New York Shitty Day Ender: Live From Newtown Creek

Shit Tits and Scrap Metal

While prognosticated, the rapture did not happen today. Or if it did I was left behind and am ready, willing and able to process copious amounts of photographs and video footage from my Newtown Creek experience. Before we proceed here are some interesting facts/observations:

  • Courtesy of a nearby radio station the Kosciuszko Bridge is “live”. In other words when men perform maintenance on it they must be “grounded”.
  • The sour mash from breweries which formerly dotted the creek were fed to cows and their milk (which was reputed to taste ratherĀ  awful) was then sold to orphanages at deep discounts. For this reason the product was called “orphan’s milk”.
  • The “product” from our local waste treatment plant is dried into cakes (their words, not mine) and sold on the open market as fertilizer.
  • After a week of heavy rainfall Newtown Creek is awash in Coney Island whitefish.

A Bit About Hunters Point (South) Development

Two Words: SHIT TITS!

Our tour guide, Mitch Waxman, explains the provenance of “DUGABO”

The First, But Hardly Last, Condom Spotting of the Day

The Penny Bridge Is Discussed

KAYAKERS!

A Representative from Riverkeeper Speaks, Part I: Waste Management

TEASER/CAVEAT: If you watch carefully you will see the putrefied bloated corpse of a cat drifting in the water.

A Representative from Riverkeeper Speaks, Part II: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About The Shit Tits

In closing I will leave you with this very informative brochure from my sojourn. You can view it by clicking here.

Miss Heather

MARK YOUR CALENDARS: Newtown Creek Boat Tour

I almost forgot about this one but thankfully got a reminder from my buddy (and Chairman of the endeavor): Mitch Waxman. Despite the untimely passing of Bernard Ente, the tour guide extraordinaire of this event, the show must go on. And go on it will this upcoming May 21st. Tickets cost $60.00 per person and can be purchased by clicking here or contacting Mitch via email at: waxmanstudio (at) gmail (dot) com. I am very aware that $60.00 is a pretty hefty sum for many folks however, I speak from personal experience that you will get an eyeful (and noseful) for your money. Follows is a slide show of highlights from a tour yours truly took a few years ago. Enjoy!

Working Harbor Tour of Newtown Creek
May 21, 2011 starting at 10:00 a.m.
Pier 17, South Street Seaport
New York, New York 10038

Miss Heather

Have You Ever Been To DUGABO?

Newtown Creek Cruise 5

If not, here’s your golden opportunity! Next month the Working Harbor Committee will be conducting its annual fall cruise of the ‘creek! For more details (or to order tickets) you should contact the tour chairman, Bernard Ente, via email at: bernard (at) workingharbor (dot) org. Otherwise, you can get a sneak peek of what visual (and olfactory) delights await you by clicking here!

Miss Heather

Image Credits: Mitch Waxman of the Newtown Pentacle

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