostication.

For obvious reasons.

Miss Heather

UPDATE, November 6, 2008: This rumor has been confirmed! An anonymous tipster writes:

As a loyal reader of your blog, I thought it my civic duty to confirm the rumor about which you spoke. Indeed, there was a fight in the Red Star bar, between an employee and a patron, the result of which was the patron’s finger being bitten off by the establishment’s employee. The bar held a luncheon after a funeral service for a local Greenpointer, 28-year-old Kevin Krol, who tragically fell at a construction site and after fighting for his life for about a week, succumbed to his head injuries. A fight broke out, a luncheon attendee tried to break it up, the bar employee got involved and the person’s finger was bitten off by the employee. Deliberately? I don’t know. I know the person who is now short by half a finger, and I can only confirm that this definitely happened. I enjoy your blog very much, and you may post this, I only ask that you leave my name and my username out of it. Thanks, and keep up the great work!

Photo Credit: ScareFX.blogspot.com

Has Anyone Seen Chunkles Or Cyclops?

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Crazy Cat Lady, Greenpoint Magic 

It always breaks my heart when I see as many fliers for lost cats as I have seen of late. Follows are two I found yesterday.

No details are given on this flier. However I have seen them on Franklin, Calyer and Oak Street so if you live in this area keep your eyes peeled!

If any of you have seen Chunkles or Cyclops please contact their repsective “people” at the above telephone numbers. Thanks!

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photos du Jour: Separated After Birth

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From Metropolitan Avenue and North 3rd Street.

From Metropolitan and Kent Avenue.

Miss Heather

How To Get Totally ****ed In Greenpoint— Dirt Cheap

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

The one thing a neophyte Greenpoint will (or should) pick up on very early is the fact the local Polish community is very socially conservative. The above flier (which hails from Manhattan Avenue at Eagle Street) is one of many of its ilk that graces the construction fences, fire alarm boxes and light poles of our fair burgh. Given its missive it is hardly surprising that a number of pharmacies located in the Garden Spot of the Universe also refuse to carry Plan B. Don’t believe me? Go to the one located on the northeast corner of Nassau Avenue and Leonard Street and see for yourself; they have signs prominenetly featured in all their windows.

Or better yet, skip them and go to this establishment across the street. It is much more interesting. Yesterday I patronized “Murawski Pharmacy” looking for “quirky” Polish items to send as Christmas presents. When I entered a gaggle of what can best be described as Polish soccer moms were poised around a stroller watching one of number’s crotchling play with a balloon. Even I had to admit: it was cute. Then I walked past them and came face to face with this.

The gallon of Poland Spring water at the bottom left should help you establish some sense of “Tiny’s” scale: roughly the size of my forearm. I was bemused by the fact this device seems to be operated by a hand crank. But I guess at a paltry asking price of $17.99 the user should expect some measure of do-it-yourselfing.

I wonder how many of these they have sold?

Miss Heather

Reader Submission du Jour: “Madman On Bedford”

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

Some of you can imagine my amusement when I discovered the above item Monday on The Gowanus Lounge. Having personally made the acquaintance of said “madman” recently and noticing that he is rapidly becoming quite the YouTube celebrity I was surprised to learn that some folks on Brooklynian are curious to know more about the man with the scraggly hair and ill-fitting Dockers. manic_depressive writes:

I hope this “preacher” gets a good beatdown some day. Religious nuts are a pain to deal with.

I have seen many a religious nut in my day. Trust me, m_d this man is not one of them. He operates on an entirely different level. Ywap shares my assessment:

I agree that religious nuts are pain, but this old boy’s no evangelical. He’s mostly harmless.

I’m just wondering if he’s been doing this for a long time, or if it’s something he started after the area became so popular.

This, dear readers, is an excellent question. One which I do not have the answer to. However I learned yesterday this chap is famous enough to merit being Halloween character on Bedford Avenue.

Alf writes:

First off, I am a long time fan of New York Shitty. (THANKS! — Ed. Note) I just read one of your articles, “Crazy Guy at GreenMarket“  when my jaw almost dropped.  We have been seeing this guy around for years he has a very interesting back story, or at least one we created for him.  We call him “The Mystic.”   His many rants are a portal into future happenings.  (Actually they are just non-nonsensical tirades but we like to give them some meaning.)  My friends and I do a lot of people watching in the neighborhood and The Mystic is part of a larger group we like to call “The Wack Pack.”  There are several ” eccentric characters” that are always around the hood just being crazy and we have nick names and stories for them all.  Anyway back to the point,  we are such a fan of The Mystic’s rants that my friend James actually dressed up as him for Halloween.

Thanks for sharing this choice bit of Halloweeniana, Alf. And for the record, this “madman” has been spired in Greenpoint as well. I will close this post with my favorite sighting as recounted by a New York Shitty commenter, dbcn:

He was at the Associated on Calyer & Meserole yesterday speaking about sperm and eggs and how the sperm fertilize the ova. The checkout girls were not happy.

Miss Heather

A Very Greenpoint Salute To Our Next President

November 5, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

(Or Obama, Motherf**ker!)

The following pretty much speaks for itself.

Congratulations Barack Obama! As you can see (or HEAR) a couple of (very vocal) fellow North Brooklynites and a bus driver were very happy to learn you’ll be our next President. We have hope, Barack, hence why we voted for you. We want change. Please don’t disappoint us.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Your wife Michelle will make a BADASS first lady!

P.S. #2: Contrary to what McCain’s concession speech said what happened November 4th was not simply a milestone for “African-Americans”. It was a victory for anyone who has ever been judged for what they are, not who they are.

Election Day Photos du Jour: North Brooklyn Style

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

I am going to round off today’s selections here on New York Shitty (so I can sit transfixed in front of the computer and hit the “refresh button” on CNN every five minutes like the rest of you!) with a sampling of election-related goodness from in and around the Garden Spot of the Universe. Enjoy!

Milton Street

Although this is not election-related per se, I felt the sentiment was worth passing along.

Berry Street

I have no friggin’ idea what this is about.

Kent Avenue

This one requires no explanation.

South 5th Street

The tinsel is a nice touch.

Grand Street

Calyer Street

Some of you might recognize this residence. They experienced a wanton act of caulk theft last year.

Java Street

As Newton’s Third Law states:

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Franklin Street

Mr. Clinton sure gets around doesn’t he?

Red building, blue state.

And this, dear readers, rounds out today’s postage. For now anyway.

Miss Heather

An Antiques Shop Cometh To Greenpoint

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Since I had a lot of time to burn this morning I decided to swing by 19 Greenpoint Avenue and see how things are going. Although there is no signage to indicate as such this storefront is going to be an antique shop. It is co-owned by a nice lady named Maya who was kind enough to let me take a peek inside.

She was rather embarrassed by the state on the interior (I fail to see why, it looks better than my apartment on a “good day”) so I refrained from taking photographs in accordance to her wishes. I could not, however, abstain from taking a few pix of the lovely backyard. She plans on hosting events back here. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why: it’s a great space!

I was enamoured of the ivy gracing this pole so I shot a picture of it.

When will her shop open, you ask? Well that depends. She is still awaiting an inspection by the Department of Buildings and needs to change the Certificate of Occupany on the first floor from residential to commericial. Given how efficient the previously-mentioned agency is I wish her godspeed…

and very, very good luck

Le Grenier
19 Greenpoint Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11222
Opening Date: t.b.a. (before Christmas)

Miss Heather

Boobification Photos du Jour: Election Day Special

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn 

As some of you might have noticed, today I got up at some ungodly hour (7:11 a.m.) so I could get to our polling station bright and early. The upshot of doing so was that I got in and out very quickly. The down shot was I was wide awake and had time on my hands. A. LOT. OF. TIME. After some thought I decided this was the perfect day to dust off my rack and while away some time with a little boobifying. Follows are the results. Enjoy!

American Playground, Greenpoint

I like to call this one “Swing Tits”. I have little doubt that if I had pulled this off in Park Slope or the Carroll Street Playground I would probably be in jail right now.

Berry Street, Williamsburg

While I am on the subject of children, has anyone noticed how damned many kids there are in Williamsburg nowadays. Seriously, it’s an epidemic or something. I say this because I had to glare at one fresh-faced young ‘un (her mother was on a cell phone) until she deduced I did not want her hanging around while I did this. NOTE TO PARENTS: you do not want me to raise your child for you. Watch your damned kids, already!

Wythe Avenue, Williamsburg


Nobody touches my Lucky Charms!

North 1st Street, Williamsburg

An interesting exchange came to pass between yours truly and a nearby construction worker over this one.

That’s not very nice.

He said. To wit I turned around, smiled and replied:

“Nice” doesn’t have a damned thing to do with it.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photos du Jour: November 4, 2008

November 4, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Eagle Street.

Miss Heather

P.S.: It was still hopping at 9:30 a.m.!

And as of 1:30 p.m. the polling place over at P.S. 34 had a fifteen-twenty foot long line —which believe it or not— is a big, BIG improvement over how it looked earlier!