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The Rat King Speaks?

June 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

This weekend I was given a fan-fucking-tastic gift.

Anne Kansfield (of the Greenpoint Reformed Church) found this at a yard sale and picked it up for me. As you can imagine, I have been poring over this book like a maniac. I have even cooked up a little project to publish on New York Shitty using one of the maps in this rather substantial tome. Part of this project required I go to the area around Cooper Park. Greenpoint, Williamsburg, Bushwick, Greenwickwhatever you want to call it— I was there yesterday afternoon. And on a lark I decided to check in on the Rat King’s house.

I was rather surprised to see that his humble abode has not been razed to the ground. I noticed a missive scrawled out on the fence in felt tip marker. Intrigued, I went in for a closer look.

Yes sir, not even the Department of Buildings can keep a good man (or his house) down.

I suspect we have not heard the last of the Rat King.

Miss Heather

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: Metropolitan Avenue

June 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg 

The woman in the above photograph does not look too happy. In fact, a great number of people (save these ladies) I saw waiting for the G train this weekend looked less than satisfied by the service being provided. One even made his (or her) discontent known in writing.

Contrary to popular belief, the “G” in G train does not stand for “ghost“. It stands for “Go fuck yourself“. Whether or not this missive is directed to patrons or the MTA is simply a matter of perspective.

Miss Heather


June 2, 2008 ·
Filed under: Asshole, Crazy People, Greenpoint Magic 

Sunday afternoon I received the following email from a tipster. “M” writes:

Have you seen the latest Greenpoint Courier? Inset in the newest issue is Volume 1, Edition 1 of ExxonMobil Progress, a 12-page – 6 in English, 6 in Polish – “newsletter” in which Exxon details the fine work they’re doing for the good folks of Greenpoint. Carolina Asirifi pens the introductory letter, which calls attention to the company’s grants to local schools and “underscores ExxonMobil’s commitment to safeguarding out neighbor’s health and safety in every aspect of our operation.”

Lord knows how much Exxon paid for this supplement, but I’d be surprised if it wasn’t enough to pay the paper’s production costs…

Fun bonus fact: The contact number that Exxon provides for suggestions from the community about future articles – 718-389-8789 – doesn’t work.

Needless to say I got off the computer and grabbed a copy of this paper immediately. You, dear readers, should do the same. It’s a real pisser.

Click on the above image and read this shit bomb yourself. Follows is my favorite quote. It comes from the article propaganda featured on page 5 entitled Progress Snapshot: Focus on Community Health and Safety… Our Highest Priority.

To safeguard your health and safety, we installed and maintain more than 240 monitoring wells to help us accurately identify the location and depth of the underground plume of the underground plume of petroleum products.

The above statement makes it sound like Exxon dug these wells out of the kindness of their little hearts. This is not true; they were required to install them. This tome goes on to reassure us, the Greenpoint public, that of the measly 52 houses tested, none came up positive for vapors. Whew I sure feel better sleeping at night knowing Exxon is on the case! How about you?

I have also learned recently that our good neighbors at Exxon Mobil are quite the model citizens. Did you know that thanks to Vito Lopez, Exxon Mobil has been “partners” with the N.Y.P.D. Auxiliary Police since 1991? They have donated over $200,000 to this cause. Wow!

As a matter of fact Exxon Mobil has thrown a lot of chump change around our fair burgh recently. Here’s a list of what I am aware of:

  • The N.Y.P.D. Auxiliary Police (above)
  • St. Cecilia School (soon to be defunct— ironically there was an article about just this on the front page of this edition of the Greenpoint Courier.)
  • St. Stanislaus School
  • The Polish Film Festival. Per the Williamsburg Greenpoint News+Arts they threw “several thousand dollars” at this event. Here’s what the Director of this festival, Marco Ursino, had to say:

My position is that it is a good thing and it would continue to be a good thing if ExxonMobil is giving back to the community… If I can take some of that money and channel it to the community and people can benefit from it, it is good that they are willing to make the gesture.

Hey, at least the guy realizes he is being used. The folks at Town Square sure as fuck don’t.

Do you know of any other charitable contributions Exxon Mobil has made recently (in their attempt buy our trust)? If so, please pass them along to me via email at:

missheather (at) newyorkshitty (dot) com

In closing, I’d like to leave you with this fun fact listed at the bottom of page 6 under an item entitled “West Point Comes To Greenpoint”*:

How many of these individuals are Public Relations officials? Just curious. I know for a fact Ms. Asirfiri has requested to be on the steering committee for a park slated to be built right here in Greenpoint. What’s more, she was added to the email list by the acting chair of the committee without any input whatsoever from the committee at large. Not only did the “chair” seemingly not have a problem with this arrangement, but two committee members who are actively engaged in litigation against Exxon were curiously excluded from this email:

Some of you may have noticed a new name added to the email list on the update I just sent: Carolina Asirifi, who is the community relations director for Exxon Mobil. (name excised) informed me last week that she’d like to be a member of our steering committee. I’m sure some of us might have a bone to pick re her employer and their policies, but I also think that we could potentially use her involvement to our advantage!

One does not use Public Relations officials, be they from Exxon-Mobil or elsewhere. The very nature of a P.R. hack’s job is to use us— and if all the previous is any indication, Ms. Asirfiri, et. al. are doing a smash-up job. If you any of you have an issue with Exxon-Mobil’s practice of throwing around pocket change instead of fessing up to their culpability regarding the oil spill (or simply want to call them on fobbing off a paid advertising section as “news”), don’t waste your time calling an inoperative phone number! Here’s Ms. Asirfiri’s email address:

carolina.a.asirifi (at) exxonmobil (dot) com

Why not let Exxon know today that some of us Greenpointers aren’t buying it. Or at least we demand a much higher price to sellout.

Miss Heather

*This confirms my suspicion that Greenpoint will be revealed as a manufacturer of W.M.D.s so as to facilitate “preemptive unilateral action” by the good ol’ U.S. of A. to take our precious petrol! Bastards.

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Knee Mail

June 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From St. Francis of Paola on Conselyea Street.

Miss Heather


June 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bed-Stuy, Greenpoint Magic 

This week I have been blessed with spotting no less than three fascinating motor vehicles. Yesterday I presented one of them (the Vandam R.V.). Here are the other two.

First up, this Bad Boy hailing from Greene Avenue in Bedford Stuyvesant.

Mister Heather says this is a Mercury. I say it is BAD ASS.

Here’s a shot of the rear.

Love the gearshift.

Next up is a little something I found as I was knocking around the industrial area of Greenpoint. It was a real show stopper. Literally.

Every car that drove by slowed down to a crawl to get a good eyeful of this bus.

And this bus is quite the eyeful.

Note the use of decapitated heads.


(Whoever that is.)

WARNING: objects in mirror are much stranger than they appear.

Miss Heather

P.S.: Wanna see more of this bus? Check out my photo set on flickr!

Crosstown Local Photo du Jour: Work Hard

June 1, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From the Smith & 9th Street bound platform at Greenpoint Avenue.

Miss Heather

Greenpoint Photo du Jour: Love Grandma

May 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Greenpoint Magic 

From Manhattan Avenue.

Miss Heather

TOMORROW: Sale And Samba

May 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Area 51 

Tomorrow, Sunday, June 1 the Capoeira Brooklyn Academy will be hosting a multi-family yard/bake sale with a dash of Samba. Here are the deets per their press release:

Capoeira Brooklyn’s annual fundraising event is a fantastic indoor multi-family yard sale, complete with live samba performances, facepainting, balloon animals and … did we mention an amazing yard
sale and bake sale?

We’ll have plenty of: Clothes & accessories, handbags, jewelry. Shoes for men and women, children’s clothing, books, CDs, great movies on DVD and VHS, sporting goods, toys, miscellaneous household items and fabulous knick-knacks.

We also know we’ll have some furniture (at least one futon, a box spring, a microwave cart), electronics and household appliances (a microwave) and much, much more.

Proceeds will benefit Capoeira Brooklyn’s annual batizado celebration (you can find out more about Capoeira Brooklyn at the sale, too!)

Don’t miss it!

WHAT: Sale/Sambafest

WHEN: June 1, 2008 9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m. (Samba performances are 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m.)

WHERE: Capoeira Brooklyn Academy
347 Flatbush Avenue, 2nd Floor
(Corner of Flatbush and Park Place)

WHY: Not?

HOW: Take the B or Q to 7th Avenue.


Miss Heather

Williamsburg Photo du Jour: Chicks With Dicks

May 31, 2008 ·
Filed under: Williamsburg 

From the Smith-9th bound platform of the Crosstown Local.

Miss Heather

Bushwick Photo du Jour: It’s Alive

May 30, 2008 ·
Filed under: Bushwick, Williamsburg 

From Waterbury Street.

Miss Heather