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From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Nice Place To Shit?
Filed under: 11222, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Other Shit
Once in a blue moon I receive a query that confounds even me. Yesterday I found myself in just such a position. Without further ado here it is. JJ writes:
Miss Heather,
am soon to be resident of the Greenpoint area and I wonder if there are any nice parks for my dog to shit in? You see, she is a north country gal and is not accustomed to pooping on concrete. I’d also like to avoid her peeing in the middle of the sidewalk too. If I could take her to a nice park to take a dump she will be happier and I don’t have to be seen scraping doggy bombs off the sidewalk (I am a responsible pet owner who firmly believes that some shit is best left unseen).
Gracias!
Soon to be Brooklynite
Straight-up: I am not a dog owner. I love dogs— and all animals for that matter— but I have to admit this is something I profess to have no knowledge of whatsoever, e.g.; where a cement shy pup would like to poop. I have been and probably always will be a “cat person”. In addition I’m not terribly certain what JJ means by a “nice” park. Personally (and mind you I am writing this as a homo sapiens) I think quality park space is something Greenpoint sorely lacks. But I suppose there’s something to be said about McGolrick or Cooper. If any Garden Spot dog owners out there has advice for JJ please tender it in the comments. Thanks!
Miss Heather
P.S.: For those of you who are wondering, the photograph gracing the beginning of the post does not hail from Greenpoint. It comes from Wooster Street in Soho. Not only was it a pretty remarkable melange of feces and detritus, but I can attest it smelled twice as bad as it looked. It too was much better left unseen— and sniffed!
From The New York Shitty Inbox: A Very Special Request
Filed under: 11211, 11222, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Greenpoint, Greenpoint Brooklyn, Greenpoint Magic, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
As you can probably imagine I receive a number of very interesting requests in my inbox. Methinks this one (which arrived this morning) may very well take the cake. It comes a graduate student no less. He/she writes:
My name is (excised) and I’m a grad student at the Pratt Institute (Environmental Management Systems) enrolled in a “Solid Waste Management” class. Our coursework involves creating a “zero waste” plan for McCarren Park. As an initial step we’re attempting to inventory and classify sources of waste in the park, and one of those sources is of course doggy poo. I’m working with my colleague (excised), who is copied on this email.
We’d like to come up with an estimate how much volume of dog poo we’re dealing with. Do you have any sense of how many “hits” this dog park gets on an average day? Do know someone who might have any helpful stats on this?
Thanks in advance for any info you might be willing to share.
Yes this site was initially premised on the dog shit problem on my community. But— in this is a big but— over the (almost) four years I have operated New York Shitty, its subject matter has expanded tremendously. I rarely feature dog doo on this site anymore (with the occasional exception of charmers like the one gracing the beginning of this post which I recently found on Berry Street. The hearts are a nice touch.). I am simply too busy. What’s more, I have better things to do than count turds. Especially in sub-freezing weather.
Nonetheless, I want to be helpful. I too was a graduate student once. Granted, I never had to aggregate turds— but I sculpted quite a few. A number of them were quite convincing. To this end I have forwarded this person’s request to a few folks I suspect will be in the know. I would also like input from you, my readers. How much dog shit do you think is in McCarren Park on any given day? You can tender your estimate via comments or email at: missheather (at) thatgreenpointblog (dot) com. I will forward your responses.
I thank you in advance for your immediate attention to this matter.
Miss Heather
New York Shitty Day Starter: Aw @#$%
Filed under: 11211, Dog Shit, Dung of the Day, Williamsburg, Williamsburg Brooklyn
From North 7 Street.
Miss Heather
A Trip Down Dog Shit Row
A recurring theme brought up at Bob’s memorial last week was how the Internet can bring like-minded people together. This was certainly the case after the service: at long last I finally had the opportunity to meet the brains behind some of my favorite blogs*. We were present that Saturday afternoon for one reason: to celebrate Bob’s life and work as yes, grieve.
Thankfully not all web comradeship is so serious in nature. Take my friend Yotidadnmom, for example. He first entered my life via an email entitled how’s this for shitty, took it with my cell phone, sorry for the poor quality. Attached was one of the most revolting and substantial bowel movements I have ever seen (Caution: click the previous link at your own risk). After regaining my composure (and lunch) I replied as follows:
Looks like someone needs to eat more fiber. Where, may I ask, did you find this?
To wit he replied:
I’m a construction worker who does station rehabs for the MTA i find shit on walls columns, tunnels etc etc .. i’ll send u pics of shit as i find em…
Impressed and intrigued I wrote back:
Man, I bet you see all sorts of crazy shit. Thanks!
u have no idea .. big shit , small shit , smelly shit , rat shit, people shit , soft shit ,hard shit ….god i work in a world of shit
he replied. The previous dialog came to pass in May of 2008 and ever since I will occasionally find some new piece of “treasure” my intrepid turd enthusiast has found for my edification waiting for me in my inbox. Usually first thing in the morning over my first cup of coffee.
This week, mercifully enough, my Internet friend did not send me a jpg. Rather, he sent me a solitary link in an email entitled Thought of You. Curious to see what my brother in bowel movements had discovered, I pointed and clicked my way over to Brooklynian. Here is what I found:
Now I have seen a lot of shitty sidewalks in my day. For this reason I have a certain amount of cynicism when someone calls this (or her) block in this case St. Mark’s Avenue between Grand and Classon Avenue, “Dog Shit Row”. Wishing to see how shitty this street really was I dusted off my Metrocard and checked it out for myself. Follows is what I found. Enjoy!
Is this the shittiest block I have ever seen? Not by a long shot. Nonetheless I’d be very mindful of where I step if I were you!
Miss Heather
*Like Best View In Brooklyn, for example. And while I am on the subejct I’d like to thank Nicole Davis of Brooklyn Based for the amazing work she did on this event— she was sort of overlooked at the service. Great job!
Dog Doo Sign Du Jour: Failure To Communicate
There is simply too much goodness going on here to go into in a mere blog post. This having been said I honestly don’t know which I like better: the carefully balanced box of beer bottles…
the total ineffectiveness of this missive or the fact the author of this missive appears to have no problem with having large quantities of beer bottles inhabiting the sidewalk. Then again I suppose this is Greenpoint: we are well known for our affinity for intoxicating substances.
Miss Heather
Divine Dog Shit Intervention: Bushwick Style
Filed under: Brooklyn, Bum Shit, Bushwick, Dog Shit, Dog Shit Signage, Dung of the Day, Other Shit
Churches give me the creeps. The tradition in many faiths is religion runs along matriarchal lines. My father is an avowed atheist, my mother was raised Methodist. My grandmother (my mother’s mother) tried to inculcate the Calvinist vision into my person.
It failed miserably. Probably because I do want to slave for a salvation I will probably not achieve. If god has already elected his own why should I bother? Besides, the Sunday School classes were downright stupid.*
In the spirit of good faith (and acknowledging the arguments set forth on both sides)— I reached a moral compromise: agnostic. But when I witnessed what I saw on George Street yesterday it made my agnosticism shudder with self-loathing Calvinistic doubt.
This is the Cathedral of Joy. It may not look very joyous but it is indeed a church and its mission is to save souls…
and fight dog shit.
This is a church. Have some respect for the house of the Lord. Please (unintelligible) or curb your dog. Thank you.
I found two turds and a pair of pink panties in front of this establishment. Across the street was another matter.
Thirteen turds. One for each apostle plus one. A veritable Last Supper of dog shit (Judas Iscariot included)!
My conclusion: the fear of/hand of god is motivating dog owners to take their shit elsewhere. Unfortunately in this case it is across the street.
But it is a start!
Perhaps the City of New York will take heed of this novel tactic?
Miss Heather
*Although it could arguably be good job training for corporate shills: rote memorization and repetition. Methodism makes for good stenographers. Regurgitating what has been said accurately without the onus of knowing what it means. No disrepect to stenographers. You work harder than Methodists do.
Dog Doo Sign Du Jour: Gratitude
This public service announcement has been brought to you courtesy of 150 West Street.
Miss Heather
South 4th Street Gets Bombed… Again!
It has been a while since I have checked out South 4th Street: home of what is arguably the slickest and most visually explicit anti-dog shit signage to be found in our fair city. Wishing to see how these admonishments were faring I swung by South 4th Street to see how things were shaking. I will start with the good news —I’m grading on a bell curve here— because (let’s face facts) this location isn’t going pass as dead ringer for Brooklyn Heights anytime soon: the block looked relatively clean.
And now for the bad news…
It would appear the sign itself has been bombed. I don’t know about you but what I find fascinating is the time and effort this person took to smear dog (?) feces on this missive. It would have easily have taken half the time simply to toss it in a plastic bag. Damn.
Miss Heather
Reader Contribution du Jour: THANK YOU
This choice morsel of post-Turkey Day goodness hails from across the pond in Long Island City. Randy writes:
I am a regular reader of your blog who lives in LIC. As I was out walking with my neighbors last week we came across this wonderful example of crap I thought you might be interested in. Aside from the obvious recycleable items reaching over the top of the leaky bin, I found it interesting what they did NOT want to be deposited inside. Maybe the owner prefers that the dog shit is left on the OUTSIDE for everyone to enjoy…..
Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving.
Right back at ya, Randy. Great find!
Miss Heather
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