Bushwick Photo du Jour: Broadway

February 19, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

Yesterday I extolled upon the benefits of reviving the role of the village idiot. For those of you who remain unconvinced that we Americans don’t have the “stuff” to produce best damned ones this planet can muster, go the the intersection of Broadway and Patchen Avenue. You will come back a believer.

Tody Beer

I was laughing so hard when I saw this I almost hyperventilated.

Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Graham Avenue

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Articles of Fedderization, Williamsburg 

Luxury 2 & 3 family homes

A picture shows me at a glance what it takes dozens of pages of a book to expound.

- Ivan Turgenev

How very true. I’d prefer to read a novel about the above-depicted turd than be forced to look at it.

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: India Street Park Meeting

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Here are the deets.

India Street Flier

On a completely unrelated note, parents don’t forget the Greenpoint Reformed Church will be conducting its children’s clothing and toy swap this afternoon from noon until four. Check it out!

For those of you who have the pleasure of having this unseasonably warm day off (and the poor souls who had to schlep to work anyway): Happy Presidents Day!

Miss Heather

Bed-Stuy Photo du Jour: Lost on Madison Street

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy 

Recently Larry da Junkman, a few customers and I had a discussion about geography at the junk shop. More specifically, we were marveling over the fact that (purportedly) one in five Americans cannot find the United States on a map. The Miss Teen USA contestant from South Carolina’s take on this damning statistic is already well known. Mine, however, is not. Here it is:

Most people can’t find their ass with both hands. Expecting them to comprehend a map is hopeless.

Of all the natural resources America has at its disposal I am shocked and amazed we have ignored the largest: the seemingly endless number of incredibly stupid and uneducated people who populate our landscape. Right now these people hold jobs (like President) which are completely unsuitable for their unique skill set.

In the Middle Ages every village had its idiot. These hardworking individuals provided the community with no end of mirth. What I propose is that this vital sinecure not only be revived (we need all the laughs we can get nowadays), but we provide our newly-appointed jesters a little assistance getting around.

Where to go

Nice big signs with nice large text… perfect! Who would bother with a map when he (or she) can use this handy helper instead?

Detail

Need to get to Switzerland? No problem: turn left after you reach Korea.

Miss Heather

Feeling Lonely?

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick 

I realize that Valentine’s Day has come and gone. And with its passing I am certain a number of you are probably feeling a little lonesome. It is hard to meet quality people in this city, hence the reason I opted to have my husband shipped from out of state. Whether or not this was a good decision on my part only time will tell. But I digress.

I have learned the situation for all you New York Shitty singles out there is not entirely hopeless. This weekend I got the inside scoop on a little known place you can meet that special someone. Got your pen and paper ready love seekers? Good. Here we go.

Step 1: Get a bag of garbage. Kitchen, bathroom, recycling— any kind will do.

Step 2: With your bag of trash in tow, take the J or M train to Flushing Avenue.

Step 3: Go to this building on Ellery Street between Broadway and Beaver Street.

Ellery Street hook-up House

Step 4: Proceed to the area indicated by the arrow.

Step 5: Start opening your bag of garbage as if you intend to dump it. (Trust me, I know what I’m talking about here.)

Before you dump

Presto! You just got some companionship over a cup of coffee! Of course whether or not you land that crucial second date is anyone’s guess. I wouldn’t get my hopes too high, though: if all the refuse in front of this sign is any indication, this person is pretty popular.

Good luck!

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Say It With Flowers

February 18, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

Flowers

I realize the above text is barely legible so I will transcribe it for you:

Flowers make me horny.

And this* kids is why Greenpoint is called the Garden Spot of the Universe!

Miss Heather

*Rats with floral fetishes on Monitor Street.

Hooper Needs Help

February 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Crazy Cat Lady 

Hooper

This little guy was trapped during a recent trap-neuter-return sortie by the ever-fantastic proprietress of Last Night’s Dinner, Jenblossom. Here’s his story in her words:

This is Hooper, a 3 month old kitten who is one of 9 strays Mike and I trapped from our back yard over the course of the last week. Hooper somehow managed to break both bones in his right front leg, but this tough little guy still climbed fences and played around with his siblings for a couple of weeks until we could catch him and get him help.

That help was provided by some amazing friends: the BARC shelter in Williamsburg donated space in their warehouse to house the cats temporarily; the ASPCA provided us with spay/neuter services at no cost as part of their humane Trap-Neuter-Return program; and the medical professionals at City Critters got Hooper examined, x-rayed and patched up. Hooper is on the mend, with about two weeks of cage rest ahead of him before he can be neutered and returned home to his mom and siblings.

Mike and I plan to make a donation to help defray the costs of the care Hooper has received from these wonderful people. If you’d like to contribute, please feel free to contact me by email, or send funds by Pay Pal to jnblssm at yahoo dot com. You can also make a donation directly to City Critters at www.citycritters.org.

Hooper #2

Thank you.

No, thank you Jen for taking the time to care for those furry little ones who cannot defend themselves. Not surprisingly, Hooper has taken a shine to us humans after all the tender loving care he has received. Anyone interested in adopting him can contact Lisacat via Flickr mail.

Miss Heather

Photo Credit: Lisacat

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Danger

February 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

Terrorist

From Withers Street.

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: Children’s Clothing and Toy Swap

February 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

 Greenpoint Reformed Church

Tomorrow, Monday, February 18 from 12:00 – 4:00 p.m. the Greenpoint Reformed Church will be conducting a children’s clothing and toy swap. All admission fees will be used to fund their soup kitchen. Here are the deets from their web site:

Please set aside your clean, gently worn and new items that your child no longer wears or uses. All baby and kids items 0-5 years are welcome (including shoes, books, toys, and all accessories) . Swap and take home your favorites for free. All unclaimed items will donated directly to children in need at the Henry Street Settlement in Manhattan.

How the Swap will work: We will have tables set up with sections designated for age/size. Parents/caregivers will place their unwanted items in the appropriate age/size sections and then they are free to take any items from any other section.

If you would like to bring your items to the church before the Swap, you may drop off items on Sunday, Feb. 17 between 1:00 and 4:00 p.m. and on Monday, Feb. 18 between 10:00 a.m. and 12:00 p.m.

If you cannot attend the Swap and would like to donate your child’s items, we will make a few pick-ups. Please e-mail Jill Corson Lake at:

jillcorson [at]yahoo[dot]com

to schedule a time.

COST: $5 per adult with at least a grocery sized bag of items, $10 per adult without a bag. Kids are free. Proceeds of the admission fee will be contributed to the Greenpoint Church Soup Kitchen.

We encourage expecting parents to attend the Swap, too!!!

Greenpoint Reformed Church
136 Milton Street
Brooklyn, New York 11222
(718) 383-5941

This is not only a great idea (why some people see fit to outlay so much money towards for designer fettle for toddlers is beyond me— they only grow out of them— and FAST!), but it is also an excellent opportunity to meet some of your fellow Greenpoint parents. Why not take a little time (and a bag or two of little clothes) and make some new friends?

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: God Bless America

February 17, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

God Bless America

Mr. Steve might have been “BLESSED & SAVED BY GRACE”, but yesterday Monitor Street smelled like ass.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Speaking of shit that stinks, check this out.

Hey Adolf!

The above image probably looks familiar to a number of you. That’s because I featured it on New York Shitty last Sunday. Well, a certain web site decided to feature it yesterday.

Intellectual Property Theft

They were even nice enough to place their own watermark on it. Unfettered by such vagaries as copyright law or intellectual property they saw fit to neither link to the site where this photograph came from (New York Shitty) or give credit to the person who took the trouble to shoot and annotate it (yours truly).

Finding fun (and sometimes not so fun) material to post on this web site often involves a lot of time and footwork on my part. I have no complaints; it is a labor of love— what’s more I enjoy sharing this stuff and giving people a much-needed laugh. Rather, my complaint stems from having my work used without permission or even a simple citation. This is unacceptable.

UPDATE 2/19/08: I made my discontentment known College Humor via email. Not only was the person who contacted me very nice, but he promptly removed this image. Thanks guys.